Ok, very serious question.......

[KoPilot]

I'm sorry, I'm just fascinated by the OPs immaturity and narcissism... the selective hearing, not so much; those are a dime a dozen.

http://i.imgur.com/aVZgT.gif

 

[midwestyankee]

I'm sorry, I'm just fascinated by the OPs immaturity and narcissism... the selective hearing, not so much; those are a dime a dozen.

http://i.imgur.com/aVZgT.gif

Very true. Usually the narcissists hide it better than this. So my guess is that the original post was just a salesman's foot in the door so he could really sell us on the awesomeness of his views on beauty as the original pillar of all relationships. And I bet it won't be long before he offers us an easy payment plan, too.

 

[Netzach]

Well.....not to make excuses but we were married for one year before she got pregnant and then changed. It's not like we had a couple of years together and had fun as a good looking couple who took care of themselves. I find that not taking care of yourself is a sign of laziness, and that's my problem with it. It's like, ok I had a baby and now I don't have to try to turn my significant other anymore. She begged me to put the treadmill in the living room, I did, then the bedroom and I did, but hasn't been used ever except to hang clothes. Why it bothers me is that she didn't even try for the longest time and that she just accepted it as life when in fact she didn't even try. And I know if she just tried she could be her best. I disagree with you.

OK, you may not be able to control what turns you on but somehow I don't think you ever did anything like cook this woman healthy and appropriate and yet good food for a night, or do something active WITH her instead of just pointing to the treadmill and witholding sex and being butthurt because she might be doing trifling things that impinge on her workout schedule like RAISING YOUR FUCKING CHILD.

You know what, if you had just said "sex has dried up between us, I needed the stimulation of a pro" I could even halfway respect you, but the fact that you accept zero fault in this two-way proposition makes me hope you have the decency to start seeing a Domme for the catharsis of being beaten for being FAIL.

I always hope guys like this land some no-nonsense European style Mistress who does not give a fuck about their limits list and does it her generally very PAINFUL way, or else door. I was never like that, but there are days I wish I had been.

 

[Loverskitten]

I'm sorry, I'm just fascinated by the OPs immaturity and narcissism... the selective hearing, not so much; those are a dime a dozen.

http://i.imgur.com/aVZgT.gif

http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff512/Loverskitten/BA7B9222-D0F6-42F2-8DD6-7F008EEFA89A-5362-00000477CCEC985E.jpg

 

[Kellydude666]

Instead of gaining up on him.. maybe we should see things through his point of view. We don't exactly know what's going on here.. maybe there are things going on that we don't know about.

Sure this guy seems to be attracted by physical appearances.. but honestly who isn't? I mean at first that's all you really see of a person.. unless you really get to know them.

I'm sure him and his wife we're happy when they got married. I'm sure they both we're attracted to how each other looks. I know me and my husband were. But things honestly do change after you have kids. You seem to drift apart. I should know I've had two. You do change as a couple. Emotionally and physically.

But I'm not saying I do agree with what he's said. I think you need to look at it as if you were your wife. What would you do if you were her? Would you be okay about what your doing? Sure, you are paying someone .. for what you want... even though you don't physically have sex. But.. your still getting off to it.. to me that's just as good as actually cheating on her. If she wanted you to, would you have sex with her? Your wife may have gained weight.. but she's still the women you married. You had to of married her for other reason's than just her weight.

I think you should take some time with just you and your wife, hire a baby sitter or a friend to watch your kid, and take your wife out somewhere you use to go before your child and before she gained weight. Have a night out just the two of you. Get to know each other again. Have fun. Have a couple of drinks. I'm not saying get drunk.. just loosen up a bit. Then just let things go from there. I'm sure you both could benefit from that.

I also think you should tell your wife exactly how you feel. I'm in a similar boat. My husband isn't the dominant type.. he's a complete submissive.. in every aspect of life. As much as I love him, and as wonderful of a father and husband he is.. he just isn't able to give me what I want. I wouldn't exactly do anything without his consent .. although I'm dying to explore my submissive side. And I just told him completely how I felt.. and what I'd like to do. He wasn't okay with it at first but.. the more I talked and told him.. the more he begin to understand. I advice you to do the same. She married you for a reason.. she loves you, she deserves to know how you feel.

WOW! There are some open minded intelligent people on this board. And yes, there are some other factors that I didn't mention because I really wasn't trying to get feed back on my marriage. But it got to the point where we would argue and be very short with each other and she doesn't fight fair at all, she does admit this. But the more fighting and arrogance toward each other I started backing off and it had a big impact on why I stopped being attracted physically towards her. I'm sorry but when you fight with someone a lot it definitely turns you off. And yes, the first thing people have when they get together is physical attraction, no one here gets that. I'm glad to say we have worked a lot lot problems out and we are being a lot more considerate towards each other which is helping. She also has started to lose weight and getting back into shape which is also a good thing. I'm hoping we are going to get this marriage back on track but it takes time. I will take the advice and start scheduling dates together and see where it leads.

