many questions...

[knot_sweet]

Appologies in advance for straining the noob tolerance limits.
I am going to ask my main questions all in this post, rather than spam the board repeatedly.
The reason being I am seeing M/M in ten days and would like time to absorb any information or advice properly.
First question: I get squicked out by the hygiene factor of anal. M/M started using an enema but (teehee, butt) it makes me almost too sensitive to play. Any suggestions?

Second question: I bought a male chastity device but have no idea how to attach it. Is it "unmistressey" to tell Him to put it on Himself?

Last question (for now): Sometimes I fall into a submissive "personality" that conflicts with the space M/M wants me in. How do I avoid this? And if I can't, how do I deal with it. appropriately mid scene?

Thankyou all for your patience in the face of such an onslaught.

edited for spelling.

 

[4bidnfruit]

Appologies in advance for straining the noob tolerance limits.
I am going to ask my main questions all in this post, rather than spam the board repeatedly.
The reason being I am seeing M/M in ten days and would like time to absorb any information or advice properly.
First question: I get squicked out by the hygiene factor of anal. M/M started uses an enema to but (teehee, butt) it makes me almost too sensitive to play. Any suggestions?

Second question: I bought a male chastity device but have no idea how to attach it. Is it "unmisstressey" to tell Him to put it on Himself?

Last question (for now): Sometimes I fall into a submissive "personality" that conflicts with the space M/M wants me in. How do I avoid this? And if I can't, how do I deal with it. appropriately mid scene?

Thankyou all for your patience in the face of such an onslaught.

What? Damn, I had to look up mistress. I’m getting confused.

What is M/M?

 

[knot_sweet]

M/M is an abreviated form of Master and His name. He likes to bottom sometimes, hence asking for advice on topping or Domme-ing, or whatever you want to call it.

 

[4bidnfruit]

M/M is an abreviated form of Master and His name. He likes to bottom sometimes, hence asking for advice on topping or Domme-ing, or whatever you want to call it.

