Anal Issues...

[LaSalia]

So I finally let my husband do me anal. The first time we tried it it was soooo painful, in spite of lube and lots and lots of patience. I felt sick to my stomach, and we didn't try again for a long time.

The next time we did something different, and it made all the difference. We ditched the condom. I've always hated those damn things! I don't have an allergy, per say, but I am completely incapable of enjoying sex with one on. Seems it's the same with the butt.

I enjoyed it, he enjoyed it, but I have to admit, I really need to be in the mood.

Now he's trying to get me to do it practically all the time, even though I told him that he's probably not going to get it more than once a month, it's still not my favorite type of sex. I feel bad discouraging him, but seriously! I have to redirect his aim at least every other time we have sex!

He even told me it wasn't as good as having sex vaginally 'cause it made him cum too fast, so I'm really confused. We've already talked about it a little, but he just seems so hopeful every time he tries.

Suggestions?

 

[soflabbwlvr]

So I finally let my husband do me anal. The first time we tried it it was soooo painful, in spite of lube and lots and lots of patience. I felt sick to my stomach, and we didn't try again for a long time.

The next time we did something different, and it made all the difference. We ditched the condom. I've always hated those damn things! I don't have an allergy, per say, but I am completely incapable of enjoying sex with one on. Seems it's the same with the butt.

I enjoyed it, he enjoyed it, but I have to admit, I really need to be in the mood.

Now he's trying to get me to do it practically all the time, even though I told him that he's probably not going to get it more than once a month, it's still not my favorite type of sex. I feel bad discouraging him, but seriously! I have to redirect his aim at least every other time we have sex!

He even told me it wasn't as good as having sex vaginally 'cause it made him cum too fast, so I'm really confused. We've already talked about it a little, but he just seems so hopeful every time he tries.

Suggestions?

There is always a learning curve with anal. The woman has to learn that her butt is an erogenous zone. Both partners need to learn the best angle for insertion. The man needs to learn what gets the woman in the mood for it. The woman needs to learn her tolerance level. Ultimately, the two will discuss their findings and agree upon the ideal frequency.

My wife and I went through the same process. I eventually learned that she will let me know when is is in the mood for it, and that it's best not to press the issue when she's not giving the signals.

 

[livin1971]

So I finally let my husband do me anal. The first time we tried it it was soooo painful, in spite of lube and lots and lots of patience. I felt sick to my stomach, and we didn't try again for a long time.

The next time we did something different, and it made all the difference. We ditched the condom. I've always hated those damn things! I don't have an allergy, per say, but I am completely incapable of enjoying sex with one on. Seems it's the same with the butt.

I enjoyed it, he enjoyed it, but I have to admit, I really need to be in the mood.

Now he's trying to get me to do it practically all the time, even though I told him that he's probably not going to get it more than once a month, it's still not my favorite type of sex. I feel bad discouraging him, but seriously! I have to redirect his aim at least every other time we have sex!

He even told me it wasn't as good as having sex vaginally 'cause it made him cum too fast, so I'm really confused. We've already talked about it a little, but he just seems so hopeful every time he tries.

Suggestions?

It is a learning curve and speaking as a man we want it then when we get it, we want it every time. Just keep telling him you like it but you have to be in the mood for it. He will eventually get it. When he does it will always be special and more enjoyable if you just give it to him just because. Thats my 2 cents.

 

[nayia]

I used to not like it as much either, but I did it because my bf really loves it so much. I like that he wants me so much, even if it's for anal. We were really patient and tried different positions and found the ones that actually feel really good for both of us. Now, sometimes he initiates it and even if I don't start out in the mood for it, after it gets going I start getting into it. That's just me, though; you shouldn't feel obligated to do anything that you don't want to do.

 

[LaSalia]

Special, yes!

It is a learning curve and speaking as a man we want it then when we get it, we want it every time. Just keep telling him you like it but you have to be in the mood for it. He will eventually get it. When he does it will always be special and more enjoyable if you just give it to him just because. Thats my 2 cents.

I agree! I've already ruined blowjobs 'cause he gets them so often! I love oral sex, both giving and receiving. Yet he has the cojones to tell me he hardly ever gets a blowjob, even though I suck him pretty much every time we have sex. His argument is that he doesn't orgasm from it, 'cause we move from oral to vaginal after a few minutes, 'cause I get all worked up, dammit!

And the few times he does get off from it I've spent over twenty minutes going at it and wind up with numb lips, LOL. Is it any wonder I'm reluctant to leave it at that? Stamina is not always appreciated, boys...

