How to make up with a Dom?

[tempting]

Please I need some other Subs guidance as I have stuffed up …

I have done the unforgiveable two weeks in row - I do have a defiant streak in my personality and after a lot or orgasm denial (which I deserved) I did a few unforgiveable things like send the erotica I wrote just for Sir to some-one else ……. obviously punishment is coming …… making me sweat it out overnight is also part of it … order but after 240 spanks for self pleasuring 3 times ….. can anyone suggest how I can get back in good books really quickly?

 

[DomKev]

That depends a lot on your dom and what he enjoys. You'd know that better then I but mostly make an effort to be particularly obediant and pleasing for him. Do something you know he likes particularly if its something you don't do very often or are a little uncomfortable with (I don't mean break your personal limits just something that he usually has to poke and prod to get).

 

[ecstaticsub]

Just freakin' obey.

Unless...the dynamic you and he have is one where he expects you to disobey occasionally or even enjoys it. Then just keep on what you are doing.

 

[tempting]

no need to obey more - my first D/s relationship and as he says, mistakes are Ok, willful disobediance another thing - would u consider 240 strokes for self pleasuring harsh

 

[knot_sweet]

no need to obey more - my first D/s relationship and as he says, mistakes are Ok, willful disobediance another thing - would u consider 240 strokes for self pleasuring harsh

The first instance of self pleasuring was a mistake, maybe even the second. After that it's just disobedience. As ecstaticsub said, if that's fine with your dom, then cool, whatever works for your dynamic and have at it.

Yes, 240 strokes is harsh...on the dom...do you have any idea how much his arm/hand are going to ache after the first 50 - 100??

I'd be asking myself what the motives are for disobedience...is it genuine forgetfulness, a desire to push the limits and rebel, or is it just you don't want to do as you were asked because you can't quite give that bit of control to your dom?

It's ok if it's the latter...I'm not good at certain restrictions either.

 

[LallyH]

no need to obey more - my first D/s relationship and as he says, mistakes are Ok, willful disobediance another thing - would u consider 240 strokes for self pleasuring harsh

Self pleasuring 3 times??!!! You can't call that a mistake, can you?

Sounds to me like you REALLY wanted that spanking

Seriously, there is no way any of us can judge if it was harsh or not - it all depends how hard he spanked you, whether you're used to it and what he used to spank you with. If it was his hand, then that can't have been too bad and, as the other poster said, probably hurt him as much as you.

If you didn't like it though, it'll save your butt if you just follow the rules!

 

[Stella_Omega]

If orgasmic release is something that you absolutely need for your physical and mental health-- which is more true for more of us that we think-- then you need to renegotiate with your Dom, and arrange for more allowed orgasms.

Some restrictions are fun, some don't do us any good. And being submissive doesn't mean not taking care of yourself. You and your Dom have to communicate -- a lot -- to make the 'simple rules' work.

 

[CutieMouse]

"Orgasm denial" is a pretty popular theme in D/s, but it can also be a recipe for disaster. (Complete loss if sex drive, frustration leading to disobedience, etc)

Is there any particular reason you decided to repeatedly break the rules @ self-pleasuring? Any particular reason the response is punishment vs getting to the root of the issue? I know it isn't very sexy, but sometimes ya gotta sit down and decide if "X" (in this case, orgasm denial) is creating the desired results or not and adjust accordingly.

 

[LallyH]

But doesn't it seem that it's not just the self pleasuring that's the problem? Sending erotica to someone other than your current lover would cause a problem in any relationship, wouldn't it? That's why I wondered whether it was deliberate provocation of the Dom rather than a struggle with the orgasm denial. I'd be interested to know what others think about this aspect?

 

[rod43]

But doesn't it seem that it's not just the self pleasuring that's the problem? Sending erotica to someone other than your current lover would cause a problem in any relationship, wouldn't it? That's why I wondered whether it was deliberate provocation of the Dom rather than a struggle with the orgasm denial. I'd be interested to know what others think about this aspect?

An interesting thread indeed. Signing up to observe the outcome.

 

[Primalex]

But doesn't it seem that it's not just the self pleasuring that's the problem? Sending erotica to someone other than your current lover would cause a problem in any relationship, wouldn't it? That's why I wondered whether it was deliberate provocation of the Dom rather than a struggle with the orgasm denial. I'd be interested to know what others think about this aspect?

Sorry, didn't know I was supposed to take this whole thread seriously.

 

[LallyH]

Sorry, didn't know I was supposed to take this whole thread seriously.

But now that you are, your answer would be?

And I never knew you were a sub.......

 

[Sonatatre]

LallyH i would think that sending the stories to another person was intended to hurt the D. Maybe as a protest to show that "if you dont give me what i need then maybe someone else will".

I think tempting need to consider if being a submissive is the correct role and then set some rules of what can be done and not. Maybe they are moving their D/s relationship forward to quickly. Withholding the ability to have orgasms is not something just anyone can deal with early on. It takes a lot of trust and a shared respect. Sometimes it takes months if not years for the submissive to have that kind of love, trust and dedication to give up the very core of themself to a Dominant.

The s might be able to train the D a bit. Maybe be able to trade release for the Ds pleasure. For example by giving oral sex to the D and then get to pleasure oneself afterwards as a reward for doing a good job at the oral sex. If the punishments are important to the relationship then maybe the s can suggest to take 100 spanks in order to be allowed to orgasm once.

By showing submissiveness and devotion the D might want to reward the s for making such good progress.

