Adivce on: GF wants rougher sex?

[richdaw76]

Hi there, been reading these forums for a while now. Thought id register.
My recent GF is into BDSM but ive not really been in that sort of relationship before. Is it normal for a woman to want her tits to be pinched hard?

Bit concerned? should i leave marks? how do i know that her screams and groans are pleasure or pain? OR does she like the pain?

Thoughts / advice please.

 

[loquere]

.Run!

 

[loquere]

I kid no this is something you can easily talk to your gf about. Where not going to know what running through her head. You need to communicate with her find out her reasoning and what best works for HER!

 

[BiBunny]

Two thoughts:

1.) Why does it matter if it's "normal" or not? Answer: It doesn't.

2.) TALK TO HER.

 

[seela]

Talk with her. Ask what she likes, what she doesn't like. Think about what you like and what you don't like. Try to find a common ground, what you both are comfortable with. Experiment. Take it slow and easy. But most importantly just talk with her.

It's normal to like pain. It's normal to like seeing marks. We can't know where she's coming from, you need to ask her. She might want you to be a clarivoyant, but since you're a normal humanbeing, it's a bit too much to ask for. So talk. Ask questions. Read up on safety. I'm sure someone (Stella ) will pop over with a list of recommended reading soon.

As long as you two are comfortable doing what you do and you're not harming other people by doing it, go for it. Do play safe, though.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Like BiBunny said, "normal" doesn't matter. I think what you're really asking here is "is this healthy", and the answer is "probably yes".

Lots of people enjoy some variety of BDSM. It doesn't mean they're damaged, doesn't mean they're crazy, it's just one of those things.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

One theme runs through the serious responses you got above, and you will find that it runs through all the threads of this sort ("How do I...," "Is this normal?" "Can I...," etc., etc.) that have *ever* appeared in this forum:

Communicate. CoMmUnIcAtE. COMMUNI-freakin'-CATE!

She's already expressed, either through words or other relatively clear indication, that "she want her tits to be pinched hard." She's started the dialogue; are you mute? Continue it.

 

[midwestyankee]

Lately I've been obsessively watching re-runs of the show, "The Big Bang Theory." In a recent episode, Leonard has doubts about how to pursue a romantic relationship so he asks his roommate, Sheldon Cooper, for some help. Now, Dr. Cooper is portrayed (brilliantly) as a near-autistic scientist whose knowledge of human interaction is on par with that of a two-year old. After a few moments of completely useless conversation with Sheldon about his romantic problem, Leonard mutters, "You're right. I'd be better off asking random strangers on the Internet" and sits down at his computer.

I'm going to make a leap of faith assumption here that your partner has considerably higher-level skills in human interaction than Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Thus, you don't really have to ask random strangers on the Internet how to interact with her.

That said, this is the perfect place to learn more about the things that it appears she likes to have done to her during sex. It's a great place for that as lots of people here have lots of experience with a remarkably wide range of fun stuff being done during (or in place of) sex.

So, as others have said, talk to her. And learn about non-her things from us.

 

[subwannabe]

Communication is the key. Ask her to show you videos or stories that turn her on and ask blunt straightforward questions. She should love the fact that you are actually trying. At some point she will want you to just take charge and not ask her anymore. Have a safeword to use so she can let you know if you are going to far and yes, many women have this desire built into their genes. Most women still have cavewoman genes where they crave a man pulling them by their hair into his "mancave" and fucking her as he wishes.

 

[Stella_Omega]

many women have this desire built into their genes. Most women still have cavewoman genes where they crave a man pulling them by their hair into his "mancave" and fucking her as he wishes.

Heteros can totally creep me the fuck out sometimes.

 

[missgiter]

What's "normal" anyways? If it's between two consenting adults... there really isn't any issues here.

Communicate. Ask her what she wants. Decide what's comfortable for you both, and you'll have lots and lots of fun.

 

[desertslave]

Heteros can totally creep me the fuck out sometimes.

So "take me, use me!" doesn't do it for you?

 

[Bukkake_4_U]

Beat the fuck out of the bitch.

 

[Bramblethorn]

So "take me, use me!" doesn't do it for you?

I'm not creeped out by people who enjoy either side of BDSM, but I do get creeped out by evo-psych explanations for it. There are women who top, women who bottom, women who do neither, women who switch; there are men ditto. Invoking a cave-man parable to explain that all women are genetically programmed to be subs ignores the fact that there's more variation within genders than between them.

 

[Deleted member 1405174]

If that's what she wants, do it.

 

[Stella_Omega]

So "take me, use me!" doesn't do it for you?

Oh it absolutely does.

