Okay, I still have feelings for my ex.

[saucydenise]

I keep looking at my recent posts and it is becoming clearer to me. We're supposed to be "platonic" these days (his words), but he's so much nicer than he used to be when we were married. I don't know if it's a good idea to date him again, but I do have these feelings. This is not technically a fetish, but are any of you guys in this situation? It's a combination of lust and affection, not to mention memories of the good times. Granted, there were certainly bad times.

I still catch myself flirting with him and he probably thinks that I joined this forum just to cyber-stalk him or something (I don't think so, at least not consciously). I know that he notices the flirting, but he seems to brush it off. It's probably one-sided. I think that I hurt him too much for him to ever want back with me. I don't blame him, to be honest. I was a bit too drunk for much of our marriage. I took him for granted, to the point that he accused me of thinking that I "owned" him because he was foreign-born or something. I didn't think that, but I did take him for granted and cause him to think that.

In short, I was an awful wife, though he wasn't a stellar husband. I confessed years later that I cheated on him, too, with another woman. He admitted to affairs of his own. After an initial moment of shock and outrage, we both forgave each other.

I don't even know if I'd really want to get back with Otto (mostly because it's such an uncertain thing). But I know that I have feelings for him still, in spite of my denial. God, if he's reading this, it could lead to another awkward conversation.

I just wondered if I'm alone here. Yeah, I'm not, but how many of you can relate to me?

Updated: Otto just told me that him and his SO are history. She threw a hissy fit because he let me use his PC to sign up with Lit (she doesn't go on here for whatever reason) and because I've been editing some of his writing for him (she disapproves of his writing smut). I should have guessed that this was coming, but so should he.

Doesn't change a thing. He's still my ex, not my husband or boyfriend. I still doubt that I should make a move on him. It's probably best that we stay totally platonic. I should remind myself to keep control of my feelings. Okay, lighting a cigarette and calm myself (I quit drinking, but smoking is still an issue).

 

[ottohauser1977]

PM me, please. I'd say "call me", but I know that Sarah keeps the phone permanently attached to her ear.

 

[subwannabe]

I'd like to give you some sane advice but I can't help but thinking that it sounds like the two of you were meant for each other. What an idiot for having a new girlfriend and then letting his ex use his PC to sign up for Literotica and having her edit his stories. There was only one smart one out of the three of you.

 

[ManInIronMask]

I keep looking at my recent posts and it is becoming clearer to me. We're supposed to be "platonic" these days (his words), but he's so much nicer than he used to be when we were married. I don't know if it's a good idea to date him again, but I do have these feelings. This is not technically a fetish, but are any of you guys in this situation? It's a combination of lust and affection, not to mention memories of the good times. Granted, there were certainly bad times.

I still catch myself flirting with him and he probably thinks that I joined this forum just to cyber-stalk him or something (I don't think so, at least not consciously). I know that he notices the flirting, but he seems to brush it off. It's probably one-sided. I think that I hurt him too much for him to ever want back with me. I don't blame him, to be honest. I was a bit too drunk for much of our marriage. I took him for granted, to the point that he accused me of thinking that I "owned" him because he was foreign-born or something. I didn't think that, but I did take him for granted and cause him to think that.

In short, I was an awful wife, though he wasn't a stellar husband. I confessed years later that I cheated on him, too, with another woman. He admitted to affairs of his own. After an initial moment of shock and outrage, we both forgave each other.

I don't even know if I'd really want to get back with Otto (mostly because it's such an uncertain thing). But I know that I have feelings for him still, in spite of my denial. God, if he's reading this, it could lead to another awkward conversation.

I just wondered if I'm alone here. Yeah, I'm not, but how many of you can relate to me?

Updated: Otto just told me that him and his SO are history. She threw a hissy fit because he let me use his PC to sign up with Lit (she doesn't go on here for whatever reason) and because I've been editing some of his writing for him (she disapproves of his writing smut). I should have guessed that this was coming, but so should he.

Doesn't change a thing. He's still my ex, not my husband or boyfriend. I still doubt that I should make a move on him. It's probably best that we stay totally platonic. I should remind myself to keep control of my feelings. Okay, lighting a cigarette and calm myself (I quit drinking, but smoking is still an issue).

At the risk of sounding facetious, move to Norway or any other part of Scandinavia using a Schengen permit and have a blast here!

We have cookies and frozen pizza!

 

[ottohauser1977]

I'd like to give you some sane advice but I can't help but thinking that it sounds like the two of you were meant for each other. What an idiot for having a new girlfriend and then letting his ex use his PC to sign up for Literotica and having her edit his stories. There was only one smart one out of the three of you.