 

[livin1971]

I agree! I've already ruined blowjobs 'cause he gets them so often! I love oral sex, both giving and receiving. Yet he has the cojones to tell me he hardly ever gets a blowjob, even though I suck him pretty much every time we have sex. His argument is that he doesn't orgasm from it, 'cause we move from oral to vaginal after a few minutes, 'cause I get all worked up, dammit!

And the few times he does get off from it I've spent over twenty minutes going at it and wind up with numb lips, LOL. Is it any wonder I'm reluctant to leave it at that? Stamina is not always appreciated, boys...

I like to start off with oral then go to regular sex then finish with oral. For me its cuz I'm so close to cumin it don't take long. if I get to much oral at first I won't last long then she ends up not satisfied. Thats a no go. Try that and see if he likes it. I love giving oral as a woman takes longer to get really warmed up. So I always give first.

 

[LaSalia]

Done it

I like to start off with oral then go to regular sex then finish with oral. For me its cuz I'm so close to cumin it don't take long. if I get to much oral at first I won't last long then she ends up not satisfied. Thats a no go. Try that and see if he likes it. I love giving oral as a woman takes longer to get really warmed up. So I always give first.

We've done that. It works out pretty well, once in a while, but I've got a bit of a cum fetish and like him to be in me when he does. There's some hormone or something in the actual semen that always makes me wild, drawing out another orgasm or two, and honestly, I don't feel fully satisfied unless we end that way. So he only gets sucked off if I'm not really in the mood for sex but still feeling sexy, or if I'm interested in an hour or more and need to build up his stamina!

 

[livin1971]

We've done that. It works out pretty well, once in a while, but I've got a bit of a cum fetish and like him to be in me when he does. There's some hormone or something in the actual semen that always makes me wild, drawing out another orgasm or two, and honestly, I don't feel fully satisfied unless we end that way. So he only gets sucked off if I'm not really in the mood for sex but still feeling sexy, or if I'm interested in an hour or more and need to build up his stamina!

I understand that. I guess you could bring him to the brink then finish inside you. I'm just throwing out different ideas. I am a pleaser by nature I love to please the woman I'm with and make sure she gets hers. Its in that I truly get off.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I agree! I've already ruined blowjobs 'cause he gets them so often! I love oral sex, both giving and receiving. Yet he has the cojones to tell me he hardly ever gets a blowjob, even though I suck him pretty much every time we have sex. His argument is that he doesn't orgasm from it, 'cause we move from oral to vaginal after a few minutes, 'cause I get all worked up, dammit!

And the few times he does get off from it I've spent over twenty minutes going at it and wind up with numb lips, LOL. Is it any wonder I'm reluctant to leave it at that? Stamina is not always appreciated, boys...

"Ruined blowjobs"????? I know both of those words. And I use them both pretty often. But I don't know them in that order. It's like trying to imagine a square triangle.

 

[Noor]

sounds like a communication problem to me. Perhaps if you discussed straps and his ass...

Your man seems to complain a lot Many guys on this board don't seem to be getting any sort of rl sex at all!

 

[LaSalia]

He is a whiner!

sounds like a communication problem to me. Perhaps if you discussed straps and his ass...

Your man seems to complain a lot Many guys on this board don't seem to be getting any sort of rl sex at all!

He's had no sexual experience except me, besides porn, so his expectations are somewhat unrealistic, LOL. And since he knows I'm open to most everything he can think of (never said no yet, at least not for very long....) he likes to push my buttons.

 

[Noor]

He's had no sexual experience except me, besides porn, so his expectations are somewhat unrealistic, LOL. And since he knows I'm open to most everything he can think of (never said no yet, at least not for very long....) he likes to push my buttons.

So we don't know, he might like anal on himself

 

[Lord Pmann]

He's had no sexual experience except me, besides porn, so his expectations are somewhat unrealistic, LOL. And since he knows I'm open to most everything he can think of (never said no yet, at least not for very long....) he likes to push my buttons.

Sounds like you've created a ME monster.

 

[LaSalia]

That's How it Started!

So we don't know, he might like anal on himself

After I gave in and let him do it to me, he said he felt guilty, and tried it on himself (with MY dildo!) to see what it felt like. I have to admit I was really surprised. He did not like the large shaft, but he has used my butt plug solo before, and us together as well.

 

[Noor]

After I gave in and let him do it to me, he said he felt guilty, and tried it on himself (with MY dildo!) to see what it felt like. I have to admit I was really surprised. He did not like the large shaft, but he has used my butt plug solo before, and us together as well.

