21 y/o virgin. What to do? When did you lose your virginity? All genders welcome.

[NotShyGuy]

This community seems to have less of a "magic-sparkly-hearts-and-stars" sense of romanticism and more of a...realistic view of things like sex, love, lust, and relationships. So, I figured this was as good a place as any to ask, so here it goes, Lit.

I'm a 21 year old guy, about to turn 22 in a few months time, and remain just about the only one of my friends who has not had sex (except a few who choose not to for religious reasons.) I'm certainly interested in having sex, but it just hasn't happened yet. And it sort of feels like it should have by now(?)

Despite the moniker, when it comes to pushing a relationship past "just friends," I'm not great at pulling that trigger. And besides, at the moment, I'm not really looking for a relationship. I just don't feel I'm in the right place to be able to maintain a healthy relationship, and I wouldn't want to falsely lead a girl on that I will.

Which brings us back the original question, what to do?
-I could keep waiting, but who knows how long that might be? And there's always the possibility I could be hit by a car tomorrow morning.
-I could try to find someone who's just interested in the sex, but I think that's probably unlikely at best, especially given my age and experience level. (Am I wrong, Lit? Stories? Opinions?)
-I could hire an escort and just get the damn thing over with. It's immediate with no strings attached, but I'm not sure if that's something I'm entirely comfortable with, for reasons I can't quite articulate.

So tell me, oh wise and powerful Literotica community, what should I do?
Advice? Opinions? Stories? Also, when and how did you lose your own virginity? Do you regret the way you did? I'll welcome any response from men and women (and any variations thereon).


(TL;DR? Here's the Cliff Notes version: I'm a 21 year old virgin. What should I do about it?)

 

[subbygirly]

Well... If it makes you feel any better, I'm a 21 year old virgin too, but I'm a female. Never really had time to actively seek relationships. Personally I'm just going to continue to wait and see what happens.

I know some people in their 20's are using dating sites like okcupid (hope it's okay that I talk about other sites here) just to hookup.. though there are those on there that are looking for serious relationships too. But other than that I really have no idea.

 

[Cherry_Rose]

At 18, I was the 'second last' to go in my friendship group, with one of my other girlfriends waiting for the 'right guy' which I think happened when she was 22-23?

So I don't believe that either of you are that uncommon. I didn't make a point of letting others know, and often would let them draw their own conclusions about what happened... if it got them off my back about it... I couldn't really care less?

I will say, I waited to be with someone I felt a connection with, and really I don't regret that decision... at least as a woman... and I think for plenty of men too, the first time isn't all that and a bag of chips. Its more likely to be awkward and a bit stiff (no pun lol). So IMHO it should be at least with someone you feel good and comfortable with... I know far to many women who mention regretting that random so and so they slept with to 'get it out of the way' and how it might have been the second or third guy after that event... that they wished they'd waited for.

I will also say as a side note, I made a girlfriend in the last few years and she's in her mid 20's and never been with anyone... basically hasn't found anyone she feels that connection with.

Soo...... I guess the best thing to do is wait it out until it feels right? You only live your life once, and you don't want it to be something you look back on and wince and wonder why you were such a moron to just rush into it because you wanted to 'get it done'.

 

[amofiga]

Notshyguy

I was probably old by today's standards when I lost my virginity (18 and a freshman in college). Back when I was young, perhaps people were a bit older but it seemed like most of my friends in high school were getting laid and I wasn't and I was starting to get panic stricken. When I started in college, I met a girl who was more experienced than me and I was afraid to tell her I was a virgin. The first time we had sex was a disaster (super pre-mature ejaculation) and she understood my problem. However, I was fortunate that she didn't make fun of me but worked with me and all ended up well. Stop worrying. When it happens it will happen. Hopefully it will be with someone who is as nice as the girl who "took my cherry" the year Kennedy was shot.....ancient history for most here I'm sure.

 

[AdjectiveNounVerb]

NotShyGuy, I am male. I was finally able to get rid of my virginity three months after my twenty-second birthday. I empathize with you and speak from experience: the position you're in is miserable, I would only wish it upon my enemies, and if I'm anything to judge by you probably already have lifelong psychological damage from it. Sorry about that last one.

