women: how to approach through a PM...

[Eilan]

I can't be bothered with the games nowadays, to be honest. I tend to pursue a policy that if a woman doesn't actually give me something to riff on in a PM (a question, something interesting that makes me want to know more, some modicum of interest in something that isn't herself) I quickly stop replying. It's amazing how few people actually seem to understand that conversation is a two way street.

Maybe she never really wanted to have a conversation with you in the first place.

 

[boutrosboutros]

Maybe she never really wanted to have a conversation with you in the first place.

Impossible.

In all seriousness though, there seems to be an underlying expectation that as a man, you're supposed to do the leg work. I get the reason why; if you're a woman on here you can afford to adopt that approach because I expect you're practically beating off morons with a stick and you're used to them coming back for more. But don't expect a man with half a modicum of self respect to get involved in that crap.

 

[Que]

Boutrousboutrous comments were apt...

I liked your phrasing "a modicum of self respect."

Maybe if the great unwashed masses of men were more insistant hat in the sexual marketplace that men and women are equal beneficiaries.... then more women would behave better.

Obsequious boot licking and pandering to women, (obviously, with the exception of power exchanges going that way, and if everyone's cool with it great).... seems to me is a rather ineffective way to garner womens attention and respect.... and it f**** up the dynamic for the rest of us.

My general impression of the many women on and offline I have met don't follow that model and that in fact do see things like flirtation and communication as a two way street... seem to do so simply because of the kinds of people they are in general and not because society is a meeting them in the direction of putting in similar amount of effort and rewarding effort when its due.

I've often thought that the meme that men like a woman that's hard to get, is pure projection. I think the converse is true women would appreciate it if men made it more difficult.

And update:

I sort of assumed that this particular post would kill any unsolicited contact at all since goes the great against the grain of women's boxes being flooded simply on the basis of their scarcity and mens being empty. (Mine For the most part included I mean it wasn't like I was in need of hiring a correspondence secretary to sort through it for me)

The volume might be down a tick but the quality seems to be up.

 

[luvnmyboys]

Pm'ing is not a thing that I excel at. I'm not the kind of woman that is gonna chase down the guys. It seems that most of the guys that just randomly pm are only after a few things (not what I'm looking for). I try to be polite even to the vague messages. I have met a few cool people through pm's, but it's like 1 in a 100. I find the game exhausting.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My mama usta say that you can always get a piece of ass when you got nuthin better to do, and that's my attitude with the LIT Ladies: WHAT YOU GOT BESIDES USED ASS? Few have anything else, many don't have that.

 

[dangersexqueen]

My mama usta say that you can always get a piece of ass when you got nuthin better to do, and that's my attitude with the LIT Ladies: WHAT YOU GOT BESIDES USED ASS? Few have anything else, many don't have that.

Hi best friend!!!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Hi best friend!!!

Whazup, dude?

 

[dangersexqueen]

Not much.. Just finished talking with someone.. I am fixing to go to bed, it is Early here.. like three in the morning.. Did not think I could hang that long.. Especially with pain meds on board to kill the rest of this headache.. Guess the two hour nap I took earlier charged me up. What are you doing up this late/early?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Not much.. Just finished talking with someone.. I am fixing to go to bed, it is Early here.. like three in the morning.. Did not think I could hang that long.. Especially with pain meds on board to kill the rest of this headache.. Guess the two hour nap I took earlier charged me up. What are you doing up this late/early?

Its my favorite time of the day. I was meant to be a farmer or army commander or something.

 

[BeachMomma]

Like most women, I get a metric fuck ton of random PMs on Lit. They run the spectrum from a simple one word hi to love the pearls (sorry guys. I've already heard that a dozen times - today.) to intelligent, well thought out interesting messages.

Guess which messages get a response?

I've sent unsolicited PMs before too. I rarely send them if I haven't first gotten to know the person at least a little bit in the board. Occasionally someone will strike my fancy and I want to get to know them better privately.

I like to talk about what they said that intrigued me. I usually ask them to go more in depth about what they said. I've never sent an unsolicited skin pic - although I'm sure most men wouldn't be offended lol. I tell them a little about me and ask about them.

The technique seems to work well. I've made fantastic friends that way. If more men took a similar approach, I'm sure they'd get better responses. And with any luck, the pm asshat thread could die a natural death - or be overcome by thread drift.

 

[123Josh]

Just be yourself..If you have to ask how to "pm" or what the "ladies like", you're over thinking it and probably a bit insecure. I've connected with quite a few ladies threw PM on here and have forged some good relationships.
I found the long winded-over done PM's tend to get the worst responses, contrary to what you'll hear from some of the anal "10,000 + post females" (not mentioning names) but they are the worst ones to PM. Frankly, I could care less about the ones who don't respond back either and i don't analyze it. It's basically how I weed out the ladies that aren't for me anyway. Works great!