ah, ok. just curious.
~~~~

I don't know about being all “unmisstressey” but I believe it would be irresponsible of you to tell him to put it on, if you don’t know how to use it yourself. Figure it out. Figure it out together if you have to.

Hiding ignorance with authority can get people hurt.

On the other hand~ I could be totally wrong. Perhaps my paranoia is what makes me "vanilla".

 

[StrayKat]

Now I really lack experience and I am sure Stella will come to rescue but my opinions would be:

Second question: I bought a male chastity device but have no idea how to attach it. Is it "unmistressey" to tell Him to put it on Himself?

I dont think telling him to do just about anything himself would be un-mistressly. Why? I would sure prefer my boy do everything that can spare me fussing around much. And if he is just as clueless as I am I can safely berate him for it *chuckle*

Last question (for now): Sometimes I fall into a submissive "personality" that conflicts with the space M/M wants me in. How do I avoid this? And if I can't, how do I deal with it. appropriately mid scene?

Self control, grit your teeth and do what you must do I guess. Not as fun but gets the things done.

 

[CutieMouse]

The chastity issue is relatively easy...

"Sweetie... Your cock belongs to me for the rest of the evening; it is my most prized possession, and I expect you to take good care of it.

*hands over the chastity device*

You have 5 minutes to put this on properly. Remember, your cock is mine tonight. Treat it as such. Your five minutes starts... Now."

Leave the room (take advantage of the time to get in the right head space), and come back in 5 minutes on the nose. If he's accomplished his task- "reward" him with XYZ. If he hasn't, "punish" him with XYZ.

If you're struggling with falling into a submissive mindset while Mistressing, maybe view yourself as a Service Top, instead? You're "serving" by giving him the authority he craves.

(and learn how to put the chastity thing on... )

 

[Stella_Omega]

...And here I was lurking hoping someone Mistressly would come along for you!
i would say that it's all in how you frame things. You can't be expected to know how to use the chastity cage the first time. You can demand that he hold still while you experiment hehe.
And..
keep a bowl of...
ICE WATERRRRR
around in case your fiddling gets him too hard to get him into the thing. One dunk and he'll suddenly fit just fine.

Regarding anal hygiene; don't go for a big enormous enema. A little squooshy bulb with about 6oz of barely soapy water in it should be enough. he's not going to go much deeper then that, honestly!

If you really feel paranoid, do the enema early in the evening, a few hours at least before the main event... and have the little squooshie around for closer to time, and for his fun of playing with your butt.

I'm going to bet that you will get over some of your feelings about dirty butts in time.

As for the suddenly dropping into sub space, that's the one that I avoid by not doing D/s roles when I play. Although I'm usually the one wielding the whip and sticking on the clothespins, I am not a Domme. I consider myself a service top, meaning that I get my satisfaction out of making my partner happy-- sometimes happier than they wanted... Sometimes so happy they cry...

 

[knot_sweet]

4bidnfruit- The thing is, He has plenty of experience applying toys. I don't.

StrayKat -You made me laugh. Thanks. I hadn't thought of it's like that.

CutieMouse - That's a way of scening it that would definately work. I guess I worry about appearing incompetant or incapable thus not allowing Him to relax as a bottom.

StellaOmega- Wow, very precise instructions there. Thankyou. Will definately put this to work.

for both CutieMouse and StellaOmega - It's not stepping into the role of Mistress that's then problem. I find I like making Him "good cry" from sensory / emotional overload. And I don't revert to submissive until I've brought Him back up.

My problem is that I seem to have developed three different sub "spaces" or "personalities". Bratty / pushy sub, almost slave sub and Daddy's girl. Sometimes then wrong one surfaces mid scene, which is very disconcerting.

 

[His_pet_slut]

just wanted to chime in on the nothing wrong with having him put it on himself side of things.

I'm frequently sent a text telling me to let myself in, go upstairs and if the wrist/ankle cuffs are lying on the bed I know I am supposed to undress then put the cuffs on before I go kneel in the corner and wait for M to arrive.

 

[4bidnfruit]

I don’t believe it would be wrong for a mistress to order it. I do believe it would be irresponsible if the person ordering it doesn’t how know to use it.

Yes, it is just a little toy, this time, but if something should go wrong, the one in control should know how to help. Find out before you play, consider it foreplay, order him to show you, whatever it takes, learn the device!

There is nothing wrong with admitting that we don’t know something. Personally, I’d be a lot more comfortable with someone that admits they don’t know how to use a device than with someone who pretends they do.

 

[sdnt]

Appologies in advance for straining the noob tolerance limits.
I am going to ask my main questions all in this post, rather than spam the board repeatedly.
The reason being I am seeing M/M in ten days and would like time to absorb any information or advice properly.
First question: I get squicked out by the hygiene factor of anal. M/M started using an enema but (teehee, butt) it makes me almost too sensitive to play. Any suggestions?

Second question: I bought a male chastity device but have no idea how to attach it. Is it "unmistressey" to tell Him to put it on Himself?

Last question (for now): Sometimes I fall into a submissive "personality" that conflicts with the space M/M wants me in. How do I avoid this? And if I can't, how do I deal with it. appropriately mid scene?

Thankyou all for your patience in the face of such an onslaught.

edited for spelling.

You're cute ^_^

 

[the captians wench]

I haven't topped in ages, and one of the reasons is that I tend to crash after.

I have a sadistic side, she doesn't come out often, but she's a real bitch when she shows up. When she's satisfied, however, she disappears leaving behind the service sub who can be overwhelmed by the amount of pain she inflicted.

This has often been resolved by me snuggling and petting my bottom, or even reversing roles at this point all together.

Every partner I've had, that encouraged my inner sadist, has had no issue dealing with my crash. I kind of give them a warning before we ever get to the play stage though, so they aren't spooked by me going from welting to weeping in 3 seconds.

 

[satindesire]

Hygiene- Use a condom

Chastity Device- Google instructions

Sudden switch mid-scene- Safeword out

 

[knot_sweet]

Only a quick reply to say thanks for all the advice thus far.

I'm taking a couple of days to make sure I let everything you all have said sink in.

I'm sure I'll have clarification points to ask when I have done so.

 

[knot_sweet]

His_pet_slut - One word - Wow.

4bidnfruit - I agree with you about safety and things going wrong. It's one of the reasons I have been very careful about pushing M/M too far. This has caused the problem that He forgets who's in charge when He chooses to bottom. This I will no longer allow.