As for the Domme, I know it's a form of cheating but I had such a strong urge to experience it. It's just that I don't think this is the right time to throw this on my wife until we become intimate again.

But thanks to your well thought out post and at least hearing my argument.

 

[Kellydude666]

I'm not going to judge you or your actions, just ask a question:

If your wife had seen a male Dominant three times in the past few weeks - or seen a male submissive three times in the past few weeks, and dominated him - with no kissing or sex involved, just masturbating herself at the end of the session, how would you characterize her actions?

And why am I required to answer your question windbag???

 

[desertslave]

And why am I required to answer your question windbag???

Because in all honesty we're just waiting to see how much of a double standard you have.

 

[Kellydude666]

Because in all honesty we're just waiting to see how much of a double standard you have.

No double standard here. It would probably turn me on to be honest. I'm becoming a lot more open minded about sex as I get older. I even mentioned a fascination with swinging with her but she was against it so I never brought it up again. Her being dominant and putting another man in his place would no doubt turn me thinking about it. And I would definitely like to see her getting off while a guy fucked her in front of me. I don't think I would want swinging to be a regular thing for us, but I would love to try it with her.

 

[midwestyankee]

No double standard here. It would probably turn me on to be honest. I'm becoming a lot more open minded about sex as I get older. I even mentioned a fascination with swinging with her but she was against it so I never brought it up again. Her being dominant and putting another man in his place would no doubt turn me thinking about it. And I would definitely like to see her getting off while a guy fucked her in front of me. I don't think I would want swinging to be a regular thing for us, but I would love to try it with her.

So the same guy who wants us to believe that he's withholding sex from his wife as punishment for getting fat and therefore becoming unattractive to him also wants us to believe that he'd be happy to watch her having sex with another guy?

Wow.

I smell something that ought to be sold in a daily market along the shore.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

And why am I required to answer your question windbag???

Because in all honesty we're just waiting to see how much of a double standard you have.

You're not required to answer my question. It just seemed to me that perhaps you had passed it by in responding so defensively to all the other responses you got to your original post. However, I *did* think it might be useful, to you, to answer the question I posed; that it might clarify your thinking a bit.

Sadly, having read your recent responses to the comments you've received in this thread, I now doubt that you will ever achieve clarity - or honesty - in thinking about your situation.

Good luck to you in your life. You're going to need lots of it.

 

[Kellydude666]

So the same guy who wants us to believe that he's withholding sex from his wife as punishment for getting fat and therefore becoming unattractive to him also wants us to believe that he'd be happy to watch her having sex with another guy?

Wow.

I smell something that ought to be sold in a daily market along the shore.

"Punishing my wife" My god, you are a dumb one. I'm sorry. Or you are just a troll just trying to fan the flames because your life is empty. I'll say a bit of both. I was asked a question and I answered honestly. I'm just not who you want me to be and it's killing you. Please don't think about me on all your free time because I'm not thinking about you.

 

[Kellydude666]

You're not required to answer my question. It just seemed to me that perhaps you had passed it by in responding so defensively to all the other responses you got to your original post. However, I *did* think it might be useful, to you, to answer the question I posed; that it might clarify your thinking a bit.

Sadly, having read your recent responses to the comments you've received in this thread, I now doubt that you will ever achieve clarity - or honesty - in thinking about your situation.

Good luck to you in your life. You're going to need lots of it.

Well, with all due respect, I'm not here looking for "clarity" or help from anyone here. If you would have taken the time to actually read my original post all I was asking was if anyone else see's a Dom or Domme who are not their significant other. However, if I do feel the need to see a psychiatrist, you will be the first I come to.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well, with all due respect, I'm not here looking for "clarity" or help from anyone here. If you would have taken the time to actually read my original post all I was asking was if anyone else see's a Dom or Domme who are not their significant other. However, if I do feel the need to see a psychiatrist, you will be the first I come to.

You should have asked your question and then shut up.

 

[Kellydude666]

You should have asked your question and then shut up.

Haha, another dull color in the crayon box! Read it again Einstein. Let me spell this out for you. I asked a question if anyone here was seeing a Dom or Domme who was not their significant other. I had to say I was married because that was the whole point of the question. Understand so far?
The other stuff about weight didn't get mentioned until I was grilled as to why I didn't tell my wife or include my wife. Whew!

