How to Give Good Cyber

[Katrina2099]

I agree with the ones who have said that they enjoy the conversations that start off as regular conversations and end up as cyber. Sometimes, if their is time, these conversations can happen in one sitting and sometimes it may takes days. It's the ones you least expect to go that way that are the best.

I believe it was Damana that described how ridiculous some chat rooms have become. I agree. The set ups are ridiculous. It all seems so rushed. None of it turns me on in the least.

Me: Kissing your neck gently, running my tongue over your skin
Them: Grabbing my cock and pushing it into your ass.
Me: Caressing your face as I gently bite your earlobe.
Them: Fucking your ass hard as I listen to you scream and beg for me to fuck you harder.

It's like, are you even listening to me? To yourself? It's all about the quick cum for a lot of people. I just can't get into that.

 

[GrrlFriday]

And these days too, the technology is so much more advanced.... photos, audio and video are all technically available... text-only is more private, but some people feel that they're 'missing out' if that's all you can do.

ETA: I reported the 'true religions jeans' spam above.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Easy That Way

I wonder how much of the perceived downturn in the quality of cyber is a result of becoming jaded after having done it multiple times? There is always a level of excitement in the first times you do something - but eventually, that newness wears off. If you were hooked on the newness - then it definitely loses its edge. But if you love the words for the love of the words (in addition to the sexual element), then it may retain the thrill. On a personal level, the spontaneous is good - but I have no problem with the scheduled either. I guess I am easy that way. LOL

 

[HandyBill]

I agree with the ones who have said that they enjoy the conversations that start off as regular conversations and end up as cyber. Sometimes, if their is time, these conversations can happen in one sitting and sometimes it may takes days. It's the ones you least expect to go that way that are the best.

I believe it was Damana that described how ridiculous some chat rooms have become. I agree. The set ups are ridiculous. It all seems so rushed. None of it turns me on in the least.

Me: Kissing your neck gently, running my tongue over your skin
Them: Grabbing my cock and pushing it into your ass.
Me: Caressing your face as I gently bite your earlobe.
Them: Fucking your ass hard as I listen to you scream and beg for me to fuck you harder.

It's like, are you even listening to me? To yourself? It's all about the quick cum for a lot of people. I just can't get into that.

Total wisdom, summed up in your one word listening!

It may be on-line, it may be at a distance, but it's still a relationship. Without engaging one another, what's the point? It's the togetherness that raises the temperature and the pleasure, surely?

 

[Eliphaz]

I wonder how much of the perceived downturn in the quality of cyber is a result of becoming jaded after having done it multiple times? There is always a level of excitement in the first times you do something - but eventually, that newness wears off. If you were hooked on the newness - then it definitely loses its edge. But if you love the words for the love of the words (in addition to the sexual element), then it may retain the thrill. On a personal level, the spontaneous is good - but I have no problem with the scheduled either. I guess I am easy that way. LOL

I don't know. Maybe if you never do it twice with the same person. But if you click well together it doesn't seem to get old...

 

[sereneone4u]

I don't know. Maybe if you never do it twice with the same person. But if you click well together it doesn't seem to get old...

I have to say there is a goodness to doing it with the same person. Obviously you click and you want more and in time, you know what each other likes and does not like, you become comfortable exploring things you might not have been willing to explore with a cyber zipless fuck, so to speak and so on.

I prefer a steady cyber partner myself, however the first time can be so sweet as you discover each other.

 

[Eliphaz]

I have to say there is a goodness to doing it with the same person. Obviously you click and you want more and in time, you know what each other likes and does not like, you become comfortable exploring things you might not have been willing to explore with a cyber zipless fuck, so to speak and so on.

I prefer a steady cyber partner myself, however the first time can be so sweet as you discover each other.

Discovering that a new partner is a good match is pretty great, yeah.

I have to confess there have been a couple of occasions where after a few times it just seemed like we were going through the motions, or the other person was fixated on one specific thing and couldn't be budged off the subject, or whatever, and what seemed exciting at first ended up grating.