satindesire - We tried condoms but it didn't help my squick factor so we switched to enemas. Smart people are well able to translate diagrams to really life instructions. I am not one of those people. This is going to sound bad, but I hadn't considered safewording out of the scene when it happens. Bad subbie, no cookie.

the captains wench - What you said made me think quite alot. I realised that I drop quite badly a few days later if we end a weekend with me "on top" so to speak. I feel out of balance if the status quo is not returned. Also that I have the most problems with switching spaces if I sub after topping. Again, it's because my sub self isn't feeling very secure. I need M/M to spend time nurturing me after I bring Him back from sub mode. I will talk to M/M about this. Thankyou.

 

[His_pet_slut]

knot_sweet: I am a very lucky girl. I know this.

 

[Noira]

This thread made me smile a bit because of the beautiful less conventional kink going on here. I find I back out of threads or stop posting a lot because I get sick of cookie-cutter one size fits all projections. Switching makes me happy.

The only thing I can really comment on is the 'wrong personality showing up'... something I'm becoming unfortunately well acquainted with myself. Oh well. Kink isn't one size fits all. Safewords swing both ways, you know, and don't be afraid of safewording out if you can't take it from that end... protecting emotional health, you know.

Finding out what triggers your various kinky personalities might be a valuable thing, so you can keep them in check. Obviously there's something psychological going on if it's getting in the way of roleplaying. Or do you treat it more as being a service top, giving him what he wants?

Ah, the beautiful complexities. My favorite thing. It's given me much to think about.

 

[satindesire]

satindesire - We tried condoms but it didn't help my squick factor so we switched to enemas. Smart people are well able to translate diagrams to really life instructions. I am not one of those people. This is going to sound bad, but I hadn't considered safewording out of the scene when it happens. Bad subbie, no cookie.

I'm happy I could give you that idea hon.

Trust me, no one is ever really thrilled to safeword out of a scene, but really, sometimes it's just necessary.

 

[knot_sweet]

Finding out what triggers your various kinky personalities might be a valuable thing, so you can keep them in check. Obviously there's something psychological going on if it's getting in the way of roleplaying. Or do you treat it more as being a service top, giving him what he wants?

Forgive the awfully long reply time. This really did require a decent amount of thought. In all honesty, I still couldn't say what actions prompt the sub changes.

This led to the question of whether I do it just for Him (service top) or if I actually have some "dominant" in me.

In the first instances I did things I knew would please Him. I didn't push the limits or boundaries in any way. It was about sensory stimulation and making Him all shaky with what I knew would push all His "like" buttons. I enjoyed it for the not so simple need to give Him what He needs to be happy.

These days I find myself looking to indulge my control over His desires. I don't want His hands free to wander where they will. I want to do things to Him purely for my satisfaction. Like tie Him down and massage His feet because they are mine and I want to take care of them (this makes sense when you understand neither one of us are into feet and don't play with them in any way at all). I want Him on His knees, looking into my eyes I slowly snap those cuffs together.I want to poke Him just to see Him flinch. I want Him helpless and defenceless so I can take Him wherever I choose to. I want Him sleepy and wrung out so I can cuddle Him close all the while thinking "mine" like some protective lioness mother with her cub.

Yes, I have a dominant streak. But submissive is my base state. And if He doesn't take back the balance of power my inner self wobbles like a poorly made spinning top.

------------------
And a big thanks to everyone who gave me advice or food for thought. Although my weekend did not go according to plan, rest assured your input has not been in vain. Your various contributions have added much to my nefarious plans for next time.

 

[knot_sweet]

I have another question

When I'm dominant, my own orgasm is the furthest thing from my mind. I don't want Him pleasuring me like that or even touching me that much, and only cum right at the end because He needs me to. My entire focus is the control of His emotions, body and ultimately His orgasm. I get fierce joy in the "mine mine mine" posessive control but it doesn't have the same intense sexual overtones that I feel as a submissive.

This, I seriously struggle to understand. Anyone out there want to offer some insight?

 

[HottieMama]

I have another question

When I'm dominant, my own orgasm is the furthest thing from my mind. I don't want Him pleasuring me like that or even touching me that much, and only cum right at the end because He needs me to. My entire focus is the control of His emotions, body and ultimately His orgasm. I get fierce joy in the "mine mine mine" posessive control but it doesn't have the same intense sexual overtones that I feel as a submissive.

This, I seriously struggle to understand. Anyone out there want to offer some insight?

I don't think I have any real insight but I am the same way. When I am in "Top space," the least of my concerns is my own orgasm. Part of it may be that orgasm involves "loss of control," for me and that is what I least want.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I don't think I have any real insight but I am the same way. When I am in "Top space," the least of my concerns is my own orgasm. Part of it may be that orgasm involves "loss of control," for me and that is what I least want.

yes, this.

And when you're controlling someone's experience, it's difficult to think about your own experience at the same time.

A while ago though, I decided that I wanted my own orgasm to be part of my "dominance" style, and I've been working on that aspect.

 

[angie19]

The chastity issue is relatively easy...

"Sweetie... Your cock belongs to me for the rest of the evening; it is my most prized possession, and I expect you to take good care of it.

*hands over the chastity device*

You have 5 minutes to put this on properly. Remember, your cock is mine tonight. Treat it as such. Your five minutes starts... Now."

Leave the room (take advantage of the time to get in the right head space), and come back in 5 minutes on the nose. If he's accomplished his task- "reward" him with XYZ. If he hasn't, "punish" him with XYZ.

If you're struggling with falling into a submissive mindset while Mistressing, maybe view yourself as a Service Top, instead? You're "serving" by giving him the authority he craves.

(and learn how to put the chastity thing on... )

I say do that, but stay and watch to see how he puts it on. And so you learn

 

[partsecond]

I say do that, but stay and watch to see how he puts it on. And so you learn

Or, "cuff yourself, I will be back". Getting lots of ideas here.

 

[wicked woman]

Or, "cuff yourself, I will be back". Getting lots of ideas here.

Don't do this please. It's not safe to leave someone alone who's restrained.