Looking for a dom to talk with, please

[curiousj85]

I've never done anything remotely d/s. However after reading Fifty Shades of Grey yesterday....in 4 hours.... I've found myself quite curious and extremely turned on. I can't get these erotic images out of my head. Seriously.. it's torture but amazing at the same time! I would like an experienced, male dom, age 27-35 to private message me, exchange email addresses so i can ask questions and you can explain how this all works. It's a whole new world to me, never yet explored. My intentions are innocent... though this entire thing makes me feel extremely less than innocent lol

 

[meyersandtonic]

re looking for a dom to talk with

Hmmm sounds hot.. what do you want him to do to you? Tell me....

 

[CutieMouse]

If you want to actually learn "how this all works", I would suggest asking questions here [BDSM Talk/Cafe], as the people answering will probably be more interested in educating you, than cybering with you.

If what you're really looking for is some kinky cyber sex chat, you need to put this request in the BDSM Personals forum.

Regardless... there was a thread on 50 Shades recently (here) that might offer a little insight.

 

[curiousj85]

If you want to actually learn "how this all works", I would suggest asking questions here [BDSM Talk/Cafe], as the people answering will probably be more interested in educating you, than cybering with you.

If what you're really looking for is some kinky cyber sex chat, you need to put this request in the BDSM Personals forum.

Regardless... there was a thread on 50 Shades recently (here) that might offer a little insight.

Thank you very much!

 

[curiousj85]

Hmmm sounds hot.. what do you want him to do to you? Tell me....

As i said, my intentions are innocent. Looking for a friend to talk to... if it ends up leading to not so innocent discussion then we'll cross that road when we come to it.

 

[curiousj85]

Hmmm sounds hot.. what do you want him to do to you? Tell me....

Plus I'd like for him to share with me the things he does to subs. That way i can get a better idea of what goes on.

 

[curiousj85]

Plus I'm completely shy. It's hard for me to talk about sex and even harder for me to talk about my desires, things i do privately, my fantasies and things i crave to be done to me. Maybe I'm looking for someone who can help open me up. And since i am so shy and stubborn, who better to accept the challenge than an experienced dom??

 

[seela]

If you really, truly are here to learn more about this world and also more about yourself and your desires, I strongly recommend you to read the discussions here, start threads of your own, ask questions and so on. That way you'll hear many opinions instead of just one, who might have a hidden agenda. BDSM and D/s aren't a one-size-fits-all deal, and unfortunately there are people, who abuse the curiosity and inexperience of others.

I'm certain you'll have no problem getting the PMs you wish for. Their quality and people's motives for sending them, then again, are something you will have to assess carefully. If you decide to go through the PM path instead of talking with people over here, please, take care of yourself and don't dive in head first. The thrill can be intoxicating, but make sure you don't do anything you might regret later on.

 

[curiousj85]

If you really, truly are here to learn more about this world and also more about yourself and your desires, I strongly recommend you to read the discussions here, start threads of your own, ask questions and so on. That way you'll hear many opinions instead of just one, who might have a hidden agenda. BDSM and D/s aren't a one size fits all deal, and unfortunately there are people, who abuse the curiosity and inexperience of others.

I'm certain you'll have no problem getting the PMs you wish for. Their quality and people's motives for sending them, then again, are something you will have to assess carefully. If you decide to go through the PM path instead of talking with people over here, please, take care of yourself and don't dive in head first. The thrill can be intoxicating, but make sure you don't do anything you might regret later on.

Thank you for this great advice! I truly am curious about this lifestyle. It intrigues me, draws me in and captivates me! I'll keep all of this in mind.

 

[CutieMouse]

Plus I'm completely shy. It's hard for me to talk about sex and even harder for me to talk about my desires, things i do privately, my fantasies and things i crave to be done to me. Maybe I'm looking for someone who can help open me up. And since i am so shy and stubborn, who better to accept the challenge than an experienced dom??

Except that there is more in the BDSM universe than Dominant and submissive. There are Tops, Bottoms, switches, Kinky people who do BDSM without any power exchange at all, Masters, slaves...

How exactly do you know you want to be submissive? What does "being submissive" look like to you?