 

[midwestyankee]

Haha, another dull color in the crayon box! Read it again Einstein. Let me spell this out for you. I asked a question if anyone here was seeing a Dom or Domme who was not their significant other. I had to say I was married because that was the whole point of the question. Understand so far?
The other stuff about weight didn't get mentioned until I was grilled as to why I didn't tell my wife or include my wife. Whew!

Ah, so it's our fault that you fessed up to being a douchebag? Was it Stella or SW who held your hands to the keyboard? Or maybe Shank? I bet it was Shank, in the library, wearing some used panties.

 

[KoPilot]

If we're all so fat, dumb, and ugly, why are you still here gracing us with your presence?

 

[Kellydude666]

If we're all so fat, dumb, and ugly, why are you still here gracing us with your presence?

Because you amuse me with your stupidity and your we are woman gang mentality

 

[curious_mommy]

I'm glad to see that you both are starting to work on things. A marriage is a two way street.. it can't just be one sided. It does suck to fight with someone all the time.. I've been threw that with my husband as well. And what you said is completely true, it does make you less attracted to someone. Hopefully the more you spend time together and the more you work on your marriage things will start to look better for you. (For both of you.)

I honestly wasn't looking to offend you about what I said about the Domme. I was just wanting you to take a step back and see things threw your wife eyes. I'm sorry if I did. You may be right that it's not the right time to mention that to her. Once things get back to a normal routine for both of you.. maybe just mention to your wife that you'd like to explore with her. And just let her know what you like.. and she just might surprise you.

I saw someone on her say to maybe buy her some lingerie, like a babydoll. I think that it might be an excellent idea. It will show her that you really do want to still have sex with her. And she'll in return be more into losing weight.. just so she can look good in them. I know it worked on me. My husband did that.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Wait wait wait wait wait.... you have been married 10 years and you are still in the stage that physical attraction is what constitutes love and is the basis for whether you find your wife attractive or not? That's just.... sad.

And before you feel the need to resort to childish insults. Yes, I am fat but I have been married twice as long as you. And even my husband thinks you are a douchebag.

In fact he has asked to post this on his behalf:

Your wife has given you the greatest gift she can ever give you. And you choose to be petty and complain about the side effects. Do you think she isn't aware of the baby weight she has put on? But instead you choose to ignore how she might be feeling and worry only about your own wants.

*sigh* God, I love my hubby, I think he will be getting a huge 'you're the greatest' night from me. So actually I should be thank you Kellydude. you just reminded me how truly awesome my darling Hubby is!

 

[Kellydude666]

I'm glad to see that you both are starting to work on things. A marriage is a two way street.. it can't just be one sided. It does suck to fight with someone all the time.. I've been threw that with my husband as well. And what you said is completely true, it does make you less attracted to someone. Hopefully the more you spend time together and the more you work on your marriage things will start to look better for you. (For both of you.)

I honestly wasn't looking to offend you about what I said about the Domme. I was just wanting you to take a step back and see things threw your wife eyes. I'm sorry if I did. You may be right that it's not the right time to mention that to her. Once things get back to a normal routine for both of you.. maybe just mention to your wife that you'd like to explore with her. And just let her know what you like.. and she just might surprise you.

I saw someone on her say to maybe buy her some lingerie, like a babydoll. I think that it might be an excellent idea. It will show her that you really do want to still have sex with her. And she'll in return be more into losing weight.. just so she can look good in them. I know it worked on me. My husband did that.

Thanks for the kind words, advice and understanding. I appreciate it.

 

[Kellydude666]

Wait wait wait wait wait.... you have been married 10 years and you are still in the stage that physical attraction is what constitutes love and is the basis for whether you find your wife attractive or not? That's just.... sad.

And before you feel the need to resort to childish insults. Yes, I am fat but I have been married twice as long as you. And even my husband thinks you are a douchebag.

In fact he has asked to post this on his behalf:

Your wife has given you the greatest gift she can ever give you. And you choose to be petty and complain about the side effects. Do you think she isn't aware of the baby weight she has put on? But instead you choose to ignore how she might be feeling and worry only about your own wants.

*sigh* God, I love my hubby, I think he will be getting a huge 'you're the greatest' night from me. So actually I should be thank you Kellydude. you just reminded me how truly awesome my darling Hubby is!

You should thank god your husband is blind. I respond in kind if you noticed. Look, we have another genius here who doesn't read posts.

 

[blulilacgrl]

You should thank god your husband is blind. I respond in kind if you noticed. Look, we have another genius here who doesn't read posts.

