Would you sleep with a married person?

[Touch_72]

As you said people tend to cling to things if they have a tiny but of hope.... Well why not use that hope to fuel yourself to improve ( at least really try ) before you decide to cheat. At least you would know when to let go of That hope.

True. Some just reach for the cheating and don't seek improvement.

My wife placed all responsibility for the ills of the relationship on me, not seeing the shared culpability. Each of us was a source of problems - a two way street. But, it's easier to place it all on the other person to justify looking for something elsewhere.

As that situation came out, I worked to fix what I could from my end... as you say. But, what when the other partner resists seeing that they had their shared part of the responsibility for the direction the relationship was taking? What when you see glimmers of hope they'll come to the table to work with you on righting things that require both to right, but more often see them refusing to take ownership? When they outright refuse to participate in counseling for years (then, as a glimmer of hope, say "oh, I think you misunderstood... sure, I'll do counseling")?

It is good for the person to channel what they can into the relationship rather than reaching for cheating as a cop-out. But, there comes a point where you're exhausted from trying to bear the brunt of the work individually. That's kinda where that twisted idea toward the end of my musings comes from... in a way, there's that albeit dysfunctional feeling that life breathed into me from exchanges outside of marriage breathes life into me that I can channel toward keeping going in the marriage.

Right? Nope. I'm not saying it's right. It's just not a simple topic.

 

[Touch_72]

Happy Valentine's Day everyone

*lol* Seems out of place here, doesn't it?

Happy Val's Day to you, too!

 

[InsatiableDsire]

True. Some just reach for the cheating and don't seek improvement.

My wife placed all responsibility for the ills of the relationship on me, not seeing the shared culpability. Each of us was a source of problems - a two way street. But, it's easier to place it all on the other person to justify looking for something elsewhere.

As that situation came out, I worked to fix what I could from my end... as you say. But, what when the other partner resists seeing that they had their shared part of the responsibility for the direction the relationship was taking? What when you see glimmers of hope they'll come to the table to work with you on righting things that require both to right, but more often see them refusing to take ownership? When they outright refuse to participate in counseling for years (then, as a glimmer of hope, say "oh, I think you misunderstood... sure, I'll do counseling")?

It is good for the person to channel what they can into the relationship rather than reaching for cheating as a cop-out. But, there comes a point where you're exhausted from trying to bear the brunt of the work individually. That's kinda where that twisted idea toward the end of my musings comes from... in a way, there's that albeit dysfunctional feeling that life breathed into me from exchanges outside of marriage breathes life into me that I can channel toward keeping going in the marriage.

Right? Nope. I'm not saying it's right. It's just not a simple topic.

This.

 

[Touch_72]

This.

Yup.

So, there's this little motel right off I-95... Naw, I'm just fucking with you. Laugh! I've dragged the thread too far across the serious line.

 

[GeorgiaSub]

*lol* Seems out of place here, doesn't it?

Happy Val's Day to you, too!

lol..I guess it was a bit ironic

 

[Domesticity]

I totaly agree with you that it's not always white an black. It doesn't make the decision to cheat right. There are certain situations where thins are making I just meant you never know if that's true or not and that fear is what would stop me. I also believe you can find intimacy with a single person just as you would a married person.

As you said people tend to cling to things if they have a tiny but of hope.... Well why not use that hope to fuel yourself to improve ( at least really try ) before you decide to cheat. At least you would know when to let go of That hope.

I know it's much easier said then done but I tend to really think about serious decisions, and I have never been one to get caught up in lust.

Often times one person gets sick of being in a one sided relationship. If you've told your partner you need xyz (intimacy, companionship, no name calling, slow down on the drinking, let's try counseling) and they refuse everything and just don't seem to try, at what point do you stop being the only one towing the line? Eventually you have to throw in the towel or risk ending up a bitter, lonely martyr. "why not leave?", will probably be your next rhetorical question, but for some people, if there is no outright physical abuse and the other partner is a good parent to your children you have together, leaving just isn't an option.

If you think that people who cheat are all horny bastards just looking to fuck I think you might be surprised that many are just lonely people trying to do the right thing by their kids while looking for a little bit of companionship in the desert of loneliness many relationships are.

 

[blkjames]

respect

most married women i have been with have said that the feel like there hubby has lost respect for that as a women and theys just want to feel loved and needed for something other then getting dinner and doing loundry.

 

[Titts4Tatts]

My Hubby of 32 years bought my Valantines Day card at the Post office....Yup the Post office...So My answer to this is Hell Yes!....LOL...JUst gotta laugh. The Post office. Seriously.

 

[blkjames]

its the thought right))was it a wanted poster ?

 

[Titts4Tatts]

its the thought right))was it a wanted poster ?

Well he could have THOUGHT about just giving me cash...They actually sell cards.

 

[Verycurious18]

Often times one person gets sick of being in a one sided relationship. If you've told your partner you need xyz (intimacy, companionship, no name calling, slow down on the drinking, let's try counseling) and they refuse everything and just don't seem to try, at what point do you stop being the only one towing the line? Eventually you have to throw in the towel or risk ending up a bitter, lonely martyr. "why not leave?", will probably be your next rhetorical question, but for some people, if there is no outright physical abuse and the other partner is a good parent to your children you have together, leaving just isn't an option.

If you think that people who cheat are all horny bastards just looking to fuck I think you might be surprised that many are just lonely people trying to do the right thing by their kids while looking for a little bit of companionship in the desert of loneliness many relationships are.

I obviously don't think all who cheat are like that, as I said before the fear that it would be that is what would prevent me. Shit happened I know that and I know you can't always leave I was just making my case as to why I wouldn't.

 

[Touch_72]

I obviously don't think all who cheat are like that, as I said before the fear that it would be that is what would prevent me. Shit happened I know that and I know you can't always leave I was just making my case as to why I wouldn't.