On the other hand, it's nice when you know what gets the other person off and they know how to push your buttons too.. the understanding there is pretty satisfying.

 

[hotassbitch12002]

We are all here for different things, obviously. But many (maybe even most) of us hope to find someone (or many someones) with whom to engage in those delicious encounters commonly called "cyber sex." That's what they used to be called, anyway ... not sure anybody really uses that term any more. Off and on over the course of the last 15 years or so, I have found these encounters sometimes mind-bending and explosive, often satisfying, sometimes adequate, and sometimes just awkward and embarrassing. (Mostly mind-bending and explosive lately, I have to say. Thank you for that, to the one who knows who she is.)

I would like to offer some of the things I've learned over those years. I don't mean to criticize anyone, nor to tell anyone what to do or how to behave. Only to offer a few ideas to make your online fun time all the more fun.

And if anyone else has any experience, or advice, or things your lovers have done well or things that annoyed you .. feel free to chime in!

Let's be clear what we're talking about here. I'm not talking about how to get a woman (or man) to agree to play. That's up to you. I'm talking about once you've got them on the Yahoo or the MSN or whatever, and it seems clear things are heading in the right direction.

I'm also not talking about just sexy chat, telling each other about experiences or fantasies. I'm talking about that kind of chat that is basically a role-played sexual encounter, complete with stage directions and dialog and so on. It's basically a shared fantasy, even if it's perfectly vanilla in nature, that both parties use as a catalyst for orgasm. It's a shared experience that can be really beautiful.

So .... now that we're on the same page ... my humble advice.

Get to know each other. Once in a while you'll get extraordinarily lucky and, while in an urgent state of need, find someone else in the same state. In that case, jump right in and have at it. But otherwise, it's usually worth the effort to chat for a while, maybe flirt, pick up a thing or two about your new playmate. It'll be worth the effort.

Differentiate between dialog, stage directions and real-life talk. Most people put some little character around their stage directions and something else around their real-life talk. For example:

*This is what I am doing in the scene*
This is what I am saying in the scene.
(This is what real me is saying to real you.)

Or, in practice:

*Slipping my hand to the inside of your thigh, touching oh so lightly, creeping up slowly*
You don't mind if I touch you here, do you?
(I'm getting really aroused .... are you?)

Also, keep the real-life talk to a minimum. It's always been important to me that the girl I'm playing with be aroused and pleased in a real way. Therefore it's often been tempting for me to interject things like (Are you wet?) and (I'm touching ... are you?). But it's best to do so very judiciously, and very rarely ... it does interrupt the flow of things.

Don't say what the other person does. This is a big no-no. Do not assume any certain reaction from your partner. Only describe what you do, and let your lover say what she or he does.

BAD:
DumbAssGuy69: *I lean back as you slowly sink to your knees*
MediocreGrrl: *I kneel, I guess*
DumbAssGuy69: *I grip my cock and touch it to your lips which obediently part and take me in*
MediocreGrrl: Do you even need me here?

GOOD:
AwesomeDude: *I lean back, my hand on your elbow, guiding you gently downward*
SweetHottie: *taking your lead, I step back slightly and look up at you as I slowly sink to my knees*
AwesomeDude: *I grip my cock by the base and touch the tip to your lips*
SweetHottie: *I eagerly part my lips and take you in just an inch or two at first*

Don't skip ahead. Slow down. Don't assume everybody's naked to start with, and don't get in a hurry to get undressed. You miss some delicious interactions if you get in a hurry.

BAD:
DumbAssGuy69: *I grab the hem of your shirt and rip it off over your head and stare at your awesome boobs*
MediocreGrrl: Yup, those are my boobs.

GOOD:
AwesomeDude: *With trembling fingers I unbutton first one, then another button, watching as the top of your breasts come into view*
SweetHottie: *My teeth catch my bottom lip as I blush, standing and letting you undress me*
AwesomeDude: *the last button undone, I slip my hands inside the fabric to touch your sides lightly, pushing the two panels of your blouse open, stealing a glance as your nipples are exposed to the cool air*
SweetHottie: *My eyes falling demurely as you gaze at me, exposed, hoping the sight of my breasts arouses you*

Don't say "cum" when you mean "come." Cum means orgasm (or the product of said orgasm). Come means approach. Using "cum" to mean "come" is just .... it's just dumb.

