Painless anal

dedenina

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My hubby wants to do anal sex. When younger (in collage), I tried it, but it was painful and have no desire to try again. My hubby is large and I can barely tolerate vaginal and oral sex. I can't imagine having that snake up my butt! He says that it will not hurt if we go slow. Is there such a thing as painless anal sex?
 
... Is there such a thing as painless anal sex?

YES, there is!

I have enjoyed it and I have a friend that has often gotten off when she is anally stimulated.

You can start out with fingers, then add a second finger until you are used to it.

Eventually you can work up to a slim vibrator, and grow from there.

If you find a cutaway view of your reroductive system, you will notice that your clitoris is actually a very large organ.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e7/EdSim_Clitoris_anatomy.jpg

The clitoris splits in two and the two go to either side of the vagina and finally end VERY close to the anus.

The 2 "Bulbs of Vestibule" are often referred to as "Clitoral Horns".
 
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Thanks CNYCarol

I really want to please him as he is an excellent husband, so I will try. We've been together over 5 years and I'm still working on BJ technique. My jaw gets very tired if he does not cum rapidly and by the time he cums I can hardly open and shut my mouth. I owe him this, as he does excellent oral and basically 'Fu*ks me with his tongue. OMG, just talking and thinking about it has made wet, lol:)
 
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That picture is strangely beautiful. It reminds me of a firefly.

I have a firefly between my legs.
 
If you haven't done so already, read through the Anal section of The Blank Manual sticky. He should read any pertinent advice there as well, so you both are on the same page.

Going slow is a component, but it's not enough, especially if you've had bad experiences in the past. You need LOTS of foreplay and preparation, TONS of lube (we like silicone because it's super slick and doesn't dry out), and then you should go very slow and control the speed of penetration yourself while he stays still. If you're in control, he can't hurt you, and you can always allow him to start moving slowly once you're totally comfortable. I also find it helps if I orgasm at lest once before we attempt anal, and simultaneous clit stimulation is a critical component for me.

On the preparation front, you can certainly start with a finger and such. Because your husband is larger, though, I'd suggest working your way up with anal toys as well. If you can work up to taking a toy that's slightly larger than him, you'll know you can handle his cock. Experiment with it on your own and then together over time, rather than trying to do it all in one session or something.

It can take some (or a lot of) trial and error to get it right. If it hurts at any point, stop and reassess where you might be going wrong.
 
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I really want to please him as he is an excellent husband, so I will try. We've been together over 5 years and I'm still working on BJ technique. My jaw gets very tired if he does not cum rapidly and by the time he cums I can hardly open and shut my mouth. I owe him this, as he does excellent oral and basically 'Fu*ks me with his tongue. OMG, just talking and thinking about it has made wet, lol:)
I'm sure your husband is awesomesauce, but you don't owe him anal.
 
The position also makes a big difference, too. I'm sure it's not the same for everyone, but for me it's most comfortable if I lay on my stomach, and he lays on top of me and does all of the moving. Also, I think he doesn't move very much or push all the way in. You just have to let him know what's working or not working :)
 
What Erika said is right. We find the best position is "spooning". Once the head is in, I stay absolutely still and my wife pushes back as much or as little as she feels comfortable with. Once I'm in, she absolutely loves it. I'm sure you will too. But as other have said, You don't "owe" it to him. And if he really loves you, he'll agree.
 
These folks have given some great advice already, but here is another thing that's worked well for me: as he enters you, bear down as you would when you have a bowel movement. That action relaxes the sphincter muscles so that you don't feel like you're being ripped apart. Also, taking an enema a couple hours before has helped me feel more comfortable and confident in using that technique. Never skimp on lube! Most importantly, relax, communicate, and enjoy each other. :)
 
My hubby wants to do anal sex. When younger (in collage), I tried it, but it was painful and have no desire to try again. My hubby is large and I can barely tolerate vaginal and oral sex.

If you don't desire it then don't do it, sorry but its a simple as that- yes I know sometimes we do things to please our partners that may not be exactly what we want at the time, but we do so usually for a quid pro quo- i.e. we get something back that we value just as much if not more.

From what you say about oral and vagina sex I would spend time concentrating on that so you get pleasure out of it first before diving into something even more intense.

