Best served cold...

[Farrah]

http://www.cracked.com/article_19633_5-most-satisfying-tales-payback.html?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage&utm_campaign=new+article&wa_ibsrc=fanpage

We all know payback is a bitch, but is turnabout fair play?

Have you ever given in to your petty side?

 

[CandiCame]

Yeah! Fuck those Jehova's Witnesses! They're fucking insane. With their lack of blood transfusions and jew-fro Jesus.

 

[Peregrinator]

http://www.cracked.com/article_19633_5-most-satisfying-tales-payback.html?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage&utm_campaign=new+article&wa_ibsrc=fanpage

We all know payback is a bitch, but is turnabout fair play?

Have you ever given in to your petty side?

Awesome. Cracked has done a nice job staying relevant over the years.

I'm trying to think of any revenge stories I might have. I'm sure there are some, but I can't think of them offhand.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I do it all the time.

 

[RobDownSouth]

I do it all the time.

That's why you have coke-bottle glasses. Your mother warned you if you didnt stop you'd go blind.....

<-----Blind. Get it?

 

[Johnny_Ray_Wilson]

The foreclosure on the Bank of America branch was my favorite. Sweeet! Looks like something I would do. I would have sued them for a hell of a lot more than the $2500 the bank owed to that couple.

How the hell does a bank manage to foreclose on a house the owners paid cash money for? There was all kinds of stupidity with Bank of America on that one.

 

[Farrah]

Awesome. Cracked has done a nice job staying relevant over the years.

I'm trying to think of any revenge stories I might have. I'm sure there are some, but I can't think of them offhand.

Cracked is awesome.

I'll start, but to be perfectly clear, this is not an autobiographical story...

Someone very close to me got married at 17. She had only known the man a short time, but he was charming, from a good family, etc, etc. She also saw him as a kind of savior, I think. Growing up, she had been horribly abused. She loved her new husband, and she trusted that her new life with him would be a much better one.

Immediately after their wedding, the new couple moved to New Orleans, where the man had a job opportunity. They decided to rent a motel room by the week while they looked for an apartment to rent. Their very first night in New Orleans (and their second night as husband and wife), he overpowered her, gagged her, and proceeded to rape and beat her. She lost consciousness. She was out for hours. She awoke in the predawn. While she was blacked out, her new husband had consumed a bottle of Wild Turkey and passed out naked on his stomach. Broken and bloody, the wife went next door to the all-night grocery store. She returned with a bottle of liquid Bengay and a funnel. After gathering up her few belongings and placing them by the door, she stuck the tip of the funnel in the man's ass and poured the entire bottle of Bengay into the funnel. She then grabbed her suitcase and fled to the bus station, took a bus up north and began her real "new life" all on her own.

Yes, she could have called the authorities, or she could have left the motel room without taking any other course of action. But her teeth were shattered, her ribs and collar bone were broken, and her dreams of a life free of abuse had been brutally dashed. I love this woman, and I am delighted with the icy-hot revenge she served up in the pre-dawn hours of that New Orleans morning.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

That's why you have coke-bottle glasses. Your mother warned you if you didnt stop you'd go blind.....

<-----Blind. Get it?

She didnt say shit about shrinkage and the hair on my palms!

 

[Peregrinator]

Cracked is awesome.

I'll start, but to be perfectly clear, this is not an autobiographical story...

Someone very close to me got married at 17. She had only known the man a short time, but he was charming, from a good family, etc, etc. She also saw him as a kind of savior, I think. Growing up, she had been horribly abused. She loved her new husband, and she trusted that her new life with him would be a much better one.

Immediately after their wedding, the new couple moved to New Orleans, where the man had a job opportunity. They decided to rent a motel room by the week while they looked for an apartment to rent. Their very first night in New Orleans (and their second night as husband and wife), he overpowered her, gagged her, and proceeded to rape and beat her. She lost consciousness. She was out for hours. She awoke in the predawn. While she was blacked out, her new husband had consumed a bottle of Wild Turkey and passed out naked on his stomach. Broken and bloody, the wife went next door to the all-night grocery store. She returned with a bottle of liquid Bengay and a funnel. After gathering up her few belongings and placing them by the door, she stuck the tip of the funnel in the man's ass and poured the entire bottle of Bengay into the funnel. She then grabbed her suitcase and fled to the bus station, took a bus up north and began her real "new life" all on her own.