I lost my virginity to a younger woman I met on an online dating site. I've tried several over the years, by the way, and I endorse OkCupid.com for the virtues of being more flexible and user-generated/wiki-style than other sites, for having a wider variety of what its users are looking for (eHarmony is not going to be fruitful for someone who isn't looking for a Serious Relationship for example), and because it's where I met the woman who I've had my happiest, longest, and most fulfilling relationship with as well as the woman who I had that brief fling with where I got rid of my virginity. It's also free which is a plus.

I'll tell you this, though: be up-front about what you're after if you go that route. If you go with the second possibility you listed and say that's what you're doing, I think you may be more successful than you anticipate.

I've also done your third possibility while on vacation. It's actually got an element of excitement for me. But as I acknowledged above, I do have some problems with my brain.

 

[Interested_Girl]

Sent You A Private Message.

 

[LucyH]

Well, have you tried flirting with women in their 30s? As a gross generalization, we're not as shy as women your age, and perhaps a little more likely to move things along when interested.

You'd also get a few points with me for being a virgin, in part because you're unlikely to have any STIs, and in part because it's fun being with someone who's enjoying things for the first time, whether it's something to do with sex, a movie, or chocolate turtle cheesecake. You don't need romance to appreciate that.

And speaking of romance, let me just say there is a 22 yr old guy I'm quite attracted to at the moment. I like chatting with him and he's amazing to look at. However, he's still 22, and I really feel the age difference about every other time he opens his mouth. It's not that I think there's anything wrong with the stuff he says to make me notice the age gap, but it creates a bit of a disconnect. As a result, I wouldn't attempt a serious relationship. Sex, on the other hand...

Added: Oh, and to answer your question about my own experiences, I was still in high school, and the guy was a fair bit older. I wanted to be with someone who lived on their own so that I wouldn't have to worry about parents or somebody else walking in on us; the worrying would have made me tense and ruined the sex even if nobody caught us. The relationship, such as it was, was a bit shallow and only lasted a few months, but he was nice, I had a giant crush on him, and I was exactly where I wanted to be, doing exactly what I wanted to do. I've done a lot of thinking, and in retrospect, I've decided I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[AmethystRains]

NotShyGuy, I was a senior in high school when I lost my virginity. I was actually one of the last of my friends to lose it, which is why I felt the need to be on equal ground with them. I got tired of listening to them talk about how fun it was and since I was a pretty horny person, I wanted to be included in the conversations.

Looking back on it today, I wish I would have waited. I was in a six-month long relationship with a guy who was five years older than me; he treated me like crap and was emotionally abusive during most of our relationship. The first time we did it, he was NOT gentle or caring whatsoever, and basically criticized me the whole time for not being able to relax. We tried a couple more times over the next few weeks but it was not pleasurable at all, for either of us, and he kept reminding me how all of his "past girlfriends" never had this problem. Our relationship ended very soon after that.

A few years later when I was 22, I met my now-husband who was 21, online. When the subject of sex came up, he told me he'd been with one girl sexually in a long term relationship, and he knew about my first few experiences. After about a year of talking online, we started flying out to see each other in person. During one of our visits, when we were about to make love for the first time, he confessed to me that there had been no other girl, and that he'd just been embarrassed to tell me he was a virgin (he was then 22).

We'd fallen in love long before that, so it didn't bother me that he lied, and I could definitely understand why he did it. When we had sex that day, it was a really beautiful experience, for both of us. Something was very erotic about knowing that I was his first, and it made me wish like hell that he could have been mine as well. It felt more like my first time than my "real" first time felt, and I was mad at myself for wasting my virginity on some asshole years before, all because I felt pressured to fit in with my friends.

No one on this site can tell you what to do, because this is something important that has to completely be 100% your own choice. However, I will say that from reading your original post, you seem like a very mature person and you remind me a LOT of my husband when we were your age. I really hope that your first time will be something memorable, and something that you WANT to remember years after the fact. How you go about that is your choice, but let it be YOUR decision based on what you feel in your heart, and not one based on pressure (to fit in, or "get it over with").