Take more time, slow it down- turn it into an erotic hand massage with some licking. squeezing his cock between your breasts, yes a little bit of taking him in but make it part of the whole experience not the only thing. Find his prostate glan, massage it gently from the outside, or lubricate and do from the inside. See how he like it!

I enjoy anal sex, as the penetrator and as the penetrated but as part of a whole sexual encounter, not the sole and only part of it.
 
If you don't desire it then don't do it, sorry but its a simple as that- yes I know sometimes we do things to please our partners that may not be exactly what we want at the time, but we do so usually for a quid pro quo- i.e. we get something back that we value just as much if not more.

From what you say about oral and vagina sex I would spend time concentrating on that so you get pleasure out of it first before diving into something even more intense.

Take more time, slow it down- turn it into an erotic hand massage with some licking. squeezing his cock between your breasts, yes a little bit of taking him in but make it part of the whole experience not the only thing. Find his prostate glan, massage it gently from the outside, or lubricate and do from the inside. See how he like it!

I enjoy anal sex, as the penetrator and as the penetrated but as part of a whole sexual encounter, not the sole and only part of it.



Pretty well said. The first time we discussed anal sex when we got together, he put the ball in my court as to decide when I wanted it, but that didn't stop the fun! He'd finger my ass while eating me out, and that was a big turn on, slowly building up to inserting a couple more fingers. Eventually, I asked him to try it, and with a little wine, a whole lot of lube, and me controlling how far he went and how fast, made all the difference in the world. Like others have said, it's not something we do every single night. I love anal sex, but that being said, it's something we reserve for special occasions, and that makes all the difference.

Play with his ass, see what he thinks.....

tifani
 
For me its pretty simple, When i'm really turned on it feels good, when i'm not it hurts. So i would never be down for say a quicky anal session :)

All of the above advice is great, but for me while it feels great while im in the throws of passion it always hurts afterwards no matter what precautions i take, not sure if others experience it the same way but i discomfort aftwards wouldn't be surprising.
 
These folks have given some great advice already, but here is another thing that's worked well for me: as he enters you, bear down as you would when you have a bowel movement. That action relaxes the sphincter muscles so that you don't feel like you're being ripped apart. Also, taking an enema a couple hours before has helped me feel more comfortable and confident in using that technique. Never skimp on lube! Most importantly, relax, communicate, and enjoy each other. :)
instead of an enema, I have found using an auxiliary shower hose up the butt - remove the grating over the drain - is an excellent cleanser of the rectum - just put the water on low and stuck the hose up into your rectum, moving it around and holding yourself open all the time so the water just runs right back out - this insures that NO PRESSURE builds up to hurt anything.
 
What Erika said is right. We find the best position is "spooning". Once the head is in, I stay absolutely still and my wife pushes back as much or as little as she feels comfortable with. Once I'm in, she absolutely loves it. I'm sure you will too. But as other have said, You don't "owe" it to him. And if he really loves you, he'll agree.

I find spooning is the best way to start, too. That, and LOTS of lube ;) Once he's in, I love to try lots of positions. My personal favorite is me on my back with a pillow under my butt and my legs up on his shoulders. I have the MOST intense orgasms this way! If I had to guess, I'd say he's slightly larger than average - I can't imagine if he was huge. I hope you can find a way for it to work for you guys!
 
This is so bizarre... I actually tried anal for the very first time today! :) I can't say it was completely, 100% painless, but it was pretty... umm... intense. ;) My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and I'd been interested in spicing up our sex life a bit... since after 12 years, 2 kids and both of us working, I just felt we needed something more for us. And... I've noticed I've gotten a bit... hornier... as I've gotten older, as well, LOL! Anyway, everybody here knows what they're talking about: Use a small toy first, TONS and TONS of lube, and LOTS of patience. My husband is older than me and WAY more experienced, so he was patient, loving, and stopped instantly if anything was uncomfortable, until I was able to take him moving.
And as the wife of a man who is also rather... umm... significant!... I have some tips for oral as well, as my jaws were always sore and I could never finish for him. You don't have to swallow him whole for him to love it. Suck on the head... lick the underside with quick flicks of the tongue... cover the whole shaft with saliva, lick him all over... follow the vein all the way down to his balls... take his balls gently in your mouth (I have it on good authority that a lot of guys, mine in particular, LOVE this)... rub your tongue underneath his balls and over his perineum... then slide back up and start again. When his breathing gets shorter and his balls start tucking in tight to his body, you know he's getting close, so the rest is then up to you, how to finish. I've recently done some Literotica research on these topics... YAY, Literotica!!!... and it's been an incredible resource. I know my husband has been very grateful and happy lately... and I've been hard pressed not to take advantage of his good mood, LOL! :) Good luck to you, relax and have fun with it. Me, I'm stepping outside for some air, because it's suddenly gotten very warm in here!!! :p
 
