The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[PinkPeep]

and you get Jerry the cartoon mouse

I put in a beheaded dark chocolate Dove rabbit

and you get the tail end of a noire fluffer story...

I put in an ornery old cock...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get the tail end of a noire fluffer story...

I put in an ornery old cock...

which cannot find an ornery old hen



I put in a lost chick

 

[Saxon_Hart]

which cannot find an ornery old hen



I put in a lost chick

But she finds herself and becomes a Hari Krishna.



I put in a religious tract.

 

[Dianthus]

But she finds herself and becomes a Hari Krishna.



I put in a religious tract.

And you get a government subsidy not to farm it.


I put in an empty whisky bottle.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

And you get a government subsidy not to farm it.


I put in an empty whisky bottle.

And you get very disappointed drunks.



I put in a jug of moonshine.

 

[PinkPeep]

And you get very disappointed drunks.



I put in a jug of moonshine.

and you get some very potent Country Koolaid...

I put in a bottle of dandelion wine...

 

[Dianthus]

And you get very disappointed drunks.



I put in a jug of moonshine.

and the Five Man Electrical Band serenades you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hJ_ne3YJts


I put in an ethereal dancing costume.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and the Five Man Electrical Band serenades you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hJ_ne3YJts


I put in an ethereal dancing costume.

And you get a fat guy in a tutu.



I put in a dancing bear.

 

[Dianthus]

And you get a fat guy in a tutu.



I put in a dancing bear.

and the rest of the Russian circus watches.


I put in a chandelier missing some pendants.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and the rest of the Russian circus watches.


I put in a chandelier missing some pendants.

And it's installed by an electrician who's a few beers shy of a six pack.




I put in three blind mice.

 

[Dianthus]

And it's installed by an electrician who's a few beers shy of a six pack.




I put in three blind mice.

and they hide all the carving knives


I put in a set of scales.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and they hide all the carving knives


I put in a set of scales.

And naked snakes protest.


I put in an anaconda.

 

[Dianthus]

And naked snakes protest.


I put in an anaconda.

and the tattooed lady does a double act.


I put in a vinyl 78 of Fats Waller.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and the tattooed lady does a double act.


I put in a vinyl 78 of Fats Waller.

And the young folk say "WTF is a 78?"


I put in an 8 track of Fats Domino

 

[Dianthus]

And the young folk say "WTF is a 78?"


I put in an 8 track of Fats Domino

And the young folk say "WTF is an 8-track?"


I put in a blueberry pie.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

And the young folk say "WTF is an 8-track?"


I put in a blueberry pie.

And Willy Wonka and the Oompah Loompahs sing a song about using too much Cool Whip.


I put in a can of Whip It.

 

[Dianthus]

And Willy Wonka and the Oompah Loompahs sing a song about using too much Cool Whip.


I put in a can of Whip It.

And you get the bonus black leather cuffs.

I put in a tube of Pillsbury Crescent Rolls.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

And you get the bonus black leather cuffs.

I put in a tube of Pillsbury Crescent Rolls.

But the Pillsbury Dough Boy goes around threatening "The next motherfucker who pokes me."



I put in the next motherfucker that pokes him.

 

[Dianthus]

But the Pillsbury Dough Boy goes around threatening "The next motherfucker who pokes me."



I put in the next motherfucker that pokes him.

and there's an oven fire

I put in the cinders from the scorched dough

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and there's an oven fire

I put in the cinders from the scorched dough

But even the birds refuse to eat the cremains.....


I put in Morris the Cat.

 

[Dianthus]

But even the birds refuse to eat the cremains.....


I put in Morris the Cat.

and the taxidermist retires.


I put in Tweety Bird the canary.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and the taxidermist retires.


I put in Tweety Bird the canary.

And Sylvester is pissed because all he has is a twenty.


I put in Jerry Mouse.

 

[Dianthus]

And Sylvester is pissed because all he has is a twenty.


I put in Jerry Mouse.

and Tom goes home alone....


I put in a print of Roger Rabbit and his wife, Jessica.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and Tom goes home alone....


I put in a print of Roger Rabbit and his wife, Jessica.

And "Spanky" from the Little Rascals lives up to his name.


I put in a bag full of Chuck E Cheese tokens.

 

[Dianthus]

And "Spanky" from the Little Rascals lives up to his name.


I put in a bag full of Chuck E Cheese tokens.

And you get the kewpie doll you've been saving up for.


I put in a Kennedy silver dollar.