BAD:
DumbAssGuy69: Cum sit on my lap.
MediocreGrrl: No thank you.

GOOD:
AwesomeDude: Come sit on my lap.
SweetHottie: Why, are you going to make me cum?

Discover things the way you would in person.

BAD:
DumbAssGuy69: Are you wearing panties?
MediocreGrrl: No
DumbAssGuy69: neat. do you shave?
MediocreGrrl: Yes
DumbassGuy69: snazzy

GOOD:
AwesomeDude: *Sensing no resistance, my fingers slip past the hem of your skirt in a slow, tantalizing search of the thin lace of panties or .... whatever else I might find*
SweetHottie: *Gasping as your fingers find not lace but the smooth, swollen lips of my freshly-shaven, bare pussy*

Type out whole words. "I want 2 fuck u" is never going to work on any girl, ever, in any universe.

Use a thesaurus. Or thesaurus.com.

Be descriptive and precise.

Use all of your senses. Imagine the aroma of her wetness, the tacky feel of his precum between your fingers, the feel of a bead of sweat dripping from your temple onto her breast.

Don't push for phone or voice. It's perfectly acceptable to ask, of course, but don't push. I tend to ask before anything gets started whether or not phone/voice would be an option later, if things are going well. If she says no, I don't bring it up again. If she says yes maybe, I'll let the scene play out for a while and then ask once in a real-time interjection, like, (I'd love to move to the phone any time you're ready...) and that's it. If she doesn't respond to that, leave it alone. Nothing will kill the mood like making a girl think what she's giving you right now is not good enough.

So ... that's about all I can think of at the moment. Again, anyone else feel free to weigh in with your own preferences, your own practices, your own annoyances. I may edit this post if I think of anything else, or if anyone puts anything particularly brilliant in the comments.

Have a delicious day, Litsters. And remember, cyber sex is like everything else - practice makes perfect. So get cybering!

~grin~

True story...

 

[samanthaswitch]

Good advice although I don't necissarily agree with the "don't do the impossible comment." One of the things i enjoy most about cyber is the ability to explore options that would never be possible in real life. But then I have a lot of odd tastes tentacles for example. I think its more about fitting the realism to the scene. Some people like crazy random things (me for example) some want it more realistic.

I agree as well that the art of good cyber is dying and I think technology is to blame. People are so used to texting any more its almost like netspeak and similar garbage is hardwired into them. Personally i cringe when I get Hi hru a/s/l never mind some morons who come across like their speaking another language. Webcams and the like that feed the desire for easy gratification over a little work are also an issue i think. Another one would be some of the online sex games out now (RLC and such). Give a guy (and sorry but my own experience on this suggests this is a bigger problem with men then women particularly this issue) a bunch of sex animations to choose from and any effort at text just evaporates.

Ok now I'm going to get off my little soap box and go hi hru asl some chat room lol.

 

[schaum_m]

I mostly cyber with other men often playing a female. It's important to be romantic and give gratification. It turns me off for someone to jump into sex with no foreplay. I like to be undressed. It's also important to be realistic. You dont fuck in real life before you take off your clothes or walk in the room and suddenly be in bed.

 

[MadWriter]

I mostly cyber with other men often playing a female. It's important to be romantic and give gratification. It turns me off for someone to jump into sex with no foreplay. I like to be undressed. It's also important to be realistic. You dont fuck in real life before you take off your clothes or walk in the room and suddenly be in bed.

I agree fully about "jumping in" ... skipping over clothing removal and whatnot. That's often half (or more) of the fun.

But I'm fascinated about a man who plays as a woman. Do your chat partners know you're a man? Are you attracted to men in real life, or is it just the cyber play that you enjoy? Doesn't matter, I'm just curious. I've encountered many "women" who are clearly men, and I've just never understood the motivation. Without passing any judgement, I'm just really curious about it and would love your insight.

