Do you tell friends?

[BluebirdDreams]

Generally speaking I only chat with one or two offline girlfriends about sex. I'll talk to anyone on the Internet and any offline friend who brings it up first (I'm not shy) but even then, in offline conversations, I find I steer away from mentioning bondage or D/s.

Sure our sex lives are no one's business but our own, but slipping up and calling your husband "master" or your sub "slut" can raise some eyebrows.

So how many of you hide it from your 'nilla friends? How many of you don't hide a thing? Was it difficult telling your friends the first time? Did you get "busted"? "Hey Earl, what is this thing?" *waving around sex toy*

 

[jennifer036]

Generally speaking I only chat with one or two offline girlfriends about sex. I'll talk to anyone on the Internet and any offline friend who brings it up first (I'm not shy) but even then, in offline conversations, I find I steer away from mentioning bondage or D/s.

Sure our sex lives are no one's business bit our own, but slipping up and calling your husband "master" or your sub "slut" can raise some eyebrows.

So how many of you hide it from your 'nilla friends? How many of you don't hide a thing? Was it difficult telling your friends the first time? Did you get "busted"? "Hey Earl, what is this thing?" *waving around sex toy*

I talk to friends all the time. In detail.
You can get good advice, and feedback, and you realize you're not more depraved than anyone else. And it helps organize thoughts to talk it out.

 

[CutieMouse]

I don't use titles [Master, Sir] in my relationships, so there aren't any "slip ups" to worry about. I also don't turn my submission on and off depending on who I'm with - my lovers get the same me as anyone else; they just get the additional perk of having the final say.

 

[kimuk]

Necessity makes me hide my relationship. Noone knows. But I have an on line female friend in the same situation and its good to be able to discuss things with her.

I'm not ashamed of it but personal circumstances mean I cannot discuss it with "friends".

After all a secret only stays a secret until its shared.

 

[CutieMouse]

I don't use titles [Master, Sir] in my relationships, so there aren't any "slip ups" to worry about. I also don't turn my submission on and off depending on who I'm with - my lovers get the same me as anyone else; they just get the additional perk of having the final say.

 

[BluebirdDreams]

I don't use titles [Master, Sir] in my relationships, so there aren't any "slip ups" to worry about. I also don't turn my submission on and off depending on who I'm with - my lovers get the same me as anyone else; they just get the additional perk of having the final say.

I don't see "not sharing the fact that you're in a D/s relationship" the same as turning your submission on and off. When I have company I'm a throughtful hostess, I make sure everyone has a drink, I'm concerned about their happiness and comfort, but I don't get down on my knees and beg to suck cock or lick pussy.

Being submissive and attentive is one thing, declaring to the world that you are submissive in the D/s context is entirely different.

 

[BluebirdDreams]

Necessity makes me hide my relationship. Noone knows. But I have an on line female friend in the same situation and its good to be able to discuss things with her.

I'm not ashamed of it but personal circumstances mean I cannot discuss it with "friends".

After all a secret only stays a secret until its shared.

I have family (as does he) that I'm sure would try and take our children away from us if they knew some of the things we do behind closed doors, never mind the power exchange part of things. Highly religious families. So I can relate.

 

[CutieMouse]

I don't see "not sharing the fact that you're in a D/s relationship" the same as turning your submission on and off. When I have company I'm a thoughtful hostess, I make sure everyone has a drink, I'm concerned about their happiness and comfort, but I don't get down on my knees and beg to suck cock or lick pussy.

Being submissive and attentive is one thing, declaring to the world that you are submissive in the D/s context is entirely different.

[BTW - this is not me ranting at the OP; this is me ranting about a trend I see online re: being "out" in a BDSM context.]

And that's kinda my point... why should I have to "declare to the world that I'm submissive in a D/s context" for it to NOT mean I'm "hiding"? If I'm not screaming *I AM SUBMISSIVE HEAR ME ROAR!!* from every street corner, I'm "hiding"? Really?


[/BTW - this is not me ranting at the OP; this is me ranting about a trend I see online re: being "out" in a BDSM context.]

Everyone knows I'm in a relationship with each of The Men™. They know I enjoy both/each of them, and that I am the sort of person who enjoys catering to their wants and needs; in return, they both/each appreciate and value me. Beyond that, it's no one's business - just like it wouldn't be anyone's business if my relationship was "vanilla".

I treat my relationship with The Men™ as a normal, healthy, supportive, positive part of my life. As a result, even though people around me (co-workers/acquaintances/friends) might not be comfortable with the [technically poly] dynamic, they are supportive of it. Which means I don't "hide" anything; although I do remain loyal to my own personal boundaries re: privacy.

