reluctantwife
Virgin
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2012
- Posts
- 1
Warmest greetings to all of you,
I hope someone can offer some advice and/or perspective for me. I really have no idea where else to go with these questions. I could talk to a friend, but I don't think they would appreciate the complexity of this lifestyle; a councilor will probably tell me this is an abusive relationship. I figured talking to the people who dabble in this lifestyle would be the best place to go for honest conversation. So here goes...
My husband told me he was into BDSM relatively early in our relationship. Being completely niave, I had no idea what to think and really just expected it was a passing fantasy; that it would, in time, just go away. I was wrong. He wants the entire lifestyle from me. I have tried to give him what he wants, but I have always always always struggled with it. I even tried for a couple of months to be his submissive in every way, but found zero enjoyment out of it and really struggled through this period.
When we argue sex is almost always at the root of it and I believe at the base of the problems in our relationship: I am not giving him what he wants, leaving him unsatisfied and I struggle with the notion of giving it to him. I feel immense pressure to be this submissive wife, even though of late he has tried to give me space. I am always conscious of the kind of sex he would rather be having, which leaves me little desire for any kind of sex. Throughout our relationship he has tried manipulating the kind of sex he wants from me in many ways, and no matter how hard I try to open myself to BDSM, I am wholly uncomfortable with it. Often he tries to get me to comply by telling me he provides a wonderful life for me (few complaints here) by working hard to support our family; I should give him what he wants because he does all these things for me. I feel coerced and I feel inadequate because I cannot fulfill his desires.
The question I pose to you out there is: what is reasonable for him to expect of me? What is a reluctant wife such as me to do? He tells me that I am just unwilling to do anything for him because I am uncomfortable with it, but it really goes deeper than that. I understand that degradation is the name of the game and that it is supposed to be uncomfortable, but it really effects me to the core; depresses me and impacts my life outside of the bedroom.
Thank you.
I hope someone can offer some advice and/or perspective for me. I really have no idea where else to go with these questions. I could talk to a friend, but I don't think they would appreciate the complexity of this lifestyle; a councilor will probably tell me this is an abusive relationship. I figured talking to the people who dabble in this lifestyle would be the best place to go for honest conversation. So here goes...
My husband told me he was into BDSM relatively early in our relationship. Being completely niave, I had no idea what to think and really just expected it was a passing fantasy; that it would, in time, just go away. I was wrong. He wants the entire lifestyle from me. I have tried to give him what he wants, but I have always always always struggled with it. I even tried for a couple of months to be his submissive in every way, but found zero enjoyment out of it and really struggled through this period.
When we argue sex is almost always at the root of it and I believe at the base of the problems in our relationship: I am not giving him what he wants, leaving him unsatisfied and I struggle with the notion of giving it to him. I feel immense pressure to be this submissive wife, even though of late he has tried to give me space. I am always conscious of the kind of sex he would rather be having, which leaves me little desire for any kind of sex. Throughout our relationship he has tried manipulating the kind of sex he wants from me in many ways, and no matter how hard I try to open myself to BDSM, I am wholly uncomfortable with it. Often he tries to get me to comply by telling me he provides a wonderful life for me (few complaints here) by working hard to support our family; I should give him what he wants because he does all these things for me. I feel coerced and I feel inadequate because I cannot fulfill his desires.
The question I pose to you out there is: what is reasonable for him to expect of me? What is a reluctant wife such as me to do? He tells me that I am just unwilling to do anything for him because I am uncomfortable with it, but it really goes deeper than that. I understand that degradation is the name of the game and that it is supposed to be uncomfortable, but it really effects me to the core; depresses me and impacts my life outside of the bedroom.
Thank you.