switching

[switchbitch]

I have found over time that many have differing views of what a switch is and who they play with.in my case I am both dominant and submissive and am comfortable playing with either Dommes/Dom or subs and in rare cases when I find another switch. Many assume that if you are a switch you are only interested in casual play if you are not playing with another switch.Often when you find someone who does want to play with you if they are dominant they will only choose to see the submissive side of you, conversely many submissives only see the dominant side. On the other hand many dominants assume you are too dominant for them and many submissives assume you are too submissive for them. It is somewhat of a quagmire.
Do the other switches here have similar problems?and have you found ways to get around it?
For those who aren't switches how do you perceive them?

 

[HottieMama]

When it comes to play, I will switch for certain activities. Quite frankly, there are certain skills I have developed and like to "use" them. That said, I find that some people have trouble Topping me once they have bottomed for me. It's not an insecurity about their skill level, or at least is not presented as such. It seems to be an issue of not being able to wrap their minds around the fact that even thought I just topped them, I also want to bottom as well. A 50/50 exchange if you will.

For me, I try to "get around" it by approaching someone from a strictly Top/bottom perspective. (I don't "do" D/s relationships.) For example, "X I have heard that you are quite talented at Shibari. Would you mind tying me up sometime?" or "X you said that you would like to be fisted, I would be more than happy to help you have that experience, and afterward, perhaps you could fist me as well." This is assuming, of course, that they have a talent/skill that I want to experience.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I've never tried or even thought too much about switching, so I can't really answer most of your questions. As far as how I perceive switches, I don't really think of them any particular special way. At least, I don't think I do.... I hear someone is a switch and I just go "Okay!!" and register the knowledge that they can/will/like to do both. That's really about the furthest I think about it. I don't think I really consider someone who switches any differently than I consider someone who does one or the other. If anything, they might have a bit more positive points because I believe that flexibility is one of the best traits to have in all things

 

[edal1959]

I have to agree with you, switchbitch. I'm fairly new to D/s, but I know I'm a switch. I get the sense that true subs don't see me as dominant enough, and I know I'm not as submissive as some Dommes would like. I think ultimately I need to find another switch in order to have a true compatabilty. Or a Domme that will let me play with other subs.

 

[social_morality]

Honestly, a switch can be refreshing when compared to pure subs. A switch has more of a mind for what they want and know some of the best parts of both ends of the spectrum.

 

[DecadeIn]

Ive given up the term switch. It got me nowhere, and nothing but trouble.

Dominants felt threatened by it.
I was confused at the apparent oxymoron in that?

Anything i have done, is perceived by less fluid sexuality owners as wrong, half baked.

Im left handed. And old enough to remember when being left handed was wrong. As was the way of education back then, I was forced to write with my right hand. I was struck on the back of my hand with a ruler, many times, for being wrong. Left handed was bad. Seen as dark, of the darkness, evil.



Being a switch is like that.

(Right at that moment, i wanted to take the ruler and reciprocate - sadistic streak is born perhaps?)

When you can take energy and use it creatively, and be all that you are, at that moment. For someone to say, you cant do that, your supposed to be a blah blah begs belief. It really does.

But i dont judge others. Others who have 1 dimension. It must be simple being in that world.
You are more likely to remain satisfied in a relationship surely?

The whole scene thing becomes really fuckig tiring after a while.
For just this very reason. Who wants to mix politics with sex for christs sake?

 

[ananda23]

Same problem - most D's feel either threatened or don't think it's possible for a switch to be submissive enough and most subs don't feel confident a switch could provide what they need. I just don't have an interest in that kind of drama. I prefer to play with other switches or the D/s curious. They tend to be more open minded and don't usually come with etched-in-stone definitions of what a top or bottom should be.

 

[koalakutie]

go with the flow

.....

 

[BeeBeestoy]

When some guys have been dominant, I have played the cute, little, innocent girl. But if I sense that they're willing to be taken, I'll just go for it and dominate them. Then we just switch back and forth. No discussion about it.

May come down to trust? Some of the more dominant types also enjoy being treated like a bad little boy, if they feel safe, but would probably not admit it to wanting it. So it's just something that happens, like a special treat!

