looking for help

[jeninflorida]

I'm looking to work with someone to help me improve my writing. I have a menage mfm story with a happy ending. Not looking for an ass kisser, need blunt brutal honest help. I was told that my story had an passive voice and well I want to fix that.

 

[PennLady]

I'm looking to work with someone to help me improve my writing. I have a menage mfm story with a happy ending. Not looking for an ass kisser, need blunt brutal honest help. I was told that my story had an active voice and well I want to fix that.

That's odd. Usually active voice is what's preferred, at least in my experience. Was there anything more specific?

 

[sr71plt]

You want your story to have an active voice. I presume you meant "passive."

 

[jeninflorida]

That's odd. Usually active voice is what's preferred, at least in my experience. Was there anything more specific?

Crap, my night is just drifting deeper into the crapper. My story had a passive voice not active

 

[jeninflorida]

You want your story to have an active voice. I presume you meant "passive."

You are correct Sir! I need active

 

[PennLady]

Crap, my night is just drifting deeper into the crapper. My story had a passive voice not active

LOL jen, mon amie, I think you need a break.

 

[jeninflorida]

LOL jen, mon amie, I think you need a break.

Yeah, but not until I learn how to write in a better, active voice! lol Flipping pisses me off but I got some work to do

 

[snoopercharmbrights]

I appreciate that passive constructions are frequently ridiculed in the modern era, but there are instances where the passive mood is essential.

“The laws governing traffic mean to avoid crashes” implies that the laws themselves were sentient beings who had a choice, whereas “The laws governing traffic are meant to avoid crashes” implies that this was the intention of the writers of the laws, who clearly did have a choice.

 

[sr71plt]

Sure there are, but jeninflorida is referencing a book that was rejected by a publisher because the publisher said there was too much passive voice in it. So, that seems to be something that jeninflorida rightly wants to change.

Stating the opinion that passive voice can be good isn't going to give her a lick of help with this.

 

[palisa]

Snooper, I think your example is of a somewhat different problem, but you're right in that the passive voice isn't something that always has to be shunned. But too much use of it usually sounds awkward, defensive, bureaucratic, or just irritating.

 

[PennLady]

Yeah, but not until I learn how to write in a better, active voice! lol Flipping pisses me off but I got some work to do

Jen, one thing you could try is reading other stories, seeing how other authors use active voice. Snooper is right, once in a while passive is good and necessary.

I've edited a few people who seem stuck on writing things like: "I was shaking as he held my hand." "He was aware of something happening." If you get rid of the "was," that usually goes a long way.

 

[Bramblethorn]

the passive voice isn't something that always has to be shunned.

I see what you did there.

 

[palisa]

You've got an editor's eye...

 

[jeninflorida]

You've got an editor's eye...

Then, I need help from both of you! lol

 

[Bramblethorn]

You've got an editor's eye...

I keep it in a jar on my desk!

(hat tip to Robert Bloch)

 

[Bramblethorn]

Then, I need help from both of you! lol

Not in a position to take on anything new, alas. I've got 700 pages of paid technical editing to do this month and it's stressing me out more than it usually does. (SERIOUS author fail, at the "this person isn't competent to teach this subject" level.)