Not Allowed To...

[Beck31]

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[livin1971]

Okay. Quick question. I am still new to the role of submissive and/or puppy so
I wasn't sure if this was the norm or not. My Mistress/owner has a list of those
people she has approved for me to talk to either online, on the phone, and just
maybe also IRL. She has made a distinction between chatting and playing btw.
I know that each dominate/submissive relationship is different and that each mistress or dominate has a unique way of doing things based on that particular relationship. A couple of things I learned from the get go about bieng a sub is patience, respect, trust, and above all love for my mistress. I sort of see my collar as a wedding ring and that reminds me of who I belong to and to be faithful. I still don't know all the rules though. Thanks in advance and if I have left anything out or have provided what is felt to be inaccurate content then please do not hesitate to add or correct. This has been Beck.
Peace out y'all.

Like you said each relationship is different. I hope your communication goes both ways. How long has she owned you? Do you truly trust her? has she given you a reason to see a red flag?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Okay. Quick question. I am still new to the role of submissive and/or puppy so
I wasn't sure if this was the norm or not. My Mistress/owner has a list of those
people she has approved for me to talk to either online, on the phone, and just
maybe also IRL. She has made a distinction between chatting and playing btw.
I know that each dominant/submissive relationship is different and that each mistress or dominant has a unique way of doing things based on that particular relationship. A couple of things I learned from the get go about bieng a sub is patience, respect, trust, and above all love for my mistress. I sort of see my collar as a wedding ring and that reminds me of who I belong to and to be faithful. I still don't know all the rules though. Thanks in advance and if I have left anything out or have provided what is felt to be inaccurate content then please do not hesitate to add or correct. This has been Beck.
Peace out y'all.

A person is *a* dominant. What that person does is *to* dominate.

As for not knowing all the rules, that's something you need to discuss with HER. Each relationship is unique, as are its rules and understandings between the parites.

 

[Beck31]

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[livin1971]

She has owned now for 3 months now. Not only do I trust her I love her.
The communication does go both ways and I have not seen any red flags as of yet.

Ok thats good I would ask when you are not playing why so you understand. She is doing her job to Dominate you deprive you of something you so much enjoy. Then in my mind she is doing it right. Thats my own 2 cents.

 

[Beck31]

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[livin1971]

Thanks. Yeah I will ask her when she and I are not playing why. Respectfully ofcourse.

I was always taught if I didn't understand to ask why. Always be respectful to your mistress.

 

[Beck31]

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[KlaytonFrost]

Restricting communication and contact with friends is not something that interests me, but if it works for you then it works. If something your Mistress asks you to do makes you uncomfortable then it's definitely worth discussing.

 

[Beck31]

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[Sir_Winston54]

thanks. sometimes i am scared to ask b/c i never know what her reaction might be.

You (plural) ought to have some "clause" in your relationship, whether spelled out or understood, that allows you to ask honest questions about your concerns. Otherwise, your relationship is absolutely doomed, unless you consider slavery of the type practiced pre-1860s to be a healthy relationship. Failure to have honest communication about serious issues is a death knell.

 

[Beck31]

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[Netzach]

thanks. sometimes i am scared to ask b/c i never know what her reaction might be.

Agree with SW - you need to be able to talk openly at some point. You kind of have to know how you are being "graded" in order to succeed. Sometimes the answer to the question is "I don't have a system and you may be punished at random" but then at least you know it's not because you're a bad person - that's how I tend to run my show.

 

[Beck31]

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[Bramblethorn]

Okay. Quick question. I am still new to the role of submissive and/or puppy so
I wasn't sure if this was the norm or not. My Mistress/owner has a list of those
people she has approved for me to talk to either online, on the phone, and just
maybe also IRL.

If she's using that list to isolate you from your friends, that would be a red flag for me. I know some people get off on the idea that one dominant can be all they ever need, but I'm not sure how often it actually works out IRL. If you do allow yourself to become isolated, you have no safety net if the relationship goes sour.

 

[markyV]

You need to be able to express any concerns you may have. If you are truly afraid to ask questions about things you may not understand or enjoy you have to ask yourself is this really the type of situation you want to be in long term?

 

[HottieMama]

Okay. Quick question. I am still new to the role of submissive and/or puppy so
I wasn't sure if this was the norm or not. My Mistress/owner has a list of those
people she has approved for me to talk to either online, on the phone, and just
maybe also IRL. She has made a distinction between chatting and playing btw.
.

My Domme has certain people that she would rather I not speak to on any type of personal level. (We are both active in the public scene here and there are a few untrustworthy people in our group.) That said, I am always supposed to be polite and civil to everyone, but that's where it stops for several people...

 

[njlauren]

Every relationship is different, but in D/s relationships I am most familiar with, there is always space for talking between the sub and the dominant. Some have regular 'free' discussion periods where the sub may speak freely, others do things, besides those 'time out' period, like have the sub write a slave journal where they are expected to write their feelings, good or bad, as a means of communicating. In my own case, if I was having problems or issues that were really troubling me, I was supposed to let my domme know via a word (basically a safe word) and she would know it was something serious; otherwise we had regular discussions and such.

Since I don't know the details of your relationship (nor is it really my business), but I agree with another poster, while controlling who you can talk to can be part of the D/s control (like limiting websites, forbidding chatting or Messenger/AIM, etc) but it can be a red flag if it comes to totally isolating the sub, like limiting or refusing them contact with friends and family (it is one thing to not want him to go to the weekly poker game to attend her, then let's say saying you can't talk to your friends or family or see them, or severely limit it). One of the strains of a D/s quite honestly is there is a real world out there, most dominants are not rich women with the mansion who can afford to keep a stable of slaves and so forth, most live in the real world and there are things that take precedence, have to.

You need to talk to your domme about your feelings in this, what makes you uncomfortable and so forth, keep in mind that as a sub you really need to have trust in your domme to make this work and quite honestly a domme who ignores issues is going to be a domme no one wants to submit to.

 

[Beck31]

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[FurryFury]

This!

Restricting communication and contact with friends is not something that interests me, but if it works for you then it works. If something your Mistress asks you to do makes you uncomfortable then it's definitely worth discussing.

 

[FurryFury]

This.

Restricting communication and contact with friends is not something that interests me, but if it works for you then it works. If something your Mistress asks you to do makes you uncomfortable then it's definitely worth discussing.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

This!

This.

Ever have that feeling of deja vu all over again?

 

[Aurantica]

I for one don't really understand what you're asking. Do you want to play with other people or just talk to them as normal human beings? If its the latter I think your PYL is being far too controlling. And what about emergencies or when you need to make an appointment for something? If she's trying to control you to that extent I'd advise you to get out now.

 

[Beck31]

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[Stella_Omega]

yeah, your sex life should be off limits to talk about with your family.

I have witnessed a lot of possessive behavior from BDSM people-- both doms and subs, male and female. Some things never change. If she doesn't want you to play with someone in particular, I would say-- accept it as a fact of life. She might know something you don't...

And it never hurts to ask, even if the answer is "because I say so."