25 Things a Guy Should Not Know How to Do

[4est_4est_Gump]

Sterling T. Terrrell

1. Plan a wedding.
2. Arrange flowers.
3. Identify the brand name of a purse you see from over fifty feet away.
4. Distinguish between magenta and purple.
5. Shop for hours without buying anything.
6. Identify what your wife just served you for dinner.
7. Identify more than a handful of birds.
8. Change a diaper.
9. Identify the best cleaner for a particular task.
10. Know the proper culinary uses for basil, oregano, rosemary, and cumin.
11. Talk without saying anything.
12. Go grocery shopping in a competent way.
13. Mix an appletini.
14. Spend all day playing videogames.
15. Know how to French-braid a girl's hair.
16. Pack for your wife.
17. Arrange more than two pillows on a bed.
18. Communicate predominantly by text.
19. Set a formal dinner table.
20. Decorate using Feng Shui.
21. Throw a baby shower.
22. Watch only one channel.
23. Browse a candle store.
24. Lie.
25. Completely understand a woman.

Read more: http://www.americanthinker.com/2012..._should_not_know_how_to_do.html#ixzz1imCs4OOH

The commentary to each point is fairly humorous...

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Personally I can relate to #6...




My wife knows that ~whatever~ is done when the smoke alarm goes off.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

I call bullshit on number 5.


Go to a gunshow broke but with a serious case of the I-wants.


Also, #24 is dependent on blood alcohol level.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm good to go on all.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

I see some number 24.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

I call bullshit on number 5.


Go to a gunshow broke but with a serious case of the I-wants.


Also, #24 is dependent on blood alcohol level.

Sorry, but if I go to a gun show, I know exactly what I want, it's the wife, who I have to drag along to make sure I don't spend too much who becomes a kid in a candy store and ends up spending thrice that which I would have.



... and then she would regale me for days with the story about how much she "saved" in her shrewd negotiations...

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

As per #24,


Is it lying if you're demanding who she believes, you or her lying eyes?

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Actually, I'm guilty of #7, but I look at that as being able to distinguish types of deer or bear; it all goes to hunting...

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Sorry, but if I go to a gun show, I know exactly what I want, it's the wife, who I have to drag along to make sure I don't spend too much who becomes a kid in a candy store and ends up spending thrice that which I would have.



... and then she would regale me for days with the story about how much she "saved" in her shrewd negotiations...

As per #24,


Is it lying if you're demanding who she believes, you or her lying eyes?

The cats leave me be on such contemplations.


I may put one in a harness and take him with me to the next one.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Actually, I'm guilty of #7, but I look at that as being able to distinguish types of deer or bear; it all goes to hunting...

If they're not cardinals, turkeys, hawks, or eagles, then I am lost.

 

[RobDownSouth]

Personally I can relate to #6...

My wife knows that ~whatever~ is done when the smoke alarm goes off.

The first time I ever tried to make blackened redfish at home, I not only set off my smoke detector but my next door neighbor's smoke detector as well.

It's a talent.....

 

[Mushroom_Samba]

Sterling T. Terrrell

1. Plan a wedding. Can't stand them, never could.
2. Arrange flowers. Nope
3. Identify the brand name of a purse you see from over fifty feet away.You have got to be kidding, I could give a shit.
4. Distinguish between magenta and purple.Nope
5. Shop for hours without buying anything.Right there, I would not be in ANY store or mall for more than an hour, 2 tops, and that is with being on a mission!
6. Identify what your wife just served you for dinner.I can do that, well with SO
7. Identify more than a handful of birds.That I can do
8. Change a diaper.Again, you have got to be kidding. Nope!
9. Identify the best cleaner for a particular task.Nope
10. Know the proper culinary uses for basil, oregano, rosemary, and cumin.Sometimes
11. Talk without saying anything.Nope
12. Go grocery shopping in a competent way.I am a mess at that
13. Mix an appletini.Nope
14. Spend all day playing videogames.Nope
15. Know how to French-braid a girl's hair.Nope and wanted to know when I had long hair.
16. Pack for your wife.I pack at the last minute.
17. Arrange more than two pillows on a bed.Nope
18. Communicate predominantly by text.Nope, can't stand that.
19. Set a formal dinner table.Yeah, right.
20. Decorate using Feng Shui.Nope.
21. Throw a baby shower.They give me hives.
22. Watch only one channel.That I do.
23. Browse a candle store.Ick, fumes.
24. Lie.Nope. Could care less to. Take me as I am or not.
25. Completely understand a woman.Nope and I am one. The "typical" woman always perplexed me!