In the end, the only person who can help you "open up" is you. You might come across guys online who claim to be experienced and would just looooooooove to "help you open up", but odds are good "help you open up" will = free cyber-sex. And while there's nothing wrong with random free cyber-sex, but it may not necessarily = the realities of BDSM.

So what exactly are you curious about? What do you want to know?

 

[DVS]

Plus I'd like for him to share with me the things he does to subs. That way i can get a better idea of what goes on.

Looking for a dom now will only give you a better idea of what he enjoys doing. And if you find no interest in what he enjoys, you could become discouraged before you get started. I think you would be better off reading up on the different kinks and finding out what you have an interest in. Read some of the stories posted here on Lit. Here are the top rated stories of every category so you can find out what you like. You will see that not all of the stories are BDSM related. After you find out what you like, check out our BDSM library for discussions on those topics.

Also, reading the thread CM suggested in the cafe about Fifty Shades of Grey could give you more information on what those involved in BDSM thought of the story. Reading that thread might help you see how much of it is actual BDSM related. Finding out what you enjoy about BDSM related things should be first. Wait until you know more about yourself before you get someone else involved.

 

[curiousj85]

Except that there is more in the BDSM universe than Dominant and submissive. There are Tops, Bottoms, switches, Kinky people who do BDSM without any power exchange at all, Masters, slaves...

How exactly do you know you want to be submissive? What does "being submissive" look like to you?

In the end, the only person who can help you "open up" is you. You might come across guys online who claim to be experienced and would just looooooooove to "help you open up", but odds are good "help you open up" will = free cyber-sex. And while there's nothing wrong with random free cyber-sex, but it may not necessarily = the realities of BDSM.

So what exactly are you curious about? What do you want to know?

I really have nothing to compare it with but... submissive, to me, is being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, it's needing permission, it's someone else being in complete control, taking my pleasure to new heights, it's about pleasing him to no end, it's pushing my limits, it's bondage, kinky things i blush to say out loud, it's about bringing out the sexual me that no one has ever met before, but i know she's in there because i am one horny woman lol. That is submissive to me.

 

[curiousj85]

Looking for a dom now will only give you a better idea of what he enjoys doing. And if you find no interest in what he enjoys, you could become discouraged before you get started. I think you would be better off reading up on the different kinks and finding out what you have an interest in. Read some of the stories posted here on Lit. Here are the top rated stories of every category so you can find out what you like. You will see that not all of the stories are BDSM related. After you find out what you like, check out our BDSM library for discussions on those topics.

Also, reading the thread CM suggested in the cafe about Fifty Shades of Grey could give you more information on what those involved in BDSM thought of the story. Reading that thread might help you see how much of it is actual BDSM related. Finding out what you enjoy about BDSM related things should be first. Wait until you know more about yourself before you get someone else involved.

I know exactly what i want, it's just that I've never talked about it before because it embarrasses me. Everything I've read about bdsm in the past turns me on to no end. With the exception of anything anal.... not sure I'd like anal anything. I'm just curious what others like, what doms do because i know everyone is different and someone i can privately talk to about these things.

 

[CutieMouse]

I really have nothing to compare it with but... submissive, to me, is being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, it's needing permission, it's someone else being in complete control, taking my pleasure to new heights, it's about pleasing him to no end, it's pushing my limits, it's bondage, kinky things i blush to say out loud, it's about bringing out the sexual me that no one has ever met before, but i know she's in there because i am one horny woman lol. That is submissive to me.

I'm gonna play devil's advocate here, because the stuff you just wrote is very very very similar to what the vast majority of people think of when they first think about submission/sexual submission.

being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, it's needing permission,it's someone else being in complete control

What will you bring to the table to make it worth someone's time to micromanage to that degree? Because, really, when you define it as "what, when, how", my first thought is all the dominant men I've known who are way too busy to give into a submissive's fantasy of needing permission to function as an adult.

Many relationships do involve some, if not a lot, of that sort of control, and I've done it myself, but holy shit is that a lot of work for the dominant person in the relationship.

taking my pleasure to new heights

I am dammed lucky that the Men™ consider my pleasure to be a high priority, and we are stupidly well suited for one another sexually, but ultimately it's not about me. If it was, I'd be the dominant one in the relationship, and always get what I want.