 

[samanthaswitch]

The one I've found most interesting is that occassionally (not often but once in a while) i've actually run into women playing as men. Why do they do it (from either direction) I don't know. Although I will say the women I've known who did mostly seemed to explore homosexual relationships and usually didn't tell (they also seemed better at it). I think it may relate to the fact that some women are as fascinated by male on male as men are with female on female. As for me yep I love seeing two guys go at it... as for playing a guy to experience it well that would be telling.

 

[Eliphaz]

The one I've found most interesting is that occassionally (not often but once in a while) i've actually run into women playing as men. Why do they do it (from either direction) I don't know. Although I will say the women I've known who did mostly seemed to explore homosexual relationships and usually didn't tell (they also seemed better at it). I think it may relate to the fact that some women are as fascinated by male on male as men are with female on female. As for me yep I love seeing two guys go at it... as for playing a guy to experience it well that would be telling.

It would be fascinating to know the statistics. I mean, you can usually tell after some conversation, or if they're really obvious, but otherwise, who knows?

I had a very good male-on-male time with a woman playing a man once. Very interesting and fun, but she wasn't being sneaky, just exploring things from different perspectives.

 

[samanthaswitch]

I've had fun online with both genders and with folks gender bending from both sides. In the end i don't care that much most people on the internet are lying about something (well that or 99% of the men who surf internet chatrooms have tumors and other growth issues that cause penises not seen in the human species). If someone keeps me entertained and aroused I don't need to know that much about the person on the other side of the keyboard.

 

[DaddyWantsYou]

I've had fun online with both genders and with folks gender bending from both sides. In the end i don't care that much most people on the internet are lying about something (well that or 99% of the men who surf internet chatrooms have tumors and other growth issues that cause penises not seen in the human species). If someone keeps me entertained and aroused I don't need to know that much about the person on the other side of the keyboard.

Oh, congratulations! all the impostors will be knocking on your door soon enough.

PS: This is a great thread. Perhaps some people will benefit from this, but for the most people it is really hard to follow rules once they're aroused. Thus, I don't demand much. As long as the person on the other end is a female, and keeps me aroused- we're good.

 

[samanthaswitch]

Oh, congratulations! all the impostors will be knocking on your door soon enough.

PS: This is a great thread. Perhaps some people will benefit from this, but for the most people it is really hard to follow rules once they're aroused. Thus, I don't demand much. As long as the person on the other end is a female, and keeps me aroused- we're good.

You say that like it doesn't happen regularly anyway.

 

[Eliphaz]

And these days too, the technology is so much more advanced.... photos, audio and video are all technically available... text-only is more private, but some people feel that they're 'missing out' if that's all you can do.

ETA: I reported the 'true religions jeans' spam above.

That's part of it too.. people always want to escalate. It's not enough just using text, though I kind of like that the best - it always has to go to phone, or video, etc.. I prefer text chat because it's a tiny bit less "real-time" so you can think a little more.

 

[Noor]

That's part of it too.. people always want to escalate. It's not enough just using text, though I kind of like that the best - it always has to go to phone, or video, etc.. I prefer text chat because it's a tiny bit less "real-time" so you can think a little more.

Phone is easier for me, but I like text too.

I don't want to think, I was to just lose myself in the cyber.

 

[DaddyWantsYou]

You say that like it doesn't happen regularly anyway.

It does? Poor you!
But I wonder- since you don't really care, why can't think just be honest? It is not like you will turn them down based on their gender.

 

[haurni]

It would be fascinating to know the statistics. I mean, you can usually tell after some conversation, or if they're really obvious, but otherwise, who knows?

I had a very good male-on-male time with a woman playing a man once. Very interesting and fun, but she wasn't being sneaky, just exploring things from different perspectives.

I've had fun online with both genders and with folks gender bending from both sides. In the end i don't care that much most people on the internet are lying about something (well that or 99% of the men who surf internet chatrooms have tumors and other growth issues that cause penises not seen in the human species). If someone keeps me entertained and aroused I don't need to know that much about the person on the other side of the keyboard.

