Am I too young to be interested in (mainly) dominance and submission?

[angela12]

I'm 18 and I've always been interested in this, I just never really knew what it was. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, and we've been having "vanilla sex" (we were eachother's firsts) for about a year and a half now, and it is great, but I just want to "spice it up" and add more. I always thought I was strange for feeling this way since I am so young. Wanting to be spanked and having him "manage" me and control me just seems so taboo in my area. I have always wanted my boyfriend to tell me what to do and give me orders, and I've always liked his approval and him being proud of me. I have fantasies about him controlling me, and me being totally submissive to him.
I guess I just wasn't sure if I was "odd", until I began doing more research on BDSM. My boyfriend is fond of the idea but a little indecisive - he is VERY concerned about hurting me and being "too mean", but he does find the whole thing intriguing. What would you recommend for beginners? Are we too young? He is 18 as well.

I'm really sorry if someone posted something similar, I tried to look through as many threads as I could.

 

[Stella_Omega]

No, you are not too young. Some of us know what we want very early, some of us find out about this wierd set of kinks and realise we want that. I knew long before puberty, and what I wanted never went away.

Here is another thread-- on the front page, too!
18 years old, interested in BDSM

if it was a snake it would have bit you...

If you guys are book readers, I suggest these; The Loving Dominant, The New Topping Book, The New Bottoming Book, and Screw the Roses Send Me The Thorns. These are some of the earliest books written and still among the best.

 

[lance1969]

I was trained before I was eighteen to be a Dom.. so no.. no problemn

 

[Adora_blu]

I think your old enough but just warning bcuz of your age your gonna get a bunch of jerks accusing you of being fake all the time here. Lots of nice ppl to luckily so dont let the jerks make you leave.

 

[lance1969]

I agree.. so many people that know me are saying people are just doing it because of the book..

 

[celestialdragon]

I had a Dom at the age of 18. So no, you're not too young. I'm 19 now and have had a couple.

Also, all my Doms were 19 or 20. So its not that young.

Also, my fiance's 21 and does tend to be a little dominant, even in Vanilla sex

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I'm 18 and I've always been interested in this, I just never really knew what it was. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, and we've been having "vanilla sex" (we were eachother's firsts) for about a year and a half now, and it is great, but I just want to "spice it up" and add more. I always thought I was strange for feeling this way since I am so young. Wanting to be spanked and having him "manage" me and control me just seems so taboo in my area. I have always wanted my boyfriend to tell me what to do and give me orders, and I've always liked his approval and him being proud of me. I have fantasies about him controlling me, and me being totally submissive to him.
I guess I just wasn't sure if I was "odd", until I began doing more research on BDSM. My boyfriend is fond of the idea but a little indecisive - he is VERY concerned about hurting me and being "too mean", but he does find the whole thing intriguing. What would you recommend for beginners? Are we too young? He is 18 as well.

I'm really sorry if someone posted something similar, I tried to look through as many threads as I could.

Stella's suggested reading list is a good one. "50 Shades" is *not* one that should be on your list unless you're just "into" poor writing by someone who has no clue about what goes on in a real-life BDSM relationship.

Also, if you read BDSM stories even here at Lit, they're generally 90% (or more) bullshit fantasies as well, including my own. My How-To article, OTOH, is more realistic and honest. Fictional stories, however, tend to go in the directions our *wishes* travel, even though we know they're not accurate or realistic. They're for fun and arousal, not education. They can, however, point you toward things that do arouse you (plural). Then you can find out more about the real-life implications of those things and give them a shot yourself.

I would also recommend that you do a Google search on BDSM checklists, find one that seems appropriate to you, and you and your boyfriend fill it out honestly, and compare and contrast both the "Nuh-uh, no freakin' way!" items and the "Oh, yeah, let's DO it!" items (and the other categories, too, but those especially).

Please try not to jump into the deepest end of the pool from the highest board your first night of playing, though. Frolic around in the shallows - a little spanking, kneeling to lick/suck him, doggy-style while he lightly spanks your ass or breasts and/or pulls your hair... and move onward from there when you're both ready.

