Changing names?

[kinkybaby83]

Hi, I'm new to this and looking for some advice

I am currently in a female Domme/male sub relationship (me being the female), and was wondering if it's common to use a different name when playing? Currently he addresses me as Mistress, but wondering if I should make him call me Mistress Something (but not my real name).

Also, I'd like to change his name during play too. I am thinking of something girly, something like Miss Something (would it be confusing calling him Miss, and me Mistress?). Also, I like to call him by his full name so was thinking of just calling him by this girly name when I have him dressed up in ladies clothes - would that be confusing? Should I just stick to calling him the girly name at all times during play?

Sorry if it's a really newbie question

 

[midwestyankee]

You run the show, you make the rules. Personally, I'd keep it modest and insist on being called Lady Godiva, Queen of the Sexual Universe but you may have more extravagant tastes.

 

[Dyslexicea]

I have no idea why I'm commenting, I'll never ever want a male sub unless I can have one strictly as a maid, cook and gardener, without pay or fringe benefits of course, but I do have an imagination.

Here goes! Assuming he's into humiliation, he'd address me as Mistress at all times, in or out of play, excepting around our children, if we had children, or around his family, I'm iffy about him calling me Mistress around my family but regardless they'd know I was in charge and he was submissive to me. Outside of play I may let him address me as Mistress Diane, which is my given name.

I'd have a problem with feminizing a man as humiliation because the only way that can be humiliating to a man is that we are somehow less than he is. I can't even in my wildest imaginings think of myself being in a relationship with such a man, I suppose if I was hetero I'd be very lonely. Disregarding my reservation, I'm a realist and culturally this is how most men are raised, so I do understand feminizing most man is humiliating to them, so I'd call him Little Miss Given Name but I'd feminize his given name.

I'd also make him shave his legs and his underarms daily. I do appreciate a well put together man but I don't like much body hair so I'd have the rest of his body waxed, allowing only a neatly trimmed pubic region, I think men without pubic hair look strange.

Any volunteers for being my maid, cook and gardener? By the way that is not an invitation to PM me.

 

[DVS]

Hi, I'm new to this and looking for some advice

I am currently in a female Domme/male sub relationship (me being the female), and was wondering if it's common to use a different name when playing? Currently he addresses me as Mistress, but wondering if I should make him call me Mistress Something (but not my real name).

Also, I'd like to change his name during play too. I am thinking of something girly, something like Miss Something (would it be confusing calling him Miss, and me Mistress?). Also, I like to call him by his full name so was thinking of just calling him by this girly name when I have him dressed up in ladies clothes - would that be confusing? Should I just stick to calling him the girly name at all times during play?

Sorry if it's a really newbie question

I think you might be over thinking this. I'm sure he would respond to anything. What I'd suggest is short names. If names get too long, they can become quite a mouth full to keep repeating. It's mostly respect, as well as some atmosphere that you're looking for, right?

A girly name is fine for him, but only during play. A man still needs to feel like a man. During play, that's a different thing all together. And, I guess you could have him call you Mistress (insert name here) at times, but Ma'am or just Mistress would be my choice for most of play time.

Maybe experiment with names. Some might flow off the tongue better than others, in the heat of the moment. Just a suggestion.

 

[bluesky496]

Hi, I'm new to this and looking for some advice

I am currently in a female Domme/male sub relationship (me being the female), and was wondering if it's common to use a different name when playing? Currently he addresses me as Mistress, but wondering if I should make him call me Mistress Something (but not my real name).

Also, I'd like to change his name during play too. I am thinking of something girly, something like Miss Something (would it be confusing calling him Miss, and me Mistress?). Also, I like to call him by his full name so was thinking of just calling him by this girly name when I have him dressed up in ladies clothes - would that be confusing? Should I just stick to calling him the girly name at all times during play?

Sorry if it's a really newbie question

if you are in to humiliation as part of your play you have to use the girly name for him at all times and you must have a suitable title yourself and yes it is common to use different titles when playing.

 

[kinkybaby83]

I'd have a problem with feminizing a man as humiliation because the only way that can be humiliating to a man is that we are somehow less than he is. I can't even in my wildest imaginings think of myself being in a relationship with such a man, I suppose if I was hetero I'd be very lonely. Disregarding my reservation, I'm a realist and culturally this is how most men are raised, so I do understand feminizing most man is humiliating to them, so I'd call him Little Miss Given Name but I'd feminize his given name.

Thanks for the advice. The girly name I had in mind for him is a feminine version of his given name

I think you might be over thinking this. I'm sure he would respond to anything. What I'd suggest is short names. If names get too long, they can become quite a mouth full to keep repeating. It's mostly respect, as well as some atmosphere that you're looking for, right?

