Spice it Up?

[mnwidrummer]

OK, so my wife and I have a somewhat healthy sex life. We don't do it a ton, but we do still do it. BTW - we are going on year 9 of marriage.

When we got married, her mom (yes you read that right) bought her two vibrators. A bullet and a fairly ordinary 4-5" small one. She says she doesn't use them alone (which I believe her) and we use them occasionally together. I probably use them alone more often. (Which she has no idea).

Anyways, when we're using them she certainly enjoys it, and has mentioned possibly getting a new one. But as soon as I bring it up when we're not in the heat of the moment she denies it.

Any advice on if i should get one and surprise her with it? What should I get? She is very timid sexually when not actually engaged in the activity.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!!

Nick

 

[silverwhisper]

caveat: the only things we know about you, your wife and your history just took me 10 seconds to learn. so everything that follows is within those very substantial constraints. but having said that:

people say things during sex they sometimes don't actually mean. if as you say she is normally timid sexually, i would submit that surprising her is a bad idea--esp because no reputable shop will ever take a return of a sex toy--and if they do you should never give them your money in the first place.

if you go ahead & buy one she might even wind up using it, but the old saying about leading horses to water applies, if you ask me.

ed

 

[SunDevilGirl]

I think every woman should have a Hitachi Magic Wand. But maybe you should ease her into that one.

Surprising her with another one is a great idea. If she is timid she might not feel comfortable shopping for one on her own. Also..I hope you encourage her to use them without you.

As far as what kind to get...think about what she likes.
Size, color, texture, location of stimulation etc.

 

[amofiga]

You could get or download one of those sex toy catalogues and offer to go through it with her looking for some candidate units, or would she be too shy for that. Would she be too shy to go into one of those sex toy shops to look around. Not sure where you live. In some states I hear they aren't legal but we have several nice ones where I live that aren't intimidating. They just sell lingerie, toys, videos, but they don't SHOW videos in the back room or anything like that. Some of those places are woman friendly and some aren't. Check it out first by yourself.

If it were me, I'd go ahead and buy one or two depending on what you think she likes. My wife had about a half dozen toys we use together. The tells me she doesn't use them alone but I have a hard time believing that and wonder why she wouldn't tell me if she did. Anyway, a couple of years ago I bought her a Hitachi Magic Wand. At first she was a bit intimidated by it, but we use it together and she's gotten better about it.

What's the worst thing that happens if you surprise her with one? Would she get angry or maybe act shocked that you'd go do that and then later on have a good time with it together with you?

 

[Mrclean_sober]

Bought my wife a Rabbit, a Tantus vaginal dildo and a small anal dildo, and some lube - Sliquid. She loves them all, and I agree with Sundevil, encourage her to use it on her own.

 

[SweetErika]

Encourage her to use the toys, but I also think it could be helpful for her to see YOU enjoy the vibes. Part of her trepidation may come from being concerned about how you will see her if she really enjoys the toys or XYZ. If you're comfortable and confident about the subject, and maybe ask her to use a vibe on your cock (then show a lot of appreciation and enjoyment), she may accept the concept more readily.

Keeping secrets isn't good for a relationship, anyway, so I think it's really to your advantage to let your wife know that you can enjoy toys as well.

 

[mnwidrummer]

Thank You everyone for the responses. I'll keep you updated on where this goes. I will certainly encourage her to use them on her own, and I'd love to watch her use them.

The two things she won't do...allow me to cum in her mouth. (She really doesn't like giving blowjobs and so that rarely happens) and she won't kiss me after I perform cunnilingus.

I'm glad to talk with people more about this or anything else you would recommend.

 

[tonguedancer]

Thank You everyone for the responses. I'll keep you updated on where this goes. I will certainly encourage her to use them on her own, and I'd love to watch her use them.

The two things she won't do...allow me to cum in her mouth. (She really doesn't like giving blowjobs and so that rarely happens) and she won't kiss me after I perform cunnilingus.

I'm glad to talk with people more about this or anything else you would recommend.

That's a shame about the mouth cum or kissing you after you've been eating her. Sharing each other's scents and tastes can be an amazingly intimate experience. Have you asked her what her hang up is? Many people think that sex juices are like piss or something nasty. It's really your respective most personal essences and sharing them can be a very special connection. It's something that I personally find quite appealing and almost essential to a really close relationship. I couldn't be in a permanent relationship with a woman that was squimish about it. But that's just my point of view and I know others wouldn't feel as I do.

Good luck with it all.

 

[ZenPretzel]

We Vibe

If you are getting her a vibrator, I would highly recommend a We-Vibe. It is expensive, but well worth the price. It is a couples vibrator. Go take a look. Never again will I purchase cheap vibrators. These recharge like your phone, some have remote controls, all are waterproof.

Amazing.

 

[Dakotacpl]

Highly recommend a magic rabbit here. Also get her a G Spot toy....may lead to an awakening for her!

 

[joelafayette]

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[joelafayette]

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[SweetErika]

If you really want to spice it up, get a large black one that has a suction cup and vibrates. Make it big about 6.5 or 7 inches in circumference. That's not novelty size, but she'll feel it the next day. I did that in a relationship once, didn't think it would go over well, and it was shall we say very well received.

Then again, getting a timid toy newbie a big or complicated toy won't go over well in a lot of situations. You really have to tailor the gift to the recipient's needs, which is why many of us have suggested rabbits and such as next toys in this case, even though we're personally fans of the Hitachi Magic Wand and other larger or more complex toys. My own toybox is full of stuff we bought before our Hitachi and saw that was one of a few toys we really enjoyed and needed. It's a great multitasker, value and fun for women and men alike, but I think it's a little too big, loud and intimidating for most nervous toy novices, yet a great choice for many others who have had trouble orgasming or folks who have found they need more power and/or intensity than most vibes can provide.

