Bits and pieces

[y=mx+b]

I am also ready to listen
to hear your voice speak the words I read.


I am still here.
Only sitting,
watching...
waiting for a stumble or stutter
so that I can step in and save
...or distract.


You are still with me
...as I sit sipping in solitude.

My thoughts...
they watch you waltz
and walk.
They ride your wake
when you swim at night
...and in my dark daylight.

 

[y=mx+b]

As Of Right Now​

I sit
clean
from the shower I took
where
I sat for a bit
on
the floor
so
I would know
what warm rain would feel like
falling
down
and splashing
against my naked body
hugging one leg
so that I could rest my chin
on top of the hand
holding my knee up.
My other leg was laying sideways so that I could sit on the outer part of my thigh and a bit on my heel.
It hurt
I wish I had a bath I could soak in
and let go
and sink my way under the hot surface of cold air making love to the water below it.
Under the water I wouldn't hear anything but muffled sounds
I wouldn't be able to breath
but I would be embraced in a hug that wouldn't let go until I let it go
and it would lift me up
so that my lungs could love the cool air that it cannot
and for a moment
before my eyes opened
it would.

As of right now
there is music
a slow type of music
made today that's supposed to sound like yesterday
it does
it does in memory
and my ears hold it
hearing the beautiful drone envelope the beautiful drone inside me
and the two dance together
and I drift along with it
and with these words you are reading
and with you
because this is where your eyes lead you
to be with me
and away from yourself
and for this moment
the moment I have you
everything is okay
like in a dream you know you are dreaming
and you bath in its safety for as long as it will hold you.

As of right now
I am beginning to be afraid that I won't be able to sleep
that I will fight myself all night
fight thoughts
that I created
that are not real
but have become real by emotion
and I will hurt
because in my thoughts are multi layered lives that will never be written about
...because he dies in the end
they met early in life
set up by friends
they have sex
fall in love
he is dominate
she is submissive
and no one knows of it
their secret is their love.
He gives her a safe word
and she never speaks it
he pushes her
and drops her
but she never says the word
because she knows he will rush down and catch her
they have children
daughters
they'er all grown and he has since become sick
he's home and they are visiting him
his wife is in the garden tending the daisies and brown eyed susan's that have meaning only to them.
the girls have left
and she realizes he's been alone
and it is quiet
and he is quiet when she takes his hand for the last time
and whispers the word.

 

[Vixxennn]

I think that the last is the most beautiful.

 

[shadysmurfette]

The last piece was quite wonderful. It is melancholy and bittersweet yet also romantic.

You are an interesting and talented individual and visiting your thread is always fascinating.

 

[AG82]

You bring out such mixed feelings - on one side I wish for you to come back and post but on the other side, when you do, I end up with a mixture of a smile and a look of sadness.

You make me think...how dare you!

 

[y=mx+b]

woke up late this morning and now my schedule as all assfucked sidways. Slept really fucking hard towards the end complete with a bizarre dream featuring a bear, the DNR, my brother, The Care Bears (totally separate bear dream) hunting, a high school algebra teacher, his new Ford truck with lamborghini doors, hydrostatic steering, and heads-up-display type-goggles that showed a rinky-dink dance floor light show.
After "driving" it for a while I had to wake up in order to swallow so that I could ask him if we made it to Madison yet... but I was a wake and it was fucking pointless to ask by then.

 

[shadysmurfette]

woke up late this morning and now my schedule as all assfucked sidways. Slept really fucking hard towards the end complete with a bizarre dream featuring a bear, the DNR, my brother, The Care Bears (totally separate bear dream) hunting, a high school algebra teacher, his new Ford truck with lamborghini doors, hydrostatic steering, and heads-up-display type-goggles that showed a rinky-dink dance floor light show.
After "driving" it for a while I had to wake up in order to swallow so that I could ask him if we made it to Madison yet... but I was a wake and it was fucking pointless to ask by then.

Fuck. That was some trip .

 

[auslittaketwo]

I had an end of the world dream. It was totally fucking scary but it hasn't changed me yet. It was kind of spiritual somehow too.

As for your words. In one line you make me crave your arms around me like a safe, loving cocoon, the next wishing you had my wrists in your hands and my mouth begging at your ear, and the next I just want to nuture you.

Damn you.

 

[y=mx+b]

Mojo go; go-go.

