He Said, She Said... advice on dialogue?

[Oedipus_Dreams]

When writing dialogue, I get discouraged by regularly using the default "'s/he said'" before or after the line. This also goes for using the characters name.... "blah blah blah" Heather said.

What are some ideas to help me get away from this stale and over used phrase?

Also... in the heat of a conversation, thats between only 2 people of course, do you really need to explain the dialogue in the quotation marks. To clairify, if the reader can get a good sense of who's who in the beginning of the dialogue, is it acceptable to just flow into single lines of dialogue.

As an example....

"I want an apple" Mike said to Liz
"there're some on the counter" she replied
"where at? I don't see them?"
"by the sink"
"still don't see them." he said

This is a poor example but it you should get the idea of my question.

In general... does anyone have some tips to help make dialogue flow easier and sound more natural?

 

[Weird Harold]

As an example....

"I want an apple" Mike said to Liz
"there're some on the counter" she replied
"where at? I don't see them?"
"by the sink"
"still don't see them." he said.

You have good instincts. Tag dialogue only as required to avoid confusion.

A technique you can also use:


"Liz? I want an apple."
"there're some on the counter, Mike"
"where at? I don't see them?"
"by the sink"
"still don't see them, Liz."

It's called internal tagging; using one speaker to identify the next or previous speaker. Like most things, it can be overused, but it does provide an alternative to repeating "He said/She said" for every bit of dialogue.

 

[firesflair]

beying young, I still remember (and miss) the list of synonyms for said. And it's pretty easy to use them.
like
"don't go over there" jack wispered in her ear " the curtains are wide open"
she considered his words for a moment "but what if I didn't care that they were open?"
some links:
http://www.writingfix.com/PDFs/Writing_Tools/said_synonyms.pdf
http://www.synonyms-antonyms.com/synonyms-for-said.html - this one seems really good
http://www.stackthedeck.com/teaching-tips/said-synonyms.html

the biggest thing to remember is no matter what you do, make it clear who's speaking, you don't have to say said, or their names every sentence. implying who's speakin gcan be just as effective

 

[RodenAddison]

When there are three or more people taking part, it's essential to indicate who is speaking. Sometimes you have to do it with "Robert said', etc. Often if the characters are well know the the reader, what they're saying can also be used to indicate who's speaking.

In the case of two people speaking, just set it up. If it's an argument, who's speaking will be pretty clear. Keep it tight. Only indicate the speaker if understanding who's speaking becomes difficult to follow. Then about every fourth piece of dialogue or so is necessary. Sometimes even less than that.

As to using a bunch of variants for said can work, but to me unless I have a really good reason, I stick with 'said' for one reason and one reason only. Readers don't notice it.

If you use too many tags like, 'he exclaimed', 'she gushed', 'he observed' you come of as kind of pretentious. Use sparingly.

 

[sun_sea_sky]

I try to keep the actions, and speech, of one character into one paragraph. So if something is happening you can use that as a reminder of who is saying what. eg.

"Maybe we should amfruct the baterpomp."

She glared at him. "Just you try that, see what happens."

Or:

"Pizza tonight?"

She shook her head, "Nah!"

A simple "he" or "she" (assuming a man and woman are talking) is all you need to keep the reader centered on who is saying what.

 

[Weird Harold]

When there are three or more people taking part, it's essential to indicate who is speaking. ...

Sometimes, it is more effective to allow some confusion about who is speaking. That would be a stylistic choice that should be used sparingly, but there are times when it doesn't matter who said something (the anonymous voice from a crowd, for example, or a group argument scene where keeping track of who is speaking would be difficult in real life.)

 

[Bramblethorn]

"Liz? I want an apple."
"there're some on the counter, Mike"
"where at? I don't see them?"
"by the sink"
"still don't see them, Liz."

It's called internal tagging; using one speaker to identify the next or previous speaker. Like most things, it can be overused, but it does provide an alternative to repeating "He said/She said" for every bit of dialogue.

This can work in some situations, but be cautious. In normal circumstances, people in a one-on-one conversation don't keep saying one another's names. There are situations where it happens (especially for emphasis in a heavy conversation) but in casual conversation it's likely to sound unrealistic. IMHO that's a bigger flaw than over-tagging.