Negotiate. Talk. Communicate, CoMmUnIcAtE, COMMUNI-freakin'-CATE! Communication between partners is necessary in *any* relationship, but even more so in a BDSM relationship, honest communication is the best way for *each* of you to learn to trust and believe in one another. He HAS to believe you when you say you can or can't do something and honor that limit; you HAVE to believe him when he says he can or can't, or will or won't do something and honor his limit(s); each of you has to believe that the other will honor the boundaries thus set.

Good luck to you both, and welcome to the BDSM Talk and Café fora!

 

[leighannste17]

I'm 18 and I've always been interested in this, I just never really knew what it was. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, and we've been having "vanilla sex" (we were eachother's firsts) for about a year and a half now, and it is great, but I just want to "spice it up" and add more. I always thought I was strange for feeling this way since I am so young. Wanting to be spanked and having him "manage" me and control me just seems so taboo in my area. I have always wanted my boyfriend to tell me what to do and give me orders, and I've always liked his approval and him being proud of me. I have fantasies about him controlling me, and me being totally submissive to him.
I guess I just wasn't sure if I was "odd", until I began doing more research on BDSM. My boyfriend is fond of the idea but a little indecisive - he is VERY concerned about hurting me and being "too mean", but he does find the whole thing intriguing. What would you recommend for beginners? Are we too young? He is 18 as well.

I'm really sorry if someone posted something similar, I tried to look through as many threads as I could.

It's not that your to young for it. You just need to study it. Your not over 25 yet girl. The minute you hit that age, bets are off, and the secrets are spoiled girlfriend.

 

[CuteBrat]

I'm 18 and I've always been interested in this, I just never really knew what it was. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, and we've been having "vanilla sex" (we were eachother's firsts) for about a year and a half now, and it is great, but I just want to "spice it up" and add more. I always thought I was strange for feeling this way since I am so young. Wanting to be spanked and having him "manage" me and control me just seems so taboo in my area. I have always wanted my boyfriend to tell me what to do and give me orders, and I've always liked his approval and him being proud of me. I have fantasies about him controlling me, and me being totally submissive to him.
I guess I just wasn't sure if I was "odd", until I began doing more research on BDSM. My boyfriend is fond of the idea but a little indecisive - he is VERY concerned about hurting me and being "too mean", but he does find the whole thing intriguing. What would you recommend for beginners? Are we too young? He is 18 as well.

I'm really sorry if someone posted something similar, I tried to look through as many threads as I could.

You aren't too young. I knew from 15 on that I needed Dominant men. I wasn't as intelligent as you to know there was a whole lifestyle.

Some books I would recommend.... The New Bottoming Book; screw the roses send me the thorns; the loving dominant, Jay Wiseman's SM 101. Fetlife dot com is a great site to read and learn. Let him know..the more he learns...the more secure he can feel that he WON'T hurt you.

Welcome down the rabbit hole! Feel free to PM me if you have questions you wanna ask in private.

 

[CuteBrat]

Oops.I just saw most of my book suggestions were already given. Sorry.

 

[DVS]

I knew what I wanted at the age of 70. I spanked my first female ass at the age of 72. The problem back then was we didn't know why we liked it.

These days, you can Google any of the information I wish I knew back then. I could have been a player at the ripe old age of 63!















Pssst...
Legend:
70=10
72=12
63=13

 

[arnoldpalmer47]

Welcome down the rabbit hole!

i want to cum in your rabbit hole

 

[CuteBrat]

i want to cum in your rabbit hole

Haha! Well hop to it!

 

[VladHarkonnen]

Definitely not too young. I've been into being dom'd ever since I was a toddler rubbing himself on the floor. Of course, I had no idea about "bdsm" at that age. I didn't find out about all that until I was in middle school and came across someone's discarded bondage magazines.I was finally able to put a label on it and gained the comfort of knowing that I wasn't the only person that had such thoughts.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I don't think you are too young to be interested in D/s. I don't believe in an age requirement to Top or bottom, or to be a dominant or submissive.

However, as a mom of an 18 yr old who I know is kinky I have to admit I was relieved when I found out she was more on the toppy side then submissive side of the slash.

Why? Because I don't want my daughter to go from being under the authority of her parents to being under the control of a dominant. I want her to experience life making her own decisions. I want her to make all those hundreds of little and big decisions throughout her college days taking personal responsibility for her own actions.