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Owe? no Gift!

You had a bad experience, you "owe" nothing, that being said Anal can be wonderful, if you can get over your "collage" trauma.
Anal sex can be amazing, some of my first squirting orgasms were during anal.
it can also rip tear hurt and bleed, if not prepared or more enthusiasm than preparation occurs

1. does he know what he is doing? has he performed before? if not , enthusiasm will not carry the day here, the anus makes no lubrication and must be prepped before sex.
fingers tongue stretching are VITAL , not just advised.

most men adore anal , the dual lure of the forbidden and super tight feelings propel men beyond normal heights , that said , he has got to know what he is doing if you don't.

discuss this , together openly, before any sex happens, before or after sex is not the time for this little tete a tete

warning anal sex is not the same as vaginal , you may never have "painless" anal
you may never learn to enjoy it, this is something that you must face, and so should he.
 
I enjoy anal but have also had some bad experiences in the past. My biggest problem now is that when I attempt anal, even knowing how great it will be in the end, my body seems to only remember the bad & I have trouble relaxing my anus enough for penetration. Tensed up muscles back there will lead to pain. I really only experience the pain on initial entry, then it subsides and turns into intense pleasure.

I have found three things that help me with this.

1) I use a lube with a numbing agent in it for my ass. You need to prep the area with it a good little bit before penetration or it will also work as a numbing agent on his penis. It doesn't numb so much that you will ignore the pain causing problems the next day, but it does numb enough to help me relax for entry.

2) I have a glass dildo that is about half the diameter of my partner. The glass is so super receptive to lube that I can easily insert it & that seems to loosen up the area for my partner to easily slide in next. A word of caution for using a glass dildo in your ass though. Go slow with it as it has no give at all. I never play aggressively with my glass toys.

3) When he begins to enter you & you feel some pain, stimulate your clit. The hormone release will help to alleviate feelings of pain. If the pain can't be dulled down with this then I would suggest you stop. Just as some women have tighter vaginas, some will have a tighter ass. It may be that your husband is just not going to be a good fit for anal sex.

I'm really a bit concerned that you are having trouble with your blowjob technique & that your jaw gets so sore. You might want to look for some advice on that as well. I'm sure you can find some information here on how to give an awesome bj. There are various little tricks & cheats you can use with that so that he will get incredible stimulation & you won't have to break your jaw doing it.
 
A journey worth taking if you have the patience and time

Having painless anal sex is possible. However, it requires a lot of patience and the ability to change how you perceive things. This mean it cannot be rushed and it should not be done when you are looking for a quickie. Instead it has to be done when you have the time and the patience to try something new. The starting point is foreplay. Being properly aroused is essential and without being aroused than most likely you will focus on any discomfort. Once you are properly aroused, generously use lube on your anus and have your partner lube one finger. Have you partner slowly insert their finger into your rectum and if you are feeling any discomfort than have the stop until the discomfort passes. During the time you are feeling discomfort focus on relaxing and using deep breathing can help. Also, if you are becoming "dry" than generously apply more lube. After the discomfort passes have them continue. Once your anus is pliable, have your partner lubricate a second finger and follow the same process. At this point when the anus is pliable and there is minimal, if any, any discomfort you should be ready for anal sex.

Just because you are ready does not mean having him ram his penis into rectum will be easy. Before your partner is ready to penetrate you he should lubricate his penis and generously apply lube to your anus. Penetration may be difficult due to so much lubrication being used. The difficulty is not your anus preventing entry but the lubrication may make the area slippery. However, once he is able to enter it should be very easy and painless. His entry should be slow stopping when needed to allow you to relax and work through any discomfort. Once they have fully penetrated you, his movements should be slow and rhythmical.

