Dealing with rude, difficult subs

[LearnerDom]

So, I've met a young lady sub, 28, to my 50.
We haven't played yet, just drinks and a snog.
But I have to say she is by far the most difficult obnoxious rude pain in the ass I have ever met.
I'm used to playing with wilful subs when at play, but not when communicating day to day.
She drives me to despair and already knows how to push certain buttons so I want to give a damn good thrashing, which of course she wants and gets turned on by us arguing.
Thing is, I'm just not used to it. I'm a "gentlemanly" Dom until I am playing and I'm never quite sure how much is real and how much is her getting turned on or just bored.
We are both very attracted to one another, she loves older guys and can be very charming, but she's a bit of a sugar baby and likes being spoiled which I have refused to do until we "seal the deal" as she wants new toys
I did give her one brand new rabbit and treated her to lunch in a fab hotel
but god she drives me insane!

Any advice?

 

[Stella_Omega]

She is not a sub. She is the one that controls the scenes with her manipulation and button-pushing.

You and she need to sit down and have a very honest discussion about this. If you like being driven to despair each and every night, then you've got a good match in her. If you would rather play with someone who respects your limits you need to find that person instead...

 

[LearnerDom]

She is not a sub. She is the one that controls the scenes with her manipulation and button-pushing.

You and she need to sit down and have a very honest discussion about this. If you like being driven to despair each and every night, then you've got a good match in her. If you would rather play with someone who respects your limits you need to find that person instead...

Yes thank you, that's what I was looking for. Manipulative.
But you should see her tits! and she sends me some great pics and videos
I'm going to put up with it just until I've got what I want, but I know its not long term.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, sounds like you are made for each other and both know exactly what you are getting into!! Wouldn't work for me, but we all differ.

Catalina

 

[Ready4change]

So, I've met a young lady sub, 28, to my 50.
We haven't played yet, just drinks and a snog.
But I have to say she is by far the most difficult obnoxious rude pain in the ass I have ever met.
I'm used to playing with wilful subs when at play, but not when communicating day to day.
She drives me to despair and already knows how to push certain buttons so I want to give a damn good thrashing, which of course she wants and gets turned on by us arguing.
Thing is, I'm just not used to it. I'm a "gentlemanly" Dom until I am playing and I'm never quite sure how much is real and how much is her getting turned on or just bored.
We are both very attracted to one another, she loves older guys and can be very charming, but she's a bit of a sugar baby and likes being spoiled which I have refused to do until we "seal the deal" as she wants new toys
I did give her one brand new rabbit and treated her to lunch in a fab hotel
but god she drives me insane!

Any advice?

I wonder if she may be new to the lifestyle? I am...and I can be willful and argumentative, but I will submit as long as the direction doesn't cross over my boundaries. I'm still new....I'm learning. I think it requires much patience on a Doms part to even take on someone new to the lifestyle. I know I can try the patience of the most experienced Dom. I don't intend to do so but somehow I manage it regardless.

That she wants 'prizes' or 'rewards' sends up red flags though. It sounds like prostitution not submission. I mean no offense to the lady but it truly does. Even if she has great tits

 

[Stella_Omega]

Read the essay in my signature...

 

[FurryFury]

I only put up with rude, difficult people when forced to by blood or work. I would never again voluntarily put up with one.

 

[CutieMouse]

Oh yeah, because OBVIOUSLY a great set of tits is so so hard to find.

Either put her in her place so she can decide to move on to the next sucker, move on yourself, or stop bitching about something you're willing to put up with, just for a "great set of tits."

 

[Miles Long]

Yes thank you, that's what I was looking for. Manipulative.
But you should see her tits! and she sends me some great pics and videos
I'm going to put up with it just until I've got what I want, but I know its not long term.

You're right - we should. Post the pics and vids.

 

[respeito]

this was my first thought when i read the post.

She is not a sub.

