Dominance?

[Alexanderom]

I met a woman and she wants to play with D/S, and she's admittedly very submissive. She wants me to dominate her when we get together again. Problem is...what the hell do I do? I'm not sure how to go about it. How does a "scene" work? Can anyone give me a hand here?

 

[RickCT]

doming

Really talk to her and find out what she wants. She may want you to order her what to do, or to spank her. Or tie her to the bed. Try to find out what she wants and then also have a safe word. a word she can use and you will stop. Sometimes fantasies do not pan out on reality. Sometimes there even better.

 

[amofiga]

This has been suggested in other contexts. You could try watching a porn movie together that addresses some of the aspects of D&S or you could find some of the stoies here in the BDSM section and share them. See what turns her and you on. Try acting some of the scenes out yourself. Just a thought.

 

[StrayKat]

I met a woman and she wants to play with D/S, and she's admittedly very submissive. She wants me to dominate her when we get together again. Problem is...what the hell do I do? I'm not sure how to go about it. How does a "scene" work? Can anyone give me a hand here?

Let me get it right, you met someone who wants you to play D/s with them but they never told you what they expect, what they want and more so never checked if you had a single idea what exactly D/s is or even if you have any interest in it?

Dont get me wrong, maybe I am getting too much attention from wannabe subs who dont even check if I am in a mood to play their fairy dominatrix dreams come true, least try to understand what type of play I might want. They just push their own fantasies and expect me to fulfill them as they see fit. Possibly now.

I am a switch. I am not always willing to control others and I openly say it depends a lot on my mood just as on the person I am with. I am more prone to get all bossy with assertive dominant male personality than somebody trying to crawl under my feet. Its how I am and if I tried to be somebody different it would be one big fail and sure wouldnt make me or whoever I am with happy. I dont get along with "classic" subs, they bore me to death.

So I would say you might want to talk to yourself and see what exactly you want, what arouses you and what you find appalling. After that talk to her and check on her expectations. If you find a mutual interest then you have something to start from and explore further.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Dont get me wrong, maybe I am getting too much attention from wannabe subs who dont even check if I am in a mood to play their fairy dominatrix dreams come true, least try to understand what type of play I might want. They just push their own fantasies and expect me to fulfill them as they see fit. Possibly now.

I have to say, I've never thought of fairies as being very dominating. What odd dreams they have.

 

[Stella_Omega]

BDSM isn't rocket science but it is more complicated than a missionary position fuck. There is a lot of communication that needs to be undergone, a lot of honesty with yourself, a lot of honesty with your partner.

I suggest that you think of yourself as a "top" meaning the person who does unto, and her as a "bottom" meaning the person who is done to, rather than getting into the very complex emotional situation that is actual dominance and submission.

In fact, that's most likely what she thinks Dominance and submission are, anyway. Nobody should go around handing their will power over to a casual date. To ask that of you smacks of profound ignorance on her part. To accept her request means that two people are going to be ignorant together-- which is not as bad as I make it sound, as long as you know that you're just exploring.

Here's a list of books, recomended by a very knowledgable Master;
http://astore.amazon.com/wwwpowerexcha-20

Personally, I really highly recommend "Screw the roses" as an overview and practical how-to book.

 

[StrayKat]

I have to say, I've never thought of fairies as being very dominating. What odd dreams they have.

You wouldnt believe what kind of crap I get sometimes.

 

[DVS]

I met a woman and she wants to play with D/S, and she's admittedly very submissive. She wants me to dominate her when we get together again. Problem is...what the hell do I do? I'm not sure how to go about it. How does a "scene" work? Can anyone give me a hand here?

If your woman is smart, don't expect a lot to happen next time, without some serious talking, first. If you don't even know how a scene works, she's taking a big risk, here.

Nothing against you, but the dom has a big job in the scene. Watching for the submissive's safety, listening for a safe word, and stopping what's going on if the safe word is used, NO MATTER WHAT. I've been in this kind of scenario with a submissive, but the submissive was the newbie. That can be scary enough, not knowing what to expect from her. She's trusting you with a lot, if she's allowing you to dom her.

If it were me, and I had never been a dom before, I'd say NO BONDAGE should be involved, just so you don't limit her ability to be mobile. Sure, it's likely nothing will go wrong, but because you've never played together before, you can't say that for sure. Neither of you really knows what to expect from this.

It might be a fantastic event, but how can you be sure how you'll react and respond in the heat of the moment, if something does go wrong. It could be a bad thing waiting to happen. No bondage takes a lot of the pressure off of you, in case something were to go wrong. Don't make the mistake of accepting her trust in you.

Be safe and have fun. If there's a next time, you will both have a much better idea of how the scene will play out and maybe bondage will work.