I need help with my new "slave"

[Love2Lust]

My boyfriend has expressed his desires to be my slave and although I typically prefer the role of submissive, I have decided to do my best to fulfill his fantasies.

What I'm struggling with is coming up with scenarious that pleases both of us. As a submissive, I like the "daddy" figure and being spanked, but my boyfriend doesn't like that side at all. It's hard to apply what I would like to him.

He has a specific urge to be "dirty". I keep demanding that he explains what that means and he keeps saying "I'll do anything, no matter how dirty, I want to be dirty, etc." I can't come up with enough to keep him interested in the scene.

If anyone has experience with a slave like this please respond! Thanks!

 

[DVS]

My boyfriend has expressed his desires to be my slave and although I typically prefer the role of submissive, I have decided to do my best to fulfill his fantasies.

What I'm struggling with is coming up with scenarious that pleases both of us. As a submissive, I like the "daddy" figure and being spanked, but my boyfriend doesn't like that side at all. It's hard to apply what I would like to him.

He has a specific urge to be "dirty". I keep demanding that he explains what that means and he keeps saying "I'll do anything, no matter how dirty, I want to be dirty, etc." I can't come up with enough to keep him interested in the scene.

If anyone has experience with a slave like this please respond! Thanks!

The burden is on him to tell you what he wants. Tell him you won't do anything until he gets specific about what he wants you to do. After you know a little bit of what he's into, you might be able to take it from there. But, he should be able to express his desires first.

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Tell him to suck it up and tell you what he wants. You can have him write it out if he wants, or send you an email, but if you've never been his dom before, he should tell you want he wants. You have limits, too. What if he wants you to do something that you aren't into? As it is right now, he's putting the whole weight of what happens on your shoulders. That's not proper negotiations, in my book.

 

[Stella_Omega]

An abasement kink.

Dirt might mean pee. Or, in fact-- shit. But pee is more likely. But yeah-- you might want to put a chain around his neck, and step on the leash to keep his cheek pushed to the ground, and "make him tell you."

 

[subwannabe]

He has to at least point you in the right direction.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

The burden is on him to tell you what he wants. Tell him you won't do anything until he gets specific about what he wants you to do. After you know a little bit of what he's into, you might be able to take it from there. But, he should be able to express his desires first.

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Tell him to suck it up and tell you what he wants. You can have him write it out if he wants, or send you an email, but if you've never been his dom before, he should tell you want he wants. You have limits, too. What if he wants you to do something that you aren't into? As it is right now, he's putting the whole weight of what happens on your shoulders. That's not proper negotiations, in my book.

An abasement kink.

Dirt might mean pee. Or, in fact-- shit. But pee is more likely. But yeah-- you might want to put a chain around his neck, and step on the leash to keep his cheek pushed to the ground, and "make him tell you."

He has to at least point you in the right direction.

All of the above, especially the bolded (and underlined and italicized (even more so)) parts. Good advice from experienced folks. Heed it.

 

[elysium_quester]

But yeah-- you might want to put a chain around his neck, and step on the leash to keep his cheek pushed to the ground, and "make him tell you."

If I were in his position, I'd want to have a proper sit-down with a cup of coffee and negotiate the terms, but if he's willing yet reluctant, then you might actually want to dominate him into telling you.

Be whatever you know he's got a kink for (special role, outfit, etc., if none, just sex yourself up however you like), then push (try not to really bully) him into saying what he wants his Mistress (or whatever name you have) to do.

That's my best guess, sorry.

 

[Loverskitten]

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/8325689/the-meeting

This video cracks me up because, I went on a date with this guy, I swear! We had nearly this exact conversation. I also ended up telling him to go see a Dominatrix.

It also reminds me of the situation the OP is in. I suspect your BF doesn't want to tell you exactly what to do as it would spoil the fun. Try asking him what general kinks he's into and that you'll take the reins from there.
He may be scared to frighten you off. There are certain kinks, I know, I do not want to participate in but honesty is the best as his desire for these will not go away.

 

[Loverskitten]

Talking it out is no fun but neither is coming home to your BF in your best bra and poopy diaper

 

[Pelagie]

He's going to have to at least give you an idea of what he's into. I understand not wanting to "ruin" it by walking you through one of his fantasies, but a general list of kinks is a good starting point. There are so many things out there that can be perceived as "dirty."

