Is it possible to be both sides of the spectrum?

[FireKrystals]

Ok so I am fairly new and I have question I've been curious about. Don't really have anyone I can ask. Except my super supportive husband and lets face it he's biased due to love.


Is it normal to want to be a Dom and a Sub?

Let me explain. There are times I fantasize and act out about being in control and taking control and having the power, but there are also times I want to be dominated and taken control of. Is that normal?

I am extremely new to this BDSM thing, but feel I have experimented a lot, and tried many things so far. Just curious has to why I feel a pull to be both? and what does that mean I am?

 

[ratherabsurd1]

I have the same feelings as you but haven't experimented .. no opportunity ''

 

[CutieMouse]

Human?

The technical term is probably "switch", but there's nothING weird or wrong about wanting to top & bottom.

 

[ratherabsurd1]

Human?

The technical term is probably "switch", but there's nothING weird or wrong about wanting to top & bottom.

You are very insightful Cutie thanks

 

[FireKrystals]

ah

OH so that's what people mean when they say they are a switch? Cool thanks guys. Thought maybe I was weird ^_^. Hey now who said I was human? ^_^

 

[rosco rathbone]

NO it is not normal.

So-called "switches" make a mockery of BDSM itself.

 

[FireKrystals]

well the bigs caps and letters was a little uncalled for lol but OK. Perhaps you can explain why it makes a mockery? I know of people who are now doms that use to be subs. And the other way around. Would love to see your take on why it's so bad to be both? In more detail of course then just a giant NO

 

[geekmaster24]

Human?

The technical term is probably "switch", but there's nothING weird or wrong about wanting to top & bottom.

^^^ What CutieMouse said. Except I'd add/change that the term really is "switch."

 

[njlauren]

well the bigs caps and letters was a little uncalled for lol but OK. Perhaps you can explain why it makes a mockery? I know of people who are now doms that use to be subs. And the other way around. Would love to see your take on why it's so bad to be both? In more detail of course then just a giant NO

Ignore the troll, the person that wrote that is basically someone looking to get off on getting someone pissed. Yeah, I have met some 'right and proper types' in BD/SM who claim being a switch isn't 'authentic', that you won't be 'taken seriously' as a switch, and that is absolute nonsense. It reminds me of those who claim bisexuals are sell outs or whatever, it is completely asinine.

One of the nice things about BD/SM is at its core it is a very individual thing, kinks and desires and personalities dictate that people do things that work for them; the person who is a lifestyle person into 24/7 slavery prob works differently then other people into that kind of lifestyle; someone who does D/s in the bedroom is doing their own thing, someone who simply is into sensation play is doing their thing, and none of them is any more 'real' then the rest. It disturbs me when something like BD/SM starts mirroring the idiocy you see in things like religion, where people are willing to kill each other to prove how more loving and great their god or God is, or where someone has to proclaim "the right and true way".

Being a switch simply means you are someone who loves it both ways, who loves being in control at times and taking control others, and that is perfectly fine, I know a lot of serious BD/SM people (serious in the sense I am not, who belong to the groups, go to the leather conventions, really is a large part of their lives) who are equally serious as switches. They have caught crap from some, too, and their answer is basically the same thing the US commander at Bastogne told the German commander, when he demanded surrender, "Balls!".

Enjoy it, and the best thing you can do with those who tell you it isn't real is to laugh in their face, there is an old expression, want to get a god angry? Don't pray to it

 

[tessie_bluebird]

Yes a switch is the term. I've heard of old guarde not quite embracing the concept tho. I never have been a switch and so I dont understand the mindset, but to each his own kink in this life!

 

[CutieMouse]

NO it is not normal.

So-called "switches" make a mockery of BDSM itself.

[hijack]

Hullo Mr. Rosco...



[/hijack]

 

[Netzach]

What BDSM people call "switches" and treat as a kind of distant attic dwelling cousin is actually most of humanity, if you think about it. People like having diverse experiences and being in control and being not in control at varying times much more often than they get settled into a pattern of liking only one or the other.

 

[Stella_Omega]

well the bigs caps and letters was a little uncalled for lol but OK. Perhaps you can explain why it makes a mockery? I know of people who are now doms that use to be subs. And the other way around. Would love to see your take on why it's so bad to be both? In more detail of course then just a giant NO

He's just bullshitting you.
You'd might and read one of my rants on role labels-- see if it answers any questions for you.

 

[intothewoods]

Ok so I am fairly new and I have question I've been curious about. Don't really have anyone I can ask. Except my super supportive husband and lets face it he's biased due to love.


Is it normal to want to be a Dom and a Sub?

Let me explain. There are times I fantasize and act out about being in control and taking control and having the power, but there are also times I want to be dominated and taken control of. Is that normal?

I am extremely new to this BDSM thing, but feel I have experimented a lot, and tried many things so far. Just curious has to why I feel a pull to be both? and what does that mean I am?

I think it's actually the definition of normal.

