The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

From 1942!


I put in a tetanus shot.

in calibre 12 bore. And it hurts.



I put in a prosthetic limb

 

[Saxon_Hart]

in calibre 12 bore. And it hurts.



I put in a prosthetic limb

And two randy lesbians quickly make use of it.

I put in a pack of condoms.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

And two randy lesbians quickly make use of it.

I put in a pack of condoms.

And, I look around for twelve good men to fill them.

I put in new, flamingo pink unused dildo.

 

[Handley_Page]

And, I look around for twelve good men to fill them.

I put in new, flamingo pink unused dildo.

But it's been taxidermi-ed.
[sorry; I thought you said Dodo]



I put in a wool Mammoth

 

[Saxon_Hart]

But it's been taxidermi-ed.
[sorry; I thought you said Dodo]



I put in a wool Mammoth

And the shepherds are pissed to have a sheep that fucks them.


I put in a T-Rex thigh.

 

[Handley_Page]

And the shepherds are pissed to have a sheep that fucks them.


I put in a T-Rex thigh.

you can die of hunger before it cooks, though.



I put in a broken ink-jet printer

 

[Tio_Narratore]

you can die of hunger before it cooks, though.



I put in a broken ink-jet printer

and it blacks out all the naughty bits in your next story.

I put in some ink from a naughty octopus...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it blacks out all the naughty bits in your next story.

I put in some ink from a naughty octopus...

and it blacks out all the naughty bits in your story.

[ and it's black which does not work ]



I put in yet another black cartridge and consult the stores to see about a replacement printer.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and it blacks out all the naughty bits in your story.

[ and it's black which does not work ]



I put in yet another black cartridge and consult the stores to see about a replacement printer.

And you get the run around from a rude clerk.

I put in enough patience to not strangle said clerk.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get the run around from a rude clerk.

I put in enough patience to not strangle said clerk.

After traipsing round some Very Strange Stores, the patience has run out.



I put in a laser Colour printer (I wish)

 

[mynameisben]

After traipsing round some Very Strange Stores, the patience has run out.



I put in a laser Colour printer (I wish)

And you get back a high definition copy of a Thank You note.

I put in a Higgs boson.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

And you get back a high definition copy of a Thank You note.

I put in a Higgs boson.

But it becomes lost amongst the clutter.


I put in Higgs the boatswain.

 

[mynameisben]

But it becomes lost amongst the clutter.


I put in Higgs the boatswain.

You get back a particle physicist who loves to stroke.

I put in dolly and a llama

 

[Saxon_Hart]

You get back a particle physicist who loves to stroke.

I put in dolly and a llama

And the combination makes sex therapists write a new book of perversion.


I put in an older book on perversion.

 

[mynameisben]

And the combination makes sex therapists write a new book of perversion.


I put in an older book on perversion.

You get back an older pervert.

I put in a sockeye salmon smoking a cigar.

 

[Handley_Page]

You get back an older pervert.

I put in a sockeye salmon smoking a cigar.

Until the Doctor gives you different medicines



I put in an old Trout.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

Until the Doctor gives you different medicines



I put in an old Trout.

And soon the machine smells like a whorehouse.



I put in Mr. Clean.

 

[steve44uk]

And soon the machine smells like a whorehouse.



I put in Mr. Clean.

... but you still need plenty of elbow grease.

I put in a hand-shandy...

 

[Handley_Page]

... but you still need plenty of elbow grease.

I put in a hand-shandy...

and you get Tristram



I put in a Tam O' Shantar
[ apologies for the spelling ]

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get Tristram



I put in a Tam O' Shantar
[ apologies for the spelling ]

and out comes Tom o' Bedlam.

I put in a chat between Crazy Jane and the Bishop...

 

[Handley_Page]

and out comes Tom o' Bedlam.

I put in a chat between Crazy Jane and the Bishop...

But the Archbishop does not get the joke


I put in a pile of used paper.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

But the Archbishop does not get the joke


I put in a pile of used paper.

But it's toilet paper and the pile draws flies.


I put in a book of matches.

 

[steve44uk]

But it's toilet paper and the pile draws flies.


I put in a book of matches.

... but you haven't had a match since Errol Flynn died.

I bring on some empty horses...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

... but you haven't had a match since Errol Flynn died.

I bring on some empty horses...

and you get two bags of oats.

I put in a '68 Mustang...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get two bags of oats.

I put in a '68 Mustang...

and you get a lot of smoke




I put in a broken quill