The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[HankDolworth]

and you get a fried prairie oyster.

I put in a hex nut...

you get out a long wood screw (lucky guy...)

I put in a green dry erase marker.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

you get out a long wood screw (lucky guy...)

I put in a green dry erase marker.

and you get red lights along your entire route.

I put in a great circle course...

 

[HankDolworth]

and you get out a wall sized mercator projection.

I put in dead reckoning.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get out a wall sized mercator projection.

I put in dead reckoning.

and more turn out for the funeral than you reckoned on.

I put in a dead letter...

 

[stickygirl]

and more turn out for the funeral than you reckoned on.

I put in a dead letter...

and you get a last will and testament

I put in the tune from an ice cream van

great watching you two play - beats tennis

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a last will and testament

I put in the tune from an ice cream van

great watching you two play - beats tennis

and you're subjected to an endless loop of Vanilla Ice.

I put in a Shepherd's Chameleon...

Hi Jane, and thank you...

 

[HankDolworth]

and you're subjected to an endless loop of Vanilla Ice.

I put in a Shepherd's Chameleon...

Hi Jane, and thank you...

And get back a camouflaged shepherd's pie.

I put in a dinged up copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And get back a camouflaged shepherd's pie.

I put in a dinged up copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

and the rest of the Universe panics.

I put in Miss Higg's Bosom...

 

[HankDolworth]

and the rest of the Universe panics.

I put in Miss Higg's Bosom...

You get out an a gigantic bra, but it only appears for a few fractions of a nanosecond.

I put in my towel.

 

[stickygirl]

You get out an a gigantic bra, but it only appears for a few fractions of a nanosecond.

I put in my towel.

but you should have thrown it in and quit whilst you were ahead

I put in a pair of chaps

 

[HankDolworth]

but you should have thrown it in and quit whilst you were ahead

I put in a pair of chaps

you get back a pair of denim jeans, but only the ass part.

I put in a throwback mountain dew can (empty).

 

[Handley_Page]

you get back a pair of denim jeans, but only the ass part.

I put in a throwback mountain dew can (empty).

and you get a load of rust.


I put in a bottle of car paint

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a load of rust.


I put in a bottle of car paint

and you get touch-ups for all those scratches Maj left on your back.

I put in a bottled China Clipper...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get touch-ups for all those scratches Maj left on your back.

I put in a bottled China Clipper...

and it is used to serve Tea, but got sunk in the Bay of Biscay.


I put in an Archaeological dive

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and it is used to serve Tea, but got sunk in the Bay of Biscay.


I put in an Archaeological dive

and what you thought was a sunken bowsprit turns out to be a lively mermaid.

I put in a stroll through an octopus's garden...

 

[Handley_Page]

and what you thought was a sunken bowsprit turns out to be a lively mermaid.

I put in a stroll through an octopus's garden...

which was found "in the shade".


I put in an old 32lb ships canon

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which was found "in the shade".


I put in an old 32lb ships canon

and you get an old 22stone Canon from St. Paul's.

I put in the heavy hand of the Church...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get an old 22stone Canon from St. Paul's.

I put in the heavy hand of the Church...

and you get spanked over a hassock

I put in the Enigma variations

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get spanked over a hassock

I put in the Enigma variations

and the brass can't figure out which key it's in.

I put in a Night at the Opera...

Hello Jane

 

[stickygirl]

and the brass can't figure out which key it's in.

I put in a Night at the Opera...

Hello Jane

where Harpo honks Bohemian Rhapsody with a horn

I put in a Girlfriend in a Coma

*curtsey* Tio

 

[Handley_Page]

where Harpo honks Bohemian Rhapsody with a horn

I put in a Girlfriend in a Coma

*curtsey* Tio

But the handsome Prince, who's moonlighting as a Doctor, is called away to another case.

I put in a case of Chicken Soup.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But the handsome Prince, who's moonlighting as a Doctor, is called away to another case.

I put in a case of Chicken Soup.

and Andy Warhol paints your portrait.

I put in a Jackson polloch Christmas card...

 

[Handley_Page]

and Andy Warhol paints your portrait.

I put in a Jackson polloch Christmas card...

but it turns out to be a fake.


I put in a flashgun isolator

 

[stickygirl]

but it turns out to be a fake.


I put in a flashgun isolator

But despite a big poof, there's no exposure

I put in a litre of developer

 

[Handley_Page]

But despite a big poof, there's no exposure

I put in a litre of developer

but no fixative


I put in a jug of Kodak film fixer.