 

[DVS]

Personally, I don't share my sexual urges with anyone vanilla. I also don't care to hear about their vanilla urges, either. It might just be a personal thing, but when I hear about some of their sexual trysts, I can only imagine what they would think if they heard some of mine. I'm fine with letting them think I'm just another vanilla guy. I like my privacy.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I don't exactly "hide it", but we don't behave in a D/s manner in public (and in private, it's not even very overt a lot of the time), and I don't tell people either. I just leave it unsaid.

 

[twister947]

I'm not a very good conversationalist, because I have no interest in the minutae of other people's lives, and I can't imagine anyone giving a shit about mine. This is true, in spades, of my sex life.

 

[KoPilot]

Came out to a good friend of mine for both the D/s and the macrophilia at around the same time due to a couple of online slip-ups that she either noticed or was bound to notice sooner or later. Oh and I guess I technically came out to another friend due to one of the aforementioned slips. It feels good to not really have to hide with a few people, though.

tl;dr it's on a need-to-know basis. Not gonna go out of my way to blab about it to everybody I know.

 

[Damoosh]

Personally, we find it hot that nobody knows. To look at us you would never guess.

 

[marieR19]

[BTW - this is not me ranting at the OP; this is me ranting about a trend I see online re: being "out" in a BDSM context.]

And that's kinda my point... why should I have to "declare to the world that I'm submissive in a D/s context" for it to NOT mean I'm "hiding"? If I'm not screaming *I AM SUBMISSIVE HEAR ME ROAR!!* from every street corner, I'm "hiding"? Really?


[/BTW - this is not me ranting at the OP; this is me ranting about a trend I see online re: being "out" in a BDSM context.]

Sooooo much this.

I've told a few friends, ones that I can trust, ones that I happen to know aren't all that vanilla in the first place, so I know it's really no big deal to tell them.

But then, I don't *hide* it from anyone. I'm not going to walk around my work going "I AM SUBMISSIVE!!", but I don't need to. I think it's fairly obvious that I am, because I'm not "submissive" only in the bedroom. It's my personality, and I don't think anyone who knows me IRL would be surprised about it.

Not yelling it to the world is *not* the same as hiding it.

 

[Etoile]

My Lit friends know. That's good enough for me.

 

[LucyH]

A couple of friends know. Mostly, though, I just find it fun to have a side that most people would never guess.

 

[EastCoastCanuck]

The majority of my friends know to a degree. I treat it like anything else sexual. everybody knows that I like sex with women, but I don't think they need to know all the details.

For me, it's not about hiding or bragging about it. It's a private part of my life, and it'll remain that way.

However, my closest friends have to know some details in order to explain bruises on my girlfriends, or what they could perceive as me being mean or stern.

 

[MissHolly]

no one knows of my submission except for Master and those I meet online.

 

[FurryFury]

My friends nilla and not, tend to be people who don't judge me, otherwise they wouldn't be my friends. So, though I don't hit them over the head with my sexuality, they can't fail to notice it. I don't hide it. I don't scream it. Sometimes it comes up and we talk about it as well as their own, reciprocity is huge with me. They are cool with it and with me.

FF

 

[YourCaptor]

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=776978

In my case slipping up and calling whoever, whatever, would raise no eyebrows.

 

[bogert]

Don't use

I think their is no need of Subtitles like Master,Sir
Relation ship must be clean.

 

[fucktoy4sadist]

Yes!

Exactly!

My friends nilla and not, tend to be people who don't judge me, otherwise they wouldn't be my friends. So, though I don't hit them over the head with my sexuality, they can't fail to notice it. I don't hide it. I don't scream it. Sometimes it comes up and we talk about it as well as their own, reciprocity is huge with me. They are cool with it and with me.

FF

 

[duy2012]

thank you for sharing and good luck with the thread http://www.lzxin.info/g.php

 

[Ravenwind]

I live the lifestyle 24/7 in both the swing and kink communities. I was outed in front of my family by my stepmother as being "into unholy bondage" (wasn't swing at the time) and as being "gay" (not like she could understand the concept of "bi", let alone "pansexual"), and once I was disowned, threatened to be shot, damn near thrown out on the streets, had the cops called on me, and had an attempt to place a restraining order on me... (yes, all for being into bondage and M/s and visiting places akin to Lit) and having previously lost everything and everyone dear to Me except my Master (now Co-Dom)... I really stopped caring who knows and who doesn't know, with the exception of my sons... and when they're 18 in a couple years, I'll tell them so that my ex and his family doesn't make it sound like I'm a whore or something to them.

I got some vanilla friends who I share exploits with all the time, and they share theirs with me. I got some vanilla friends who couldn't appreciate hearing that side of me. But a select few vanilla friends know exactly who and what I am... not because I care who they tell or what not... but they are the only ones who could possibly understand what it means to be into BDSM beyond "whip me, beat me, make me bleed; kinky sex is all I need".

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to remember the last shibari class I took, bind my legs, and go wear a sleep mask as a blindfold, before calling it a night.