The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

... and you get a hatful of rain, 'cause no-one likes a mime.

I put in a Breton shirt...

but it does not match the Breton hat/cap or ship's trousers



I put in the Duke of Mantua

 

[Saxon_Hart]

but it does not match the Breton hat/cap or ship's trousers



I put in the Duke of Mantua

But Gene Chandler just didn't think Mantua had a good ring to it...


I put in The Platters

 

[Handley_Page]

But Gene Chandler just didn't think Mantua had a good ring to it...


I put in The Platters

And the washing up never gets done right



I put in a a 1920s radio

 

[NekoParks]

And the washing up never gets done right



I put in a a 1920s radio

and the RCA dog Nipper just barks at it...

http://www.milesago.com/industry/Images/rca_nipper.gif

I put in the "The Ghost Who Walks, The Man Who Cannot Die, Guardian of the Eastern Dark ..."

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and the RCA dog Nipper just barks at it...

http://www.milesago.com/industry/Images/rca_nipper.gif

I put in the "The Ghost Who Walks, The Man Who Cannot Die, Guardian of the Eastern Dark ..."

Bur at first light the ghost flies the coop and the dude has a heart attack.


I put in the tell tale heart. (the actual heart, not the yarn)

 

[Handley_Page]

Bur at first light the ghost flies the coop and the dude has a heart attack.


I put in the tell tale heart. (the actual heart, not the yarn)

But it decides to shut up, having taken legal advice.



I put in His Masters Voice
(with Nipper the dog).

 

[NekoParks]

But it decides to shut up, having taken legal advice.



I put in His Masters Voice
(with Nipper the dog).

but Francis Barraud couldn't sell his painting, because no one believed that a dog would listen to a recording...

I put in Uggie the dog in the movie The Artist...

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-plp2DaB0BIM/TzkMzxjOMlI/AAAAAAAAAo4/KtpDkU6LD_o/s1600/111215105233_The-artist.jpg

 

[Handley_Page]

but Francis Barraud couldn't sell his painting, because no one believed that a dog would listen to a recording...

I put in Uggie the dog in the movie The Artist...

And you get a Bordeaux Bloodhound like Hooch




I put in a case of mistaken identity

 

[Saxon_Hart]

And you get a Bordeaux Bloodhound like Hooch




I put in a case of mistaken identity

And Melissa McCarthy becomes HP and hilarity ensues.
(Haven't seen the movie, just guessing about hilarity)


I put in a breezy spring day.

 

[Handley_Page]

And Melissa McCarthy becomes HP and hilarity ensues.
(Haven't seen the movie, just guessing about hilarity)


I put in a breezy spring day.

But the April Showers are late and it's peeing down.




I put in a regular bucket of sunshine

 

[Saxon_Hart]

But the April Showers are late and it's peeing down.




I put in a regular bucket of sunshine

And the crabby non-morning people kill her in her sleep.


I put in heavily caffeinated drinks.

 

[NekoParks]

And the crabby non-morning people kill her in her sleep.


I put in heavily caffeinated drinks.

but you get trampled by a "red bull".


I put in non disclosure clause...

 

[Handley_Page]

but you get trampled by a "red bull".


I put in non disclosure clause...

but the Jury throws the case out.



I put in a new fishing rod.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

but the Jury throws the case out.



I put in a new fishing rod.

But the old fish aren't biting.


I put in a snazzy fish finder.

 

[Handley_Page]

But the old fish aren't biting.


I put in a snazzy fish finder.

But the float don't follow it



I put in a stuck black-ink printer cartridge

 

[Saxon_Hart]

But the float don't follow it



I put in a stuck black-ink printer cartridge

And you get some guy in tech support asking you the same question 10 different ways in broken English.


I put in Slash.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get some guy in tech support asking you the same question 10 different ways in broken English.


I put in Slash.

But it heals too soon



I put in a (reluctant) busy time at the gym.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

But it heals too soon



I put in a (reluctant) busy time at the gym.

And you get to sweat as you ogle hotties in yoga pants.



I put in a quart of moonshine.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get to sweat as you ogle hotties in yoga pants.



I put in a quart of moonshine.

Sadly, that's all it is: moonshine.



I put in a pipe of good Port.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

Sadly, that's all it is: moonshine.



I put in a pipe of good Port.

But the stoners hear the word pipe, and after a bit of modification, the port is now bong water.


I put in a fifth of Jack Daniel's.

 

[Handley_Page]

But the stoners hear the word pipe, and after a bit of modification, the port is now bong water.


I put in a fifth of Jack Daniel's.

But it came forth and lost the stake



I put in a scooter battery.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

But it came forth and lost the stake



I put in a scooter battery.

But Valery the vibe queen drains it like an electronic vampire.


I put in a submarine battery.

 

[steve44uk]

But Valery the vibe queen drains it like an electronic vampire.


I put in a submarine battery.

... so you hook it up to your Fleshlight and well and truly blow your ballast.

I put in a box of moistwipes...

 

[Handley_Page]

... so you hook it up to your Fleshlight and well and truly blow your ballast.

I put in a box of moistwipes...

soaked in battery acid.



I put in a First Aid Kit.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

soaked in battery acid.



I put in a First Aid Kit.

From 1942!


I put in a tetanus shot.