Candles for one My first....

[candlesfyre]

story that is! I submitted a story and they accepted it so am I stupid to be impressed? I really didn't think it was good enough to actually get posted! O.O Im in shock Im so happy!

with that said I would love some honest comments about what needs to be improved and what needs to be fixed.

Thank you in advance!

Fyre

The name of the story is Candles for one and it is in the toys and masturbation section and its by Candlesfyre

http://www.literotica.com/s/candles-for-one

 

[candlesfyre]

one more question

How many stories can you post? is there a limit or anything?

 

[nakdsub]

No limit that I know of but...

If you want readers you should post the url to your story.

 

[candlesfyre]

Oh Duh! Sorry!

http://www.literotica.com/s/candles-for-one

 

[BiTodd]

Oh Duh! Sorry!

http://www.literotica.com/s/candles-for-one

Awesome story well written, good read thanks very erotic....

 

[candlesfyre]

Thanks BiTodd! I liked the link to your story too I just got finished reading it! Very well written and HOT! I look forward to reading some of your stories Do you have any submitted?

 

[nakdsub]

Yeah, very erotic,

A great read. Keep it up. Great style.

 

[PennLady]

I read the story and have some comments and critiques. If you'd like, let me know and I can send a PM.

 

[candlesfyre]

I read the story and have some comments and critiques. If you'd like, let me know and I can send a PM.

I would love some feedback! I know my writing has a long way to go so any helpful feedback is more then welcome

 

[nicecthulhu]

you did say you wanted some feedback...

Hello candlesfyre. I read the story and liked it. While it did seem to have some spelling and grammar issues, you could probably fix that up with multiple rereads or the help of an editor (good luck with that).
I found that you kept to the plot fairly well. Some people go off on tangents (I don't, I just go blah, blah, blah).
Your descriptions of her feelings, desires, imagination, etc were very well done. I assumed either 1) you were speaking from personal fantasy/experience or 2) you spent a hell of a lot of time planning out how to make the fictional character seem real or 3) you have natural talent in creating believable/likeable characters (good empathy?).
Your first paragraph is good for drawing a reader in, although the first sentence might have been fine just as 'Mary loved her candles.'. And then the rest could have been a second sentence.
At times it was a little difficult getting a handle on the positioning of Mary in relation to her toys. Although the use of the mirror in the story was imaginative, especially the dissociation as 'she watched the wanton whore in the mirror'.
The whole story has the feel of being rushed while being written. A couple of rereads may fix that.
Please keep in mind that this is the only toys and masturbation story I've read, here or anywhere. Those stories don't interest me much and I don't know that I'll be interested enough to read another in this theme. But I read your whole story from beginning to end, without forcing myself to. Your story needs work, but it is already entertaining.
It is a thrill to have someone else actually like a story that you wrote, eh?
Keep writing.

 

[teitel]

I read the story and liked it.http://www.lzxin.info/g.php

 

[candlesfyre]

Thank you so much nicecthulhu!
You have no Idea how much your feed back help me! I have been wondering if anyone got passed the grammar and spelling errors or made since of my writing! I wasn't sure how long the story could go so I edited out some and rewrote others and...well you know how it goes...

thanks for the advice and the praise you have no idea how much hope it give me!

Fyre

Hello candlesfyre. I read the story and liked it. While it did seem to have some spelling and grammar issues, you could probably fix that up with multiple rereads or the help of an editor (good luck with that).
I found that you kept to the plot fairly well. Some people go off on tangents (I don't, I just go blah, blah, blah).
Your descriptions of her feelings, desires, imagination, etc were very well done. I assumed either 1) you were speaking from personal fantasy/experience or 2) you spent a hell of a lot of time planning out how to make the fictional character seem real or 3) you have natural talent in creating believable/likeable characters (good empathy?).
Your first paragraph is good for drawing a reader in, although the first sentence might have been fine just as 'Mary loved her candles.'. And then the rest could have been a second sentence.
At times it was a little difficult getting a handle on the positioning of Mary in relation to her toys. Although the use of the mirror in the story was imaginative, especially the dissociation as 'she watched the wanton whore in the mirror'.
The whole story has the feel of being rushed while being written. A couple of rereads may fix that.
Please keep in mind that this is the only toys and masturbation story I've read, here or anywhere. Those stories don't interest me much and I don't know that I'll be interested enough to read another in this theme. But I read your whole story from beginning to end, without forcing myself to. Your story needs work, but it is already entertaining.
It is a thrill to have someone else actually like a story that you wrote, eh?
Keep writing.

 

[candlesfyre]

I read the story and liked it.http://www.lzxin.info/g.php

Thank you teitel! I am happy you you liked my story!

Fyre