Women of Lit, pls answer this....3some question.

[MrSneakyinPA]

Because like "some" men, I fantasize about this subject of MMF. I have a question about it.

Assuming you are married and have not ever done it. IF, and it's a huge theoretical IF, if it were to even remotely happen. And your hubby let you chose whoever was the 3rd. Would you more likely prefer an ex b/f that you already had experience in bed with, and there would be not weird surprises, or a stranger or an acquaintance?

I suspect, that if I were able to get my wife into this situation, I'd want it to be her ex b/f because she would already be comfortable being in bed with him, and she would be the most receptive to what ever he was doing to her.

 

[Goey]

I can't imagine how in any way at all it would be comfortable to be in bed with any of my ex-bfs.
Using a previous lover is probably the worse chain of thought for possible 3-somes I have ever heard.

 

[MrSneakyinPA]

I can't imagine how in any way at all it would be comfortable to be in bed with any of my ex-bfs.
Using a previous lover is probably the worse chain of thought for possible 3-somes I have ever heard.

Really? Well, there goes my theory! Thanks for the reply. You just crushed a poor mans dreams!! hehe

 

[TeaforMe]

Never in a million years would I want it to be an ex boyfriend...what a major headache that would be. I don't even fantasize about that. I'd much rather it be a friend of his that he is comfortable with. Who needs all that baggage in bed, then after....oh heavens no!

 

[Vixen96]

Definitely not an ex!!

 

[SuddenStop]

Never EVER an ex-boyfriend. Nor would I want it to be a complete stranger. It would have to be someone we both trust and knew was doing it for all the right reasons. Most importantly being someone who isn't just going to be an ass about it or tell the world what happened.

 

[bbw05]

Never EVER an ex-boyfriend. Nor would I want it to be a complete stranger. It would have to be someone we both trust and knew was doing it for all the right reasons. Most importantly being someone who isn't just going to be an ass about it or tell the world what happened.

Completely agree with this, I'd never want an ex...

 

[shylilpixie]

No way on the ex theory. Too much baggage. Probably wouldnt even be comfortable enough to suggest this let alone do it!

 

[blu3tooth]

We have done it and for me, it was my friends. I couldn't handle and ex or a stranger. She's had 5 of them and I was comfortable with them. Others I said 'no' to because of the comfort factor. If I am not chairman of selectors then I would feel cuckolded.

 

[MrSneakyinPA]

I guess I thought it would be...better because, she doesn't seem to have "baggage" that I know of. And...if it where a woman we brought in. An ex of mine would be easy for me. Maybe, men are just, weird.

 

[kjgold]

Ours was with a friend. It needs to be someone extremely trustworthy and whom you are both comfortable with.

 

[submissive_fire]

No way would I ever want it to be an ex .... I would be afraid if I enjoyed it too much, then the current bf would think I was having too good of a time. Just way too awkward. Somebody we both knew and trusted that I had never had a relationship with, then why not.

If the current bf were to say, "hey let's have a 3some and I'm going to ask my ex to join us", I'd have to wonder what his real motivation was. Now if he said the same thing and said let's ask Sally from down the street, I'd be down with that.

 

[MrSneakyinPA]

Well well. I was way off base. I guess, because my wife has described her sexual relationships with her ex b/f's to me, in wonderful great detail, for my pleasure, it seemed like a logical conclusion.

 

[Goey]

There's lots of advice on 3somes, Literotica has like a 8 chapter guide or something ridiculous. I don't recommend you read it.

Good communication and common sense is basically what's needed. It may sound hot now thinking of another entering your wife but when the moment comes there's really no saying what your going to feel. You need to be prepared. You need to know that IF you or your wife change your mind you can get up and shout stop and everything will still be fine.

I've known couples who have been swinging for years break-up because one didn't want to do it and was just going through with it for years to please the other. Communication, communication, communication.

At first I kept my "sex-friends" and "friend-friends" separate. Meeting couples, becoming friends with them, and then having some fun. Now days we mostly have my female "friend-friends" join us (I'm bisexual).

So you have options. Swinging sites are a great way to get to know people, but get to know them well before doing anything. Meet up for a few drinks over a month or so, invite them round to watch a film - get to know them - become friends with them. A shy man who appreciates you for "letting" him join you is a far better option than one who is pushy.

You do NOT want a man who thinks he is better than you, that your asking him because you cannot satisfy your wife, or that she is a slut. As soon as some one asks if he can have sex with her while you "just watch" (UNLESS that it what you've asked for) cut the line - he's not the one you want.

Also remember safety. One of the main reasons I distanced from swinging sites was when I learnt of how few people get themselves checked. We always played safe, but it was still a disturbing thought. Yes it isn't fun but it's no good saying "omg don't be such a fear monger" after you've got herpes for the rest of your life. It doesn't hurt to get a document saying that the person is clean and healthy.

 

[sunandshadow]

If the ex had been a friend with benefits rather than an actual romantic interest, that might be ok. But normally I'd want it to be a current friend of both of us or at least me.

 

[omgitselaine]

Like others have already said ....... no way with an ex !!

Then again I wouldn't want to have a complete stranger either ........... perhaps an acquainance who I am extremely attracted to ........ of ours who doesn't live anywhere near us prefavorably !!

Him living close by would only lead too much temptation ahem ahem !!

Good luck !

 

[MrSneakyinPA]

Seriously. I find the NO ex thing fascinating. It just seem like to me, for a woman who is least likely to do it, especially with a stranger, that doing it with an ex that you have no hard feelings with would be the logical and easy choice having already had sex with him.

Ok, if you weren't going to have an ex as a 3rd. If your boyfriend/hubby said he just wanted you to have sex with someone else and bring home the story about it, would an ex you were on good terms with be an easier choice than a new guy? Especially if he suggested an ex.

 

[Goey]

If my fella said "Go have sex with someone else" I'd just say "No" or make something up.

BUT if I was going to be with someone, I'd probably flirt with someone at the bar or something. I'm going to say this again, so you don't need to ask "Ex or Anything else" questions because the answer will never be the ex - ever. A carrot wins over the ex.

I don't understand how it makes any sense why you'd think a woman would want to sleep with her ex. He's his ex for a reason. And even if they're still friends it's a can of worms no woman wants to open.

 

[Rikki_13]

If my fella said "Go have sex with someone else" I'd just say "No" or make something up.

BUT if I was going to be with someone, I'd probably flirt with someone at the bar or something. I'm going to say this again, so you don't need to ask "Ex or Anything else" questions because the answer will never be the ex - ever. A carrot wins over the ex.

I don't understand how it makes any sense why you'd think a woman would want to sleep with her ex. He's his ex for a reason. And even if they're still friends it's a can of worms no woman wants to open.

Like she said, there is a reason that he is her ex. No woman wants to go back to an ex just for sex, because if he was worth keeping around in the first place chances are she wouldn't be with you now.

 

[LucyH]

I think an acquaintance would be best, or at least someone who's interested in getting to know us.

I can't think of an ex boyfriend who I'd want to invite to join us, and who would be likely to accept the invitation. A couple of the exes I'm still actively friends with are exes in large part due to sexual incompatibility, and with the other... it's complicated. I suppose I could probably have sex with the complicated one if it was just me, and come home with a story about it. It'd be a good story, too.