 

[perrafuker]

well, i'm in my mid 30's and i'm still havent had sex because:
A)bad luck in finding a nice lady
b)disability
c)i'm a little bit nerdy lol


its tough for me to not being able to find release with a woman.but there's little that i can do about it and the only positive outcome of this is that i dont carry std's....tried the okcupid thingy and women are ok with their baggage but they seem to want the perfect dude that doesnt have any plus will accept blindy theirs

 

[sweet_secrets4u]

Firstly, I did meant to post here the other day, but I got distracted in the most nicest of ways. Sorry for the lateness.

Only do it when you are ready to loose your virginity, and if you want to be a good lover as well, read on.

Google womens erroneous zones. They vary from women to women, so the fun can be in finding them, you can incorporate this in your foreplay. I can not express the importance of foreplay. Google that, im sure there would be some subject material on that topic.

If there is a girl and she means something to you GET IN HER HEAD. For a woman sex is only a part of the relationship. For example, kiss the palm of her hand, trail kisses up the inside of her arm, then move to the nipple and suck on that, add a touch of thumb and index finger, and roll, pinch and pull the other nipple. Tell her how turned on she makes you. Call her a pet name. My husband calls me babe.
You have covered the erroneous zones, foreplay, and head groundwork, and how easy was that. Continue to discover her body, don’t just leave it as that.

Pick a position that you want to fuck her, and watch porn that show that position. May I suggest doggie. And the reason is simple:

Most women love it. Me included.

You don’t have to be the worlds best lover to do this right. All you have to do is find your rhythm and vary it from time to time. You can incorporate her in participating – play with your nipples for me – finger your clit, or you can lean forward and do those things yourself, as you fuck her.

Very your pace, and add something different to it. My husband withdrawls, then quickly plunges all the way down, then fucks like a sex starved dog, then repeats the process. Another of my favourites.

If you feel you are going to cum, and its too early, DON’T STOP!!! I had this guy who would come to a complete stop, and hold me so tight, I couldn’t move. Big sex drive killer for me if there ever was one. Slow down your pace, or withdraw and go oral. But keep her satisfied, and horny.

Also find varying positions for doggy, ie How you position your self, means how your cock fucking her cunt will feel for both of you.

Also try to find an older experience woman for a first time and a few times after that. They are out there, and discrete. Look for the ones who have wardrobe malfunctions, or like to wear blouses and dresses that are low cut, and suggestive. They are the advertisers.

If there is anything you would like to ask me, feel free to drop me a PM. I hope it helps.

Happy fucking

 

[strapon_tales]

I was eighteen, she was twenty-one. It was pretty good, but not exactly "mind-blowing". That came later (no pun intended).

 

[sweet_secrets4u]

I was eighteen, she was twenty-one. It was pretty good, but not exactly "mind-blowing". That came later (no pun intended).

All good things cum to those who wait

 

[Emmcee20]

Firstly, I did meant to post here the other day, but I got distracted in the most nicest of ways. Sorry for the lateness.

... They are the advertisers.

If there is anything you would like to ask me, feel free to drop me a PM. I hope it helps.

Happy fucking

Listen to this woman! She knows! Personally I was 18 and she was 33. Yes I came early but we made up for that. Then it was "rabbit season" for a while - fucking-like, not hunting-like a la Bugs Bunny!!! LOL

Married her at 21. Together for seven years but the sex was never the problem.

Virginity is an easily curable situation. Just relax - it will happen.

 

[Alanija]

It was the first time for both me and the guy (serious relationship) - I was 20, he was 24. I see nothing wrong with that

 

[haurni]

I had just turned 26, my girlfriend at the time (who was not a virgin and was in fact my first girlfriend) was 22. The first time we tried I was too stressed out and could'nt keep it up when putting the condom on. She went on the pill and we did it again a month or two later and that was lots of fun. We did the rabbit thing too, then, all over the apartment (bed, chair, couch, floor, shower, etc.).

I was 30 when I met my ex-wife, who was 26. She was a virgin at that time.

Frankly, I wish sex was not such a big deal in our society because people who don't lose their virginity within a few years either side of age 20 often get messed up wondering why they're so undesirable when they just haven't met the right person yet.

