Wanting to understand "gender fluid"

[SofiaWife]

Hi everyone. I've been lurking for a while but want to ask a question.

For those who identify themselves as gender fluid, what does that mean for you personally? Is it different for you than being TG?

Thanks.

 

[haurni]

I'd love to hear about this as well.

 

[44special]

guess that's not the same as bodily fluids, huh...

 

[stickygirl]

It's not an area I'm too familiar with and I was hoping Stella might run by with some info. Here's some anecdotal posts on Genderfluid Tumblr, not all of it serious or relevant: you have to wade through the chaff to find the good stuff.

At the end of the day, gender fluid, gender queer, agender quite apart from boring old transgender are just ways of identifying where you can find help, but therapists who specialise in gender disorders will be able to inform you best. It's good to read around the subject, and other people's accounts and struggles may help you realise you are not alone.

Lit probably isn't the best place to ask, given that it is about sexual experiences rather than gender ones. I'd guess the proportion of sexual v. gender posts here are 200:1 so don't be too dispirited.

 

[blade_rocknut]

Gender fluidity, by my account is a bit tough to explain...but so are all gender related things. It's not a label I cling to for some reason, but it's not far off base. People who identify this way tend to be comfortable expressing themselves with characteristics of male or female, and can drift between the two.

It goes deeper than clothes and makeup... it's a persona change as well. That's why I don't quite use the label; still, it's probably applicable. Androgynous people like staying in the gray area... Gender fluid revel in being able to play either side of the coin. They don't harbor disdain for their birth assigned gender or genitalia. Often, transgender people do. I'm no expert, but this may be a key point in the distinction.

I have a couple online friends who identify this way. I find a lot of common ground with them; more than TG, TS, CD , or other abbreviations! Hope my little anecdotal summary helps.

 

[stickygirl]

^^^ Phew - I wasn't far off the mark then Yup - that's how I understand it too

 

[Alexandra_CD]

What blade posted sounds like a fairly apt description of me. My ideal would be to be able to present as male or female equally well, and while I'm trying to better reconcile and integrate my feminine side better these days, I think I have to acknowledge that there is some difference in persona when I am presenting as a woman.

It is also true that I don't dislike my genitals. I have had some recent revelations about myself and my gender identity, and I've realized that I am not a hetero guy with a CD fetish, which is what I've thought for years. But I still don't think that I'm transgender. I'm not really sure I fit anywhere.

 

[blade_rocknut]

What blade posted sounds like a fairly apt description of me. My ideal would be to be able to present as male or female equally well, and while I'm trying to better reconcile and integrate my feminine side better these days, I think I have to acknowledge that there is some difference in persona when I am presenting as a woman.

It is also true that I don't dislike my genitals. I have had some recent revelations about myself and my gender identity, and I've realized that I am not a hetero guy with a CD fetish, which is what I've thought for years. But I still don't think that I'm transgender. I'm not really sure I fit anywhere.

You may well like the water in the gender fluid pool. I have also leaned away from labeling myself as hetero; though I've never done anything contrary. I tend to find feminine features and forms highly attractive, regardless of genitalia. Heteroflexible is my preferred moniker now.

 

[stickygirl]

It is also true that I don't dislike my genitals. I have had some recent revelations about myself and my gender identity, and I've realized that I am not a hetero guy with a CD fetish, which is what I've thought for years. But I still don't think that I'm transgender. I'm not really sure I fit anywhere.

None of us in the pretty colours of the gender spectrum likes the labelling because none of them are quite right for us, individually - so much of it is for the authors of academic papers. Working out how to be happy is a large part of a therapists job: it ought to be simple, but it is anything but. Focussing purely on gender issues to achieve that happiness is doomed to fail - there has to be a holistic, whole person, approach including one's spiritual happiness. I'm not meaning religious, which is only likely to confuse, but being happy in your own skin requires more than just the right genitalia or clothing - it has to come from inside.

 

[Sasha69]

Lots of good info in posts here ...

... and the more I read, the more the word "Chameleon" keeps popping into my mind. I would have to say this also approaches closest to the philosophy of my own "drives". Adopt as best you can to the environment your in to extract the most from the opportunity that presents itself to you. I am very comfortable with this because it meshes closely with my own bisexuality.

I can appreciate in some people, that they might find this "fluidity" such an abberation that they must seek professional help, and I wish they would.

For me? It's as simple as taking off a layer of clothes, washing off some make-up, and flipping a switch deep inside myself. It is a necessary part of myself,
When it comes to my sexuality? I'm just like a Q-ship ! and I have already made peace with the knowledge. I don't have a choice. But I do have an intellect. and in the end, one CAN rule the other.