.....

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

If they're not cardinals, turkeys, hawks, or eagles, then I am lost.

You have to know what kind of hawk and what kind of eagle...

You also know buzzards, same as worms...





How quickly the list fills out. Robin, Cardinal, Sparrow, Mallard, Goose, Woody Woodpecker...,

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

.....

Be a man!

Confess to at least one to make sure you don't violate #24!

 

[Wat_Tyler]

You have to know what kind of hawk and what kind of eagle...

You also know buzzards, same as worms...





How quickly the list fills out. Robin, Cardinal, Sparrow, Mallard, Goose, Woody Woodpecker...,

Shit, you're right.


And ospreys, since they have returned to the river valley.


I am saving the cookies my sister-in-law gave me for Xmas to feed to the birds if it ever snows.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Just keep a lid on the anti-freeze during the day of the condor...






So, I think we have quorum and can remove #7 from the list.

Let's replace it with knowing anything at all about Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston...

 

[Mushroom_Samba]

Be a man!

Confess to at least one to make sure you don't violate #24!

Ok, ok... white lies to skip work. Seriously, telling a lie makes me paranoid that somehow it will be exposed... and then what?! I really think that comes from a childhood experience; I've been like this for as long as I remember.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Ok, ok... white lies to skip work. Seriously, telling a lie makes me paranoid that somehow it will be exposed... and then what?! I really think that comes from a childhood experience; I've been like this for as long as I remember.

I'll bet you tell her that those jeans don't make her ass look fat too...

 

[rosco rathbone]

This list brings out the contrarian in me. Even if I agree with most of it, the idea of some dork spelling it out like that is annoying.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Those pants do make her ass look fat. So does the fat.



I know how to make a commitment, so let me get out of here to fulfill mine.



And before I am killed and fed to the hermit crabs and scorpions.



But that's in the eating animals thread . . . .

 

[Mushroom_Samba]

I'll bet you tell her that those jeans don't make her ass look fat too...

If I had a girlfriend I'd lay it nicely on the line, the way I'd like to be told. Currently, I am with a guy so he never asks these things. heh, I'm imagining him seriously being concerned with the size of his ass.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

This list brings out the contrarian in me. Even if I agree with most of it, the idea of some dork spelling it out like that is annoying.

I submit that we free ourselves and change #24, Tell US magazine from TEEN magazine...

Or, lie to other men...






Unless it's fish size, golf handicap or bowling score...

On second thought, let's just go with the magazines.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

If I had a girlfriend I'd lay it nicely on the line, the way I'd like to be told. Currently, I am with a guy so he never asks these things. heh, I'm imagining him seriously being concerned with the size of his ass.

Not me.

My wife once (ONCE ) demanded, Why aren't you commenting on me losing weight!


Me: I didn't once open my mouth when you were putting on the pounds and I'm not about to start opening it now...

 

[Mushroom_Samba]

Not me.

My wife once (ONCE ) demanded, Why aren't you commenting on me losing weight!


Me: I didn't once open my mouth when you were putting on the pounds and I'm not about to start opening it now...

That's funny! I bet she had issue with you not commenting about her gaining weight.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

That's funny! I bet she had issue with you not commenting about her gaining weight.

No, she never said another thing about the issue.



That's what a man does.