The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get transported to the Appalachian Trail.

I put in a new rucksack.

and a chorus sings "Valderie" as you hike by.

I put in a rest stop at Big Meadow...

 

[desertslave]

and a chorus sings "Valderie" as you hike by.

I put in a rest stop at Big Meadow...

And you get surrounded by rhododendrons.

I put in a machete.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get surrounded by rhododendrons.

I put in a machete.

but it's blunt and very rusty.


I put in a wide river

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it's blunt and very rusty.


I put in a wide river

and Charon offers to ferry you across.

I put in a trip on the Liffy or the Lethe; I forget which...

 

[Handley_Page]

and Charon offers to ferry you across.

I put in a trip on the Liffy or the Lethe; I forget which...

And you grow old waiting to see which is which
[I'll take the Liffy, thanks]


I put in steering oar.

 

[Miss_Vivi]

And you grow old waiting to see which is which
[I'll take the Liffy, thanks]


I put in steering oar.

And you get a complete 180.

I put in a change of opinion.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get a complete 180.

I put in a change of opinion.

and it's not what the Pollsters imagined


I put in an honest politician.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and it's not what the Pollsters imagined


I put in an honest politician.

and you get a referral to Ripley's Believe It or Not.

I put in a visit to Madame Tussaud's...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a referral to Ripley's Believe It or Not.

I put in a visit to Madame Tussaud's...

and the chamber of horrors gives ideas about how to deal with politicians.


I put in a Rack.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the chamber of horrors gives ideas about how to deal with politicians.


I put in a Rack.

and it gets her a job at Hooter's.

I put in a pair of jugs...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it gets her a job at Hooter's.

I put in a pair of jugs...

marked "milk & cream" but they're broken


I put in a Leap-Second.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

marked "milk & cream" but they're broken


I put in a Leap-Second.

and a frog jumps over your back.

I put in a sub-atomic clock...

 

[iamincognito45]

and a frog jumps over your back.

I put in a sub-atomic clock...

And I now know what time it is!

I put in a laser range finder.

 

[Miss_Vivi]

And I now know what time it is!

I put in a laser range finder.

And your destination is exactly 2 degrees to the left.

I put in map.

 

[iamincognito45]

And your destination is exactly 2 degrees to the left.

I put in map.

And I promise I will use it.

I put in 10 Euro note.

 

[desertslave]

And I promise I will use it.

I put in 10 Euro note.

And it converts to Francs.

I put in a silver ingot.

 

[iamincognito45]

And it converts to Francs.

I put in a silver ingot.

You get a note with a Swiss bank account number on it.

I put in a Swiss Army Knife.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You get a note with a Swiss bank account number on it.

I put in a Swiss Army Knife.

and a Swiss Guard is delighted to have it back.

I put in a room for the weekend at Castel Gandolfo...

 

[Handley_Page]

and a Swiss Guard is delighted to have it back.

I put in a room for the weekend at Castel Gandolfo...

but the chanting is a little repetitive.

I put in a box of happy pills.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the chanting is a little repetitive.

I put in a box of happy pills.

and they throw a big pill party.

I put in a really big pharmaceutical hangover...

 

[Handley_Page]

and they throw a big pill party.

I put in a really big pharmaceutical hangover...

not solved by a rainy morning's fishing


I put in a 34lb Pike

 

[desertslave]

not solved by a rainy morning's fishing


I put in a 34lb Pike

And get a fishy smell on your fingers that just won't go away.

I put in an ounce of fine French perfume.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And get a fishy smell on your fingers that just won't go away.

I put in an ounce of fine French perfume.

and you're overdrawn at the bank.

I put in a visit to Fragonard in Eze...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you're overdrawn at the bank.

I put in a visit to Fragonard in Eze...

and the resulting import duties are terrible.


I put in a pleasant synthetic perfume

 

[Noor]

and the resulting import duties are terrible.


I put in a pleasant synthetic perfume

and you get a musk deer back

I put in an led flashlight