Love

[Tryharder62]

I am just curious. I have never been in a Master/Submissive relationship in real life. I truely believe I am a submissive. When I read and explore my desires more I just find that I never see anywhere the word love or anything about love expressed. (I am relatively new to all this though) Is being in a Master/Submissive relationship just sex or can the people be in love. Just wondering what you thought.

 

[Stella_Omega]

well, BDSM is a large group of physical practices and needs. Sex, sensation, touch.

D/s is a status need. Knowing where you belong in your partnership or relationship.

Love-- you bring that with you. But love is no more guaranteed than it is in the vanilla dating world.

 

[CutieMouse]

The Men and I love each other very much... Meaning I love each of them, and each of them love me. It took about a year to openly acknowledge love with one of them; more than two with the other. We're good friends, supportive of each other (good times & bad), and even if we someday stop being lovers, I expect to remain friends.

 

[desertslave]

We are M/s, and married, and very much in love. I loved my first Sir, too, but it wasn't the same kind of romantic love.

For the record, I knew I needed to be his before I knew I loved him, too. (We started out online.) Both of these things were true before we even managed to meet in person.

 

[cfuhrer]

In our relationship we fell in love first. Then, because I loved and trusted him, I was able to tell him of my needs that were beyond the vanilla scope of our relationship. Because he loved me, he was able to satisfy those needs.

I guess D/s and love are an issue of priorities. If love is a priority look for that first, then add the D/s component. If D/s is your priority love can come later, or not at all.

And nothing says they have to be in the same relationship at all.

 

[Kurokami]

I'm married to my first properly D/s partner, although we began dating as vanilla and slowly added more and more kinky elements to our relationship. With D, the expectation of kinkiness was there from the get go, although given that adding her to the relationship was our first attempt at polyamory, we did spend some time vanilla with her too before we started adding kink. By now all three of us are very much in love and kinky as all hell.

If you let it, bdsm can just be another part of a relationship like any other; if you're looking for a partner that shares your interests, it's not crazy to list your kinks among them. If you're at all compatible, then of course there can be love.

 

[Beverly1]

Thanks for sharing.

 

[Tryharder62]

Thank you

I get such good insite here. I always appreciate your responses. Thanks

 

[dr_mabeuse]

What Stella said. D/s and BDSM are more like techniques or expressions of love than love itself.

People can show you how to express love, but they can't teach you how to love.

 

[KoPilot]

I'm married to my D and madly in love with him.

But when I write porn I leave all that stuff out because I've already got it IRL. Back in high school, way before I'd have my first date (with the aforementioned hubs), I'd write romantic erotica. Now I realize that there's just so much more to include, I don't have no fucken time to throw in a bunch of gushy love scenes.

 

[HottieMama]

I have been in love with my partner in every D/s relationship I have been in, though I can't tell you if the love or the D/s came first. In my current, VERY new, relationship I am not "in love," with her yet, but the potential is there.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Is being in a Master/Submissive relationship just sex or can the people be in love. Just wondering what you thought.

Before I even try to answer this I need some clarification. What's a "Master/Submissive" relationship? I've heard of Master/slave or Dominant/submissive, but never Master/Submissive.

Last time I checked, though, sex wasn't required in either Master/slave or Dominant/submissive relationships. They can be based on entirely different criteria. Master Jim and slave marsha come immediately to mind. He's a gay male Leatherman, she self-identifies as "a Femme Leatherdyke". They were the International Master/slave couple in 2001 and she's been in service to him for over 15 years...

Thinking with gonads doesn't have to be in the mix at all.

Just sayin'.

 

[Ruth12]

Thanks a lot.

 

[delightdawn]

regarding LOVE

I concure with 'cfuhrer'. We were in love before BDSM came into the picture. Added it to our life has only expanded our relationship.

I don't totally understand why LOVE isn't represented more in stories and such.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I concure with 'cfuhrer'. We were in love before BDSM came into the picture. Added it to our life has only expanded our relationship.

I don't totally understand why LOVE isn't represented more in stories and such.

You're looking for love in all the wrong places

here's a better place to find loving D/s-- it's mostly fanfiction, but it's written by people who expect connection to be an integral part of their pron; http://kink-bingo.dreamwidth.org/

http://kink-bingo.dreamwidth.org/tag/
Scroll a loooong way down to find the tags for the specific kinks:

 

[delightdawn]

You're looking for love in all the wrong places

here's a better place to find loving D/s-- it's mostly fanfiction, but it's written by people who expect connection to be an integral part of their pron; http://kink-bingo.dreamwidth.org/

http://kink-bingo.dreamwidth.org/tag/
Scroll a loooong way down to find the tags for the specific kinks:

Thanks. I will check them out. There are actually some very good stories here on Literotica with more of a LOVE backdrop, yet still in the BDSM realm.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thanks. I will check them out. There are actually some very good stories here on Literotica with more of a LOVE backdrop, yet still in the BDSM realm.

