How do you get into BDSM?

[Frixie]

So as long as I can remember I've had these fantasies that I haven't shared with anyone. Wanted to be tied up, thrown around, held down, and forced to do things...

I've had a few not very serious boyfriends, but at my age (22) it seems like guys are a little worried about taking control. I've tried to get them to tie me up or order me around but it somehow always turns into the opposite. I'll be the one on top of them - throwing them against the bed or holding their hands back because if they're not going to take charge of the situation then god damn it one of us needs to!

A few years ago I discovered Lit and the BDSM/Nonconsentual section and wooow, all the stories are so exciting and expressed something I hadn't been able to myself. Lately I've been wondering if these stories are as good in real life...? I'm at a time in my life were I want to experiment sexually and not feel embarrassed about it but it's harder than it seems.

It's not really something you can just ask a random guy at a bar about and I have no idea how you'd go about meeting someone experienced in this sort of thing in real life.

I guess my question is, for those of you who have been at this for a while, how did you start? Where did you go or what resources did you use. Is there something that makes people into BDSM stand out?

I'm curious and I guess there's no harm in asking for a little advice?

 

[lne_iii]

Well after discovering that all this wonderful stuff existed (through internet porn) once I was actually interested in talking to real girls in the real world (i started watching porn before that) I always took it slow.

Once I was in a relationship (i don't do quickies/one night stands/ fuck buddies etc.) with someone that I was comfortable enough to be intimate with, I straight up asked her if she liked any of the things I liked.

Bondage
Tickling
Spanking
Domination
Submission

It turns out that she did.
So we experimented.

It was wonderful.

That particular girl ended up being a cheating ho bag and I left her, but ever since then, I knew that I liked these things. I continue to expand my likes based on what I become aware of.

I have since gone about it the same way. If i am in a relationship with someone, and it is sexual, these things come up in conversation.

It's worked out pretty well for me so far.

 

[lonelonghorn]

I had a girlfriend that was into BDSM and I was the first guy that she explored it with. It helped that I was 7 years older than her. I was pretty confident sexually but I had never tried anything BDSM related. At first it we talked about her fantasies and then we decided to experiment. When I saw how excited it made her I loved it. So look for an experienced guy who is sexually adventurous. It will take time to find the right guy. You have to develop trust with the person and decide if they are the right person for you to begin your journey with!

 

[4bidnfruit]

So as long as I can remember I've had these fantasies that I haven't shared with anyone. Wanted to be tied up, thrown around, held down, and forced to do things...

I've had a few not very serious boyfriends, but at my age (22) it seems like guys are a little worried about taking control. I've tried to get them to tie me up or order me around but it somehow always turns into the opposite. I'll be the one on top of them - throwing them against the bed or holding their hands back because if they're not going to take charge of the situation then god damn it one of us needs to!

A few years ago I discovered Lit and the BDSM/Nonconsentual section and wooow, all the stories are so exciting and expressed something I hadn't been able to myself. Lately I've been wondering if these stories are as good in real life...? I'm at a time in my life were I want to experiment sexually and not feel embarrassed about it but it's harder than it seems.

It's not really something you can just ask a random guy at a bar about and I have no idea how you'd go about meeting someone experienced in this sort of thing in real life.

I guess my question is, for those of you who have been at this for a while, how did you start? Where did you go or what resources did you use. Is there something that makes people into BDSM stand out?

I'm curious and I guess there's no harm in asking for a little advice?

I am not into BDSM but that’s what I got when I learn the truth about nonconsensual BDSM. In reality, it didn't make my panties wet but it did teach me a little something about mind fucks.


I think in this forum you will learn more about finding pleasure in consensual BDSM and I do hope that is all you will ever experience. Best of luck!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I guess my question is, for those of you who have been at this for a while, how did you start? Where did you go or what resources did you use. Is there something that makes people into BDSM stand out?

I'm curious and I guess there's no harm in asking for a little advice?

No harm at all. In fact, it shows intelligence and maturity.

I'm too lazy right this minute to find actual sites, but if you Google or Bing "BDSM Munches," you'll find a number of organizations that list munches and BDSM groups in the various states, and perhaps some in Canada. Not sure about that last part, but always remember that Google and Bing are your friends. Tweak the search parameters around, and you'll probably find something close enough to check out.

As far as "people into BDSM stand[ing] out," I think you'll eventually find that BDSMers, whether bedroom only or 24/7 TPEers, run the gamut of personalities and persons that you'll find in any other large group of people. In other words, no. Unless you count the big smiles on a lot of their faces.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

So people don't need to repeat themselves.

the previous thread posted on this subject

Seriously, can't we just have a Sticky for this subject? -.-

btw, Frix, please don't take this to mean that you asked a "stupid question" It isn't! It's just one that's asked a LOT and I'm the sort of person who dislikes repetition