I have been on kink forums long enough to see way too many young women go from the protection of their real biological Daddy to the control of their BDSM "Daddy". I have heard "I need guidance", "I need someone to protect me", etc..it's practically a -I need someone else to tell me what to do, how to do it and how to feel because I don't want to take responsibility for myself- situation.

I do know there are people--men and women - of all ages who will use submission as a way to avoid responsibility. But I think it is even more important the young adults spend some time being 100% responsible for their own actions.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Oops.I just saw most of my book suggestions were already given. Sorry.

That just shows how smart you are

 

[midwestyankee]

You are not at all too young to do what you both want to do. You've already received some excellent advice and encouragement and I will only say, "ditto" to the above posts. I wish that I had had the same clarity of self understanding at your age that you're displaying. Hell, at your age I wish I had had many of the experiences you appear to have had already.

Which brings me to a second point. I would like to ask that you bear this in mind: extended discussions of sexual activity of minors, whether real or fictional, is a bad idea here. It violates the forum guidelines to post images or stories of underage sex. Those violations could attract the attention of parties in the U.S. government who might want to shut Lit down, and since we're partial to keeping this place alive, we hope you'll keep all those great stories of wild monkey sex from your past to yourselves.

 

[Middlemist]

My last partner was also a virgin when I met him. Being raised in a conservative household led him to believe that inflicting pain is an expression of anger/hate, but that's not always the case. I've explained to him that he needs to look as it in a more primal way and let go. He never had any interest in BDSM until he met me. By introducing sex a certain way I made him want to do those things to me and it became his fetish.

 

[CuteBrat]

That just shows how smart you are

I don't even pretend to myself that I'm half as smart as you! Or as pretty with a mustache.

 

[ifoifo]

Nope. I was in Jr. High when the second Batman came out. The scene where Catwoman holds Batman down and licks his face - oh, I must have spilled buckets in my bed to that singular thought alone.
Sex is supposed to be fun - doesn't matter how you do it, just as long as you're both enjoying yourselves.

 

[seven_of_nine]

All my early fantasies were kinky, so you're not alone there. If you were 18 and single, I'd tell you to be wary but you already have a long term boyfriend. It's always best to try these things out with someone you know really well and trust completely. It might take him a while to get his head around 'hurting' you but let him go at his own pace and you might be surprised at where ends up. It's a journey, not a race. So try not to over-think things and just give loads of positive feedback when he gets rough or whatever in the ways you like.

Be prepared though for him to maybe decide at some point that this isn't his thing. If that happens you'll have to decide whether to negotiate and compromise or break things off and look for someone who's a better match for you.

 

[SirVPL]

I'm 18 and I've always been interested in this, I just never really knew what it was. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years, and we've been having "vanilla sex" (we were eachother's firsts) for about a year and a half now, and it is great, but I just want to "spice it up" and add more. I always thought I was strange for feeling this way since I am so young. Wanting to be spanked and having him "manage" me and control me just seems so taboo in my area. I have always wanted my boyfriend to tell me what to do and give me orders, and I've always liked his approval and him being proud of me. I have fantasies about him controlling me, and me being totally submissive to him.
I guess I just wasn't sure if I was "odd", until I began doing more research on BDSM. My boyfriend is fond of the idea but a little indecisive - he is VERY concerned about hurting me and being "too mean", but he does find the whole thing intriguing. What would you recommend for beginners? Are we too young? He is 18 as well.

I'm really sorry if someone posted something similar, I tried to look through as many threads as I could.

There r families in the D/s lifestyle. Their children live it and learn it all their young lives. I have a friend whose children have become well established Masters/ Mistresses and submissives. U r never to young.

 

[Primalex]

There r families in the D/s lifestyle. Their children live it and learn it all their young lives. I have a friend whose children have become well established Masters/ Mistresses and submissives. U r never to young.

The same is true for smoking crack.


What is your argument?

 

[KlaytonFrost]

Don't listen to anyone who tells you you're too young. You're ready when you're ready. Embrace it and have fun.

 

[KarensTaboos]

Don't listen to anyone who tells you you're too young. You're ready when you're ready. Embrace it and have fun.

Damn straight!