LearnerDom, dealing with difficult behavior can disrupt the dynamic of any relationship. it seems as if this young lady doesn't feel that you, as a Dominant, deserve respect; showing respect is vital in a D/s situation. as Stella_Omega mentioned, you should consider sitting down with her and discussing what's expected of both of you. set boundaries and limits, discuss protocol and etiquette..things like that. if she's serious about giving you the gift of her submission, she will respect the fact that rude behavior will not be tolerated. if she's not then you might want to reconsider entering into a D/s relationship with her.

as the Dominant, it's your duty to be in control, not controlling. you can maintain being a "gentlemanly Dom" and still assert yourself.

being intentionally rude during your D/s play/fantasies, or even a real-life setting is not acceptable, and there's no excuse for it. have a serious talk: be honest with her and be honest with yourself.

good luck on your journey.

be golden.

 

[Ready4change]

Read the essay in my signature...

I've read it...very helpful! Thank you

 

[bhndblueyes88]

being intentionally rude during your D/s play/fantasies, or even a real-life setting is not acceptable, and there's no excuse for it.

be golden.

Being intentionally rude to ANYONE is not acceptable (unless it's a pre-arranged "kink"...key word being pre-arranged)

 

[Loverskitten]

I wonder if she may be new to the lifestyle? I am...and I can be willful and argumentative, but I will submit as long as the direction doesn't cross over my boundaries. I'm still new....I'm learning. I think it requires much patience on a Doms part to even take on someone new to the lifestyle. I know I can try the patience of the most experienced Dom. I don't intend to do so but somehow I manage it regardless.

That she wants 'prizes' or 'rewards' sends up red flags though. It sounds like prostitution not submission. I mean no offense to the lady but it truly does. Even if she has great tits

HAHAHA calling a woman a prostitute because he, "did give her one brand new rabbit and treated her to lunch in a fab hotel" you're kidding right? Lunch and a "brand new" toy do not a prostitue make. I also hope the rabbit was new, used sex toys are awful gifts.

Some people like a feisty sub and she's probably pushing his buttons simply because she can

 

[Relentless0ne]

Yes thank you, that's what I was looking for. Manipulative.
But you should see her tits! and she sends me some great pics and videos
I'm going to put up with it just until I've got what I want, but I know its not long term.

You're NOT in control of this budding D/s relationship dynamic, or yourself for that matter. Great tits. Really? ( if you can't control yourself, your def not prepared to control anyone else, their actions or lead the relationship. )

You're not pulling off the Dom thing at all. At best, a service top to a manipulative do-me bottom is where I see this shit show headed. At 50 years old you should be past making life decisions based on over-the-top sexual objectification.

I'd suggest you load the fuck up and get the hell outta this one's radar before it's too late.


JMO........

PS: its threads like this that brings me back to how I'm constantly amazed at the shit humans put up with for the primary reason of having someone else to fuck and /or keep incompatible people near them in order to feed their codependency needs.

There's worse things out there than masturbation and waking up alone. ~ SMFH ~

 

[Ready4change]

HAHAHA calling a woman a prostitute because he, "did give her one brand new rabbit and treated her to lunch in a fab hotel" you're kidding right? Lunch and a "brand new" toy do not a prostitue make. I also hope the rabbit was new, used sex toys are awful gifts.

Some people like a feisty sub and she's probably pushing his buttons simply because she can

He is the one that referred to her as a sugar baby that likes to be spoiled. I've never needed to ask a man for anything. If he chose to give me a gift of his own free will that's one thing....to need to be rewarded with 'prizes' is another. IMHO

 

[bhndblueyes88]

to be fair, if you really just use the definition "uses sex to get things", I'm pretty sure most people in a sexual relationship qualify as a prostitute at some point.

Fuck, I use sex to get what I want ALL THE TIME. And my partner does the same thing. We also do the same thing with cooking, cleaning, massages... It's human nature to exchange desired services for things we want. It's kind of the whole concept of an economy.