You know what, a list of your faves would be much appreciated

 

[delightdawn]

To list a few of my favorites:

Submission by goldenangel
Good Things Come by Violetshy
Raw by secretsxywriter
plus others in different genre to include sci/fy, fetish and erotic coupling etc.

 

[NightSlut]

I concure with 'cfuhrer'. We were in love before BDSM came into the picture. Added it to our life has only expanded our relationship.

I don't totally understand why LOVE isn't represented more in stories and such.

My DH and I were also rather deeply in love when we started down the BDSM path. I had noticed that he was more dominant in bed and he had noticed that bed would be the one place where I'd shut up and let him take control but we slowly walked the path to nipple clamps and more as we fell more deeply in love with each other. It took us a long time to be able to tell each other what we really wanted in bed. 13 years later, I'm still finding stuff out! I love surprising him still too.

I think in some ways, it may be harder to live the lifestyle within a family unit. After I've cleaned the rabbit coop and the duck pool and homeschooled the kids and made 50 qyuarts of heritage tomato sauce; I just don't want a butt plug right now, THANKYOUVERYMUCH. On the other hand, there are days when that is just what I needed but I didn't notice it until DH popped it in there. It took a long love for us to find that out about each other and we can occassionally still get it wrong.

So the kink may fade for a day, a week, (the time it takes to raise two babies) but the love stayed there and when the timing was better, the love enabled the kink to come booming back.

 

[desertslave]

So the kink may fade for a day, a week, (the time it takes to raise two babies) but the love stayed there and when the timing was better, the love enabled the kink to come booming back.

I agree! We're working our way back from several real life intrusions and other distractions, and it's definitely our love for each other which has held us together even through the times when almost everything else was questionable. Gotta say, I love the "comes booming back" part a lot!

 

[njlauren]

I agree! We're working our way back from several real life intrusions and other distractions, and it's definitely our love for each other which has held us together even through the times when almost everything else was questionable. Gotta say, I love the "comes booming back" part a lot!

Same here, the love has always been there, and after a lot of hard 'real life intrusions' it looks like is coming back slowly but surely. The love is what keeps the relationship together, the kink/d-s/bd/sm is what makes it flow

 

[desertslave]

Same here, the love has always been there, and after a lot of hard 'real life intrusions' it looks like is coming back slowly but surely. The love is what keeps the relationship together, the kink/d-s/bd/sm is what makes it flow

I'm so happy life is getting better for you, too!

 

[Lighthousedory]

Does D/s Preclude Love?

Interesting discussion and I'll add my perspective from my experience and also my age. I have been selective in my D/s relationships so I don't have dozens to relate to but I have some variety. One of my conditions on entering into a D/s relationship is that I must care about my partner. I am asking her to give control of her body to me, which requires trust, which I can only get if she trusts that I will look out for her safety and I know how far to push (maybe just a little beyond). Most relationships have been on terms of what I call friends, we can talk, eat out and I am wise and sensitive enough to sense moods and adjust appropriately. When it comes to sex, it would most definitely be my partner submissive to whatever I chose to do to her.

My current partner, whom I actually met on Lit Chat was looking for the sexual experience of a D/s as was I. We have been together over 3 years now, and our sexual relationship is very much her submission to me, clear down to my determining when she breaths if I so chose to control her that way. I would also say that regardless of what we thought we were getting in to, just looking for D/s, it has grown to look very much like a normal relationship with love. Example we went out to a nice restaurant in the city for Valentines Day, but she dressed as I asked ( elegantly slutty), wore the remote control vibrator as I asked, and after we had been seated, the hostess brought the bouquet of roses to the table I had ordered earlier. To look around the restaurant at "lovers" dining, and then us, I'm not sure anyone could tell a difference.

 

[Redkate]

I think D/s relationships are just like vanilla relationships. You can have a vanilla relationship with lots of sex but no love.
For me, even though I am submissive, I'm not going to fall to my knees and call every guy I'm with Master. I need a slow build up, the exchange of power mentally is important to me, as well as being able to trust my partner. And like a lot of relationships its always can better if there is an element of love there too. My complete submission, both mind and body, is an act of love.

 

[Netzach]

Just because it's not love doesn't mean it's "just sex" either.