Yes, she could have called the authorities, or she could have left the motel room without taking any other course of action. But her teeth were shattered, her ribs and collar bone were broken, and her dreams of a life free of abuse had been brutally dashed. I love this woman, and I am delighted with the icy-hot revenge she served up in the pre-dawn hours of that New Orleans morning.

Are you sure it was BenGay? I thought that only came in creams.

She should have super-glued his cock, ass, and mouth closed as well. And maybe his hands to his balls.

 

[CandiCame]

The foreclosure on the Bank of America branch was my favorite. Sweeet! Looks like something I would do. I would have sued them for a hell of a lot more than the $2500 the bank owed to that couple.

How the hell does a bank manage to foreclose on a house the owners paid cash money for? There was all kinds of stupidity with Bank of America on that one.

Yeah, I saw that on Daily Show when it first happened. It was pretty cool. I love when they talked to the repo guys- they were the happiest repo guys ever!

 

[Farrah]

Are you sure it was BenGay? I thought that only came in creams.

She should have super-glued his cock, ass, and mouth closed as well. And maybe his hands to his balls.

I dunno, actually...that's what I remember from her story. This was the 70's...not sure what she could have gotten her hands on back then. I'll have to ask her for clarification.

I heard a story that Willie Nelson attacked his wife one night, and after he passed out in bed, she sewed the sheets tightly around him and beat him with a baseball bat. I'm not at all saying I advocate violence of any kind, but this is a thread about revenge, so...

 

[CandiCame]

Cracked is awesome.

I'll start, but to be perfectly clear, this is not an autobiographical story...

Someone very close to me got married at 17. She had only known the man a short time, but he was charming, from a good family, etc, etc. She also saw him as a kind of savior, I think. Growing up, she had been horribly abused. She loved her new husband, and she trusted that her new life with him would be a much better one.

Immediately after their wedding, the new couple moved to New Orleans, where the man had a job opportunity. They decided to rent a motel room by the week while they looked for an apartment to rent. Their very first night in New Orleans (and their second night as husband and wife), he overpowered her, gagged her, and proceeded to rape and beat her. She lost consciousness. She was out for hours. She awoke in the predawn. While she was blacked out, her new husband had consumed a bottle of Wild Turkey and passed out naked on his stomach. Broken and bloody, the wife went next door to the all-night grocery store. She returned with a bottle of liquid Bengay and a funnel. After gathering up her few belongings and placing them by the door, she stuck the tip of the funnel in the man's ass and poured the entire bottle of Bengay into the funnel. She then grabbed her suitcase and fled to the bus station, took a bus up north and began her real "new life" all on her own.

Yes, she could have called the authorities, or she could have left the motel room without taking any other course of action. But her teeth were shattered, her ribs and collar bone were broken, and her dreams of a life free of abuse had been brutally dashed. I love this woman, and I am delighted with the icy-hot revenge she served up in the pre-dawn hours of that New Orleans morning.

Damn- is she ok now? Did she get fixed up? I mean, if he busted her up that bad, did she get strait to a hospital after that?

 

[Peregrinator]

I dunno, actually...that's what I remember from her story. This was the 70's...not sure what she could have gotten her hands on back then. I'll have to ask her for clarification.

I heard a story that Willie Nelson attacked his wife one night, and after he passed out in bed, she sewed the sheets tightly around him and beat him with a baseball bat. I'm not at all saying I advocate violence of any kind, but this is a thread about revenge, so...

Hot sauce would have worked just fine, I would think. Or, hell, lye or drain cleaner for that matter. Or rubbing alcohol, which might make him go blind as well.

Never heard that about Willie. I hope it's not true. I prefer to believe he's a nice man.

