The Legend of the Boob Zombie

[Recidiva]

It was a dark and stormy night...

Ulaven and I were having a conversation about how intelligent men and intelligent women can hold the viewpoint that "all women are hostile to men" or "all men only want one thing,"

I had a theory: Sex drives are very strong. I know enough men have said so to use it as a working theory: “Women, you don't have any idea what men are thinking, and if you did, you would never stop slapping us.” - Larry Miller. The opposite truth is that women also have strong sex drives. I don't need a comedian to tell me this, I'm a woman and I can take my word for it.

That resolved, you can understand why boys can begin with the attitude that sitting across from a woman is a huge distraction. Not like hanging out with guys. "BOOBS! BOOOOBS!" is the soundtrack in a head and body otherwise trying to keep its social cool. (At this point in the story, Ulaven started saying "booobs...boooobs..." like Seth Green in "Family Guy" and it evolved into "sounds like brains..." "That's it, they're boob zombies." Thus the legend is born.)

Okay, so that resolved, it makes it pretty understandable that boys who don't advance past that point in development, grow into men who are boob zombies. They approach women as if they were boobs. Women, being understandably suspicious, deliver a terminal head shot to approaching boob zombies.

These men, who never develop a "talk to the head" attitude, are always shot down, or slept with on the hostile sly, understandably reinforcing the idea that all women are castrating bitches.

Variations:

"King of the Boob Zombies" - Men who gain social status among a group of men by adopting a "Yeah, I can bang that/did bang that" attitude. They're still boob zombies. Boobs rule their life, but they are in less competent company and they take pride in being boob zombies.

"Vengeance is Mine, Sayeth the Singles Bar" - A woman who delivers a devastating head shot to any and all approaching men on the pre-emptive assumption that all men are boob zombies. You're not helping anyone and are simply spreading the myth of zombie culture through your actions and attitudes. We know you sleep with zombies when nobody's looking.

"Queen of Vengeance" - Female equivalent of the King of the Boob Zombies, a socially adept but cruel woman who teaches other women how to take advantage of boobstruck men. You sleep with zombies too, you and the King are competing for highest score.

So...if you have no healthy relationships with anybody of the opposite sex because you've determined it's not possible to maintain a friendship with them...you might be a boob zombie.

 

[blobfish]

I am a woman-hating racist. If only you pairs of tits had not migrated out of the kitchen, I would be a lot happier.

No matter what I type here, that is what you'll think I intended.

 

[Recidiva]

I am a woman-hating racist. If only you pairs of tits had not migrated out of the kitchen, I would be a lot happier.

No matter what I type here, that is what you'll think I intended.

If you're making a declaration of who you are, fine.

If you think that's what I think, not fine.

True, you inspired a conversation, but if you'll note, I said people in general, I have no idea what you yourself do or have done. I might retract the "reasonably intelligent" in your case if you want to stomp about and think somehow that it's all about you and I'm targeting you personally. I'm capable of doing that. If I'd wanted it to be a thread about "this is blobfish" I would have said that.

You're entirely tangential.

 

[blobfish]

I didn't think this thread was about me.

 

[Recidiva]

I didn't think this thread was about me.

Neither did I.

 

[RoryN]

I will return to this thread once the icon indicates that there are pics.

 

[blobfish]

I'm also not a "boob zombie". I am not very interested in appearances.

 

[Recidiva]

I will return to this thread once the icon indicates that there are pics.

Well, everyone's welcome to contribute.

 

[Recidiva]

I'm also not a "boob zombie". I am not very interested in appearances.

Then why are you arguing with me about something I didn't accuse you of being?

I posted something I thought was funny. It has nothing to do with your appearance.

 

[blobfish]

Then why are you arguing with me about something I didn't accuse you of being?

I posted something I thought was funny. It has nothing to do with your appearance.

You don't think I value women for their appearance more than for their intelligence?

 

[Recidiva]

You don't think I value women for their appearance more than their intelligence?

Well, you certainly don't value my intelligence in that you're not listening to me at all.

And you're going on what you think my appearance is rather than on what I say.

So, maybe, yeah.

Other than that, I said I have no idea what your reality is. You either accept that or think I'm lying. The first is fine, the second will just get you taunted a second tay-muh.

 

[blobfish]

Well, you certainly don't value my intelligence in that you're not listening to me at all.

And you're going on what you think my appearance is rather than on what I say.

So, maybe, yeah.

Other than that, I said I have no idea what your reality is. You either accept that or think I'm lying. The first is fine, the second will just get you taunted a second tay-muh.

You're dodging again.

 

[Recidiva]

You're dodging again.

No, I'm not.

The way I see it, this is an offshoot of you being accused of trolling. I didn't think you were trolling, my husband did. I proposed one of many possible reasons why someone intelligent might hold this point of view. So in fact it sprouted from backing up how you could have come by this opinion and why it's not out of the realm of possibility that someone for various reasons could have your experience or opinion.

Whether or not this IS your reason is beside the point, again, it's tangential. I believed you when you said this was your real opinion.

If you want me to apologize or be sorry for my opinion about it or that I talked to my husband about it or that I thought something funny about it after the fact...I won't.

 

[Phelia]

This is hilarious. I have to admit, though, that boobs are distracting. If a lady is rocking some mega cleavage, I become a bit of a boob zombie, and it has nothing to do with an innate and subconscious biological need to have her nurse and nurture the combination of our respective genetic materials. I even go boob zombie on myself if my shirt is low cut enough and there are plenty of reflective surfaces nearby.

Ich bin meine eigene booben zombie

 

[Recidiva]

This is hilarious. I have to admit, though, that boobs are distracting. If a lady is rocking some mega cleavage, I become a bit of a boob zombie, and it has nothing to do with an innate and subconscious biological need to have her nurse and nurture the combination of our respective genetic materials. I even go boob zombie on myself if my shirt is low cut enough and there are plenty of reflective surfaces nearby.

Ich bin meine eigene booben zombie

We may all wander in and out of the state of boob zombiage. It's not a terminal condition.

Boobs in the bath are nice, water trails and water drops and all that. But I can indulge my self-boob zombiage anytime. I have sympathy for those with less access.