Agreed. If you ever met me on the street, you would never suspect I was submissive. I never knew I was until BeeBee introduced me to it. I prefer being submissive but sometimes she prefers being taken, she's still in control but taken none the less.

 

[saralyn]

wrapping my mind around it

I have to say that switching is something I have found very difficult. I'm an extreme introvert and submissive by nature. A regular, experienced Dom asked me to switch and I'm doing it for him but it really, really makes me uncomfortable, inadequate and nervous about my "performance". The most difficult part being that my mind is still totally in the submissive state of play when he is ready to be dominated. I enjoy some aspects of it but often wonder if I'm having such a hard time because deep down I am truly a submissive and nothing but.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I have to say that switching is something I have found very difficult. I'm an extreme introvert and submissive by nature. A regular, experienced Dom asked me to switch and I'm doing it for him but it really, really makes me uncomfortable, inadequate and nervous about my "performance". The most difficult part being that my mind is still totally in the submissive state of play when he is ready to be dominated. I enjoy some aspects of it but often wonder if I'm having such a hard time because deep down I am truly a submissive and nothing but.

maybe don't think about it as switching from sub to dom, but think of it as going from bottom to top? After all, since he asked, you ARE still doing what he wants. Maybe that would help make it easier for you? Just an idea. I have no experience with that situation.

 

[saralyn]

going from bottom to top

thank you.... I appreciate the suggestion. I will certainly keep it in mind.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yes, you are service topping-- doing what your Dom asks you to do, to make him happy.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Yes, you are service topping-- doing what your Dom asks you to do, to make him happy.

Yes, this. I thought for a while I was a switch because I was successful "topping" and assumed it was "dominant" behavior. Once I learned what the concept of service topping was, it finally made sense to me and reassured that I was in fact not a switch at all. Knowing I am doing FOR a certain SOMEONE is the kink for me, the what I am doing is less relevant.

Oh, and to the OP... My gut reaction to the posts here, is that I would feel fine with a switch as they would have the innate desires that would feed mine. That said, in the long run, it seems it would possibly not be as fulfilling for the switch as I would not innately have the desires to dominate. However, if service topping was REALLY enough to feed that other side, then I see no reason why it couldn't work if the rest of the relationship does.

To me it seems a bit of a balance thing, maybe best explained as if there is a fixed amount of dominant and submissive needs in a given relationship. Seems logical that a 100 % submissive would resonate with a 100% dominant, and thusly a 45% dominant side switch with a 55% submissive side switch, etc, etc... We all seek resonance and balance in our relationships I think, so seems to me that 2 switches would be an organic fit given that the rest of the relationship works of course.

 

[switchbitch]

Yes, this. I thought for a while I was a switch because I was successful "topping" and assumed it was "dominant" behavior. Once I learned what the concept of service topping was, it finally made sense to me and reassured that I was in fact not a switch at all. Knowing I am doing FOR a certain SOMEONE is the kink for me, the what I am doing is less relevant.

Oh, and to the OP... My gut reaction to the posts here, is that I would feel fine with a switch as they would have the innate desires that would feed mine. That said, in the long run, it seems it would possibly not be as fulfilling for the switch as I would not innately have the desires to dominate. However, if service topping was REALLY enough to feed that other side, then I see no reason why it couldn't work if the rest of the relationship does.

To me it seems a bit of a balance thing, maybe best explained as if there is a fixed amount of dominant and submissive needs in a given relationship. Seems logical that a 100 % submissive would resonate with a 100% dominant, and thusly a 45% dominant side switch with a 55% submissive side switch, etc, etc... We all seek resonance and balance in our relationships I think, so seems to me that 2 switches would be an organic fit given that the rest of the relationship works of course.

That seems like a lovely balanced way to put it, unfortunately, in my case at least, it doesn't really work that way. When I am submissive to my master I am 100% submissive, I am his utterly. But when I am dominant I am 100% dominant and excessively demanding. And while I find that I dominate more often than I submit it is not a partial submission or a partial domination at all. When the 'switch' occurs it is complete. But that's me and perhaps not the way other switches feel.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

That seems like a lovely balanced way to put it, unfortunately, in my case at least, it doesn't really work that way. When I am submissive to my master I am 100% submissive, I am his utterly. But when I am dominant I am 100% dominant and excessively demanding. And while I find that I dominate more often than I submit it is not a partial submission or a partial domination at all. When the 'switch' occurs it is complete. But that's me and perhaps not the way other switches feel.