If you want to explore pleasure, it might be worth exploring as a bottom, instead of jumping smack dab into submission. All the sensation, less long term commitment.

it's about pleasing him to no end, it's pushing my limits, it's bondage, kinky things i blush to say out loud, it's about bringing out the sexual me that no one has ever met before,

What if pleasing him means no sex? (It's happened to me before.) What if pushing your limits goes wrong? (Although it could very well go right.) How do you know someone is trustworthy of that responsibility [of pushing your limits]? If you're curious about bondage, you can have bondage all.day.long. without ever going anywhere near submission. Bondage bunnies can be bondage bunnies; no submission required. And again, if you're talking about coming into your own as a sexual human being - that's your job. Not the dominant's.

(It feels like I am being such a downer...)

 

[DVS]

I know exactly what i want, it's just that I've never talked about it before because it embarrasses me. Everything I've read about bdsm in the past turns me on to no end. With the exception of anything anal.... not sure I'd like anal anything. I'm just curious what others like, what doms do because i know everyone is different and someone i can privately talk to about these things.

You say you are excited about everything in BDSM because you are still new to it. Most anything new and sexual will tend to titillate you. Don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed by that. When you say everything you've read about it turns you on it tells me you aren't aware of just how large BDSM is.

You seem set to do this in your own way. If you do end up talking to different doms about their interests, remember those are just their interests. Don't classify any one person as someone who knows everything. The longer you are involved, you will refine your BDSM tastes. Don't get yourself involved with someone before you know what you're doing. It's very easy to be sucked in, said the spider to the fly.

 

[Keroin]

(It feels like I am being such a downer...)

No, you are being a realist.

The OP's opening post left me with the sensation of someone preparing to jump into a shark tank with dead fish strapped to her body. Asking random cyber doms to teach a newbie about BDSM is about the same thing, IMO.

*shudders*

 

[Azalea]

No, you are being a realist.

The OP's opening post left me with the sensation of someone preparing to jump into a shark tank with dead fish strapped to her body. Asking random cyber doms to teach a newbie about BDSM is about the same thing, IMO.

*shudders*

agree, agree, agree......I'd be scared to death to open myself up that way to someone I didn't know VERY WELL

Seems to me that beginning a D/s relationship should be preceded by a good deal of conversation.

 

[CutieMouse]

I just keep thinking about how when I first found out there was a name for this stuff that had been floating around my head for a million-and-ten years, what I *thought* BDSM was/I wanted, was way way wayyyyy different from reality. At times I let those fantasy ideas interfere with my growth; at times I let those fantasy ideas lead me down paths that ended up being personally destructive.

I let a guy who was a "very experienced" dominant become my primary source of information, but I eventually realized that most of what he upheld as BDSM, didn't apply to me. Example - orgasm denial/control was a big deal to him. It turns out orgasm denial shuts me down sexually. For most of the relationship it was "what do you mean you aren't horny! You're in orgasm denial!" and me feeling broken because all the erotica/online forum chatter says orgasm denial is the quickest path to nymphomania... and I'd never gotten the memo.

If you'd have asked me what my vision of submission was 10 years ago, I'd have said I wanted to spend my days chained to my lover's desk while he worked, available to give blow jobs/have sex whenever he wanted. (Hot image, eh?)

If you were to ask me today, my place is to make their lives easier... being chained to a desk, distracting them with sex does not make either of their lives easier. LOL I clean house, I study topics of interest, I offer myself as a sounding board, etc. Yes I serve them sexually, but we have a standing rule - I know how my brain works better than they do, so if I feel an activity might cause harm [emotionally, mentally, physically], I am under orders to say so. I am also required to be strong, independent, free thinking, communicative, successful (however I define that) and emotionally honest. I actually find it to be a hell of a lot more personal responsibility/accountability to be submissive, than not.