 

[may_I_please]

May I please just say that I think rather than getting furious and wanting to give her a damn good thrashing, you should perhaps consider getting unemotional and consider / discuss the withdrawal of your attention. If she is truly submissive, and not just looking for a sugar daddy, this may be the way to initially bring her back in line with her true needs and to a point where you can talk. She sounds like she is topping you already.

PS I'm just starting out in this lifestyle so may be completely wrong

 

[Ready4change]

to be fair, if you really just use the definition "uses sex to get things", I'm pretty sure most people in a sexual relationship qualify as a prostitute at some point.

Fuck, I use sex to get what I want ALL THE TIME. And my partner does the same thing. We also do the same thing with cooking, cleaning, massages... It's human nature to exchange desired services for things we want. It's kind of the whole concept of an economy.

I actually agree with you. Well played, great reply

 

[LearnerDom]

Thanks for the replies.
She is experienced and has had an older Dom before.
At the moment its a power struggle, which is odd as she really does enjoy being tied up and humiliated.

I think the problem is that we haven't met for play yet and only met once.

For now I've told her she is being unreasonable and to contact me when she can be more civil

but, I do find some of the "banter" incredibly hot and so does she.

I think I will treat this one with caution but I'm not giving up on it as its incredibly difficult to meet real kinky relatively sane people in Ireland

And then those lovely tits! (No I'm too much of a gent to post a pic)

 

[IrisAlthea]

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the "brand new rabbit" part of it.

 

[Dyslexicea]

I'm trying to wrap my head around the "we've only met once" comment.

 

[Que]

IN W.E.B. Griffin's books he often has a character remark that the ideal woman is a raging nymphomaniac who's father owns a liquor store.

When I was young, still a virgin, and then a teetotaler, I met an inordinately cute girl, fun personality, and her father owned an auto-dealership.

-Perhaps because I was weaned at 8 months (I was a biter- then and now) I am fortunately not mesmerized by mammalian protuberances. But I do like cars, and access to a dealerships service bays and paint booth would have been a pretty sweet deal.

I made what was a surprisingly mature decision for me at the time. I was fairly dateless and desperate. One day she started poking me in the ribs. For no apparent reason. I have always had a high pain threshold, so I was more annoyed than hurt but it was getting tender. I moved away, she persisted...wtf is this? Finally I got sharp with her and told her bluntly to knock it off.

OOoooooo she says...I bet you are going to be a wife beater! I said, "I suspect I would if I had to deal with you. Good thing that isn't going to happen." I dropped her like a hot stone, not because I couldn't take it, or indeed give as good as I got...(of course then I was unaware of the possibilities indicated for sadistic delights...)

I dropped her because I didn't like ME in her presence. I had worked hard through an abusive childhood controlling my need to lash out, I didn't need anyone pushing my buttons, undoing my efforts at self-improvement.

She did have nice tits. and a dimple.

 

[midwestyankee]

I'm trying to wrap my head around the "we've only met once" comment.

I'm trying to wrap my head around this post from elsewhere (emphasis added):

My best subs are the feisty difficult ones. They ones that drive you crazy by sulking and being a pain in the ass. They really drive you on to giving them a good spanking etc.
Try things like "you're not man enough to spank me hard"
or call him pathetic or talk about ex partners , just wind him up.

Of course if you are doing it properly, you have both agreed on a list and using safe words and advertise for a true sadist

 

[Que]

to be fair, if you really just use the definition "uses sex to get things", I'm pretty sure most people in a sexual relationship qualify as a prostitute at some point.

Fuck, I use sex to get what I want ALL THE TIME. And my partner does the same thing. We also do the same thing with cooking, cleaning, massages... It's human nature to exchange desired services for things we want. It's kind of the whole concept of an economy.

Hmmm I cook well...how open minded is your partner?

 

[Primalex]

Fuck, I use sex to get what I want ALL THE TIME. And my partner does the same thing.

Ever tried...asking?

We also do the same thing with cooking, cleaning, massages... It's human nature to exchange desired services for things we want. It's kind of the whole concept of an economy.

But what is the relationship for then?