 

[dwemer254]

Nothing to be concerned about. I didn't lose mine till 23. I regret it now since I lost it to a woman that I have no respect for, now.

 

[aness]

so i'm going 24 and still a virgin (in terms of no one/no things had entered my treasure hole), but i'm sexually active in terms of masturbating, sucking cocks, etc (all non-penetrative acts). my bf is going 26 now, and yet still a virgin too. i'm his first gf and so he is to me. we agreed not to have any penetrative sex-act, yet still experiencing the pleasure of sex. the penetration stuff will be saved for later as a gift on our wedding (hopefully...). commitment and trust had to be build first. it was not until our second year of relationship, when i had my first touch and view of a man's real cock, and my first experience to had my breast shown to a man and get caressed. everything went up small degrees at a time, after i get used to touch his cock i started to learn how to stroke and give him the pleasure by hand. months after the hand job, i learned how to use my mouth and make him cum without getting scrubbed with my teeth. the same goes for him, started with my breast, he learned how to caress it with hands, then with tongue. the lesson went further to explore my cunt, running fingers and tongue on it. all one step at a time. it's almost 5 years and we're doing just great.

the point is (from my point of view), any sex act should be based on a relationship, not a one-off occasion. the desire of having one should be built up naturally. then you may have a commitment on how far it will be. do not be afraid of not doing it right at first time, it's a process of exploring the new world. that's where a relationship and trust come in handy. open conversation will lead your way to the excitement

::just my share::

 

[angelbabe8907]

I'm 22, female, and a virgin. In your situation, I would go with waiting and seeing what happens. If you're going to try and find someone who's just interested in sex, that would be fine if you still feel a bit of a connection. The reason I say that is otherwise it's no strings attached, a bit similar to the escort option. Personally, I'm ok with the fact that it hasn't happened for me yet, and hopefully in time it will. Yes, we could all get hit by something and die tomorrow. It's just a chance we take.

 

[NICEGUY74]

I was 18 she was 15. I was not her first....failed first time around too sensitive...now I understood what popping the cherry really meant...all good from then on though..

 

[JKayle]

I remember losing mine; I was seventeen at the time. I was never very good around girls when I was that age; I was shy, easily flustered and tongue tied.

I started seeing a girl that was a year older than I was; first of all as friends, and later as boyfriend and girlfriend. When it finally happened, more by accident than design, the running commentary going through my brain was, "I'm having sex, I'm having....... grunt.....I've had sex."

Yep, I guess the excitement was a little too much. My first thought afterwards was that this sex lark isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Happily, later experience has taught me better.

 

[AdjectiveNounVerb]

Frankly, I wish sex was not such a big deal in our society because people who don't lose their virginity within a few years either side of age 20 often get messed up wondering why they're so undesirable when they just haven't met the right person yet.

QFT, about the messed up thing. Mainly because it had already happened to me a few years before I turned 20 and I know I'm still messed up (I'm working on it). One of the things I love about my girlfriend is how supportive she's been about it and how safe I feel talking to her about it. Anyway, it's a few weeks short of being six years since I got rid of my virginity but I still mostly think of myself as a pariah because of how long it took. I actually get jealous of them when I hear about girls getting pregnant before they get driver's licenses - sure they're doing it in a stupid and unsafe manner, but they're getting to have sex six to eight years earlier than I had to wait until. That's a quarter of my whole goddamn life! I don't look down on sluts, I envy them and wish I were one of them.

 

[slowpoking]

You remind me of myself. I didn't lose mine until 26 -- don't panic -- not because I had a third eye or anything, and not because I didn't want to. From high school on there were always girls I was interested in, and, had opportunity arisen, I'm pretty sure I would have hopped in the sack with them at the drop of a hat. Never got close, mostly because I was shy and would get really stupid around someone I liked.

It sounds like you still have a conscience, and that's one way I think we're similar. I did go on dates that just didn't click -- nice women, but no spark -- and a few times I realized that she was interested and I could probably have sex if I wanted. I didn't because I didn't have feelings for them and, like you said, I didn't want to lead them on. Looking back, I feel kind of good about that, and I think you should, too.

