Sub drop----your experiences & opinions

[MissHolly]

This is the hardest for me....the drop I feel when we cant connect in some manner. All rational thought goes out the window. Master has said he wishes I was secure and happy in our relationship so this doesnt happen.Funny thing is that I am...yet all rational thinking goes out the window. It doesnt happen often, but when it does it's like getting hit with a ton of bricks and it knocks the wind out of my sail.

Someone suggested keeping a journal, so that in some way...I am still telling Master my thoughts. I think its a great idea and I am going to try it, but I'm wondering....with so many other submissives here.... does it hit you and how do you handle it?

I am still fairly new( 1 year) and obviously still have a lot to learn.

 

[CutieMouse]

"Sub Drop" is a biochemical response to an endorphin dump after an adrenaline rush. The most common ways of dealing with sub drop involve warmth, dark chocolate, a calm atmosphere, physically/emotionally reconnecting after XYZ activities (snuggling after sex, etc), exercise, fresh air, etc.

I have no idea what led to your Master "wishing you were secure and happy in the relationship", and you recognize that "all rational thinking goes out the window" - I personally wouldn't identify that as "sub drop". *To me* that is exactly what y'all are saying it is - an irrational feeling that results in insecurity about the relationship/unhappiness.

Those things (irrational feelings/insecurity stuff) aren't a BDSM issue or (IMO) a sub drop issue; they are a healthy relationship issue. If there isn't a pattern of healthy relationships pre-BDSM, why would it change just because the current relationship involves BDSM?

Self-reflection, journaling, confidence building exercises, therapy to learn effective communication skills/work on codependent behaviors, etc... those who are truly secure with themselves, are rarely insecure in relationships.

 

[switchbitch]

"Sub Drop" is a biochemical response to an endorphin dump after an adrenaline rush. The most common ways of dealing with sub drop involve warmth, dark chocolate, a calm atmosphere, physically/emotionally reconnecting after XYZ activities (snuggling after sex, etc), exercise, fresh air, etc.

I have no idea what led to your Master "wishing you were secure and happy in the relationship", and you recognize that "all rational thinking goes out the window" - I personally wouldn't identify that as "sub drop". *To me* that is exactly what y'all are saying it is - an irrational feeling that results in insecurity about the relationship/unhappiness.

Those things (irrational feelings/insecurity stuff) aren't a BDSM issue or (IMO) a sub drop issue; they are a healthy relationship issue. If there isn't a pattern of healthy relationships pre-BDSM, why would it change just because the current relationship involves BDSM?

Self-reflection, journaling, confidence building exercises, therapy to learn effective communication skills/work on codependent behaviors, etc... those who are truly secure with themselves, are rarely insecure in relationships.

you are quite correct about the nature of sub drop and the usual ways to treat it. Perhaps Ms Hollyrather than having a relationship issue is suffering from sub drop blues, if you do not treat sub drop (in whichever way works best for you) you can experience paranoia, depression, self-worth issues to name just a few it is a chemical reaction however that you can turn around. One of my earliest masters was terrible with after-care and I learned to care for myself and not rely on his good graces. And while I have not unlearned this lessonI still prefer when master is able to be there for me with after-care, instead of feeling lost and lonely I feel cared for and wanted. Fortunately my present master does try to be there as often as possible for after-care. But when he doesn't or isn't able to I deliberately do something that involves a lot of exercise and concentration(like weeding the garden beds) and I make a particular point of not thinking about my relationship with master during that time because I know that my thoughts are being distorted by abnormal brain chemistry at this time.