Female ‘vampire’ busted for trying to eat elderly man

[JackLuis]

An elderly Florida man needed stitches Wednesday after a 22-year-old woman announced she was a vampire and began biting his face and neck.

Milton Ellis, 69, said that he had fallen asleep in his electric wheelchair on the porch of a vacant Hooters in St. Petersburg. He awoke to find Josephine Smith on top of him.

"I’m a vampire, I am going to eat you," Smith told Ellis, according to an affidavit obtained by The Smoking Gun.

St. Petersburg police said that Smith had bitten chunks off of Ellis' face and part of his lip.

A Twilight Twit?

 

[sr71plt]

Oh, no. A Hooters has closed. *sob*

 

[3113]

A Twilight Twit?

Naw. Twilight Vampires just sparkle.

I do wonder why she picked the old man. His blood can't be that tasty.

 

[Stella_Omega]

A Twilight Twit?

Culturally illiterate much.

I mean-- its not even a question.

 

[lovecraft68]

Uh-oh, could this be the beginning of the crusade to ban the recent trend of vampire stories?

Shouldn't be. This girl seemed mean, those Twilight vampires would be afraid of an elderly man.

 

[Handley_Page]

Perhaps she needs medical help ?.
[I cannot think of any other reason except that she's barmy !]

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Why an elderly man in an electric wheelchair? Because she figured he couldn't fight back! Vicious psychopath, obviously.

 

[manyeyedhydra]

I know Hooters isn't exactly renowned for it's food, so I can see how someone might be left a little peckish, but really...

 

[stephen55]

I'm not up on vampire culture but I thought that they drank blood. Why did she chew off bits of face and lips?

 

[TE999]

What the hell is an old dude in an electric wheelchair doing on the porch of a vacant Hooters anyway? All the spaces taken at the nursing home?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

What the hell is an old dude in an electric wheelchair doing on the porch of a vacant Hooters anyway? All the spaces taken at the nursing home?

Daydreaming? Reminiscing?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Florida.

Just... yeah, Florida.

 

[TE999]

Florida.

Just... yeah, Florida.

Ummm...you're in California, right? Pot ... kettle

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Ummm...you're in California, right? Pot ... kettle

Well, yeah. We understand weirdness out here, too. That's why Stella knew. It's those inhibited folks between that might not comprehend. Could be worse, after all. Be glad, neither of us has the Westboro's . . .

 

[TE999]

Well, yeah. We understand weirdness out here, too. That's why Stella knew. It's those inhibited folks between that might not comprehend. Could be worse, after all. Be glad, neither of us has the Westboro's . . .

Please. I'm trying to enjoy a chocolate eclair.

 

[Boxlicker101]

What the hell is an old dude in an electric wheelchair doing on the porch of a vacant Hooters anyway? All the spaces taken at the nursing home?

He was probably just sitting in the shade.

 

[DaddyValin]

I do wonder why she picked the old man. His blood can't be that tasty.

Maybe blood's like wine and improves with age?

 

[Kojote]

I'm sure that the girl was of course just practicing.
I bet there was a big bad mommy vampire somewhere around who told her afterwards that she didn’t do it quite right…
Let’s be patient with those juveniles…

Or do they call them cubs? Or lambs? Or what?

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm sure that the girl was of course just practicing.
I bet there was a big bad mommy vampire somewhere around who told her afterwards that she didn’t do it quite right…
Let’s be patient with those juveniles…

Or do they call them cubs? Or lambs? Or what?

Fledges, or childer.

 

[Kojote]

Fledges, or childer.

If I'd like to be nerdy I'd say: Nonono... Neonates.
But since I just tried desperately to be funny and you busted that I'll just go whining in a dark and warm corner of something...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Fledges . . . I like fledges.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Fledges . . . I like fledges.

I would have called them fledglings, not fledges. Even though they are bats, not birds, and do not have feathers, that seems close enough.