Need feedback please

[McMurphywrites]

Hi. My latest story, which is FTM trans porn, is getting lousy numbers. All my other stories got respectable numbers. Obviously it is either the topic or that I did not write it well. Either option is not good.

So, what can I do better?

I have more written. Want to improve them before I publish.

Thanks!!

 

[PennLady]

Post a link to your story -- people will more likely click on it to read it.

 

[Etaski]

Hm...interesting.

Classic stroke piece; good grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Good description, nice and varied. Enthusiastic, positive, and anatomically accurate.

Overall surprisingly very subtle considering it gets into the sex within 3 paragraphs...the only mentions of the transexual/cross-dressing aspect is the mention of a harness twice, otherwise all pronouns are consistent, "he" and "she." Remove the mention of the harness and it's a purely heterosexual encounter.

*scratches chin* That might be the basic problem....the category. Most cross-dressing/transexual stories I've read are highly aware that they don't match the "norm" and that can be part of the high in the writing. Buuuuut also bear in mind I haven't read loads of such stories (just have found ones I like).

I found this story non-offensive and even respectful in the example that it is a very human encounter with love and mutual desire. The genders are unimportant in this story. And yet...and yet the score is so low.

The subtlety and extreme understatement of this being a "Transsexuals & Crossdressers" story is the only thing that strikes me as something that might be causing people to vote down. It's too subtle, too understated, and perhaps not what they are looking for. It's also very short, so if they spend the first Lit page trying to find the category in your story (and heaven forbid they miss the mention of the harness!), and then get to the end and realize, "THAT'S IT??" then I can see where the score might come from...

I don't think it's poorly written, though. Just a basic hetero encounter with a possibly confusing mention of a harness. Or a subtle comment on human sexuality.

 

[McMurphywrites]

Hm...interesting.

Classic stroke piece; good grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Good description, nice and varied. Enthusiastic, positive, and anatomically accurate.

Overall surprisingly very subtle considering it gets into the sex within 3 paragraphs...the only mentions of the transexual/cross-dressing aspect is the mention of a harness twice, otherwise all pronouns are consistent, "he" and "she." Remove the mention of the harness and it's a purely heterosexual encounter.

*scratches chin* That might be the basic problem....the category. Most cross-dressing/transexual stories I've read are highly aware that they don't match the "norm" and that can be part of the high in the writing. Buuuuut also bear in mind I haven't read loads of such stories (just have found ones I like).

I found this story non-offensive and even respectful in the example that it is a very human encounter with love and mutual desire. The genders are unimportant in this story. And yet...and yet the score is so low.

The subtlety and extreme understatement of this being a "Transsexuals & Crossdressers" story is the only thing that strikes me as something that might be causing people to vote down. It's too subtle, too understated, and perhaps not what they are looking for. It's also very short, so if they spend the first Lit page trying to find the category in your story (and heaven forbid they miss the mention of the harness!), and then get to the end and realize, "THAT'S IT??" then I can see where the score might come from...

I don't think it's poorly written, though. Just a basic hetero encounter with a possibly confusing mention of a harness. Or a subtle comment on human sexuality.

Thank you!!! That was great feedback. Perhaps I could cross post it. If they will let me.

 

[McMurphywrites]

Post a link to your story -- people will more likely click on it to read it.

Oops! Thanks!

http://www.literotica.com/s/mikes-welcome-home

Here is the link to the story. It is in the Transsexuals and Crossdressers category.

 

[McMurphywrites]

I am still figuring out the length of these stories. In my word program the story is almost 3 pages long but on the Literotica site it is only one.

I have other stories featuring Mike and some of them are longer. I may have to go back and make some additions to the shorter ones before I publish them!