I don't necessarily think that exploring the issue on the basis of an anecdote is harmful.
...It is an important conversation to have, about law, about justice, about appearance, about reality.
Indeed, so let's explore your "anecdote" a bit more, shall we...
... which state did the 14-year old reside in when you began your BDSM online relationship with him, and which state were you residing in at the same time? Which state were you both in when you and the 16-year old finally fooled around in the front seat of the car?
And: how many pictures of yourself did you share with the minor, and how many and what kind of other visual images did you share during your BDSM online relationship with the minor?