A girly name is fine for him, but only during play. A man still needs to feel like a man. During play, that's a different thing all together. And, I guess you could have him call you Mistress (insert name here) at times, but Ma'am or just Mistress would be my choice for most of play time.

Maybe experiment with names. Some might flow off the tongue better than others, in the heat of the moment. Just a suggestion.

Of course I would never call him a girly name outside of play. But you're right, it does need to be something that is easy to say Thank you.

if you are in to humiliation as part of your play you have to use the girly name for him at all times and you must have a suitable title yourself and yes it is common to use different titles when playing.

Thanks for the advice. I guess it would get confusing if I called him two different names during play, so I will stick to just the girly name.

Thanks everyone for their input

x

 

[Dyslexicea]

I think you might be over thinking this. I'm sure he would respond to anything. What I'd suggest is short names. If names get too long, they can become quite a mouth full to keep repeating. It's mostly respect, as well as some atmosphere that you're looking for, right?

A girly name is fine for him, but only during play. A man still needs to feel like a man. During play, that's a different thing all together. And, I guess you could have him call you Mistress (insert name here) at times, but Ma'am or just Mistress would be my choice for most of play time.

Maybe experiment with names. Some might flow off the tongue better than others, in the heat of the moment. Just a suggestion.

I'm assuming your comment "A man still needs to feel like a man", was in reference to my rather tongue in cheek post. Although my advice to feminize his name was not nor was my comment about a man's body hair which I find aesthetically unpleasing, an opinion I share with many straight women. To clarify, I do find some men, clothed or naked, aesthetically pleasing even their penis and testicles although in a non-sexual way.

I've heard phrases like your "A man still needs to feel like a man" many times in my life, I'm sure long before I even had a concept of a distinctions between genders. I'm sure the first time I heard "Don't cry like a girl" I wondered how boys we're supposed to cry differently the we did not that it was a way to shame a boy.

I don't ever show deference to men because they're men, if I show deference to someone they've earned it.

I know I'm hijacking kinkybaby's thread but I need to know how I'm supposed to be treating a man so he feels like a man?

If you'd care to do so, would you also tell me how you treat women so we feel like women?

 

[DVS]

I'm assuming your comment "A man still needs to feel like a man", was in reference to my rather tongue in cheek post. Although my advice to feminize his name was not nor was my comment about a man's body hair which I find aesthetically unpleasing, an opinion I share with many straight women. To clarify, I do find some men, clothed or naked, aesthetically pleasing even their penis and testicles although in a non-sexual way.

I've heard phrases like your "A man still needs to feel like a man" many times in my life, I'm sure long before I even had a concept of a distinctions between genders. I'm sure the first time I heard "Don't cry like a girl" I wondered how boys we're supposed to cry differently the we did not that it was a way to shame a boy.

I don't ever show deference to men because they're men, if I show deference to someone they've earned it.

I know I'm hijacking kinkybaby's thread but I need to know how I'm supposed to be treating a man so he feels like a man?

If you'd care to do so, would you also tell me how you treat women so we feel like women?

If I ever comment on someone's post, I'll quote that post. In that post, you can see I quoted the OP and it had nothing to do with your post.

What I meant by that comment was to allow him to be a man outside of the scene. In the scene, you dominate someone and in doing so, your influence causes them to act differently than they would normally, without that influence.

Outside of the scene, you give a person the space to be what they want to be, without any influence. You're just allowing them to be the person they want to be. This would go for either gender, so not influencing a woman outside of the scene is allowing her to be the type of woman she wants to be. You are accepting the person for who they are.

 

[lucyforever]

as far as i know, the domme dictates the rules and can ask to be called however she wants. the same applies to call her sub whatever she wants (as long as this is previously agreed to be ok)...

 

[Dyslexicea]

If I ever comment on someone's post, I'll quote that post. In that post, you can see I quoted the OP and it had nothing to do with your post.

What I meant by that comment was to allow him to be a man outside of the scene. In the scene, you dominate someone and in doing so, your influence causes them to act differently than they would normally, without that influence.

Outside of the scene, you give a person the space to be what they want to be, without any influence. You're just allowing them to be the person they want to be. This would go for either gender, so not influencing a woman outside of the scene is allowing her to be the type of woman she wants to be. You are accepting the person for who they are.

I'm not so easily persuaded, nothing in the OP's original post referenced anything outside of play, however my post did.

Here goes! Assuming he's into humiliation, he'd address me as Mistress at all times, in or out of play, excepting around our children, if we had children, or around his family, I'm iffy about him calling me Mistress around my family but regardless they'd know I was in charge and he was submissive to me. Outside of play I may let him address me as Mistress Diane, which is my given name.