 

[catalina_francisco]

You've had a lot of good advice here already. Asking for someone to contact you to explain things to you is usually the worst way you can ever seek information. It not only limits you to one person's perspective, it relies on that person actually being who they claim to be. Opening the discussion to many people, from various perspectives and roles, gives you an opportunity to gain a wealth of information as well as some tools to help you tell the difference between an opportunist and someone who shares your interests.

Catalina

 

[Keroin]

I just keep thinking about how when I first found out there was a name for this stuff that had been floating around my head for a million-and-ten years, what I *thought* BDSM was/I wanted, was way way wayyyyy different from reality. At times I let those fantasy ideas interfere with my growth; at times I let those fantasy ideas lead me down paths that ended up being personally destructive.

I'd be willing to bet that this is a very common story. It's funny that most of us can easily see the difference between fiction and reality, except when it comes to erotic fiction. (Well, for those who are being somehow sexually awakened by erotic fiction).



curiousj85, if you want to learn about BDSM and what doms do to subs, that can be done here. Safely. Don't worry about feeling shy because...
1. We are a bunch of pixels who don't matter in your life.
2. Whatever dark and dirty thoughts you have that you feel you could never, ever share with another living soul...meh, the regulars on this board have heard, read, seen, or done far darker and far 'dirtier', trust me.

However, if what you want is to now live the fantasy you've just read, or something like it, consider popping over to the role play forums. There you can act out anything you like and everyone knows that it is just 'a game'.

I wasn't kidding about my shark comment. There are a lot of predators out there and your public announcement of your naivety is akin to chumming the water.

Please feel free to ignore this advice but do so with the caveat that it's very likely the "experienced, male dom, age 27-35" who you start pm-ing with may very likely be a horny 16 year old boy whacking off in his room while his parents are downstairs watching CSI.

 

[Edith_UK]

Ahhhh fuck, there's some proper good advice on this thread that I should really fuckin listen to myself.

Good luck with your exploration OP

 

[Netzach]

Who's holding back? A lot of Dominant people post loudly and often "the sort of things I do to subs"

 

[Primalex]

I really have nothing to compare it with but... submissive, to me, is being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, it's needing permission, it's someone else being in complete control

Kids these days. First they complain about their parents and when they got rid of them, they want their guy to copy them.

 

[curiousj85]

Whoa, I'm not jumping into anything. I wanted to talk. That's it. And not the kind of talk that means more. Just talk talk. No meeting, no calling, no nothing but chat. Thank you all for the advice, I'm keeping it in mind believe me. And whoever called me a kid... I'm almost 30 lol I'm not naive either. I'm not trying to have anyone teach me anything. Just trying to get a collection of one's opinions... of what submissive is to them. That's all. I think of it as being a journalist in a way. Minus the paper. And i actually liked the way my parents raised me.

 

[Noira]

Who's holding back? A lot of Dominant people post loudly and often "the sort of things I do to subs"

Likely as not with the specification of male and an age bracket this is a disguised personal ad more than anything...

AHEM. I mean.

Beware of those "experienced doms"; you're new, OP, and probably can't tell the difference between a good experienced dom (who you may be excluding by specifying an age bracket and gender, because there's some pretty knowledgeable female doms kicking around too, and some pretty knowledgeable older doms... and indeed, some very knowledgeable subs and switches of whatever gender definition they may attribute to themselves, not to mention the people who don't ID as sub or dom but rather top or bottom...) and good ol Master Bater the Domlyest McDom of all time who will MAKE YOU SUBMIT!!1

Wait? Am I ranting? Oops. Anyway, feel free to join in the conversation. You'll learn a lot by reading threads and indeed, interacting in the public setting. It's pretty amazing how on a board where no one knows your name you can dodge the innocent tag, unless you happen to want it. Indeed, in real life, people have questioned whether I know what an STD is...

The internet lets you keep up your public face while learning about allll sorts of kinky things. Welcome on board, don't be afraid to post around because we don't know who you are IRL unless you let us know! And beware of predators not even bothering to wear sheep's skin, because all they want is a quick wank and to capitalize their every pronoun.

Edit: I see you ninjaed my post and have declared you're not looking for anything. Good on ya, a lot of new posters are, however. Don't take our concern as anything but the best of intentions! New people are totally welcome to be slowly corrupted in these parts.