Many simple conversations don't need much tagging. Here, once we've established that Mike is asking for Liz's help in finding apples, context clearly identifies the speaker in each of the lines above. Tagging becomes more important when you have more than two speakers, or when the two are saying the same sorts of things ("I really like Pink!" "Yeah, me too! What about Gaga?" "Oh, yeah, she's OK." "I liked her earlier stuff better." ...etc)

When you do need to identify the speaker, there are a couple of other options:

- Integrate the dialogue with action. For instance:

"Look, I'm happy to sleep on the sofa. Or call my aunt and stay at her place. But before you decide about that, can I give one piece of advice?"

"What?" She'd stopped shaking but still sounded miserable, her shoulders pressed against my chest, arms wrapped around herself.

"Have something to eat first." There were a couple of take-away menus on the fridge, and I steered her towards them. "Pizza? My shout."

"I'm not hungry."

In this one, the content of the conversation probably makes the speakers clear anyway. But by aligning character actions with speech, I suggest attribution without needing to tag.

- If you have a lot of participants, script-style attribution can work well:

<i>I sat down at the table.

Mike: "Who's up for poker?"

Carol: "What rules?"

Jane: "Texas hold-em, five-dollar ante, first to go bust has to buy drinks."

(etc)</i>

 

[sun_sea_sky]

Good idea, apart from this bit:

Jane: "Texas hold-em, five-dollar ante, first to go bust has to buy drinks."

Jane: "Texas hold-em, five-dollar ante, first to go bust has to take their clothes off."

 

[HeyAll]

There are 3 ways that I do it so it won't be repetative:

She nodded and smiled, "....."

"...." she replied. "....."

"......???" she asked.

I alternate between those three, and occationally just have the quote by itself when it's obvious who's saying what.

 

[Weird Harold]

This can work in some situations, but be cautious. In normal circumstances, people in a one-on-one conversation don't keep saying one another's names. There are situations where it happens (especially for emphasis in a heavy conversation) but in casual conversation it's likely to sound unrealistic. IMHO that's a bigger flaw than over-tagging.

No one technique is universal, so every technique has to fit into the context of the story. Consideration should be given to how many characters are present (and where) when choosing the style and frequency of dialogue tagging.

True, real people don't usually use names in everyday speech, but then don't don't have dialogue tags floating over their heads all the time either. If there are only two people in an apartment -- Mike in the kitchen looking for apples and Liz in the bed/bath/laundry room -- it is only necessary to identify the first speaker. Once the first speaker is identified, the second speaker can only be one person. From that point, a conversation can usually proceed without tags or narrative as long as it stays in a statement-response format.

Still, it doesn't hurt to occasionally throw in a name to remind a reader who is present or to emphasize a tone of voice or mood not clear from the words of the dialogue.

 

[lovecraft68]

Something else that I feel makes dialogue better-especially if its a longer conversation is to put some action into it.

"Do we have any apples?" I asked

"I think there's some in the bottom of the fridge." Jen answered without looking up from her magazine.

"Oh, yeah duh!" I shook my head, why hadn't I thought of that?

 

[MSTarot]

Don't forget that not every one of your characters has to be from the same place. You can stylize their 'voice' enough to give them a signature without their name being any where around.

"We going down to the crek,have us a bit of lovie dovey in the water, darlin?"

"No, I'm not going skinny dipping with you again."

"Well why not? It ain't like there turtles in that pond. I'd be the one in danger then, my willy hanging out like bait."

"A turtle wouldn't be the only thing trying to bite something in that water."

"Well If you want to bite my willy like a turtle I guess I wouldn't mind."

Also some people use a word almost like a signature. The first one that comes to mind is Darth Vader. He constantly used the word 'destiny' You could read a single line of his dialog and hear James Earl Jones's voice.

M.S.Tarot

 

[PennLady]

I've kind of gone between extremes on this, I think. I used to use "he said, she said" a lot, partly after having read Stephen King's "On Writing." My former publisher hated dialogue tags, especially in a conversation with only two people, and so I got into the habit of taking them out or not using them to start with. I think I've gotten to a comfortable middle now.

Sometimes I use them, but when I do, it's with the goal of clarifying the conversation as well as keeping the flow of it. Which can mean breaking things up so that the reader doesn't get bored with it.