Hmmm, you could have some fun with him...

 

[LaSalia]

I do!

Hmmm, you could have some fun with him...

Sometimes he accuses me of marrying him for his dick. He doesn't realize I married him for his dick, his hands, his lips, his tongue..........

 

[Noor]

I could see maybe marrying a man for sex but not for particular body parts. The sexiest organ a man possess is his brain.

 

[silverwhisper]

so...lasalia, you good with the course of action here re: your husband?

as has been said, there's a learning curve. i love anal, but my wife needs to be in the mood, and i've learned when it's OK to start looking for lube.

it might not be a bad idea to point out to him that RL sex <> porn sex.

ed

 

[bailadora]

Now he's trying to get me to do it practically all the time, even though I told him that he's probably not going to get it more than once a month, it's still not my favorite type of sex. I feel bad discouraging him, but seriously! I have to redirect his aim at least every other time we have sex!

He even told me it wasn't as good as having sex vaginally 'cause it made him cum too fast, so I'm really confused. We've already talked about it a little, but he just seems so hopeful every time he tries.

Suggestions?

You might have to be more blunt with him, as in "Unless I tell you I want anal, don't try for it or all you're going to do is piss me off and you'll get no sex at all." I love my husband to death and I'm all for trying new things, but if I lay out certain parameters and my husband were to constantly try to circumvent them, it'd cause problems in our relationship pretty damn quick. To me, it demonstrates a lack of respect.

As for orgasming too quickly through PIV sex, there's plenty of information out there on how to delay ejaculation. Instead of pestering you, maybe he should be putting his research skills to good use.

it might not be a bad idea to point out to him that RL sex <> porn sex.

ed

Quoted for truth! I'm not against porn, but what I DON'T like is the false expectations some people glean from it. Just cause you see [insert sexual activity here] in porn, it doesn't follow that your partner is going to be into it. Nor should they be expected to.

 

[LaSalia]

He's not really pissing me off, I was really looking for ways to let him down gently. He's a terrible tease and I think he's doing it as much to annoy me as in a real desire for anal.

AND...

I know I married him for his personality, that was a joke, btw...

He's eased off lately, I think it was just a mood he was in.

 

[missgiter]

I agree! I've already ruined blowjobs 'cause he gets them so often! I love oral sex, both giving and receiving. Yet he has the cojones to tell me he hardly ever gets a blowjob, even though I suck him pretty much every time we have sex. His argument is that he doesn't orgasm from it, 'cause we move from oral to vaginal after a few minutes, 'cause I get all worked up, dammit!

And the few times he does get off from it I've spent over twenty minutes going at it and wind up with numb lips, LOL. Is it any wonder I'm reluctant to leave it at that? Stamina is not always appreciated, boys...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who at the 20 minute mark has numb lips. At that point I'm over it.

 

[LaSalia]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who at the 20 minute mark has numb lips. At that point I'm over it.

It is a rare day I can do a BJ longer than 20 min, ROFL. I've considered investing in a mouth guard, but I think it would limit my abilities to do more than sit there with an open mouth.

 

[bailadora]

He's not really pissing me off, I was really looking for ways to let him down gently. He's a terrible tease and I think he's doing it as much to annoy me as in a real desire for anal.

AND...

I know I married him for his personality, that was a joke, btw...

He's eased off lately, I think it was just a mood he was in.

I'm married to a terrible tease as well and sometimes he just doesn't know when to quit. It's those times when "gentle" doesn't quite cut it and I have to get out the hammer. YMMV.

 

[roomfor1more]

I agree with the other posters there is a large learning curve with anal sex and communication makes it work. From my own experience, anal sex is a lot about communication and trust. Furthermore, I feel, since it is something new your husband may want it more. It may be that after doing it a few times his interest levels off and it becomes an option for the two of you.

Moving on, you mention moving away from the condom. The risk of pregnancy is low, almost non-existant and if the two of you are monogamous then the risk of STIs / STDs is low too. However, anal sex caries of high risk of UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) for the male and using a condom mitigates that risk. In this instance a condom is needed to minimize the chance that your husband will contract a UTI and not for the other issues that a condom is meant to address.

Finally, I believe by talking to him about it and finding a compromise anal sex will become enjoyable activity that occurs at the time that works for the both of you.

 

[123Josh]

My suggestion is to only do anal sex until you learn to enjoy it as much as regular. Then you can go back and forth as you like