 

[CeasarBoobage]

How about getting her all worked up, then browsing an online catalogue while the real toy is in acton? Ask her if she wanted to fell the magic that x, y, or z could cause. If she will watch porn with you during said playtime, find some solo scenes with fairly average toys and see what her response is.

I agree with the others though, getting her a toy and expecting her to like/accept it is a bit too much to ask. However, getting her to use one alone would be a big step. Maybe a start to that would be for you to start it with her, then have to keave the room, telling her to keep it going. If she does, watching from the doorway might let her know you like it.

 

[sexnovella]

roleplay

Kills boredom try to reverse your sexual roles and switch positions

 

[mnwidrummer]

The wife has been sick, so we haven't been able to talk anymore about adding another toy. I want to try and bring it up during sex one more time. Then I can make the decision to surprise her or not.

I like the wee-vibe suggestion, and then the rabbit suggestion. I think she might be intimitated by the rabbit. I'm thinking maybe a good g-spot vibe.

 

[AmandaJane]

If you truly want to "spice it up" you need to get her to open up more. You need to get her thinking about sex was much as you are. A trip to Barnes and Noble self improvement section will allow the two of you to browse 100's of books on intimacy and sex. There is also Cosmo and Men's Health magazines that always have articles on "Hot Sex Moves" and "His/Her big turn-ons". These can be great icebreakers to conversations about sex. I know that the cosmo website has various test/quizes that can be fun to take as a couple.

As for sex toys. I prefer non vibrating toys (dildos) for mutual play. Actually I prefer dildo for solo play as well. However, I do enjoy my rabbit and I have a Hitachi Magic Wand. The wand is almost a medical device. I don't even have to be mentally aroused to have an orgasm with it. Cramps, headaches no match for the power of the magic wand. It allows for pure physical release.

 

[KlaytonFrost]

How about a vibrating cock ring? It's small and non-intimidating, and it's also something that you can use together.

 

[mnwidrummer]

An update. After a girls weekend the wife had with her sister and mom, they had mentioned to her the idea of using KY Hers and His lube. Anyone ever use this? Is it worth it? It might be a first step for us.

I also think she'd enjoy a g-spot vibe. Any experience with this?

Thanks for all your help!!

 

[Acktion]

An update. After a girls weekend the wife had with her sister and mom, they had mentioned to her the idea of using KY Hers and His lube. Anyone ever use this? Is it worth it? It might be a first step for us.

I also think she'd enjoy a g-spot vibe. Any experience with this?

Thanks for all your help!!

As for the KY His and Hers, frankly it reminded me of the time we went down on each other with a mentholated cough drop during foreplay. Not really a big fan myself since I was able to get similar effects with something a tad less expensive.

HOWEVER, if this is something that she wants to try you'd be an id-... ah, that is to say, you really want to consider giving in after saying that it was difficult to get her to discuss anything she might want outside of "heat of the moment" now that she has.

As a general rule of thumb, if the more sexually timid partner is shut down when they do make a suggestion, they will be LESS likely to make another. So, unless you have a very compelling reason not to go with whatever is asked, go for it. You might like it more than I did.

And just WHAT is the fascination with toys, if I may ask? If I'm understanding correctly, you brought it up during the heat of the moment and she said yes. Then you brought it up outside of the heat of the moment and she said no. If you want another toy to play with yourself, then by all means. But, if she said no, why do you not want to let it go?

What would be wrong with popping a mentholated cough drop in your mouth before going down on her? Or a mouthful of "Pop Rocks" candy? Maybe just an ice cube?

Or pull on one leather glove and one velvet mitten and give her a fifteen minute to an hour full body massage?

Or tie her down and trail a twelve inch feather all over her body?

Or someday when she is asleep, pull a chair over beside the bed, pull the covers off of her and let her wake up to see you sitting there gazing at her? Maybe just watching or maybe nude and masturbating to nothing but her sleeping beauty?

Contrary to what "Adam and Eve" and other adult mail order services might want you to believe, the mind is STILL the primary erogenous zone. And a vibrating toy is nothing more than a tool to make a job easier to complete. Sort of a nail gun to an old fashioned hammer.

And nine whole years? Talk to me again in another nine. Or eighteen. You're still honeymooning.

 

[TotalKnockout]

As for sex toys. I prefer non vibrating toys (dildos) for mutual play. Actually I prefer dildo for solo play as well. However, I do enjoy my rabbit and I have a Hitachi Magic Wand. The wand is almost a medical device. I don't even have to be mentally aroused to have an orgasm with it. Cramps, headaches no match for the power of the magic wand. It allows for pure physical release.

I agree with this… some women get more out of dildo's than vibrators. I'm not a big fan of vibes because it numbs my clit instead of turning me on, but I do love my g-spot dildo, my butt plug, ben-wa balls, and other non-vibrating toys… If you're trying to figure out what turns her on, buy her an erotica book or something like letters to Penthouse and see which stories she likes. That might give you some info.

 

[Ghazghkull]

Definitely get a we-vibe. Those things are great... fit between the two of you
and... vibrate. I've found it doesn't fit well from behind.
Maybe tell her you heard about some exciting toy for couples and search
for it online. Go to a nice toy site and take your time finding it.

An idea, read erotica together or play some kind of erotic, romantic game.
Seems like she has some issues with oral.. religious maybe?
Look up advice for opening her up.

A short book with some techniques: shake up her chakras

The KY His and Hers... not that great, a mild menthol sensation.
The mini mint breath sprays are nice... and might help with her issues
about kissing afterwords. Have her lay on top of you 69 style, do some
mega teasing and hold her tight. If you're doing it right she should be
all over you. Dat ass: grab it, smack it, give it some tongue! LOL