 

[Farrah]

Damn- is she ok now? Did she get fixed up? I mean, if he busted her up that bad, did she get strait to a hospital after that?

She literally went straight to the bus station. Unfortunately, she had been broken and bloody before, and I think that probably played a role in her not going to the hospital. She rode the bus to a city she was somewhat familiar with, got a job and an apartment, etc. I really need to ask her for more details. But I know that though she had a really rough start in life, she's grown into an amazing woman. She was one of the lucky ones...she was able to leave all of the bad behind.

 

[Johnny_Ray_Wilson]

Cracked is awesome.

I'll start, but to be perfectly clear, this is not an autobiographical story...

Someone very close to me got married at 17. She had only known the man a short time, but he was charming, from a good family, etc, etc. She also saw him as a kind of savior, I think. Growing up, she had been horribly abused. She loved her new husband, and she trusted that her new life with him would be a much better one.

Immediately after their wedding, the new couple moved to New Orleans, where the man had a job opportunity. They decided to rent a motel room by the week while they looked for an apartment to rent. Their very first night in New Orleans (and their second night as husband and wife), he overpowered her, gagged her, and proceeded to rape and beat her. She lost consciousness. She was out for hours. She awoke in the predawn. While she was blacked out, her new husband had consumed a bottle of Wild Turkey and passed out naked on his stomach. Broken and bloody, the wife went next door to the all-night grocery store. She returned with a bottle of liquid Bengay and a funnel. After gathering up her few belongings and placing them by the door, she stuck the tip of the funnel in the man's ass and poured the entire bottle of Bengay into the funnel. She then grabbed her suitcase and fled to the bus station, took a bus up north and began her real "new life" all on her own.

Yes, she could have called the authorities, or she could have left the motel room without taking any other course of action. But her teeth were shattered, her ribs and collar bone were broken, and her dreams of a life free of abuse had been brutally dashed. I love this woman, and I am delighted with the icy-hot revenge she served up in the pre-dawn hours of that New Orleans morning.

Great for her.

I knew a girl in HS that was very quiet. She was timid and always avoided contact with others. She was often dirty and wore weird clothes. She used to draw pictures of Camaros. Other kids made fun of her and called her names. It was rumored she slept with her Dad and her brothers often, and that they took turns with her. A male and a female cousins (also in same HS) of hers publicly showed their hatred towards her. Immediately after graduation, she left town with no goodbyes.

About a year later, the house she was raised in exploded, killing her Dad and brothers. A camaro with out of state plates was seen cruising the neighborhood often that week. The male cousin was ran over and killed by an unidentified car the next night as he was walking home from work. (No witnesses). The female cousin was ran off the road in her car and crippled for life the same night her brother was killed. She said it was a camaro driven by a female.

 

[CandiCame]

She literally went straight to the bus station. Unfortunately, she had been broken and bloody before, and I think that probably played a role in her not going to the hospital. She rode the bus to a city she was somewhat familiar with, got a job and an apartment, etc. I really need to ask her for more details. But I know that though she had a really rough start in life, she's grown into an amazing woman. She was one of the lucky ones...she was able to leave all of the bad behind.

I hear that- that just really sucks about her teeth getting busted. If you don't get that fixed pretty quick, it can fuck your mouth up bad.

Poor chicky. Glad that she's ok now. Way to be all strong.

 

[Farrah]

Hot sauce would have worked just fine, I would think. Or, hell, lye or drain cleaner for that matter. Or rubbing alcohol, which might make him go blind as well.

Never heard that about Willie. I hope it's not true. I prefer to believe he's a nice man.

I believe people can change...

From an interview/article with Willie...

The episodes in his life that he would rather forget no doubt feature his hard drinking and womanising. His first wife left him because of his drinking, but only after tying him up in a sheet and beating him with a broom.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/rockandpopfeatures/7653190/Interview-Willie-Nelson.html

Other versions of the story on the internet have her using a baseball bat or a frying pan either in revenge of his cheating or of his abuse.

 

[Farrah]

Great for her.