I believe words, sentence, paragraphs, pages, so on and so forth have meaning, just like what I did post had meaning, although tongue and cheek, this is exactly how I'd treat a man who could be humiliated by being feminized and I dare say your two sentences

A girly name is fine for him, but only during play. A man still needs to feel like a man. During play, that's a different thing all together.

have meaning in reference to men and only men not persons.

So again I ask, how am I, as a woman, supposed to be treating a man so he feels like a man?

Is that question really so hard to answer?

Perhaps you think this is a trap being set up by this radical, feminist, lesbian. I am at time radical and of course I'm a feminist, all women should be, and I do thank god I'm a lesbian. Regardless of those I assure you, if your honest, I expect your reply, if you do reply, to be somewhat chauvinistic and patriarchal, I won't bite if it is.

 

[Netzach]

Oh man.

None of us can tell you this because it's about YOU. What YOU want. Period.

I deal with dudes and ladies alike, and really there are differences, but there are just as many differences AMONG msubs and fsubs and ts subs as there are between them all. Use his girly name whenever you like. You don't HAVE to have a girly name for him if it doesn't DO anything for you though - there are ways to get at guys without having to go for a feminzation angle - if you LIKE that angle, then go for it.

I've played with and play with lots of different people - and you know what? The rules change for them for each and every one of them. It's about me - but what I like is to find the things that are productive for these people - what is most productive in this moment, right now?

I think of us as ingredients, and you want to build your cocktail or dish in a way that makes sense. If I'm vodka and he's orange juice, I'd better try for the Bloody Mary with someone else and work with what I have. Just because all the alco-porn is about Bloody Mary variations doesn't mean you MUST make one.

You can play with inconsistency - imagine suddenly whispering his girl name to him in a store over his shoulder when you haven't said it in 2 days.

You don't "have to let a man be a man" assuming he has to be one all day at work anyway perhaps - if you want a man to be your 24/7 little petticoated bitch and he wants to be that - do that! Do it with aplomb! You know what you want, we don't and therefore all advice is speculation.

I like to call men "little man" with withering amusement, it's just as good as any girl's name for making him feel about a foot tall and excited about it.

If it feels right do it. If you really like lots of rigid rules, do it but if you just feel like calling him something and there's no hard limit NO against it - just do what's hot or fun in the moment. You do not have to suddenly have RULES and LISTS and Do's and Dont's just to be in control of the show. Just because they're there in fiction, doesn't mean YOU have to do them.

If you LOVE being called Mistress, rock on. Princess, Your Royal Highness, Madame, Ms. Yourlastname - or nothing, just your first name. "Honey" can be very submissive (Yes, honey. Of course, honey. Whatever you want, honey.) - anything you want.

I personally am more interested in that downcast eye and that body language than I am in what he calls me - when that's in place, the right words always seem to come out naturally.

Now, if you are a "Rules Girl" and he's really turned on by fixed rules and regs - write yours out. Memorize them, and make sure he does too. (more fun if he doesn't know you also know them by heart) This will serve you very well as this list gets longer, trust me.

 

[DVS]

I'm not so easily persuaded, nothing in the OP's original post referenced anything outside of play, however my post did.



I believe words, sentence, paragraphs, pages, so on and so forth have meaning, just like what I did post had meaning, although tongue and cheek, this is exactly how I'd treat a man who could be humiliated by being feminized and I dare say your two sentences

have meaning in reference to men and only men not persons.

So again I ask, how am I, as a woman, supposed to be treating a man so he feels like a man?

Is that question really so hard to answer?

Perhaps you think this is a trap being set up by this radical, feminist, lesbian. I am at time radical and of course I'm a feminist, all women should be, and I do thank god I'm a lesbian. Regardless of those I assure you, if your honest, I expect your reply, if you do reply, to be somewhat chauvinistic and patriarchal, I won't bite if it is.

I don't know why my first explanation wasn't enough for you, but I really have nothing else. I can just reiterate what I said, maybe trying to rephrase some of it, for more clarity.

How would I treat a man, so he feels like a man? Well, I can't tell you how a woman would treat a man this way, and it's also a little difficult for me to treat a man this way, because I'm not into any sort of scene with a man. All I can do is explain how I'd treat a woman like a woman and allow you to convert the genders, as you may.

In a scene, I like to dominate women. I like to influence their thoughts, control their actions and feed their hungers. They are mine for that period of time. I deny their desires. I fuel their desires. I enhance their desires. In the process of doing all of that, my desires are also satisfied.

But, outside of that scene, that woman is an equal to me. I don't try to dominant her, I don't try to intimidate or influence her thoughts. I don't try to enhance or deny her desires, sexual or otherwise. The sexual relationship we have is the only time I even think about domination towards her or expect anything submissive from her.