One thing I would change is feeling lame that all my friends had had sex and I hadn't. I remember drinking with guys and everybody telliing about their first time, and feeling embarrassed to admit that I still hadn't. If I was back there again, I'd tell myself not to sweat it, that sometimes things just are the way they are and that it's not a big deal. There are worse things, like using people.

I finally lost my cherry to the woman I married. The sex was great, I wasn't, but I got better and the sex has been great for 20 years. She's still the only woman I've ever made love to, and I don't mind a bit about that or the fact that it took so long.

That said, if I was an unattached 20-year-old again and had a chance to hook up with a hot chick, I wouldn't hesitate as we both understood there were no strings. Call me a slut, but I think there's a difference between sex and love, and if two people want to share a moment and leave it at that, what's the harm.

Just some thoughts. Sounds like you're doing fine, and I wouldn't begin to tell you what to do. It's all part of life, so enjoy.

 

[creampieluvr79]

This community seems to have less of a "magic-sparkly-hearts-and-stars" sense of romanticism and more of a...realistic view of things like sex, love, lust, and relationships. So, I figured this was as good a place as any to ask, so here it goes, Lit.

I'm a 21 year old guy, about to turn 22 in a few months time, and remain just about the only one of my friends who has not had sex (except a few who choose not to for religious reasons.) I'm certainly interested in having sex, but it just hasn't happened yet. And it sort of feels like it should have by now(?)

Despite the moniker, when it comes to pushing a relationship past "just friends," I'm not great at pulling that trigger. And besides, at the moment, I'm not really looking for a relationship. I just don't feel I'm in the right place to be able to maintain a healthy relationship, and I wouldn't want to falsely lead a girl on that I will.

Which brings us back the original question, what to do?
-I could keep waiting, but who knows how long that might be? And there's always the possibility I could be hit by a car tomorrow morning.
-I could try to find someone who's just interested in the sex, but I think that's probably unlikely at best, especially given my age and experience level. (Am I wrong, Lit? Stories? Opinions?)
-I could hire an escort and just get the damn thing over with. It's immediate with no strings attached, but I'm not sure if that's something I'm entirely comfortable with, for reasons I can't quite articulate.

So tell me, oh wise and powerful Literotica community, what should I do?
Advice? Opinions? Stories? Also, when and how did you lose your own virginity? Do you regret the way you did? I'll welcome any response from men and women (and any variations thereon).


(TL;DR? Here's the Cliff Notes version: I'm a 21 year old virgin. What should I do about it?)

I'm a 33 y/o male, I was 25 when I lost my virginity.

In High School it was more of a not really having an opportunity. I was in a committed relationship with a girl in the second half of High School that wanted to wait until she got married and I was ok with that. When she found out I didn't want to get married immediately after she graduated from High School, which was the year after I did, she ended the relationship not long after.

After that being a Virgin was more by choice. Not so much for religious reasons, didn't have a very religious upbringing and my parents were very open to talking about human sexuality in general, not that they're sex-crazed (that I'm aware of) but they encouraged me to explore my sexuality, albeit safely, and they told/taught me not to ever be ashamed of what gets you going, my Dad was (and still is) especially vocal on that point. My parents also believed in and encouraged masturbation as healthy and safe.

As a teenager I was mortified at some of the conversations that I felt were thrust upon me, but I can definitely appreciate them now as those views that my parents instilled in me were pretty inconsistant with the upbringing most of my friends had, and my wife for that matter.

Anyway, back to the point, it was a number of years before I met anyone that I was serious about and the whole casual sex and/or one night stand thing was and still is really not something I am interested in. So like any red-blooded male not getting any, I watched a lot of internet porn and had very hairy palms...

Then shortly after I turned 25 I met someone that was just amazing, we just "clicked" and it finally felt right. We were both virgins and got to explore those times together, definitely a lot of great times, not always perfect but definitely fun.

 

[mike2010fc]

.....

 

[Connubium]

I'm not telling.

I don't see why you think it's improbable that you'll find a girl who just wants sex. Lot's of young women want sex and not the commitment of a relationship.