original poem in spanish, translated to english

[beetlebum]

here is one i wrote recenlty:

"y al caer..."

tan profundo es el abismo de lo que he olvidado,
pero en cuanto despierte de este eterno sueño de caer,
volveré a ser yo y sonreiré a todo aquello que el tiempo,
en su diáfana y avara malicie, me robo.

english translation
(hard not to butcher it, but here it goes)

"and when i fall..."

so deep is the abyss of that which i have forgotten,
but when i wake from this dream of eternally falling,
i shall return to myself and laugh at this thing that time,
with clear and miserly ill-intent, has stolen from me.

 

[HarryHill]

beautiful in both languages
Mucho gusto beetle bum

 

[beetlebum]

thank you, mi amigo!

 

[Angeline]

here is one i wrote recenlty:

"y al caer..."

tan profundo es el abismo de lo que he olvidado,
pero en cuanto despierte de este eterno sueño de caer,
volveré a ser yo y sonreiré a todo aquello que el tiempo,
en su diáfana y avara malicie, me robo.

english translation
(hard not to butcher it, but here it goes)

"and when i fall..."

so deep is the abyss of that which i have forgotten,
but when i wake from this dream of eternally falling,
i shall return to myself and laugh at this things that time,
with clear and miserly ill-intent, has stolen from me.

Hi and welcome. I've seen you post on the GB over the years.

I like your poem a lot. It has that dreamy fantastical quality that I see (and love) in many Latin poets, like Neruda, Paz, Pessoa, just to name a few. And I have always attributed it to something in the culture because those poets are all from different countries but all writing in Spanish (or Portuguese in Pessoa's case). It's a beautiful way of writing.

The translation does create some problems (which you are aware of, I see). Did you want feedback on how to make it work better in English? We can but try...

Main thing though is in your third line don't you mean

i shall return to myself and laugh at this thing that time,

That looks like a typo to me because the whole thing reads more grammatically correct if you drop the "s" on "things."

 

[beetlebum]

Hi and welcome. I've seen you post on the GB over the years.

I like your poem a lot. It has that dreamy fantastical quality that I see (and love) in many Latin poets, like Neruda, Paz, Pessoa, just to name a few. And I have always attributed it to something in the culture because those poets are all from different countries but all writing in Spanish (or Portuguese in Pessoa's case). It's a beautiful way of writing.

The translation does create some problems (which you are aware of, I see). Did you want feedback on how to make it work better in English? We can but try...

Main thing though is in your third line don't you mean

i shall return to myself and laugh at this thing that time,

That looks like a typo to me because the whole thing reads more grammatically correct if you drop the "s" on "things."

thank you! i definitely agree with you.
i shall return to myself and laugh at this thing that time,
it just makes a lot more sense this way and even flows a little more natural.

i obviously love and draw a lot of inspiration from the work of neruda. i am equally fond of paz and pessoa. i also like the poetry of nicanor parra, garcía lorca and although he was not exclusively a poet, jorge luis borges.

 

[Angeline]

thank you! i definitely agree with you.
i shall return to myself and laugh at this thing that time,
it just makes a lot more sense this way and even flows a little more natural.

i obviously love and draw a lot of inspiration from the work of neruda. i am equally fond of paz and pessoa. i also like the poetry of nicanor parra, garcía lorca and although he was not exclusively a poet, jorge luis borges.

Well hang around and write some more then. You sound like you belong here.

 

[butters]

ola! and welcome to poetic visions, beetlebum

before reading your translation, and not understanding the original's language, still i was moved by the sounds within and that melancholic feeling.