 

[eastern sun]

An abasement kink.

Dirt might mean pee. Or, in fact-- shit. But pee is more likely. But yeah-- you might want to put a chain around his neck, and step on the leash to keep his cheek pushed to the ground, and "make him tell you."

Yes. Or sit on his face with his nose in your ass crack or pussy until he tells you.

 

[BiBunny]

I fucking hate people like this. I deal with them daily. "I'm not going to tell you what I want because I want you to guess EXACTLY what I'm thinking and pretend like it's what YOU wanted all along." *Stab, stab, stab*

Were it me, I'd probably be like, "Ok. You wanna be dirty? Go scrub my bathroom with your toothbrush until you're ready to tell me what you really want." But I'm kind of a hardass in that respect.

 

[Love2Lust]

I like ALL of what everyone said and I do have the slight desire to "*stab, stab, stab*".

It's funny how I didn't even think of the simplest thing: "talk to him". If that doesn't work, I'll move onto more intense means.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I like ALL of what everyone said and I do have the slight desire to "*stab, stab, stab*".

It's funny how I didn't even think of the simplest thing: "talk to him." If that doesn't work, I'll move onto more intense means.

For some reason in this age of instant "communication" via the interwebz, text messages, cell phones, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseum, so many - too many - people have lost sight of the most effective and instant means of communication: actually sitting down and talking with another person. It has so *many* advantages: the opportunities to hear the tone and tenor of another's voice; to see body language and eyes; to lightly touch one's hand when discussions get into areas that may be "disturbing" or otherwise sensitive; and yet we often tend to ignore this first and (until recently) most common way to learn another's heart.

Don't beat yourself up over it, though. It's a societal issue that has spread to almost all of us, often including those of us who frequently say in threads like this: "The most important thing in a relationship is to communicate, cOmMuNiCaTe, COMMUNI-freakin'-CATE!"

 

[CutieMouse]

I like ALL of what everyone said and I do have the slight desire to "*stab, stab, stab*".

It's funny how I didn't even think of the simplest thing: "talk to him". If that doesn't work, I'll move onto more intense means.

I had a complicated thing with someone once upon a time... He swore the only way to true intimacy was switching, equally. (Im neither a switch or a dominant.)

Except that I was supposed to magically know what he wanted. So sometimes I'd try Toppibg, but get shut down. Other times I'd try bottoming, but my timing was bad. Some days he loved the ideas I came up with (because it matching his mood/desires/god-knows-what); some days the *exact.same.fucking.thing* would cause an argument, because I was being inconsiderate.

Talk about stabby...

 

[MsRoseEvans]

If talking doesn't work, and he's unwilling to write his needs, you should have him fill out a BDSM list and give you the results. There are a few good ones online. That way you will know what his limits are, and what sort of things really appeal to him and you can get an idea from there. It might be a good idea to fill one out yourself so you can think about the things that you do and don't want to do. A check list might be a good middle ground for him, as it's not too personal but still gets the needs across.

I'm sure you can come up with plenty of creative ways to get the truth out of him. And hey, who knows, maybe this is what he's really wanted all along? Maybe he will feel more comfortable if he is forced to tell you, than just casually talk about it. He might like the idea of being "tortured", and asking you to torture him wouldn't be as effective. Just to throw another idea out there.

 

[BeAGoodBoy]

I fucking hate people like this. I deal with them daily. "I'm not going to tell you what I want because I want you to guess EXACTLY what I'm thinking and pretend like it's what YOU wanted all along." *Stab, stab, stab*

Were it me, I'd probably be like, "Ok. You wanna be dirty? Go scrub my bathroom with your toothbrush until you're ready to tell me what you really want." But I'm kind of a hardass in that respect.

You're my soul sister.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I had a complicated thing with someone once upon a time... He swore the only way to true intimacy was switching, equally. (Im neither a switch or a dominant.)

Except that I was supposed to magically know what he wanted. So sometimes I'd try Toppibg, but get shut down. Other times I'd try bottoming, but my timing was bad. Some days he loved the ideas I came up with (because it matching his mood/desires/god-knows-what); some days the *exact.same.fucking.thing* would cause an argument, because I was being inconsiderate.

Talk about stabby...

What a total loser. And-- he lost you.