 

[stickygirl]

I posted this link about G-fluid: that might help
http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=57217490&postcount=210

 

[haurni]

People who identify this way tend to be comfortable expressing themselves with characteristics of male or female, and can drift between the two.

It goes deeper than clothes and makeup... it's a persona change as well. That's why I don't quite use the label; still, it's probably applicable. Androgynous people like staying in the gray area... Gender fluid revel in being able to play either side of the coin. They don't harbor disdain for their birth assigned gender or genitalia.

Agreed.

 

[tristantrotsky]

Hi everyone. I've been lurking for a while but want to ask a question.

For those who identify themselves as gender fluid, what does that mean for you personally? Is it different for you than being TG?

Thanks.

As a 'Literotica' writer and a submissive cock-sucker, I think of myself as 'Gender Fluid'. Of course, there's stuff you can't - understandably, put into 'Literotica'. I had a dirty relationship with a schoolfriend which involved lots of beautiful 69-ing, something which might have influenced my later taste. I think early sexual experiences are more intense simply because your brain is more open, more pliable, more impressionable. But, for legal reasons, you can't detail incidents like that on 'Literotica'. Throughout my teenage years I was kind-of pleasingly blurred about orientation-issues, and I more or less decided that I'd end up with whoever I felt most at ease with, regardless of gender. And that's still pretty-much the way I operate. Oral sex has a special mutual intimacy regardless of the sex of the person involved. But I was pretty-much confused, messed-up and low self-esteem when I encountered what I term my first real Boyfriend. He was married, wise, confident, and sophisticated. He taught me to accept the side of myself which could only be satisfied by meekly and submissively sucking an older more-controlling Boyfriend's cock. He guided me into being polite and obedient to his will. I've had a couple more long-term Boyfriends since in relationships which operated in the same way, but although I tend to be obsessive and erotically fixated on them - centered on sucking their cocks, it's all about sex, and not emotions. I've never been 'in love' with a guy, and that's the real test of gender orientation. In that sense I've never thought of myself as 'Gay' - only as 'Gender Fluid'. But I'm learning. Now, I'm thinking of the moment. Not too much about the future. I do what I enjoy doing. A lot of which happens in my head, and emerges in the form of fiction. I hope that maybe you'll get to enjoy some of it…?

 

[stickygirl]

With respect, you're confusing the distinction between sexuality and gender: bisexuality and gender-fluid, because they are two very different things and it's important to distinguish.
Gender fluid describes a sense of one's own gender, not sexual orientation. For example, a person could be gender-fluid but only be sexually attracted to men. The difference between someone like myself, as transgender, is that my sense of my own gender is fixed as female, while gender-fluid might percieve their gender as male for a few days then change to female.
If I've got this wrong perhaps someone could correct me because we ought to have it right, here on a sex site

 

[GillianCD]

I'm loving what I'm hearing.

I have a strong male and strong female side. However, I grew-up in a time and place where expressing my femme was not acceptable (perhaps tolerated is a better word).

I don't hate being a male...I just want to be free expressing myself as a girl from time to time.

Also...my female persona tend to feel younger than my male side (18-21 vs almost 40). Is that normal/common?

Finally, is it also common to embrace traditional gender roles when I express whatever persona? I'm not a chauvinist. But it just seems my male side is more Dom/aggressive while my femme side is more sub/passive.

 

[stickygirl]

I think everyone has both male and female traits - it makes sense and I have been coming to terms with male aspects in my own character that I tried to deny for some time. How that translates into a sense of self and gender-self is beyond me: I only know myself but the idea of gender-self swings feels quite alien to me.
There is no typical transgender, no typical cis-gender man or woman, so gender-fluid can only loosely define a type of person whose gender-self is... fluid!

As for age - again I can only speak anecdotally, but it is typical for recently transitioning mtf's to go through a second adolescence, which is part hormonal in origin, but maybe also playful and experimental. Over-horny mtf's who are newly outed often get a collective but friendly raised eyebrow reaction!

More importantly than what age your projected other gender self might seem right for you, is how you perceive yourself inside - truly and honestly. There is nothing wrong in being playful with gender roles and if it makes you happy and more fulfilled then go for it. If fluidity leaves you unhappy, confused or even depressed then ask for help. A good therapist can help you unravel the threads we spin about ourselves. That process can be hard but is ultimately beneficial. Therapy doesn't mean we're ill or crazy - it's all about restoring a balance to our lives and make us stronger because, lets face it, we have to be strong to put up with the shit that comes our way in bucket-loads.