"built into their cavewoman genes" doesn't do it for me.

 

[Noor]

Have her take your fingers and show you, that is the best way, then practice like mad

 

[RedHotMamaTN]

Talk to her. If your unsure if her moans are pleasure or pain, use a safe word. If you spank a little to hard or pinch her nipples a little too hard she can say the safe the safe word and you back off. Watch her face, her reactions. You know the look when your doing something right and shes enjoying it. Only she knows how much she can take. Ive used a safe word in the past. Just make sure she says it loud enough or you may hurt her and not mean too. Enjoy.

 

[richdaw76]

for the first time i actually let go. i didn't worry about what was normal.

we talked about it prior to last night. she was really understanding,

let me tell you it was very rough and her eyes were watering alot (she also makes alot of noise)

will be looking for ideas now, as we're going to play boss and employee.

 

[Goey]

Just set a safety word and do whatever takes your fancy.
Of course when you become more trusting/accustomed to what each other want, gags and things tend to stop safety words so you'll also need to be able to tell through body language.

Tears don't mean stop, I normally cry a little during rough spankings.

Saying, "Are you ok?" or "Am I hurting you?" in a kind way kills rough play...

 

[Sir_Winston54]

for the first time i actually let go. i didn't worry about what was normal.

we talked about it prior to last night. she was really understanding,

let me tell you it was very rough and her eyes were watering alot (she also makes alot of noise)

will be looking for ideas now, as we're going to play boss and employee.

As has been noted above, "normal" doesn't much matter in life, except as in what's normal for you. "Normal" doesn't matter AT ALL here!

SHE was understanding? Of what? Your inexperience, your desire not to do things wrong? I'm confuzzled.

Rough, eyes watering, a lot (two words, please!) of noise: All these are good things (as long as the neighbors don't call the cops ).

If you're going to role-play (boss/employee), script it lightly. Set up a basic scenario (e.g., she made typographical errors in a letter you intended to send to an important client {Sorry, "Secretary"}, and you call her into the office to chastise her), and then let the scenario run out to the conclusion that works for you. Improvise. Play with it a little bit. Include humor. There's no reason for sex - and especially sex that includes BDSM - to not have a touch of humor in it, at least some of the time. We're hard-wired to enjoy ourselves when we laugh. We're hard-wired pretty much to enjoy ourselves when we have sex. Laughing while having sex can be a great thing.

Good luck to yas!

ETA: And kudos to you for this:

for the first time i actually let go.

 

[richdaw76]

Just set a safety word and do whatever takes your fancy.
Of course when you become more trusting/accustomed to what each other want, gags and things tend to stop safety words so you'll also need to be able to tell through body language.

Tears don't mean stop, I normally cry a little during rough spankings.

Saying, "Are you ok?" or "Am I hurting you?" in a kind way kills rough play...

just read your story/guide on how to use her face.. pretty much thats exactly what happened. Oh yeahhh i know what you mean, like i said i totally let go that night and it was amazing.

 

[richdaw76]

As has been noted above, "normal" doesn't much matter in life, except as in what's normal for you. "Normal" doesn't matter AT ALL here!

SHE was understanding? Of what? Your inexperience, your desire not to do things wrong? I'm confuzzled.

Rough, eyes watering, a lot (two words, please!) of noise: All these are good things (as long as the neighbors don't call the cops ).

If you're going to role-play (boss/employee), script it lightly. Set up a basic scenario (e.g., she made typographical errors in a letter you intended to send to an important client {Sorry, "Secretary"}, and you call her into the office to chastise her), and then let the scenario run out to the conclusion that works for you. Improvise. Play with it a little bit. Include humor. There's no reason for sex - and especially sex that includes BDSM - to not have a touch of humor in it, at least some of the time. We're hard-wired to enjoy ourselves when we laugh. We're hard-wired pretty much to enjoy ourselves when we have sex. Laughing while having sex can be a great thing.

Good luck to yas!

ETA: And kudos to you for this:

Thanks, you've also made some good points and given good advice.
Its making us more closer as people, its really good.

 

[Ruth12]

Very nice!

 

[Netzach]

Just set a safety word and do whatever takes your fancy.
Of course when you become more trusting/accustomed to what each other want, gags and things tend to stop safety words so you'll also need to be able to tell through body language.

Tears don't mean stop, I normally cry a little during rough spankings.

Saying, "Are you ok?" or "Am I hurting you?" in a kind way kills rough play...

I like this. With the right people and the right attitude. I think the whole point of a safe word isn't always about making the action *stop* but a way of keeping the action *going* when things are harder to take but still working for you.