Having zero creative ability at the moment I have been going through some of the old shit I've photographed, drawn, written in hopes that it would prime some sort of pump as far as getting me to get going on getting going again.

The process of it seems like the kind of process a person with amnesia would undergo in an attempt to remember parts of their life by looking at family photo albums and failing to recall.

All I see are a bunch of words, pictures, and doodles drawrings (some of which made me laugh because... well... because they're funny as fuck)... but no real recollection of the process of doing them. And honestly? No real interest in trying to resume.

Anyway... I came across this little gem I thought I'd share with you all. It's probably the closest thing I've come to actually writing a lit. story. It's not for everyone and written back when I was playing with knives and full of rape. It's disjunct as fuck... unedited bits and pieces of ideas and happenings that need further elaboration and tied to each other. Could probably be something worth working on and refining... if only I felt like it. Perhaps seeing it here out in the open rather than stuffed away will be just what I need to get my getting going going again.



It wasn’t planned.
I told her flat out that in spite of fooling around teasing and taunting each other online nothing would happen while I was visiting. We wouldn’t kiss, we wouldn’t fuck. She looked at me and said “okay”. I grabbed her by both arms with a force that surprised even me. Our eyes met and I told her I was serious. Nothing was going to happen. What little playfulness in her face evaporated and she said “I know. We are good. Nothing’s going to happen.”


It was sometime during the second day when I saw her as she was to me on the inside. The fun and excitement of meeting someone new had faded inside her and she was already anticipating my departure in the morning as a school kid anticipates the end of summer the week before classes begin and regretting having not done more with each beautiful morning awoken to. I knew the feeling and it made me want to vomit.

Yesterday was all “HI I’M HERE… YAY!” and today would be the “you have to leave tomorrow… I wish you didn’t… I am going to start thinking about my obligations this week while you begin thinking about yours to keep us from enjoying each other’s company more than we should because that would make saying good bye way harder than it should be and I don’t want to have to feel like we should kiss as we separate because I’m only going to regret it when we don’t and I really don’t need that kind of sadness inside me right now.”

Truth was… I was already feeling that sadness inside me as I watched her move around the place in a much weaker disposition than yesterday. She was so happy and full of life yesterday, no doubt so was I.

Our conversation was productive and there was a certain beauty in the depressed lilt of her voice that I found comfort in. As fun and as exciting yesterday was there was a certain “putting on aires” feel to it. Today everything was relaxed, unforced, and familiar. I found that I let myself finally sink in to her home and her company and I saw her as the woman I’ve come to know with the background I’ve come to be familiar with as we web-cammed into the early hours of the morning.

I watched her… and I felt myself watching her. I was still with her in conversation but the visual part of me wasn’t. I’d bring my attention back to her 100% from time to time but it was difficult to maintain. It kept fading back to studying her body, the way it moved and operated in the space that contained her. Having seen her naked didn’t help. Nor did the realization of just how much of ourselves we’ve shared over a year and a half. Such things that always seemed to teeter between happy benign thoughts and the deepest darkest desires two individuals should never share, let alone share with each other.

I watched her tits rise with each breath she took… how they heaved upward calling out to be cupped on ever inhale she took behind the fashionable sweater she wore. Her bra no doubt was a good one, comfortably cradling her delicate flesh within their cups, tasting her nipples with the weave of its fabric. Her jeans… sensible yet form fitting, hugged her hips and caressed her crotch as she walked. Her lips, her mouth, her face, all happy with my company… yet they could do nothing to hide the slight sadness behind her eyes as her mind kept telling her heart that I wasn’t forever… not to get attatched… that tomorrow she would see me off and after that… and who knows for how long. Forever?

My mind was thinking it even before I became aware of it. Suddenly I wasn’t just looking at her. I was looking at everything while I watched her. My hearing picked up the swooshing of her hair as it brushed across her shoulders, music playing next door, the conversation of a couple talking outside her window as they made their way to their car



I pushed her face against the dining room table. Her tits smashed down upon the oak surface and flaired out to the sides. With a deft flick of the wrist I sunk the tip of the knife a solid quarter inch into the wood five or less inches from her face. Part of me winced having done so but the knick would be a memory for her to have as she set the table for Thanksgivings to come. I held her there with my hand pressed hard against the side of her face. Her jaw opened under the pressure of my palm causing my fingers to curve around her skull. I took off my shirt and fucked with my belt until I managed to slide the tang out from the supple yet firm black leather band thread around my waist.





