advice.. newbie... help?

[FlyAwayFromHere]

[note: im shy as fuck. i may not describe things properly. i appoligise.]

So im thinking of trying this.. sub... thing.

my hubby gets turned on by being in charge too...

any advice on where to go from "ideas" to actually putting it in practice would be good.

just as a side note, i trust him completely, so i dont have any issues about that. but we are both inexperienced and i dont want to get put off by things going weird/awkward/wrong.

how does one usually go about these things =-/

 

[midwestyankee]

Just to clarify: when you say that you two are "inexperienced," is it accurate to infer that you're inexperienced with infusing power exchange into your sex life?

Assuming that that's what you meant, I suggest that you read, read, read and play, play, play. By that, I mean seek out some of the best books on power exchange. The Loving Dominant, The New Topping Book and The New Bottmoing Book, and many others are available to help you understand the breadth and depth of what others do within their power exchange.

Then just try things that appeal to you. Most folks will advise you to go easy at first and I think that's generally wise. For example, while it might seem very thrilling to think about being tied up by a half mile of rope so you can only move your eyebrows, you might want to start off your explorations with bondage by having your husband restrain just your arms or just your ankles to see how it feels in reality.

That you trust him fully is a very good thing. I hope that also extends to the two of you being able to talk candidly about your interests and curiosities, both individual and mutual. It's an intimate journey to explore anything together as a couple. Exploring your own sex life is, perhaps, one of the more satisfying co-journeys you can take together.

Enjoy! (In fact, that should be your driving ethic here: try out what you think you'll like, and then continue to do the things that you enjoy.)

 

[Primalex]

weird/awkward/wrong.

It's totally okay to do stuff and say:"Hm. This doesn't work for us."

BDSM is allowed to be lighthearted fun, too.

First time temperature play, fifteen years ago, I managed to pour all the ice cubes over myself. To be able to laugh together saves many more situations than scrupulously precise preparations to have everything perfect.

 

[FlyAwayFromHere]

yeah power play is the relatively new thing.

i think the trouble is im a complete prude... i dont say things out loud... and when i do i cant even look him in the eye. Im really shy. we have lived together six years for christ sake!!

i dont know how to get over this crippling sense of shyness about this topic in order to talk about things so it goes successfully. has anyone else had to combat this?

 

[Primalex]

how does one usually go about these things =-/

I would suggest to start _outside_ the bedroom with simple things and getting used to do stuff the way he wants, i.e.:

Prepare 4 outfits ranging from normal to whore and allow him to choose one for your next date. If you only own normal outfits, go shopping with him and pick what he chooses.

In my experience it's easier to start D/s in the relationship and move over to the bedroom than trying to do a mental D/s switch, just because you entered a different room in the house (unless you've been conditioned to it).

 

[FlyAwayFromHere]

i find it very hard to be submissive in any way unless im horny as hell... again.. that would be the prude part of me coming out. He sometimes chooses my outfits anyway, i like to make him happy. I couldnt do the sub lifestyle 24/7.

our most recent play (today) was a lot more convincing/controlling and harsher than any other time *nothing by most peoples standards in this thread by the way* but i really liked it. He can tell obviously...

the trouble is i kind of feel like we are acting... i mean this time i didnt as much. does that improve with time?

 

[Primalex]

the trouble is i kind of feel like we are acting

What I said.

 

[FlyAwayFromHere]

thanks. sorry >.<

 

[Torinona]

I have found that sending Hubby texts or emails with videos or pictures of things I'm too shy to request has worked well for us.

I don't have to look him in the eye and worry that he's going to be freaked out or get repulsed or feel hurt thinking he doesn't satisfy me.

The notes give him time to think, time to respond, time to research if he's intrigued. And I like the anticipation of waiting for his reply whether by text, email or in person!

 

[FlyAwayFromHere]

hmmm maybe that could work. i hadnt thought of that, which is weird since we met online. the possibilities!

 

[Trinique_Fire]

It does change. If it feels like you're acting, then maybe you aren't letting yourself go there completely. It stopped feeling like acting when I let myself go and entered sub space. That change for me is very subtle, but sometimes it's like I've stepped outside my body to watch the scene, and I can see and feel the change from game playing to sub space.

I believe that the more confidence you gain (and you will gain it, I promise), the less you'll feel like an actress.