First steps...

[newyork77]

Recently my girlfriend, who appears to be adventurous and open minded, has asked me what my fantasies are. We have an incredibly hot / active sex life already. I have not responded because I have not know what to say. I am afraid that my fantasies might scare her off. They include:

1) Orgasm control, possible chastity

2) Creampie cleanup (my own)

3) Domination - including strap on play / humiliation / forced ass worship

4) CFNM scenarios

The truth is, I don't want her to be my full time mistress, but for a weekend at a time I think it would be incredible.

etc... I think you can get an idea of what I am into from that short list.

What would you suggest as the first fantasy that I tell her be? I have considered something as simple as "being tied up", or "sex in risky places" just to start pushing boundaries.

Thoughts?

 

[edal1959]

She asked, so shes likely interested in exploring with you. I'd say talk to her about them. There's no reason that has to lead to a full-time power exchange. I myself am a dominant, but occasionally have fantasies where the rolls are reversed. Luckily, my submissive is willing to explore, and be a service top for a night or two.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Give her the overview first, then the specifics. It's easier for many people to start the discussion in the abstract.

Start off by saying; "I really want to bottom, or be dominated, once in a while, and my fantasies are pretty typical of a lot of guys" and see how she takes that.

 

[curiousdreamer51]

First Step

I would start with a very common and safe first step. You mentioned an active sex life so branch out! Ask her to tie you spread eagle on your back and tell her that she can do whatever she wishes with you for an hour! I would also suggest agreeing upon a safe word that signals a stop of the current activity if it goes beyond your comfort level. If she gets near any of your real hot buttons or desires it is easy to let her know that she has found something to explore further! It worked very well with a former GF - we discovered things that were simmering below the surface! Give it a try and then pick a night to reverse roles.

 

[newyork77]

I would start with a very common and safe first step. You mentioned an active sex life so branch out!

Thank you - that is what I am looking for. I feel that my view of "common and safe" may be a bit skewed! I am looking for the "Cosmo 10 Fantasies Your Boyfriend Probably Has" fantasy that I could most easily take in the direction I want.

** Being tied up is probably the safest of all to start with - it is pretty common - and not to scary if you trust the other person. I could also say that I would like to tie her up as well.

** Another good might be a long teasing oily hand job where I am not allowed to talk, and she can go for as long as she wants.

I remember that an ex was once interested in watching porn with me, she had never really watched before. So, I went to x-hamster and pulled up some hardcore straight porn. She was disgusted (gaping anal). I then realized that my first porn was Banana Splits (great porno by the way!) around 1990. Back then I thought anal was a big deal in a porn. Now I can watch MFM with a little ATM and a strap-on and not blink an eye. Our boundaries and sense of normal change as we experience more.

I guess what I am saying, is that she might be a girl who would eventually love pegging me, but if I were to say that tonight, she could be shocked and run away (figuratively). For all I know she has a 12" strap-on in her drawer - but I don't think I should assume that!

So, with this in mind, detailed suggestions would help...

 

[KoPilot]

I fuckin hate Cosmo and their sex advice is shit, but you might be onto something with presenting her with something really easy to digest like that.

Basically, take any one of your fantasies, and break it down into little baby steps, and then ask if she might be interested in doing X first baby step. Like, instead of saying "hey honey I bought you a strapon to use on me tonight", ask if she thinks it would be hot to use a buttplug on you. Instead of using scary words like "orgasm control", maybe start off by having sex where you don't wind up getting yours, and then introduce the control aspect of it.

That's if she doesn't already fantasize about the same stuff and doesn't want to tell you.

 

[Netzach]

Thank you - that is what I am looking for. I feel that my view of "common and safe" may be a bit skewed! I am looking for the "Cosmo 10 Fantasies Your Boyfriend Probably Has" fantasy that I could most easily take in the direction I want.

** Being tied up is probably the safest of all to start with - it is pretty common - and not to scary if you trust the other person. I could also say that I would like to tie her up as well.

** Another good might be a long teasing oily hand job where I am not allowed to talk, and she can go for as long as she wants.

I remember that an ex was once interested in watching porn with me, she had never really watched before. So, I went to x-hamster and pulled up some hardcore straight porn. She was disgusted (gaping anal). I then realized that my first porn was Banana Splits (great porno by the way!) around 1990. Back then I thought anal was a big deal in a porn. Now I can watch MFM with a little ATM and a strap-on and not blink an eye. Our boundaries and sense of normal change as we experience more.

I guess what I am saying, is that she might be a girl who would eventually love pegging me, but if I were to say that tonight, she could be shocked and run away (figuratively). For all I know she has a 12" strap-on in her drawer - but I don't think I should assume that!

So, with this in mind, detailed suggestions would help...

As long as those are also OK, too. She may think "great" and never really get past controlling HJ's and you licking food off her toes or something. That's more than most guys will ever get.

I never tire of basics, and I *do* have a 12 incher in my closet somewhere.

When guys say chastity, they always mean a lock on it. What I want is simple - complete say so on masturbation, including masturbation on demand. If you're slave-for-a-weekend (and that's great) then make a real effort to do what she wants FOR that duration - start with device-less and no-tech ideas. Don't pull out the "oh but I'd FEEL so much more helpless if...." line - no matter how tempting. That's instant drying up land.

CFNM is great, great great common ground. I'm assuming she likes your bod. Then be hot about it, don't be too abject and she'll be into it.

 

[Oubliette123]

Early on in my relationship with my PYL we did an 'email swap'. He emailed me his desires/fantasies and off limits and I did the same. Even though we could easily of chatted about it face to face, this became a turn on in itself waiting for that mail to drop in. We both understood that these were initially fantasy, and whether we acted upon them would be apparent in time.

If you are worried about her reactions, water them down. And be sure to ask her to list hers also...you might be pleasantly surprised

 

[newyork77]

We have jokingly talked about it being "her cock", so that may be a good place to start. Maybe I will say that a fantasy of mine is for her to call it her cock, and then say that I guess that would mean that I would have to ask her if I wanted to masturbate, she could use it whenever she wanted, and that "maybe even when you own it, you get to decide if I can cum."

 

[pedal_dew]

good idea

We have jokingly talked about it being "her cock", so that may be a good place to start. Maybe I will say that a fantasy of mine is for her to call it her cock, and then say that I guess that would mean that I would have to ask her if I wanted to masturbate, she could use it whenever she wanted, and that "maybe even when you own it, you get to decide if I can cum."

That sounds like a good idea. It takes sex back into the play area, which is obviously the area she wants to be in.