I don't go, usually, more that four or six lines without some indication of who's speaking. I feel that most times, much more than that means the reader loses track of who's talking. I have had to go back in books I've read and re-read conversations and say okay, that's A, that's B, that's A again -- and that takes me out of the story for a bit.

Everyone here has offered good suggestions. Use dialogue tags sometimes, and "said" is usually the best default, although things like "whisper" or "shout" are also available. I do not like it when I see things like: "Hey, that's fine," she smiled -- because smile is not a speech word. Put a period after fine and capitalize She, and then it's all right. Don't be afraid, either, to use other things like sentences that describe what the character is doing or feeling to let the reader know who's speaking.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Good idea, apart from this bit:

Jane: "Texas hold-em, five-dollar ante, first to go bust has to take their clothes off."

I considered that, but I thought I'd go the unexpected route

 

[jomar]

He said, she said is quiet and lets you know who says what without getting in the way. Using other stuff more than a smidgen reads like the author is trying too hard or deliberately going for a certain style.

Robert B. Parker and Elmore Leonard are hard to beat for dialog and tagging and such.

ETA: RodenAddison had the same thoughts early on. Note to self...read the thread.

 

[TxRad]

Giving good dialog takes practice.

 

[Carnevil9]

I'm a big proponent of the action+quote method. Maybe not on every line, but often enough to keep the reader on track. Not only does it identify the speaker, but it keeps the action visual as well. Face it, plain dialogue can be boring.

Jane whipped off her shirt. "Come and suck these titties!"
I only hesitated a moment. "Yes ma'am!"
She threw her head back and closed her eyes. "Ohhh, that's good! Don't stop!"
I reached one hand into her pants. "I think you need some stimulation on this end, too."
Her speech was coming out in gasps now. "Two... fingers... please!!"
Her wet, sticky sauces were coating my fingers. "Cum for me, you little bitch!"

 

[firesflair]

When there are three or more people taking part, it's essential to indicate who is speaking. Sometimes you have to do it with "Robert said', etc. Often if the characters are well know the the reader, what they're saying can also be used to indicate who's speaking.

In the case of two people speaking, just set it up. If it's an argument, who's speaking will be pretty clear. Keep it tight. Only indicate the speaker if understanding who's speaking becomes difficult to follow. Then about every fourth piece of dialog or so is necessary. Sometimes even less than that.

As to using a bunch of variants for said can work, but to me unless I have a really good reason, I stick with 'said' for one reason and one reason only. Readers don't notice it.

If you use too many tags like, 'he exclaimed', 'she gushed', 'he observed' you come of as kind of pretentious. Use sparingly.

see for me it's more like, "he whispered", "she moaned" something to give tone, 'cause otherwise some readers (myself) may just read all the dialog in the same tone. and some times using alternate words for said can shorten what you are saying. before I had some practice writing I would've probably said "she said with a moan" rather then "she moaned". it implies mood, tone, speech paterns, and such with one word. Yes using said is perfectly fine, but so is using other words, as long as it's not forced.

 

[PennLady]

see for me it's more like, "he whispered", "she moaned" something to give tone, 'cause otherwise some readers (myself) may just read all the dialog in the same tone. and some times using alternate words for said can shorten what you are saying. before I had some practice writing I would've probably said "she said with a moan" rather then "she moaned". it implies mood, tone, speech paterns, and such with one word. Yes using said is perfectly fine, but so is using other words, as long as it's not forced.

I think using speech words other than said is fine, but give your reader a little credit. If you're writing a sex scene and use "said," the reader can decide for themselves whether it's spoken in a normal way or moaned, or whatever.

 

[269Thalia]

Pace

A lot of this is useful, but has anyone considered pace? Quick back-and-forth reads quickly, so if there's no need to identify the speaker (which can also be done using word choices and grammatical quirks) you can develop a really fast-paced exchange. To slow it down, start adding the 'said' notes in suitable flavors. This way you can shape the level of reader excitement and bring it to a peak when something pivotal to the plot is spoken.

Just posted Ch 2 of Awakening Eden, waiting...

 

[Harry Leg]

"Fuck you." I explained.

 

[TxRad]

"Fuck you." I explained.

You're drinking wine again, I see.

 

[Harry Leg]

You're drinking wine again, I see.

Single malt

 

[TxRad]

Single malt

Ah, even better.

 

[Oedipus_Dreams]

Single malt

Nothing oils the writing gears like good ol' single malt.