The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[NekoParks]

And all it plays are CB songs from the 70's.

I put in a 10-4 Good Buddy!

and you get a Smokey and the Bandit film festival.

I put in Members Only jacket...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a Smokey and the Bandit film festival.

I put in Members Only jacket...

and you get a polyester leisure suit.

I put in a pair of Lululemon seaweed shorts...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a polyester leisure suit.

I put in a pair of Lululemon seaweed shorts...

but the seaweed gets eaten by a passing fish.



I put in a bottle of glasses cleaner

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the seaweed gets eaten by a passing fish.



I put in a bottle of glasses cleaner

and you can see clearly now.

I put in rose-coloured sunglasses...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you can see clearly now.

I put in rose-coloured sunglasses...

Not much fun in blue, though.


I put in a pair of RayBans

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Not much fun in blue, though.


I put in a pair of RayBans

and Mr. Conniff feels very put out.

I put in the New Christy Minstrels...

 

[NekoParks]

and Mr. Conniff feels very put out.

I put in the New Christy Minstrels...

and you get a pre-facelift Kenny Rogers.

I put in The Lennon Sisters...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a pre-facelift Kenny Rogers.

I put in The Lennon Sisters...

And they fade into history.


I put in the Andrews Sisters.

 

[NekoParks]

And they fade into history.


I put in the Andrews Sisters.

and you get a hellava show at the USO.

I put in Sharie Lewis and Lamb Chop...

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and you get a hellava show at the USO.

I put in Sharie Lewis and Lamb Chop...

And you get a really smelly sweat sock.

I put in Wayland Flowers and Madame

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get a really smelly sweat sock.

I put in Wayland Flowers and Madame

but Madame has hay fever



I put in a VSWR bridge

 

[NekoParks]

but Madame has hay fever



I put in a VSWR bridge

and your HAM radio comes in so loud and clear, you contact your dead fireman father from twenty years before (actually I got that from a Dennis Quaid movie called Frequency...)

I put in a Masi Gran Criterium.

 

[Handley_Page]

and your HAM radio comes in so loud and clear, you contact your dead fireman father from twenty years before (actually I got that from a Dennis Quaid movie called Frequency...)

I put in a Masi Gran Criterium.

and you get a Raleigh Sports


I put in a de-railier gear.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and you get a Raleigh Sports


I put in a de-railier gear.

But it belonged to Lance Armstrong and thus is looked upon as dirty.


I put in a Doug Nash 5 speed.

 

[Handley_Page]

But it belonged to Lance Armstrong and thus is looked upon as dirty.

I put in a Doug Nash 5 speed.

but only 4 work.



I put in a nice
Sturmey-Archer gear hub.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

but only 4 work.



I put in a nice
Sturmey-Archer gear hub.

But Mr. Spacely and George Jettson are displeased.

I put in a Jamar belt drive.

 

[Handley_Page]

But Mr. Spacely and George Jettson are displeased.

I put in a Jamar belt drive.

but it don' keep the trousers up.


I put in a 4CX250B.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

but it don' keep the trousers up.


I put in a 4CX250B.

But the digital crowd giggles and points.

I put in a diode trio.

 

[Handley_Page]

But the digital crowd giggles and points.

I put in a diode trio.

But the spare diode feels left out and blows up.



I put in a cane aerial-fixing stick

 

[Saxon_Hart]

But the spare diode feels left out and blows up.



I put in a cane aerial-fixing stick

But the masochists keep asking you to lash them with it.



I put in a razor strop.

 

[Handley_Page]

But the masochists keep asking you to lash them with it.

I put in a razor strop.

but it blunts the razor




I put in a new drill bit

 

[Saxon_Hart]

but it blunts the razor




I put in a new drill bit

But it is a size too large which is not a good thing when it comes to holes.


I put in a helical coil.

 

[Handley_Page]

But it is a size too large which is not a good thing when it comes to holes.


I put in a helical coil.

but it has a left-hand thread


I put in a rusty bolt

 

[Saxon_Hart]

but it has a left-hand thread


I put in a rusty bolt

But Victor Frankenstein's creature wants it back..


I put in a mahogany crucifix.

 

[Handley_Page]

But Victor Frankenstein's creature wants it back..


I put in a mahogany crucifix.

and get it back all painted.


I put in the English team.