She is more than just a submissive, more than just my fuck toy. She's a human being. She has rights. She's an adult and adding all of that together means she has a life. Who am I to ask for more of her than I'm entitled to? I allow her to be any kind of woman she wants to be, except when I'm in a sexual play session with her. How else can I let her be the kind of woman she wants to be but to give her the freedom to be and express herself in any way she desires?

And I could only assume the same ind of thing would be how I'd treat a man so he feels like a man. You leave it up to him to decide how he wants to feel. He has rights. He's an adult. I'd guess he wants to feel any way he wants to feel, without influence from someone else. Isn't that the basic pleasure that every human being should be entitled to?


And I dare to differ with your comment that says the OP's original post didn't reference anything out of play. You might not agree, but this isn't how you read and understood the post, it's how I read and understood the post.

Hi, I'm new to this and looking for some advice

I am currently in a female Domme/male sub relationship (me being the female), and was wondering if it's common to use a different name when playing? Currently he addresses me as Mistress, but wondering if I should make him call me Mistress Something (but not my real name).

Also, I'd like to change his name during play too. I am thinking of something girly, something like Miss Something (would it be confusing calling him Miss, and me Mistress?). Also, I like to call him by his full name so was thinking of just calling him by this girly name when I have him dressed up in ladies clothes - would that be confusing? Should I just stick to calling him the girly name at all times during play?

Sorry if it's a really newbie question

The bold parts of her post do tend to ask the question "what do I call my sub when playing?" or "What should he call me, when playing?" Now, I know she didn't come right out and say she was asking for a name to call him or have him call her specifically during play, but the post does seem to sound like she was only talking about play. So, in my post, I just suggested she allow him to be a man when they weren't playing.

And she agreed. She didn't ask why I said that. She simply agreed with me. In fact, in a second post, she even said it in a way that sounded like she understand what I meant when I said a man sometimes needs to feel like a man.

To the OP, I'm sorry that we've hijacked your thread. Speaking for myself, I'm done doing that, now. If we've ruined the mood or the desire for anybody else to post, I hope you already have the answers you wanted.

to Dyslexicea, I can't explain this any more or any better than I already have...twice. If you still don't understand what I meant, I'm sorry, because I can't say it any clearer. Sometimes life just sucks that way.

 

[Dyslexicea]

Thank you DVS, it's not the response I'd hoped for as I'm, other then what I read, still clueless as to how a man wants to be treated so he can feel like a man.

Back to the OP.

I liked Netzach's insightful post and I think it applies to all kinds of relationships, including my own in some ways.

I thought this might help you figure out what you may need to do to make your playtime enjoyable for both "Ask Mr. Sexsmith: How Do I Use My Girlfriend for My Pleasure?", although it's her advice is to a lesbian, I think it's just good sound advice for any scene based on dominance and submission in the bedroom.

Not to confuse you but Mr. Sexsmith is a Butch Lesbian who prefers the pronouns they and them.

 

[KlaytonFrost]

I tend to use different names in and out of the bedroom - as it just helps with the mood. They're usually nothing too unusual though - so that it wouldn't matter if I accidentally called my partner by their "other" name in a vanilla setting. For me it's just something to help make the time spent in the bedroom that little bit more absorbing.

 

[Dyslexicea]

I did not read DVS's sexist catchism as a sexist comment.

I've heard the exact same statement as reference to working dogs; when the work is through, the dog still needs a chance to be a dog.

I agree actually, even in a 24/7 relationship, no one is really "on" 24/7, & a person still needs a chance to just relax & be themselves more or less. Even if titles are used all the time, no one can really be "on" forever, both sides still need time to just chill and be.

Treat him like a man is a long ways from treat him as a person, the first is a reference to biology, the second is in reference to an individual regardless of biology or identity. It's naive to believe in the society we live in, the statement 'Treat him like a man', is the same as 'Treat him like a person'.

The whole point of the OP's original post was to treat her sub girly as a means to humiliate him. DVS's point was since she was humiliating him by treating him like a woman during play she needed to treat him like a man otherwise. I quote DVS "A girly name is fine for him, but only during play. A man still needs to feel like a man."

In my opinion given the content of the OP's post it was a sexist comment, maybe subconsciously not intentionally. Is DVS sexist? I have no way of knowing because he didn't explain to me how I would need to treat him to make him feel manly. I suspect DVS is somewhat sexist, as are most men, it's hard for men not to be in the society we live in and given how boys are raised and yes we women are partly to blame for it too, we are the mothers of our children.

I might also point out that treating me, most women, like a man would not be an effective way of humiliating us because we don't view men as less than we are but treating us like a dog can be a very effective way of humiliating both women and men. In short dogs are less than humans, although at times I think our dog is more human than most people.