 

[Eager2TRYRU]

Ok so I am fairly new and I have question I've been curious about. Don't really have anyone I can ask. Except my super supportive husband and lets face it he's biased due to love.


Is it normal to want to be a Dom and a Sub?

Let me explain. There are times I fantasize and act out about being in control and taking control and having the power, but there are also times I want to be dominated and taken control of. Is that normal?

I am extremely new to this BDSM thing, but feel I have experimented a lot, and tried many things so far. Just curious has to why I feel a pull to be both? and what does that mean I am?

You're probably where I was approximately four years ago. I was always dominate, in both work and my sexual life, and a few seemingly unrelated, small events made me start thinking about what it would be like to not be in charge. Long story short, I enjoy exploring my submissive side and I'm much, much better being dominant ...

 

[Stella_Omega]

You are not and never have been "dominate."

You might have been and may well be "dominant."

 

[Kurokami]

You are not and never have been "dominate."

You might have been and may well be "dominant."

Ah, come on, Stella. Be a little charitable: it's entirely possible that, for the briefest of moments, he might have transcended physical form and become so dominant that he became the very manifestation of dominance itself. He might have become dominance itself.

Or I might just be rambling.

As to the OP, yeah, that's switching. I wouldn't worry so much about those in the community that'd look down upon you for being one. I realized a while ago that the only person I need approval from when I'm having sex is the person I'm having sex with. Besides, there's no reason to feel less authentic just because you're getting a wider range of experience, anyway; it's easier to be a conscientious dom if you've experienced what it feels like to be a sub, maybe even gettin' your ass beat with your favorite toy

 

[Etoile]

Ignore the troll, the person that wrote that is basically someone looking to get off on getting someone pissed.

Just for the record, rosco is not a troll, he is a goofball. Well, okay, he might be trolling, but he:s being facetious, not being an asshole.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Just for the record, rosco is not a troll, he is a goofball. Well, okay, he might be trolling, but he:s being facetious, not being an asshole.

Ditto

Catalina

 

[Eager2TRYRU]

You are not and never have been "dominate."

You might have been and may well be "dominant."

Too true, that was an error... a screaming toddler who is teething can often negatively influence cognitive function...

 

[FireKrystals]

Thank you everyone for the wonderful feedback. It is most appreciated. I feel much better now. Has I said I have been researching and it seems most serious couplings are one way or the other not both. Deep down I am a dominant I think (my husband says so when he's gag and bound) ^_^ but its nice to know it's OK for me to want to be taken sometimes too. Major relief thank you everyone so much

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

And...

One thing I've noticed about A LOT of professional dominants I know personally, they all at some point 'subbed' to someone who was very very expert at the dominant thing. That's not quite the same thing that you're talking about I realise, but I think it does show that people can successfully do either one or both things. And to me it's interesting that just from possessing the knowledge of certain 'techniques,' let's call them, you kinda just HAVE TO try them out on someone to see what effect you can get... Leaving aside the actual internal personal desires, there are various what I would call 'techniques' that are used by submissives and others used by dominants - and I personally think that you can just take any person and have them try out a technique appropriate to one particular 'side' and gee, mostly you're going to get the expected result whether they believe they are 'naturally' dominant or 'naturally' submissive. But that's assuming of course, the person is willing to try something out to see what happens...

I personally place a lot of store by sheer technique nowadays and I cannot tell whether I was ever one side or the other. The determining thing for me is whether I find it erotic and whether I think I can do it in any given situation involving the particular person I'm with. I don't really 'like' that much, people who appear to be 'simpering sops' or whatever and are thus supposed to be submissive or masochists and so on.

I know some extremely brave and strong people who are by far the best masochistic submissives I have ever encountered - they are very emotionally well-grounded and can do things many people find far too confronting. It isn't a huge leap for an emotionally strong and stable person to accept the role of a skilled and empathetic dominant.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Thank you everyone for the wonderful feedback. It is most appreciated. I feel much better now. Has I said I have been researching and it seems most serious couplings are one way or the other not both. Deep down I am a dominant I think (my husband says so when he's gag and bound) ^_^ but its nice to know it's OK for me to want to be taken sometimes too. Major relief thank you everyone so much

For whom should it be OK and who decides what is as "serious coupling"?

 

[subwannabe]

Even though I prefer to be the sub the majority of the time I still like being the DOM on occasion too.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you everyone for the wonderful feedback. It is most appreciated. I feel much better now. Has I said I have been researching and it seems most serious couplings are one way or the other not both. Deep down I am a dominant I think (my husband says so when he's gag and bound) ^_^ but its nice to know it's OK for me to want to be taken sometimes too. Major relief thank you everyone so much

You can be taken and still be dominant. You can tie someone up and gag them and be submissive-- do it completely with the intent of making that person happy.

If what you are talking about is the physical activities of BDSM-- receiving sensation and giving sensation-- We call that part "Topping and bottoming" and that is actually a separate thing. So if your question was "Is it possible to enjoy both topping and bottoming?" the answer is YES. Just as anyone can enjoy cooking for someone and also enjoy eating food that has been cooked for them.