I never had the desire to fuck in the hopes the act would produce a child, but with each thrust into her body came this lust to breed her. When I came I wanted it to count. I wanted it to mean something… very similar to the way she has come to mean something to me. I held the knife up to her throat as I clutched her jaw with my left hand and forced two fingers into her mouth and down her throat, pressing down on her tongue as I did so, feeling the soft yet muscular tissue try and fight against me, involuntarily soften as her gag-reflex kicked in. Her face and jaw became slack as the musculature of her neck and abdomen synchronized as she began to wretch forward uncontrollably. Spit… thicker than the usual kind began to stream out from her mouth down her chin and off my wrist. Thick stringy spit… drooling it’s way below her face and onto the floor. I withdrew my fingers and held them infront of her face. I didn’t bother cleaning the frothy white saliva from them as I pulled her head back by the top of her hair. Tears continued to streak down her face as she gasped for breath fighting back the last convulsive wretch that had brought up the beginnings of the last thing she ate right to the base of her neck. She shook it off, swallowed like a trooper, and pussy clenched tight around my cock with just the right amount of disgust as I tongued licked her ear.

 

[auslittaketwo]

Jesus H Christ

 

[y=mx+b]

On rubber crutches?

 

[shadysmurfette]

Releases held breathe...


Talk about mindfuck.....

 

[y=mx+b]

I find it's the easiest way to fuck over the internet. Fucking the old fashion way requires closer geographic proximity and isn't really guaranteed.

 

[auslittaketwo]

Fucking geography

 

[shadysmurfette]

I find it's the easiest way to fuck over the internet. Fucking the old fashion way requires closer geographic proximity and isn't really guaranteed.

 

[y=mx+b]

mhm... 4 people got it in time. The rest of you... peanuts.

 

[Vixxennn]

mhm... 4 people got it in time. The rest of you... peanuts.

First my thread disappears... and now this.

Fuck my life.

 

[y=mx+b]

First my thread disappears... and now this.

Fuck my life.

Holy Shit!

Your thread DID disappear!


That is WAY more upsetting than the lame ass photo I posted. You seriously didn't miss much and I'm not saying that to be nice, I'm saying that to be honest. Yeah yeah I know the whole "I'll be the judge of what I did and didn't miss..." thing because I've been there myself many-o-times... but seriously nothing worth losing sleep over.

 

[y=mx+b]

and almond butter? yeah... it sucks donkey balls.

 

[AG82]

mhm... 4 people got it in time. The rest of you... peanuts.

I hate time zones

 

[Vixxennn]

Holy Shit!

Your thread DID disappear!


That is WAY more upsetting than the lame ass photo I posted. You seriously didn't miss much and I'm not saying that to be nice, I'm saying that to be honest. Yeah yeah I know the whole "I'll be the judge of what I did and didn't miss..." thing because I've been there myself many-o-times... but seriously nothing worth losing sleep over.

Well... I appreciate the sentiment. 150+ pages in ADDITION to your picture I missed? Fuckery.

I'm having quite the week. Anyways, I'll have to check in a bit more frequently. Or perhaps not at all.

 

[y=mx+b]

I hate time zones

Well... I appreciate the sentiment. 150+ pages in ADDITION to your picture I missed? Fuckery.

I'm having quite the week. Anyways, I'll have to check in a bit more frequently. Or perhaps not at all.

because I'm having an uncharacteristic sympathy moment for dames in distress no doubt due to me still being up... here's the pic again. It'll be gone by morning so if you're not around, you're not around and there's nothing I can do about it.

 

[AG82]

because I'm having an uncharacteristic sympathy moment for dames in distress no doubt due to me still being up... here's the pic again. It'll be gone by morning so if you're not around, you're not around and there's nothing I can do about it.

Jeez f..k! That is an .....awesome (!) pic!
Thank you for the second chance

 

[Vixxennn]

because I'm having an uncharacteristic sympathy moment for dames in distress no doubt due to me still being up... here's the pic again. It'll be gone by morning so if you're not around, you're not around and there's nothing I can do about it.

I appreciate your sympathy for this dame.

And that picture is perfection. I'm not sure I've ever felt more of a desire to be on my knees in front of you.

 

[auslittaketwo]

I appreciate your sympathy for this dame.

And that picture is perfection. I'm not sure I've ever felt more of a desire to be on my knees in front of you.

Awwww man! C*nt tease