Doubts

[hiddenpassion]

I've always thought I was a sub. The longer I go without finding a dom/me that matches my needs though the more I begin to doubt if I'm a sub. I'm not sure if its because I know that there are others looking for a good dom/me and that I feel like if I really put my mind to it I could be one too or its its just because the more I think about it the more I wonder about it the more I doubt that I would ever be able to trust someone that much. I don't think I'm a switch and I'm not very dominant, like I stated above, I think I'd really have to work at it. So I guess my question is has anyone else ever felt this way, dom or sub?

 

[paisleyavenger]

Well, I'm still a relative noob, but i can relate my own experience. I had a few false starts with online doms before i got insanely lucky and met someone local and mostly sane on collar me.
May i enquire, what have you tried? do you post or answer personals here? other sites? how about RL? Im told munches are superb for meeting folks and making connections. (fetlife has bunches of events listed)
My apologies if youve already tried all this. maybe someone more educated will be along to teach us both.
Why does this make you doubt your submissiveness? Perhaps its just a matter of you being (IMHO) appropriately selective about who you enter into this kind of relationship with. And, if I've misread and youre just looking to play, please disregard.
at any rate, G'luck!

 

[Primalex]

I've always thought I was a sub. The longer I go without finding a dom/me that matches my needs though the more I begin to doubt if I'm a sub. I'm not sure if its because I know that there are others looking for a good dom/me and that I feel like if I really put my mind to it I could be one too or its its just because the more I think about it the more I wonder about it the more I doubt that I would ever be able to trust someone that much. I don't think I'm a switch and I'm not very dominant, like I stated above, I think I'd really have to work at it. So I guess my question is has anyone else ever felt this way, dom or sub?

Sorry, this is completely alien to me.

It never crossed my mind that I could be gay just because I didn't find a girl to share my life with back then. Or that I might not be dominant just because there was nobody available for topping.

 

[hiddenpassion]

paisleyavenger: I've posted a personal on here a couple of days ago but it wasn't my first posting anywhere. I've been looking on and off for the past two years and most of the doms I've met want something quick and online only. I live in a small town in the bible belt so anyone into the lifestyle would be fairly hard to find. To be completely honest I'm open to sites or suggestions. I'm not trying to complain, I just want to make it easier for myself to find what I'm looking for (because although I know how I feel I have never met an out dom or sub irl or a BDSM event) and to see if any has ever felt the same.

Primalex: Its not that exactly, its more like I wonder if there is someone out there looking for something similar to me so I can be what they are looking for.

 

[Primalex]

Primalex: Its not that exactly, its more like I wonder if there is someone out there looking for something similar to me so I can be what they are looking for.

Well, I guess if you mention what you are looking for or how you are, this might improve your chances.

 

[paisleyavenger]

stoopid interwebs. i wrote thos eloquent reply, but the interwebs ate it the gist of it was what Primalex asked, though. What do you want (more than a list of likes)? like, what kind of dynamic would you like you and your PYL to have? in your ad, you had a lot pof negating things (not a slave, not a slut, wont be used), but not a lot else. what do you hope for the exchange to lead to? why should the PYL take you on?
trying to be thought provoking, not catty.

 

[hiddenpassion]

Ok I see what your saying. I guess I was being really protective of myself. I have have found a couple of Doms that I thought were good for me and I ended up being really wrong. Thank you both for your responses. They are helping a lot.

 

[CutieMouse]

This is going to sound incredibly ageist...

You're TWENTY; two years is a blink of an eye. Most 20 year olds don't know themselves well enough to know what they want in life, so my advice would be to stop worrying about finding a dominant partner and work on finding yourself.

As for the question of no longer feeling submissive because I couldn't find the right partner... Nope; I am who (and what) I am, regardless of relationship status. BTW, it took almost 10 years to find The Men currently in my life, and if it wasn't for the growth is experienced during that decade, we wouldn't be in each others lives.

 

[hiddenpassion]

I completely understand what you're saying. I honestly thank you for you're opinion and I don't think its ageist at all, I think its fair to say. I was just honestly looking for peoples opinions and recommendations.

 

[hazelkitten]

I'm in the same boat. I'm having difficulty trying to find a Dom to fit what I need. I agree with CutieMouse's perspective. I think I'm young and still in the exploring age. Best of luck to you

 

[dexwebster]

The longer I go without finding a dom/me that matches my needs though the more I begin to doubt if I'm a sub. . . . the more I wonder about it the more I doubt that I would ever be able to trust someone that much.

My first thought is: well, what made you think you were a submissive in the first place? Have those things gone away or changed? Being discouraged is understandable, but it shouldn't change the fundamentals of your desires.

That desire for submission (whatever it means to you) is what makes you a submissive. Lack of ability to trust doesn't make you not-submissive, it just makes you a submissive with trust issues.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Join Fetlife.com, put in your real location, search for a group from your geographical area, go to parties/munches or just start participating in group discussions.

Meeting kinky friends has never been easier.

 

[Cattypuss]

To the OP - try not to stress too much about labelling/categorising yourself. Try to enjoy being 20 (a great age) and enjoy yourself and enjoy the men and women you meet. You'd be surprised by how many people are open to experimentation and have kinks of their own. Getting to know someone and, as part of that, exploring sexuality together with no set agenda is one of life's true joys.