 

[123Josh]

continued...

In a nutshell you may be too focused PMing what you "think" females want to hear instead of going with what you feel and want. And here's another hint, forget about PMing any ladies that post in the PM asshatary thread..Those are some devil woman there. Taking PM's and posting them as a way of entertainment..Just sick..

 

[dangersexqueen]

continued...

In a nutshell you may be too focused PMing what you "think" females want to hear instead of going with what you feel and want. And here's another hint, forget about PMing any ladies that post in the PM asshatary thread..Those are some devil woman there. Taking PM's and posting them as a way of entertainment..Just sick..

Hahaha. I already said that I was so wicked the Devil feared me. We only copy and paste the ones that people send to half a million other girls too. The thoughtful pm's I actually respond to.

 

[123Josh]

Hahaha. I already said that I was so wicked the Devil feared me. We only copy and paste the ones that people send to half a million other girls too. The thoughtful pm's I actually respond to.

Your signature speaks volumes. I highly doubt there is a coordinated effort to see if a PM was sent to "a million other people" ... Face it, some guys may not be smooth, or say the right thing, or even PM something dumb..But not everyone is good with words, or expressing feelings - ideas, what you ladies are doing is disturbing!
I guarantee if you woke up to empty inbox's you'd be more upset! In fact, you ladies deserve no attention from any guys IMO.
I'm thinking of starting my own thread with publishing the user names of ALL the ladies that post in that thread so guys know to avoid you...

 

[dangersexqueen]

Your signature speaks volumes. I highly doubt there is a coordinated effort to see if a PM was sent to "a million other people" ... Face it, some guys may not be smooth, or say the right thing, or even PM something dumb..But not everyone is good with words, or expressing feelings - ideas, what you ladies are doing is disturbing!
I guarantee if you woke up to empty inbox's you'd be more upset! In fact, you ladies deserve no attention from any guys IMO.
I'm thinking of starting my own thread with publishing the user names of ALL the ladies that post in that thread so guys know to avoid you...

You can clearly see the ones that are though. I only post the ones that are unsolicited and copy and pasted. Like I said before, I don't post in the role play forums for a reason and the next thing you know I am getting a pm from someone wanting me to role play. I'm not scared if you start a thread listing me or others out but don't be surprised if we start listing out the asshats that send us the PMs.. . I proudly carry the badge and the link in my signature. Go ahead... I fear nothing.

 

[123Josh]

" I'm not scared if you start a thread listing me or others out but don't be surprised if we start listing out the asshats that send us the PMs.. I proudly carry the badge and the link in my signature. Go ahead... I fear nothing.

Big difference here lady!! PM's stand for PRIVATE MESSAGE, listing the names of those whom sent them would be wrong. What you ladies are doing is PUBLIC and is FAIR GAME for YOUR names to be reposted which I am going to do now.
I guarantee a moderator would shut you down in a heart beat if you did something like that disclosing the names of PM senders. I've seen some of the PM's you've made PUBLIC plus you have no way to verify someone copy and pasted. I'm sorry, it's sick what you ladies are doing, and really takes away from the community. Shame.

Anyway, telling the guys not to waste their time PMing you, You'd think I'd be doing you a favor, lol..

 

[dangersexqueen]

Big difference here lady!! PM's stand for PRIVATE MESSAGE, listing the names of those whom sent them would be wrong. What you ladies are doing is PUBLIC and is FAIR GAME for YOUR names to be reposted which I am going to do now.
I guarantee a moderator would shut you down in a heart beat if you did something like that disclosing the names of PM senders. I've seen some of the PM's you've made PUBLIC plus you have no way to verify someone copy and pasted. I'm sorry, it's sick what you ladies are doing, and really takes away from the community. Shame.

Like I said. Not Scared.Thank's as well for verifying that I am indeed a lady.

 

[boutrosboutros]

Like most women, I get a metric fuck ton of random PMs on Lit. They run the spectrum from a simple one word hi to love the pearls (sorry guys. I've already heard that a dozen times - today.) to intelligent, well thought out interesting messages.

Guess which messages get a response?

I've sent unsolicited PMs before too. I rarely send them if I haven't first gotten to know the person at least a little bit in the board. Occasionally someone will strike my fancy and I want to get to know them better privately.

I like to talk about what they said that intrigued me. I usually ask them to go more in depth about what they said. I've never sent an unsolicited skin pic - although I'm sure most men wouldn't be offended lol. I tell them a little about me and ask about them.