I knew a girl in HS that was very quiet. She was timid and always avoided contact with others. She was often dirty and wore weird clothes. She used to draw pictures of Camaros. Other kids made fun of her and called her names. It was rumored she slept with her Dad and her brothers often, and that they took turns with her. A male and a female cousins (also in same HS) of hers publicly showed their hatred towards her. Immediately after graduation, she left town with no goodbyes.

About a year later, the house she was raised in exploded, killing her Dad and brothers. A camaro with out of state plates was seen cruising the neighborhood often that week. The male cousin was ran over and killed by an unidentified car the next night as he was walking home from work. (No witnesses). The female cousin was ran off the road in her car and crippled for life the same night her brother was killed. She said it was a camaro driven by a female.

ZOMG! Did anyone ever hear from the quiet girl again?

I hear that- that just really sucks about her teeth getting busted. If you don't get that fixed pretty quick, it can fuck your mouth up bad.

Poor chicky. Glad that she's ok now. Way to be all strong.

She has dentures. I never thought about it, but I guess that's why.

But yeah, she's tough as nails.

 

[CandiCame]

ZOMG! Did anyone ever hear from the quiet girl again?



She has dentures. I never thought about it, but I guess that's why.

But yeah, she's tough as nails.

Yeah- I used to get punched in the mouth a lot- dental work is a fucking bitch. All the teeth that I'm actually missing that they couldn't fix are in the back, so at least I don't look like a fucking hick. And they give your ass oxycotton.

 

[Johnny_Ray_Wilson]

ZOMG! Did anyone ever hear from the quiet girl again?

I do not think so. Last time anyone seen her was when she identified the bodies of her Dad and brothers at the morgue. She did not go to their funerals. I think she had been sexually abused and molested by them most of her childhood life.

 

[Farrah]

Yeah- I used to get punched in the mouth a lot- dental work is a fucking bitch. All the teeth that I'm actually missing that they couldn't fix are in the back, so at least I don't look like a fucking hick. And they give your ass oxycotton.

I'm sure you have a very pretty mouth.

I do not think so. Last time anyone seen her was when she identified the bodies of her Dad and brothers at the morgue. She did not go to their funerals. I think she had been sexually abused and molested by them most of her childhood life.

If that's not a story of revenge, i don't know what is!

 

[CandiCame]

You sure got a pretty mouth on you, boy.

mm-hmm

 

[Farrah]

Hear banjos? Paddle faster!

 

[CandiCame]

I do not think so. Last time anyone seen her was when she identified the bodies of her Dad and brothers at the morgue. She did not go to their funerals. I think she had been sexually abused and molested by them most of her childhood life.

That's an awesome revenge story. If it were a novel, I'd read the hell out of it. She should write that shit down. Lifetime would buy it for a movie deal. At least she could make some money...

 

[Peregrinator]

Great for her.

I knew a girl in HS that was very quiet. She was timid and always avoided contact with others. She was often dirty and wore weird clothes. She used to draw pictures of Camaros. Other kids made fun of her and called her names. It was rumored she slept with her Dad and her brothers often, and that they took turns with her. A male and a female cousins (also in same HS) of hers publicly showed their hatred towards her. Immediately after graduation, she left town with no goodbyes.

About a year later, the house she was raised in exploded, killing her Dad and brothers. A camaro with out of state plates was seen cruising the neighborhood often that week. The male cousin was ran over and killed by an unidentified car the next night as he was walking home from work. (No witnesses). The female cousin was ran off the road in her car and crippled for life the same night her brother was killed. She said it was a camaro driven by a female.

Wow, shit. Part of me hopes this is true. Part of me really, really hopes not.

I believe people can change...

From an interview/article with Willie...

The episodes in his life that he would rather forget no doubt feature his hard drinking and womanising. His first wife left him because of his drinking, but only after tying him up in a sheet and beating him with a broom.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/rockandpopfeatures/7653190/Interview-Willie-Nelson.html

Other versions of the story on the internet have her using a baseball bat or a frying pan either in revenge of his cheating or of his abuse.

Ah, well, I'm sure we all have our dark moments. Willie is a net good.