I'm a guy and I've cybered with homosexuals, bis and straights, men, women and transwomen (no transmen, though). In terms of characters, I've played as myself, men, women, transwomen and the occasional non-human.

Most of my cyber is with fictional characters, i.e. not our real-life selves, and in these situations it's usually irrelevant to me (and to most of the people with whom I play) what sex the partner is in real life (IRL). Because my cybers come to me from a role-playing game background and not a sex board the personal ('out-of-character', or OOC) component is usually non-existent, at least unless and until you get to know the person fairly well (but often not even then). I generally assume that I'm playing with a guy if it's not otherwise stated and I usually don't announce my own sex in advance (but I'll tell if asked). With some people it's easy to tell who's on the other side of the screen (especially if they're not very good) but with others, it isn't. I've known men who write like women (a few) and women who write like men (very few).

Although I'm usually playing fiction, I still like to connect with the other contributor on a personal/OOC level from time to time (e.g. "are you hard?" "I'm going to cum soon") if they're willing - because I get off on it - and this is where people get more reluctant and have a greater 'need to know'. So, really, there are two issues: concern about knowing who's on the other side of the screen, and willingness to interact with them on a OOC level.

In general, I've found that men are somewhat more interested in knowing the sex of the person playing with them, and if I had to guess I'd say maybe a third or half will ask. If I'm playing a fe/shemale most of them are hoping that I am one because they want to connect with one IRL. I'd say these are about 3/4 of those who inquire. Maybe another 20% are gay, acknowledged or closeted bi guys or 'guys who arent bi but like cock'. (There is some overlap between these first two groups.) Perhaps 5% are those who get grossed out just knowing that the other player is a guy. Of those who don't ask, or who are hoping I am female but find out I'm not, most don't need to know, don't care or would rather not know. Many men who will seek me out repeatedly for straight, lesbian or shemale sex role play (with me as the fe/shemale) even knowing I'm a guy have no interest whatsoever in any OOC connection because they're not at all interested in other men and they prefer to ignore the IRL sex of their partner in favour of what's going on in the scenario. It's the 20% of men who are gay/bi/flexible who are sometimes interested in a personal OOC connection

I find that women have much less interest in knowing the sex of the person they're playing with and also are less interested in connecting OOC, probably due to the fact that with women there are issues of trust (e.g. fear of potential stalkers) and in most cases they just have no desire to interact with someone outside the cyber fantasy. As well, like the men who don't want to interact with another man, if I'm playing a female character and my cyber partner is a lesbian woman IRL she's not going to be particularly interested in exchanging information about our mutual sexual responses. I think it's a fact that men are more interested in waving their dicks at anyone who will look (*cough* ignore my avatar *cough* ) and women in general don't particularly care for that.

I acknowledge that my experience is probably not representative of people who connect for cybertexting via this board because my cyber partners come from an environment where sexual gratification is not the main goal of roleplay. However, I think that I can say generally that when the cyber interaction is at least partly 'fictional' - you're in some way putting on a character or facade for the purposes of creating a story (as opposed to what you would do on webcam, for example) - women are going to be less open than men to the OOC experience of exchanging pictures or comments that are 'outside' the story.

 

[rob35can]

Some good advice from MadWriter.

I also enjoy finding someone that you connect on an intellectual and sexual level. Even better so you can build an ongoing thing. Figure out each others preferences and perversions, keywords that you know will put them over the edge or at lease squirm in their seat.

 

[markuslovesit69]

(rethinking having 69 on the end of my name)

 

[Noor]

(rethinking having 69 on the end of my name)

Yep, it kind of marks you in a way.

 

[Dreamtalking]

Hello
I'm new to cyber sex. I found your thread really helpfull. I've been mooching round the site for a while not knowing what to do.

 

[Susurration]

Thanks to MadWriter for putting this together, it's really well constructed, and informative.

I'll just add one thing. Always take the time to read someone's profile before sending PMs about cybering. I've received some 'interesting' messages in the past from guys thinking I'm a woman, when it's written all over my profile that I'm a man. All part of the getting to know you phase .