The technique seems to work well. I've made fantastic friends that way. If more men took a similar approach, I'm sure they'd get better responses. And with any luck, the pm asshat thread could die a natural death - or be overcome by thread drift.

I bolded the bit that I thought was basic stuff you learn before the age of 12 about human interaction, but which for whatever reason is a rarity in lit PMs. From both men and women.

 

[BeachMomma]

I bolded the bit that I thought was basic stuff you learn before the age of 12 about human interaction, but which for whatever reason is a rarity in lit PMs. From both men and women.

BB, I think it's a rarity because so many people see Lit as a porn site or virtual singles bar. Both ladies and men are out there who are here for more than that, but we seem to be in the minority.

Lots of people here seem to have skipped kindergarten. Basic human courtesies are lacking. Would you ever consider going up to someone you've never met before and show her your erect penis? If you did, how do you expect she'd react? Somehow it seems as if some people check their manners and common sense at the log in page.

 

[SmileyGirl]

Ohhhh I must be one of the 10,000+ post females who are the worst kind to pm
Hehe

I think it's about being friendly, witty or funny, wishing the person a good day etc. Contrary to Mr Josh 123 believes I think most women would respond to that no?
Although when you normally have your junk hanging out in your av and it's the first thing a girl sees it can be a wee bit off putting

 

[123Josh]

"Lots of people here seem to have skipped kindergarten. Basic human courtesies are lacking."

Exactly my issue with the PM Asshat thread.. You are no better than those you judge..Who cares why someone is here? So what it's not the same reason you are here? There's a block function, use it. Politely tell someone your not interested, no big deal. But you ladies on the PM asshat thread are vipers, and worse IMO then some guy with a dick picture.

 

[123Josh]

Back to my main point for the OP, you need to know what you are looking for and why you are here..If you want to PM me I can give you some tips that have worked very well for me..

 

[dangersexqueen]

Exactly my issue with the PM Asshat thread.. You are no better than those you judge..Who cares why someone is here? So what it's not the same reason you are here? There's a block function, use it. Politely tell someone your not interested, no big deal. But you ladies on the PM asshat thread are vipers, and worse IMO then some guy with a dick picture.

Once again.. The starter of the Asshattery thread is a GUY..

 

[seven_of_nine]

Ok, things that irritate me about the pms I receive from guys: -

• Uberbrief fucktard 'wanna chat' pms - obvs.
• Bravado pms telling me stuff about the sender that just makes me roll my eyes e.g. horny dad (why?), 8in uncut (looks great from here love) etc.
• Obvious copy/paste pms.
• Atrocious SPG and textspeak.
• Guys with absolutely no profile info. Also guys to obviously play the 'politician game' and enthusiastically agree with absolutely everything I say.
• Guys who have manifestly failed to even glance at my profile.
• Guys who ask questions that are too personal for 1st contact. Recently got asked out of the blue why I left the JWs. It was a complex decision made over a long period of time. I'm not invested enough to write you an essay.
• Moronic 'I wanna throw u down and fuck you rigid with my 12in cock' BS. How original.
• Guys who want pics straightaway. Any blatantly porn induced instant gratification mentality.
• Random requests for cyber and cams. Obvious 'one handed typists' desperately spamming until someone's bored enough to watch them blow a load on cam. (incidentally, just WTF do men get out of this when they could be watching porn?)

So what do I respond favourably to?

Basically I give as good as I get. Give this and you get this. Simple.

I like guys who are witty and interesting without sending me an essay outlining their awesomeness. I like guys who are interested in me as a person as well as a fuck. Guys who are curious about me but don't expect to hear my life story straight-away, who don't ask too much about my movements or attempt to get stupidly controlling for a pm acquaintance. Ask for pictures a little way down the line and even offer one first. I respond to men who are intelligent, erudite and articulate with good SPG.

It's about seduction. Throw in some banter. Tease. Give me something to push back against.

I think things should start light and brief before gradually becoming longer and more intimate.

Accept when there's no chemistry building and be gracious in defeat. Don't pester till you're put on ignore. You have no automatic right to my time.

I don't think it's rocket science. I also think that if you're constantly on the receiving end of terse pms then it's you who's the common denominator.

Get feedback. Ask girls who have gone reticent where you fucked up.

Finally and most importantly take absolutely nothing personally. Nobody's thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you are.

 

[boutrosboutros]

I don't think any sensible male here doesn't know all of that already. (Admittedly that probably means the number of sensible males here is rather small.) The OP's complaint is more about how, frankly, boring quite a lot of women here are to interact with, although he didn't use those words. That's the word I'd use, though. I don't mean sexually - I just mean as somebody to converse with online.

And that comment doesn't come from bitterness about failure or me thinking I'm God's gift. Honest.