 

[EpicureanCynic]

For some reason in this age of instant "communication" via the interwebz, text messages, cell phones, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseum, so many - too many - people have lost sight of the most effective and instant means of communication: actually sitting down and talking with another person. It has so *many* advantages: the opportunities to hear the tone and tenor of another's voice; to see body language and eyes; to lightly touch one's hand when discussions get into areas that may be "disturbing" or otherwise sensitive; and yet we often tend to ignore this first and (until recently) most common way to learn another's heart.

Don't beat yourself up over it, though. It's a societal issue that has spread to almost all of us, often including those of us who frequently say in threads like this: "The most important thing in a relationship is to communicate, cOmMuNiCaTe, COMMUNI-freakin'-CATE!"

I'd agree with this. It's as if people can only communicate through the Like button or in 160 characters or less.

 

[xxxshacoxxx]

Yeah... you've got to get him to talk to you. "Dirty" can mean all kinds of things. You might take it to mean scat and he might just be thinking a little tying up and spanking.

Not going to be nice for either party it there is a misinterpretation.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Have him send you a story or link to some porn he is interested in.

 

[Licia]

My boyfriend has expressed his desires to be my slave and although I typically prefer the role of submissive, I have decided to do my best to fulfill his fantasies.

What I'm struggling with is coming up with scenarious that pleases both of us. As a submissive, I like the "daddy" figure and being spanked, but my boyfriend doesn't like that side at all. It's hard to apply what I would like to him.

He has a specific urge to be "dirty". I keep demanding that he explains what that means and he keeps saying "I'll do anything, no matter how dirty, I want to be dirty, etc." I can't come up with enough to keep him interested in the scene.

If anyone has experience with a slave like this please respond! Thanks!

First, BiBunny: stabby-stab? *tosses head back in laughter* Thank-you!

Love2Lust: "Since we are apparently not on speaking terms, I want you to go outside, shirtless, and pluck the hideous weeds from my flowerbed. Don't even bother knocking on the front door until you are covered with dirt. Perhaps then you will be ready for discussion?"

 

[midwestyankee]

As he suggested that you change the balance of power in your relationship, it's up to him to contribute to the success of that change. Seems to me that the thing to do is to tell him that if he is unwilling or unable to make a contribution that is comparable to yours, then all bets are off and he doesn't get to have his fantasy fulfilled.

But when he's ready to give at least as much as he wants to get, then you'll be happy to also give at least as much as you want to get.

 

[njlauren]

Seems to me something is ass backwards here. It sounds more to me like he is saying "do me",in a sense like going to a pro domme.....and where are you in this? I am not writing this being snide but rather that to work you both need to be getting something out of this Laying it on you to figure out is kind of lame,he needs to talk to you about his vision and you then filter that through what you want....after all you are the M*smile*


Otherwise this kind of sounds more like a dominant ordering a sub to top them......

 

[Netzach]

My boyfriend has expressed his desires to be my slave and although I typically prefer the role of submissive, I have decided to do my best to fulfill his fantasies.

What I'm struggling with is coming up with scenarious that pleases both of us. As a submissive, I like the "daddy" figure and being spanked, but my boyfriend doesn't like that side at all. It's hard to apply what I would like to him.

He has a specific urge to be "dirty". I keep demanding that he explains what that means and he keeps saying "I'll do anything, no matter how dirty, I want to be dirty, etc." I can't come up with enough to keep him interested in the scene.

If anyone has experience with a slave like this please respond! Thanks!

Dirty is often dude code for jizz.

Level one - his own.

Level two - someone you both know.

Level three - someone only you know and he has to speculate on.

Highly filthy - someone neither of you know.

Level four - dumpster diving for used rubbers (not advised, but sometimes running through all the levels gives you an idea where someone's idea of filth is)

If you can't get it off the ground because ANY jizz is "too dirty" this isn't worth the crazy making.

 

[Love2Lust]

Dirty is often dude code for jizz.

Level one - his own.

Level two - someone you both know.

Level three - someone only you know and he has to speculate on.

Highly filthy - someone neither of you know.

Level four - dumpster diving for used rubbers (not advised, but sometimes running through all the levels gives you an idea where someone's idea of filth is)

If you can't get it off the ground because ANY jizz is "too dirty" this isn't worth the crazy making.

This actually happened to be very accurate. Sticking strictly to level one. Thanks for everyone's feedback. Things are going OH so nicely