There is nothing inherently sexual or unfaithful about having someone whose grammatical skills you respect edit stories. As for the other part, well, she wanted on and happened to be visiting. I didn't think that Nora would make such a big deal about it, beyond the fact that she already disliked my writing.

Bear in mind that she and I were headed for splitsville once she found out about my writing. It was not that she minded reading smut, just that she didn't like the kind of smut that I write. After that, it was headed downhill. She apparently decided that anything to do with this site was bad news and wanted me to have nothing more to do with it (something that wasn't clarified before I informed her of what I did). Twice that honesty came back to bite me in the ass.

In the end, Nora gave me an ultimatum: quit writing or lose her. Since the writing is a part of my identity, I refused. She objected to Denise editing, not because she was my ex, but because she hated my writing and the editing was an indication that I intended to continue it. I offered Nora a chance to edit my stories (in case it would make her feel comfortable) and she flatly refused, which was the discussion right before she flatly told me to stop writing.

So, you see, it was a bit more involved than just Nora getting jealous because I was somehow "unfaithful" to her by being helpful to Denise and asking for her help with something.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I've had relationships end over artistic differences too. Any musician knows about this one-- Writers not so often, but I can see it happening.

 

[ottohauser1977]

I've had relationships end over artistic differences too. Any musician knows about this one-- Writers not so often, but I can see it happening.

Yeah, but it sucks. I really liked Nora. She and I seemed to click up until now. Thanks for understanding, though.

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

I know two different guys who remarried their ex wives. Nether of the second tries lasted as long as the first.

JUst what I know of.

Mike

 

[saucydenise]

I know two different guys who remarried their ex wives. Nether of the second tries lasted as long as the first.

JUst what I know of.

Mike

Oh, Otto and I are not likely to reconcile. Too much time and too many things have gone on since then. We're just friends and I'll work to move past my feelings for him. We'll both get along better as friends.

 

[pierrelarue161]

I still have feelings for all of my exes, but they are not necessarily mutual (tends to be why they're exes, of course). As one of my exes put it just yesterday when we talked about the past, "You're a great guy, but you're also the only guy who ever warned me in advance that you would cheat. That made it a challenge to keep you from cheating and I failed. Not trying again." Funny, 'cause I didn't ask her to.

 

[ottohauser1977]

At times, I feel guilty about leaving Denise, mostly because it was at a vulnerable time in her life (the drinking problem and all), but I couldn't enable her. I just couldn't. She needed tough love and wouldn't have turned around otherwise.

That wasn't the only issue. There were others, of course (the taking for granted as mentioned), but it was a big deal.

But, yes, I still have feelings for her. I just shouldn't be with her.

 

[njlauren]

Don't know anything about your situation, not really my business, but if you guys have any idea of getting back together, before doing so I would highly recommend getting help to figure out why it didn't work. It is obvious your relationship wasn't all bad but there are reasons relationships fail *duh, I know*, and some of them are pretty insidious. Pick up a book by a guy named Harville Hendrix, his Imago theory of relationships is interesting (and scary), it actually helped me a lot with certain things and may help with you next relationships, whatever that is. It may be better you stay friends, I obviously am neutral (well, okay, I am a romantic at heart, but also realistic but if your feelings are still strong you may find yourselves tempted, and if so work with someone to figure out why things went wrong the first time. In a sense a second relationship would be reconciliation, and to get to where that works (I mean in a relationship) you need to build a new one literally on the ashes of the old that you guys incinerate and put to rest.

 

[ottohauser1977]

Don't know anything about your situation, not really my business, but if you guys have any idea of getting back together, before doing so I would highly recommend getting help to figure out why it didn't work. It is obvious your relationship wasn't all bad but there are reasons relationships fail *duh, I know*, and some of them are pretty insidious. Pick up a book by a guy named Harville Hendrix, his Imago theory of relationships is interesting (and scary), it actually helped me a lot with certain things and may help with you next relationships, whatever that is. It may be better you stay friends, I obviously am neutral (well, okay, I am a romantic at heart, but also realistic but if your feelings are still strong you may find yourselves tempted, and if so work with someone to figure out why things went wrong the first time. In a sense a second relationship would be reconciliation, and to get to where that works (I mean in a relationship) you need to build a new one literally on the ashes of the old that you guys incinerate and put to rest.

Danke. But I'm still on the rebound from Nora. I'm not about to explore any relationships, old or new, in this situation. I need to be single and take a breather for a bit. Have a little fun and re-examine myself before pursuing any relationships. For one thing, I'm done with monogamy. Future relationships will have to take into account my nature and frustration with that lifestyle. I will have to look more carefully at what I want before moving on.

 

[PleasePeesMe]

I still have feelings for my ex.

She drives me nuts.