Please know that I didn't mean to diminish that aspect of you or any switches in these dynamics at all. Maybe I didn't explain it as well as I could have, so I will give it another go. I meant it more that "all" of our sexual needs would add up to 100% of the time. Maybe it is more apt to say that a switch like you needs to dominate 90% of the time, and submit 10% of the time. If you were seeking a monogamous relationship, seeking another switch whose needs complimented your needs seems like it would be ideal. If you had 2 switches that needed to dominate 90% of the time, eventually it would seems that over time your needs would not be able to be met as it would create an imbalance. Does that make more sense?

 

[switchbitch]

Please know that I didn't mean to diminish that aspect of you or any switches in these dynamics at all. Maybe I didn't explain it as well as I could have, so I will give it another go. I meant it more that "all" of our sexual needs would add up to 100% of the time. Maybe it is more apt to say that a switch like you needs to dominate 90% of the time, and submit 10% of the time. If you were seeking a monogamous relationship, seeking another switch whose needs complimented your needs seems like it would be ideal. If you had 2 switches that needed to dominate 90% of the time, eventually it would seems that over time your needs would not be able to be met as it would create an imbalance. Does that make more sense?

I did not take it as an offence or diminishing at all Cali, simply that it is not necessarily quantifiable like that for me. But then monogamy is not something that I am at ease with either. To me each relationship is in its own bubble unique from every other. And my needs are so varied trying to get all of them from one person seems an impossible ideal. Although with master it is! ideal that is.Whoops! I have gone and done it now thought about him when was trying to write sensibly, back to being a dribbling mess

 

[Eager2TRYRU]

I did not take it as an offence or diminishing at all Cali, simply that it is not necessarily quantifiable like that for me. But then monogamy is not something that I am at ease with either. To me each relationship is in its own bubble unique from every other. And my needs are so varied trying to get all of them from one person seems an impossible ideal. Although with master it is! ideal that is.Whoops! I have gone and done it now thought about him when was trying to write sensibly, back to being a dribbling mess

I've was always dominant and in charge for 20+ years. But as my wife's confidence and sexuality have grown... I noticed some subtle changes that showed hints of dominance. And over time that has grown and grown so that we do "switch" back and forth although I don't care for the term.

Most of the time one is us is dominant for a few weeks. I'll make her beg for my cock, fuck her throat until she gags, crack my paddle on her ass to earn each stroke of my cock in her pussy... and she'll be a great submissive. And then she'll get that look... she's been taking mental notes of all of the things I've done to her and it's her turn. So for a few weeks she'll be dominant. She always remembers what I've done and tries to take it one or two steps beyond.

The two things I love most when she is in control is, being submissive... I don't have to think about anything or plan anything... I can just focus on her body, her instructions... and the pleasure I'm receiving and giving... and the second thing I love is her sexual creativity... it usually only comes out when she's in charge.

 

[abby4u2]

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[abby4u2]

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[MasterandSir]

I have found over time that many have differing views of what a switch is and who they play with.in my case I am both dominant and submissive and am comfortable playing with either Dommes/Dom or subs and in rare cases when I find another switch. Many assume that if you are a switch you are only interested in casual play if you are not playing with another switch.Often when you find someone who does want to play with you if they are dominant they will only choose to see the submissive side of you, conversely many submissives only see the dominant side. On the other hand many dominants assume you are too dominant for them and many submissives assume you are too submissive for them. It is somewhat of a quagmire.
Do the other switches here have similar problems?and have you found ways to get around it?
For those who aren't switches how do you perceive them?

Maybe its just me but I've never seen a switch as being too dominant. I always seem to be able to bring out the submissive side. I generally go by feel in life and see how well things click. I find "unspoken rules of engagement" to be very limiting and that generally they stop good things from happening. I generally deal with all people the same way though. I try to be kind, polite, and very open; from that point I assess where things are going and act accordingly. But then again I'm not a switch .