Hahahahahaha

Darlin', he's not blind. Unlike you, he doesn't have to masturbate. He also doesn't have to pay for sex. But you are right, I thank God for him everyday. Think your wife does the same?

 

[desertslave]

I'm a little confused about timing so please verify that I have this right.

You've been married 10 years.
She got pregnant a few years after you were married, and your child is now 7-ish.
You are both in your 40's now.

Based on this, I just want to point out something in her defense. Losing weight is stupidly, cruelly difficult when women slip into their 40's and it never gets any easier after that. There's a lot of hormonal/metabolic crap that happens to even the best of us. I'm not saying weight loss is impossible or even unlikely, just that it's significantly more difficult than for a man of the same age. You guys have that lovely testosterone which really makes a difference, dammit.

Consider these co-issues...no reply needed...does she work outside your home, and if so, what's the work environment? (Is it a desk job or something more active; does the workplace have a snacking sub-culture?) If she works from home or is a SAHM, what's her daily routine like? How much of the child care is she responsible for? Do you give her child-free time and/or additional alone time?

What I'm getting at is what kind of lifestyle she has (sedentary, somewhat active, very active) and what kind of pitfalls there might be (snacking patterns, not enough time to be active on her own, possible injuries or other activity issues).

Once you have a handle on that, and can help her identify what blocks and/or incentives there are for her, you might be able to tackle it together WITHOUT a big load of accusation/judgment from you. While some folks find that helpful, many more become resentful.

Sometimes (I know this works for me) sneaking the help up on someone can work wonders. There's a world of difference between "It's a beautiful day, let's take a walk" and "You should be going to the gym."

I truly hope this helps.

 

[curious_mommy]

I'm a little confused about timing so please verify that I have this right.

You've been married 10 years.
She got pregnant a few years after you were married, and your child is now 7-ish.
You are both in your 40's now.

Based on this, I just want to point out something in her defense. Losing weight is stupidly, cruelly difficult when women slip into their 40's and it never gets any easier after that. There's a lot of hormonal/metabolic crap that happens to even the best of us. I'm not saying weight loss is impossible or even unlikely, just that it's significantly more difficult than for a man of the same age. You guys have that lovely testosterone which really makes a difference, dammit.

Consider these co-issues...no reply needed...does she work outside your home, and if so, what's the work environment? (Is it a desk job or something more active; does the workplace have a snacking sub-culture?) If she works from home or is a SAHM, what's her daily routine like? How much of the child care is she responsible for? Do you give her child-free time and/or additional alone time?

What I'm getting at is what kind of lifestyle she has (sedentary, somewhat active, very active) and what kind of pitfalls there might be (snacking patterns, not enough time to be active on her own, possible injuries or other activity issues).

Once you have a handle on that, and can help her identify what blocks and/or incentives there are for her, you might be able to tackle it together WITHOUT a big load of accusation/judgment from you. While some folks find that helpful, many more become resentful.

Sometimes (I know this works for me) sneaking the help up on someone can work wonders. There's a world of difference between "It's a beautiful day, let's take a walk" and "You should be going to the gym."

I truly hope this helps.

That is wonderful advice. ^ I love this post.

 

[incubus'_sub]

wow, you guys have given him hell haven't you?

you like to encourage and embrace people for exploring their kinky sides and fetishes but woe betide anyone going outside an unsatisfactory marriage. he's not "having an affair". he's being careful and responsible in seeking out a pro domme.

you like to encourage and embrace people in their attractions to the unusual but woe betide anyone honest enough to admit that they don't like FAT.

you ALL know that there are many, many partners of kinky people who are NOT and never will be interested in taking part in bdsm play. it's a very common complaint thread here and usually the spouse KNOWS this. so why bother lecturing him on talking to his wife about it?

he has never said that he married his wife BECAUSE she was thin. what a stupid thing to throw at him. of course he loved her and was hoping for a long, happy marriage as most of us do. sorry, but physical attraction is part of the deal.

everyone ages. some people get sick. these things can't be helped and are expected as you enter a marriage. but "baby" weight after 7 years??? give me a break !! that IS just lazy and careless.

i don't know why a culture of fat enablers has developed but it has. yes, yes, there are illnesses and medications which cause weight gain but seriously that's a minority of people.

why is it now ok to label someone here shallow because they are honest enough to actually admit to being attracted to normal weight. and no, no matter how you try to excuse it, gloss over it and accept it, FAT is not normal and the overwhelming majority of people do not find it particularly attractive, even those who are fat themselves.

30 to 40 years ago wives and mothers CARED enough about their appearance, for themselves and for their husbands, to stay slim and as attractive as possible. there were very few fat mothers at the school picking up their kids, in fact they stood out as, well, fat. why has this changed?