The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

And saw two green eared aliens doing the intergalactic nasty several lightyears away.

I put in a submarine.

but it does not submerge.


I put in a new screw

 

[LucyH]

but it does not submerge.


I put in a new screw

And it tumbles straight through and lands in the change return slot. What do you know - there's a form of currency this machine *doesn't* accept.

I put in an earwig.

 

[NekoParks]

And it tumbles straight through and lands in the change return slot. What do you know - there's a form of currency this machine *doesn't* accept.

I put in an earwig.

but you get an infestation of nymphs--unfortunately they look nothing like the Greek kind...

I put in 73 cryogenically frozen superior beings....

 

[Handley_Page]

but you get an infestation of nymphs--unfortunately they look nothing like the Greek kind...

I put in 73 cryogenically frozen superior beings....

and the power goes off.



I put in a new fishing rod

 

[NekoParks]

and the power goes off.



I put in a new fishing rod

but your new rod fails the "tackle test"....

I put in a slightly dented helmet...

 

[Handley_Page]

but your new rod fails the "tackle test"....

I put in a slightly dented helmet...

The 'slightly-dented' head is in the Hospital.



I put in a spare wheel

 

[Noor]

The 'slightly-dented' head is in the Hospital.



I put in a spare wheel

and you get out a motor home with a sleeping girl in it

I put in a guest room

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get out a motor home with a sleeping girl in it

I put in a guest room

which badly needs decorating.



I put in a PC monitor.

 

[NekoParks]

which badly needs decorating.



I put in a PC monitor.

but the NSA uses it to monitor you P.C. (particularly closely)...

I put in a politically correct euphemism....

 

[steve44uk]

but the NSA uses it to monitor you P.C. (particularly closely)...

I put in a politically correct euphemism....

... but you end up visually impaired drunk.

I put in a nice Tempranillo...

"Morning, ma'am

 

[NekoParks]

... but you end up visually impaired drunk.

I put in a nice Tempranillo...

"Morning, ma'am

and you get a "nice" tannic headache...

I put in The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test....

 

[steve44uk]

and you get a "nice" tannic headache...

I put in The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test....

... and give a wolfish smile.

I put in Romulus and Remus...

 

[NekoParks]

... and give a wolfish smile.

I put in Romulus and Remus...

And you realize that Cain and Romulus were some of the worst siblings ever....

I put in a temporal incursion by the Na'kuhl...

 

[Handley_Page]

And you realize that Cain and Romulus were some of the worst siblings ever....

I put in a temporal incursion by the Na'kuhl...

but they disappear up their own script pages.



I put in a sign "Normal service will resume in 10 seconds".

 

[mikoli5763]

Normal Service

And you get a thirty minute wait.

I put in a still like new January 1976 "Hustler" mag.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get a thirty minute wait.

I put in a still like new January 1976 "Hustler" mag.

with all the pages stuck together.



I put in a new shed

 

[Tio_Narratore]

with all the pages stuck together.



I put in a new shed

and you get a prim schoolmar'm with a fresh hickory switch.

I put in a lady in a black leather corset...

 

[NekoParks]

and you get a prim schoolmar'm with a fresh hickory switch.

I put in a lady in a black leather corset...

but her undies are a buzz killer, since she tends to squeak every time she bends over.

I put in She-Ra Princess of Power...

http://www.leatherlore.com/product/shera/images/shera.jpg

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but her undies are a buzz killer, since she tends to squeak every time she bends over.

I put in She-Ra Princess of Power...

http://www.leatherlore.com/product/shera/images/shera.jpg

and there's no way she'll do laundry for He-Man, Master of the Universe.

I put in Deteriorata...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ey6ugTmCYMk

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deteriorata

 

[danger2no]

and there's no way she'll do laundry for He-Man, Master of the Universe.

I put in Deteriorata...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ey6ugTmCYMk

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deteriorata

but you “. . .squirmed and struggled, / And gurgled and guggled..."

I put in my snickersnee. . .

 

[Handley_Page]

but you “. . .squirmed and struggled, / And gurgled and guggled..."

I put in my snickersnee. . .

but the handle falls off.


I put in a double-headed Axe.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the handle falls off.


I put in a double-headed Axe.

and it doesn't know which way to turn.

I put in the Lumberjack Song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZa26_esLBE

 

[NekoParks]

and it doesn't know which way to turn.

I put in the Lumberjack Song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZa26_esLBE

but somehow the new lumberjack, Cecil, is just not OK....

I put in the Ministry of Silly Walks...

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BPkKbclsOMI/UAFnBM3FQ1I/AAAAAAAAEM4/7waikvCFDWo/s400/ministrysillywalks.jpg

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but somehow the new lumberjack, Cecil, is just not OK....

I put in the Ministry of Silly Walks...

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BPkKbclsOMI/UAFnBM3FQ1I/AAAAAAAAEM4/7waikvCFDWo/s400/ministrysillywalks.jpg

and you get the Bangles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv6tuzHUuuk

I put in a stroll in the park...

 

[NekoParks]

and you get the Bangles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv6tuzHUuuk

I put in a stroll in the park...

unfortunately you keep thinking it was Saturday and the Fourth of July....

I put in a time challenged Chicagoan...