Ego shields up: Please review first attempts.

[Baudie]

Today my two stories, "Car Wash" and "Deer Camp," were approved in the "Loving Wives" category. These are my first stumbling attempts, so serious feedback is much appreciated. It has already been suggested that I misscategorized "Car Wash." Which would be the more appropriate category?

Much thanks -- Baudie

 

[soflabbwlvr]

Re: Car Wash

Baudie, these are your first stories posted, but I see that you have been on the site for nearly a year. Do you still have your orientation package? If so, please review the section on "Loving Wives." You will note that it is a den of snakes of different colors, none of whom play nicely with one another. The ambiguous title results in various factions with vastly different interpretations of what the category should contain. Some readers complain vociferously when their expectations are not met; others complain just as loudly when they are. You can never satisfy the entire group. If you wish to continue writing in that category, you need to put on your kevlar body armor and prepare for abuse.

That being said, I somewhat understand where the comment was coming from. The first two-thirds of your story reads like a fairly pedestrian Exhibitionist and Voyeur story. Anyone who did not read the entire piece would probably be of the opinion that it was filed in the wrong category. Of course, the final third of the story veers directly into at least one of the Loving Wives' camps. In other words, it is properly placed, although you may have had other options.

As for the story itself, it was a nice first effort. It was rather well written, with a minimum of punctuation and grammatical errors--nothing that distracted from reading the story. For me, however, it did lack a little tension. The final confrontation did not produce enough produce enough distress. She formulated her plan and and implemented it rather quickly. There was no angst over possibly betraying her husband, and no hint that the plan might not succeed. It was a little too easy.

Now, if the husband and wife are swingers or if they routinely invite a third into their bedroom, then her conduct was not out of character or entirely unexpected. But you didn't mention either of those possibilities at the beginning or the end of the story, so the reader is left to puzzle out why she implemented the extreme option so readily.

All in all, a promising first effort.

 

[Baudie]

All in all, a promising first effort.

Thank you very much for a very constructive criticism, addressing the more vital elements of a story. All of your comments are gratefully accepted.

As I read your comments, I see that t I did not consider my audience. This story was initially written for an audience of one: my wife. It incorporated elements of our respective fantasies, and certain assumptions were made based upon our real-life personalities.

When I decided to rewrite for mass consumption, I did not sufficiently address these elements, which needed to be fleshed-out to create more dimensional characters. For the mainstream reader, there is much lacking. I agree that pacing and internal dialog need work as well.

Regarding categorization, as with many stories there are elements from several categories, and I had to choose what I thought was the best fit. That was "Loving Wives." I will lose no sleep if there are many who disagree, but since I did receive feedback about it, I wanted to know how universal (or not) the disagreement might be.

Again, I very much appreciate you taking the time to read my story and provide useful feedback.

I look forward to the comments of others as well.