I don't really think she was trying to jump on you or misrepresent what you'd said. It's all good.

 

[Touch_72]

My Hubby of 32 years bought my Valantines Day card at the Post office....Yup the Post office...So My answer to this is Hell Yes!....LOL...JUst gotta laugh. The Post office. Seriously.

Yeah? Well, ours was special, too. She came home, quietly and quickly ate dinner, snipped at our youngest daughter who just wanted her mom's attention, virtually shrugged off an amourous (sp?) hug I gave her from behind, declared she had a headache and was tired... needed to lay down...

...but, when I readied the bed for her, turning down the sheet, making things cozy and climbing into bed to cuddle... she decided she needed to spend 20 mins on facebook before laying down with me (priorities, right?), so I opted to moisturize and massage her feet, which she'd complained were dry (not even a thank you or acknowledgement), work on some of the tension in her neck... and wait for her to finish with facebook before cuddling her to sleep.

I lay there quietly for a while with her snoring, thinking... wtf? Facebook got more quality time with her than I did.

It's 8:45 Valentine's Day... and I'm on Lit.

 

[AlwaysDancing]

I'll join the rant. I went to wife's work today to sing to her. She was busy. But I pleaded with the room to allow four minutes out of their business day for me to sing to her. I had snippets from five songs strung together I was ready to sing. The room was on board. Wife didnt let me get 20 seconds into it before she brushes me off to get back to work. This one is going to sting for a minute.

 

[Touch_72]

I'll join the rant. I went to wife's work today to sing to her. She was busy. But I pleaded with the room to allow four minutes out of their business day for me to sing to her. I had snippets from five songs strung together I was ready to sing. The room was on board. Wife didnt let me get 20 seconds into it before she brushes me off to get back to work. This one is going to sting for a minute.

Ouch. Well... you can sing to Lit...

 

[RunningJib]

I have

We had a couple of rules.

1.) It was just about sex, food and books (but not necessarily that order)
2.) We did not discuss our respective spouses

It was wonderful while it lasted.

 

[AlwaysDancing]

Ouch. Well... you can sing to Lit...

Haha ... Well, I do sound much better when I type it out loud.

 

[InsatiableDsire]

Often times one person gets sick of being in a one sided relationship. If you've told your partner you need xyz (intimacy, companionship, no name calling, slow down on the drinking, let's try counseling) and they refuse everything and just don't seem to try, at what point do you stop being the only one towing the line? Eventually you have to throw in the towel or risk ending up a bitter, lonely martyr. "why not leave?", will probably be your next rhetorical question, but for some people, if there is no outright physical abuse and the other partner is a good parent to your children you have together, leaving just isn't an option.

If you think that people who cheat are all horny bastards just looking to fuck I think you might be surprised that many are just lonely people trying to do the right thing by their kids while looking for a little bit of companionship in the desert of loneliness many relationships are.

And THIS

 

[Wyldfire]

Often times one person gets sick of being in a one sided relationship. If you've told your partner you need xyz (intimacy, companionship, no name calling, slow down on the drinking, let's try counseling) and they refuse everything and just don't seem to try, at what point do you stop being the only one towing the line? Eventually you have to throw in the towel or risk ending up a bitter, lonely martyr. "why not leave?", will probably be your next rhetorical question, but for some people, if there is no outright physical abuse and the other partner is a good parent to your children you have together, leaving just isn't an option.

If you think that people who cheat are all horny bastards just looking to fuck I think you might be surprised that many are just lonely people trying to do the right thing by their kids while looking for a little bit of companionship in the desert of loneliness many relationships are.

Get a divorce. GROW THE NERVE AND DO IT. Excuses are like assholes........

 

[Touch_72]

Get a divorce. GROW THE NERVE AND DO IT. Excuses are like assholes........

So are opinions, true?

 

[Wyldfire]

Yeah? Well, ours was special, too. She came home, quietly and quickly ate dinner, snipped at our youngest daughter who just wanted her mom's attention, virtually shrugged off an amourous (sp?) hug I gave her from behind, declared she had a headache and was tired... needed to lay down...

...but, when I readied the bed for her, turning down the sheet, making things cozy and climbing into bed to cuddle... she decided she needed to spend 20 mins on facebook before laying down with me (priorities, right?), so I opted to moisturize and massage her feet, which she'd complained were dry (not even a thank you or acknowledgement), work on some of the tension in her neck... and wait for her to finish with facebook before cuddling her to sleep.

I lay there quietly for a while with her snoring, thinking... wtf? Facebook got more quality time with her than I did.

It's 8:45 Valentine's Day... and I'm on Lit.

You sir, are a keeper.........

 

[Wyldfire]

So are opinions, true?

Not so much if you are too lazy to try............

 

[TwistedJenn]

I wish I could sleep with a married man right now. His name is Ryan and I miss him a ton.... and his penis. He did send me chocolates today. Gaaahhhh Can't wait to go home and rape him!

 

[Touch_72]

Not so much if you are too lazy to try............

My point was (and I apologize for any snarky tone in the earlier post), it's so easy to judge others by what you feel they should or shouldn't do. Everyone has an opinion and that's fine... but there's no need to jump on high horses and tell people what to do in judgment.

Am I too lazy to try? Do you know what I have and haven't tried? That it's my lack of trying?

 

[Domesticity]

Get a divorce. GROW THE NERVE AND DO IT. Excuses are like assholes........

A) Don't assume I'm making excuses for myself. I'm just musing.

B) Some people have done all they can do short of taking their partner at gun point and forcing him or her to hold up their end of things. If you're the only person standing there holding it up, it's bound to topple eventually.

C) unless you have kids you can't understand it. I never got it until I had kids...