 

[LallyH]

OP says that this is her first D/s relationship, and I think all the suggestions that she needs to step back a little and reconsider her needs and wants, in conjunction with further discussion with Dom, are absolutely right. We don't know how experienced he is, either, so we don't know how much initial discussion he insisted on before beginning the relationship.

OP's original question was 'how do I quickly rectify the damage I have caused in my relationship'. To me, and I accept it's not much information to go on, it feels that she did not expect her behaviour to get quite the level of reaction that it did. The self-pleasuring I can fully understand if she's been denied the level of physical release that she is used to and needs, but the 'mistake' of sending the literature seems to me to indicate something other. Either it was a foolish bit of naughtiness that caused more hurt than was intended, or something more serious. Either way, it's that part that troubles me more, probably because I can't see a reason behind it.

It's difficult, isn't it, to try to help in these situations because it's easy to misinterpret the information.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I don't do 2nd chances with subs or anyone. Fuckup and youre history. Its the best discipline there is.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I don't do 2nd chances with subs or anyone. Fuckup and youre history. Its the best discipline there is.

Jimmy offers you an easy way out, ladies, take note.

 

[Primalex]

But now that you are, your answer would be?

And I never knew you were a sub.......

Asking a sub about the mindset of a Dom is like asking poor people how to get rich.
(The same is true for asking a Dom about a sub.)


Anyway, if I'm forced to take her seriously:
I don't think there is anything she can do (except make it worse). Either her behavior is entertaining him or he already decided quite some time ago, how much hassle her body is worth. Either she crossed this line already or not. It's not like they are married, with kids and a mortgage. And I seriously doubt that he was looking for a smart sub anyway.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

In light of this, I would like to ask the Doms what, for them, is the pleasure of orgasm denial.
On the surface it seems a command where neither party gains anything.
I understand the control aspect, but it has to be more than "because it pleases me" what exactly is pleasureable about it?
Are you looking for a reaction? What if the sub shrugs his/her shoulders, says "yes Sir/Ma'am." And gets with life without any obvious discomfort, would this cause displeasure as the sub does not appear negatively affected?
Is it simply because it pleases, and I am simply attributing more thought to a given command than is warranted.

You say it is impossible for a sub to understand a Dom's mindset, please do enlighten me.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

In light of this, I would like to ask the Doms what, for them, is the pleasure of orgasm denial.
On the surface it seems a command where neither party gains anything.
I understand the control aspect, but it has to be more than "because it pleases me" what exactly is pleasureable about it?
Are you looking for a reaction? What if the sub shrugs his/her shoulders, says "yes Sir/Ma'am." And gets with life without any obvious discomfort, would this cause displeasure as the sub does not appear negatively affected?
Is it simply because it pleases, and I am simply attributing more thought to a given command than is warranted.

You say it is impossible for a sub to understand a Dom's mindset, please do enlighten me.

For me, it's all about power and control.

It's a way to control her actions, mind, and body. If she didn't care about orgasming then her and I would not be a match.

It's not impossible for a sub to understand a Dom's mindest, it is impossible for one person to read another person's mind.

 

[Stella_Omega]

For me, it's all about power and control.

It's a way to control her actions, mind, and body. If she didn't care about orgasming then her and I would not be a match.

It's not impossible for a sub to understand a Dom's mindest, it is impossible for one person to read another person's mind.

Love you for this.

The fantasy is that she's just spent the day getting hotter and hotter and is just waiting to explode at the gentle stroke of a fingertip. That she thinks of nothing but her chance to cum, and I am the one that triggers it.

seeeexy!

The reality is not so much about me as it is about her, if she wants to spend the day that way. Younger she is, the more likely her hormones are driving. Older women, generally, have a fairly short window in the romance where they can get themselves into that frame of mind. And our lives are really fucking complicated these days. How can I think about orgasms during tax season?

 

[Loverskitten]

Not to totally hijack, but I never understood orgasm denial. I even started a thread here a long time ago.
I feel most women are "use it or lose it" as far as their sex drive goes. The more I have the more I want.
Most men have a hard time giving me one, that it frustrates them.
Mostly I self pleasure/orgasm for stress release. I'm very stressed so...No way. No thanks.
Then again, I wouldn't consider myself a sub, so disregard this, lol!

 

[LallyH]

This is going to sound like a really stupid question so don't laugh....but doesn't the Dom suffer as much as the sub, or does the orgasm denial only go one way? We play the other way with forced orgasms so I'm curious how it works.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

This is going to sound like a really stupid question so don't laugh....but doesn't the Dom suffer as much as the sub, or does the orgasm denial only go one way? We play the other way with forced orgasms so I'm curious how it works.

The Dom typically denies the sub's orgasms only. The Dom can cum whenever he/she sees fit.

But I'm sure there are some who may do it differently.

I'm more into orgasm control. I enjoy making My girl orgasm as many times as I am able to before I orgasm.

 

[midwestyankee]

Love you for this.

The fantasy is that she's just spent the day getting hotter and hotter and is just waiting to explode at the gentle stroke of a fingertip. That she thinks of nothing but her chance to cum, and I am the one that triggers it.

seeeexy!

The reality is not so much about me as it is about her, if she wants to spend the day that way. Younger she is, the more likely her hormones are driving. Older women, generally, have a fairly short window in the romance where they can get themselves into that frame of mind. And our lives are really fucking complicated these days. How can I think about orgasms during tax season?

You don't get off on penetrating the intractable tax code?

 

[Stella_Omega]

You don't get off on penetrating the intractable tax code?

Is that an accountant's joke? Because it's new to me-- I'm laughing like crazy over here.