With that said, anal sex in your situation maybe something that needs being done incrementally. Whereby, for example, the first few times all you do is some "anal play," in order to get you use to it. "Anal play," essentially is any playing with the anus that does not involve penetration. Then the next step might shallow penetration. Shallow penetration will help you get use to him entering without going deep. Also it may mean he penetrates for a part of the time in order to get you use to it. Finally you might be able to have him fully penetrate you but you may need to stop several time, in order to get you use to it.

As for safety, anal sex does involve the risk of UTI for your partner and they should wear a condom to protect against urinary tract infection.

Moving on to positions, from experience I find doggie style works the best since it provides easy entry and it is easy to control penetration. Missionary I find is difficult since it requires pushing the hips further back for penetration and it can create a lot of discomfort. Spooning might be easy for penetration but I find it easy to "slip out." Also I find spooning does not work well for controlling depth or speed. However, I feel, you need to find a position that works well for you.

Next, there are some that feel using a desensitizer that contains lidocaine to reduce the pain of anal sex or using enemas work. From experience desentizers might marginally reduce any pain felt but their cost, I feel, does not justify the marginal benefit they proved. Moving on to enemas, we have never used them and I personally do not believe, they help with reducing pain.

Essentially anal sex is less about sex; instead it is about communicating and learning to work together. This means anal sex usually comes later in a relationship once the necessary trust and communication has developed to allow this activity to occur. I feel couples who do anal sex share a closeness due to the closeness that it can bring from being able to communicate, the trust that is involved and the ability to work together. Also, anal sex involves being able to change your mind set. If you view anal sex as painful or creating a lot of discomfort, than you are likely to feel it. However, if you are able to focus on the pleasure and the closeness then it is likely you are not going to experience any pain.

Finally if you take it slow, apply a lot of lubrication, and communicate then anal sex can be painless. Just remember to take this as an opportunity to explore by learning about your body, your likes, and what works. If you can see anal sex as a journey instead of something to check off on a list of, "sexual activities done," then you will find anal sex can be quite enjoyable.
 
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I would agree that you need to find the best position for you. Unlike the above poster doggie style does not work for me & anal at all. It's perfect for vaginal penetration but I've found that any position that requires me to use the muscles in my legs to support myself makes anal more painful. For some reason in my mind I can't seem to relax the muscles in my ass at the same time the muscles in my legs are being utilized.

Laying flat on my stomach works for me, but also on my side. He holds one leg up on his shoulder supporting all the weight so I can relax the muscles then he kneels across the leg that is down the bed. I'm sort of scissor positioned now. He has good control in this position so he can go as slow or as fast as I need him to go. If I need him to stop he can maintain the stopped position comfortably until I'm ready for him to start again.
 
advice

My advice would be to start alone. Anal is something personal. You're doing something with your asshole and in most heads, that's personal. Just like shitting, you prefer to be alone.

Next thing to do is to make your asshole a sexual part of your body in your head. If it's not washed out, it's impossible to get turned on by it. If it's a clean, soft, well-lubed, pink tunnel, it's actually sexier than a vagina, in my opinion.

Go to the toilet a few times, then go in the shower, sit in a kangaroo position(?) and aim the showerbeam on your asshole. Slowly try to work a finger in and try to relax. The key eventually is to be able to 'ragdoll' your lower body, as I call it. It means that you have to learn to relax all muscles below your waste. It's very hard to relax your asshole alone, so seeing everything below the waste as one helps.

Try to stretch your asshole a bit and aim water in. Then try 2 fingers, from two hands and try to stretch it open more whilst the water is aiming at it. I don't like anal douches because it actually leaves water in there during your sex which can come out. We prefer emptying and then washing by hand..

It's good to be very turned on while you do all this. Watching porn helps and watching anal porn helps even more.

Just follow your instinct, anal does NOT go with pain. If it does, your simply not turned on enough, not relaxing enough, going to fast or a combination of all the above stated.

Believe me, your asshole is a magical place and it can take a LOT. It's just a muscle and it can relax, everybody can do it!!

Good luck. For personal advice, PM me. I'm thinking of starting a clinique called 'the anal doctor'.
 
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